A medical Jack Bauer

Sadly, today would have been the day that the new season of 24 would have started. Even though after the first five or six episodes last season stunk bad enough to knock the proverbial buzzard off a manure wagon, I’m still a sucker for the show and had high hopes that it could stage a turnaround this season. Unfortunately, the writer strike intervened. That doesn’t mean, however, that we bereft 24 fans can’t still have some fun. If Flying Spaghetti Monster worshipers can have Talk Like A Pirate Day, why can’t we have Talk Like Jack Bauer Day? The rules are easy, and here are some samples:

Co-worker: How was your weekend?
You: damnit Bob, we don’t have time for simple questions.
Co-worker: I just asked about your weekend.
You: Dammit. Who are you working for?
Co-worker: Never mind, forget I asked.

Co-worker: Hey man. Did you already get breakfast?
You: I’ve killed 3 people today and no I’ve yet to eat breakfast. Dammit!
Co-worker: Is that a threat?
You: That’s not a threat, that’s a fact.

And always remember, for the whole 24 hours of Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, you cannot go to the bathroom or charge a cell phone. Also, it should only take you a maximum of 3 minutes to get anywhere you are going.

Or, if, like me, you couldn’t get away with threatening people with bodily harm and ranting about how you’re running out of time, you could always appreciate the way that Jack Bauer has apparently entered medical slang:

Jack Bauer. A doctor still up and working after 24 hours on the job–now something of a rarity but will be recognised by older clinicians. Usually a bit tetchy:

Colleague: Going for lunch, Jack?

JB: (shouts) “THERE ISN’T TIME!”

No, there never really is, is there?


  1. #1 DanioPhD
    January 14, 2008

    I’m all over this…as long as I don’t have to say “newkular” (shudder).

  2. #2 Rob Knop
    January 14, 2008

    Can you really do a “Talk Like Jack Bauer” day without torturing somebody? I am also a sucker for the show, but I call it “torture hour.”

  3. #3 Lancair
    January 14, 2008

    I remember a TV show called “Medical Investigation”…ah!


    Those guys were the MacGuyvers of Medicine. One moment they’re forensic pathologists, then they’re oncologists, then they’re trauma counsellors, then they’re drug cops…

  4. #4 HCN
    January 15, 2008

    Knowing how much you like the LOLcats (not), I guess you might want to miss the “24” as written by cats:

  5. #5 lynn
    January 15, 2008

    As an editor, I already say ‘dammit’ more than the average bear, and there’s never enough time for anything. Talking like Jack should be a no brainer. In fact, I think I’m channeling him now.

  6. #6 Mojo
    January 15, 2008

    “And always remember, for the whole 24 hours of Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, you cannot go to the bathroom…”

    Over here, that would just have been for the first two series when it was on the BBC. After that it went to Sky and he (and the viewers) will have been able to go during the commercial breaks.

  7. #7 kw
    January 16, 2008

    I’m always amused by just how bad their IT department is — has there been a season yet where someone hasn’t hacked/intercepted/etc. some part of their network?

  8. #8 Jon H
    January 16, 2008

    I’d have to say America already has too many people talking like Jack Bauer, and being entirely serious when doing so.

    Less Jack Bauer is probably in order, not more.

  9. #9 FireWalk
    January 16, 2008

    “And always remember, for the whole 24 hours of Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, you cannot go to the bathroom or charge a cell phone”

    Actually, you get three five minute-breaks an hour, starting at quarter past, 35 past, and 10 to the hour.

    But be quick!

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