Sadly, today would have been the day that the new season of 24 would have started. Even though after the first five or six episodes last season stunk bad enough to knock the proverbial buzzard off a manure wagon, I’m still a sucker for the show and had high hopes that it could stage a turnaround this season. Unfortunately, the writer strike intervened. That doesn’t mean, however, that we bereft 24 fans can’t still have some fun. If Flying Spaghetti Monster worshipers can have Talk Like A Pirate Day, why can’t we have Talk Like Jack Bauer Day? The rules are easy, and here are some samples:
Co-worker: How was your weekend?
You: damnit Bob, we don’t have time for simple questions.
Co-worker: I just asked about your weekend.
You: Dammit. Who are you working for?
Co-worker: Never mind, forget I asked.
Co-worker: Hey man. Did you already get breakfast?
You: I’ve killed 3 people today and no I’ve yet to eat breakfast. Dammit!
Co-worker: Is that a threat?
You: That’s not a threat, that’s a fact.
And always remember, for the whole 24 hours of Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, you cannot go to the bathroom or charge a cell phone. Also, it should only take you a maximum of 3 minutes to get anywhere you are going.
Or, if, like me, you couldn’t get away with threatening people with bodily harm and ranting about how you’re running out of time, you could always appreciate the way that Jack Bauer has apparently entered medical slang:
Jack Bauer. A doctor still up and working after 24 hours on the job–now something of a rarity but will be recognised by older clinicians. Usually a bit tetchy:
Colleague: Going for lunch, Jack?
JB: (shouts) “THERE ISN’T TIME!”
No, there never really is, is there?