Respectful Insolence

Remember Life Technology™? Back when I actually used to do Your Friday Dose of Woo each and every Friday before subjecting myself to such woo-tastically extravagant bits of unreason every week led me to decide to cut my weekly feature back to on an “as the mood strikes me” basis, Life Technology produceds some of the finest installments of this recurring series. Who could forget Vir-X™ homeopathic boner pills? Or the the Ultra Advanced Psychotronic Money Magnet Professional Version 1.0™? Or the Tesla Purple Energy Shield™? Good times, for sure.

As I sat down last night to decide upon a blog topic to drop before my eager readers, my first thought was that maybe I should take on the absolutely execrable post about autism by Derek Bickerson on one of the Psychology Today blogs. After all, if Dr. Jay Gordon and Age of Autism like it, it must be a drippy, steamy turd. And so it is. But it’s the same old drippy, steamy turd of anti-vaccine pseudoscientific propaganda. Quite frankly, it was boring, and I wasn’t in the mood. There was nothing there to distinguish it as anything more than a hack effort at anti-vaccine nonsense, and I just wasn’t in the mood for beating down amateurs. Besides, I just finished two grants this week, and I was tired. This was to be a post for a Friday, and it’s been nearly a month and a half since I’ve done an installment of Your Friday Dose of Woo.

It was at that point that I realized something. It’s been a long time since I checked out Life Technology™. I wondered if I had missed anything, or if there were any new product. That’s when I saw the Atlantean Power Crystal, and I realized that I had missed one of Life Technology’s greatest products.

What, you may ask, is the Atlantean Power Crystal? Only the most woo-tastic bit of “technology” Life Technology has ever produced? Get a load of the description:

After spending many hours researching the ancient legends and documents pertaining to the time of Atlantis, Life Technology™ have rediscovered the secret of The Atlantean Power Crystal™.

Everything in the universe vibrates and oscillates. Therefore the connecting link between all forms of energy is vibration, sympathetic harmony and resonance. By studying and applying the principles of quantum physics and esoteric science the psychonatical engineers at Life Technology™ were able to see beyond material matter and into the primary creative forces of nature. Utilising the information from diverse fields such as Radionics, Psionics, Psychotronics, Quantum Physics, Sacred Geometry, Sonics ,music and metaphysics has led to an understanding of how the human mind can interact creatively with the material universe.

Yes! The Atlantean Power Crystal has it all! I may have had a little fun with Ervin Laszlo yesterday, but even he can’t approach the level of sheer woo here. Not only is there quantum masturbation (you know, I bet I could make a lot of money off of a product named Quantum Masturbation), but there’s vibration, which any woo-meister can tell you is absolutely essential to any good mind-brain dualistic quackery, sacred geometry, and metaphysics, too! And that’s just the beginning! Don’t believe me? O, ye of little faith in my ability to identify only the finest woo:

The Atlantean Power Crystal™ is created using The Solis Method™ which was patented By Life Technology™. The Solis Method™ incorporates the toroidal power of implosion, orgone energy, phi harmonics, tensor fields, sonics and ultasonics, visible and invisible light spectrum energy and, most crucially, a unique energy template within the crystalline matrix of The Atlantean Power Crystal™.

This powerful Atlantean technology has been rediscovered at this time because humanity has once again reached a level of spiritual attainment where this technology may once again be utilised for the betterment of mankind.

That’s right. Quantum-y goodness and vibration aren’t enough. there has to be the toroidal power of implosion, too. What the heck is the toroidal power of implosion? Hell if I know, but it apparently imbues this crystal with the power of woo. I tried Googling the term, using the University of Google for the thing it’s best at: Finding woo. All I found were sites advertising Life Technology products and skeptical sites like this making fun of them. Damn. I really wanted to know what the toroidal power of implosion is. I know what a toroid is. I know what implosion is. But how do you combine toroids and implosion to produce such awesome power as the Atlantean Power Crystal. Yes, yes, I know. The toroidal power of implosion isn’t enough. You need sacred geometry, radionics, psionics, vibration and resonance, and, above all, wholesale abuse of quantum theory. Well, of science itself.

According to Life Technology, it’s spent “many hours” researching the ancient legends and documents pertaining to the time of Atlantis, which is really amusing because I’m sure there are some real historians who’d love to see those alleged documents. The legends, we already know about, but the documents? Those, I’d like to see!

Still, I bet you’re asking yourself one thing: Orac, I bet you’re asking, what can an Atlantean Power Crystal do for me? Glad you asked! (And so’s Life Technology, I bet.) Supposedly, this magick crystal was used by the ancient Atlanteans to heal and even to send human images across great distances just like television. Who knew? (Certainly not me, and, I’m guessing, certainly not any reputable historian or archaelogist.) But beware! Beware the power of the crystal. If you believe Life Technology, it was the misuse of these powerful crystals that caused fair Atlantis to come to a cataclysmic end.

But what can these crystals do for you now if you were to plunk down the $399.95 for the original version or $799.95 for the larger “macro sized” version. Personally, if you’re going to go for woo like this, it’s not the time to skimp. Go for the full Monty of woo and fork out the $800. After all, you wouldn’t want to go half way on this, would you? Especially not when it can do so many things, for example:

It heals and recharges the human electromagnetic field.

Exactly what I need: Charge me up like a battery.

It emits neutrinos, enabling the correction of intracellular frequencies. It reorients the psychic channels, increasing intuition and psychic perception through the correction of molecular frequencies in the cerebral cortex.

Who knew neutrinos could do so much? I just thought they were subatomic particles, but I never suspected that they could interface with the nervious system to provide psychic perception. After all, I always thought it was quantum coupling (or the abuse of quantum coupling by people like Deepak Chopra) that produced psychic powers.

It enables centrifugal reorganization of the chakras, nadis and the subtle energy fields throughout the body, including the independent energy that belongs to the organs.

What the heck is the centrifigual reorganization of chakras, nadis, and subtle energy fields?

It dissipates harmful cosmic rays coming from outer space.

Well that’s useful.

It positively energises drinking water for humans and pets.

So’s that.

It restores the higher nutritional frequencies of food, making it more nutritious.

This one left me scratching my head. For one thing, who knew that food is lacking in higher nutritional frequencies, needing some magical power crystal to restore them and make the food more nutritious. After all, digesting food is a chemical process. Life Technology seems to think it’s the absorption of naked energy or something. Maybe it is charging you up like a battery. But is there anything the Atlantean Power Crystal can’t do?

Apparently not:

It creates a defence against harmful cellphone radiation.

Of course it does. But it does so much more:

It gives access to the universal language of the body of light, for bilocation, translation and multilocation functions.

It facilitates spiritual development and the awareness of self and others.

It increases the strength and vital energy of people.

If reinforces the magnetic field of light on the Earth and unites humanity to Gaia and the mineral kingdom, our Mother Earth.

It unites humanity with the Universe, activating the contact with the higher forces, including the angels, archangels, illuminated masters and guides.

It connects people with the forces of light from the infinite universes.

It facilitates the ability to meditate visualise and pray.

It decontaminates the subtle inverted negative energies contained in water, by reconfiguring the subtle intrinsic data field.

You know, after the bit about uniting humanity with the universe and activating contact with higher forces like angels and archangels, the last few items are really anticlimactic. Well, maybe not quite. The part about connecting people with the forces of light from infinite universes is pretty cool too. Who wouldn’t want to commune with angels and archangels while be connected with the forces of light from infinite universes? Certainly not me, that’s for sure. Count me in! I think. I still have reservations, though. After all, if misuse of crystals like these caused the fall of the Atlantean civilization, shouldn’t I be worried? I’m also a bit concerned that all that power could go to my head. Think about it. If the Atlantean Power Crystal could really do what Life Technology claims, then it would bestow upon me nearly god-like powers. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. Think about it: Orac with god-like powers even beyond what he had in the original late 1970s TV show from which he sprang.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Comments

  1. #1 Nick
    May 7, 2010

    These can’t work otherwise the people on a documentary I saw called “Stargate: Atlantis” would not have had to look in another galaxy for a power-crystal – they could have bought them on Earth!

  2. #2 Nick
    May 7, 2010

    These can’t work otherwise the people on a documentary I saw called “Stargate: Atlantis” would not have had to look in another galaxy for a power-crystal – they could have bought them on Earth!

  3. #3 Paul
    May 7, 2010

    Now we’re really screwed – New Agers develop a homeopathic bomb http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/04/20/new-age-terrorists-develop-homeopathic-bomb/

  4. #4 Kevin
    May 7, 2010

    Don’t you wish companies like this had to somehow prove that their products do what they say they do?

    “So, CEO of Life Energy. You say your power crystals can make food more nutritious? Well, here’s a Big Mac. Make it more nutritious and show the proof and evidence.”

    And then they’d have to go and do peer reviewed studies and such to prove their crystals do what they say. If they can’t, they’re unable to sell their product…

    If only.

  5. #5 Kristen
    May 7, 2010

    @Kevin,
    You don’t understand; they work on forces that can’t be measured. Trying to test them with our “physical being” wouldn’t work, they are quantum. If you try to study it scientifically it would be akin to dividing by zero.

  6. #6 historygeek
    May 7, 2010

    my evil bother told someone who beleived in crystal power that the crystels didn’t work unless u where the person that found it. :) the look on there face was priceless

  7. #7 Jojo
    May 7, 2010

    I’m never sure what to think about the whole angel thing. Is this something that the new agers have lifted from Christianity, or do they still somehow still consider themselves christian? I know that they just pull stuff from whatever spiritual belief they want, but it surprises me when they do it with the ones they grew up with instead of the more exotic ones.

  8. #8 Chip
    May 7, 2010

    Madeline Kahn had it right in that 1970s scientific documentary “Young Frankenstein”…”OH sweet mystery of life at last I found you”…
    Just reading about APC has caused my DNA to resonate at the cosmic radial harmonic vibration in sync with the electromagnetic wave oscillation in the neutral positive plaque assay transformation thingy…Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
    Wait no its gas…never mind

  9. #9 speedwell
    May 7, 2010

    Ha, ha, historygeek… I recently befuddled a couple of believers in homeopathy by asking them how they managed to get their hands on water purified of all of the memories of everything that had been in it before.

  10. #10 DLC
    May 7, 2010

    Aahh but Crystals do have power!
    tap on a quartz crystal and you get a jolt of electricity out of it– jolt it with electricity and you cause it to vibrate.
    Nothing mystical about it… just physics.
    But, isn’t physics exciting enough for people ?
    I guess not.

  11. #11 Karl Withakay
    May 7, 2010

    “It emits neutrinos, enabling the correction of intracellular frequencies. ”

    Neutrinos are very hard to detect due to the fact that they interact with other matter very weakly. How weakly? More than 50 trillion solar neutrinos pass through the human body every second without anyone noticing. It’s actually very hard to detect neutrinos; they put neutrino detectors deep underground to shield the very sensitive detectors from cosmic rays and other background radiation.

    I love the term “toroidal power of implosion”!

  12. #12 cervantes
    May 7, 2010

    Come on, this has to be satire, right?

  13. #13 Scott Cunningham
    May 7, 2010

    I love that this has basis in Sacred Geometry. All you need is a couple colored pieces of chalk and you can have great fun with Sacred Geometry adherents. It’s like grade school recess all over again!

    “Haha, you’re standing on the Magic Gay Triangle!”
    “Am not!”
    “Are too!”

    Nutters.

  14. Message translated and transmitted using teranovian power crystal zeta:

    Lesser apes, be warned that the crystals as advertised by the commercial establishment known as Life Technology are inferior gems with flaws in the Møller scalar vertex. Such flaws were discovered early in our development of the original crystals. Diaprepes, clerk, 3rd order, was to have destroyed all flawed documents for these designs.

    Emperor Siphon Crehonerex IX
    Ninth of this Name
    Emperor of the Undying Enlightenment

  15. #15 christophe-thill.myopenid.com
    May 7, 2010

    Translation: meaning that the maging thingy can beam me up instantly somewhere ???

    Bilocation/multilocation: meaning that it can allow me to be in two or more places at once???

    Hey, what happens if all those mes want to go back home at the same time?

  16. #16 Denice Walter
    May 7, 2010

    Oh my.I know about various forms of crystal woo(google “healing with gems”-originally derived from Ayurvedism; salt crystals-e.g.-himalayansaltshop.com;run-of-the-mill ’90′s New Age crystal woo)but this out-woos them all- this is *from Atlantis*! As Mr.Leitch intones above,”Hail Atlantis!”

  17. #17 EnoNomi
    May 7, 2010

    Hey it “It dissipates harmful cosmic rays coming from outer space?” Why the heck isn’t NASA using it then? This will save a bundle in research for the manned Mars mission. Can we just layer the outside of any ship with thin layers of the crystal? Or do we just need a few mounted in the ship (positions calculated using that Sacred Geometry of course.)

    BTW, how can I be sure my geometry is sacred? I don’t want to get caught using unsacred geometry.

  18. #18 kittywhumpus
    May 7, 2010

    I am relatively new to the study of woo. What the crap is “Sacred Geometry”? And if it’s “sacred”, are you still allowed to “do” it?

    I’ll have to look this up later…

  19. #19 Denice Walter
    May 7, 2010

    @ kittywhumpus:see Dan Brown,”The DaVinci Code”.

  20. #20 Yojimbo
    May 7, 2010

    I have to wonder – since this tendency people have to believe in woo-iness in one form or another is so nearly universal, does it provide some advantage? One would expect evolution to select for critical thinking – instead it seems that packaging can let you sell almost any product or idea, no matter how crazy. And most of us, even if we can usually think clearly, have some sort of blind spot. It almost has to be hard-wired.

  21. #21 Sastra
    May 7, 2010

    New Agers often tend to forget the First Rule of Spirituality: be too vague to be caught out. Their greedy desire to sound all modern and science-y trips them up every time, for technical terms have meaning. Even mentioning Atlantis is too specific: avoid detail. You have to be just coherent enough for people to think you might be speaking poetically about something that makes sense.

  22. #22 Sastra
    May 7, 2010

    Yojimbo #20 wrote:

    One would expect evolution to select for critical thinking – instead it seems that packaging can let you sell almost any product or idea, no matter how crazy.

    I think that when woo-ish thinking is taken apart, it’s not really exotic. It’s “common sense,” resting on our childish, ordinary folk intuitions about the way things work. Folk physics. Folk psychology. Folk science (try it out for yourself and draw your own conclusion.) Someone who knew nothing about quantum mechanics, for example, can still follow along with the descriptions of ‘vibrations’ just fine, floating by on the surface of explanations which sound analogous to processes we’re familiar with. In many cases, social and psychological categories are being mixed up with, or confused with, physical processes.

    I suspect that the need for a simple, quick and easy understanding of the environment would be selected for much more, and at an earlier stage, than a disciplined ability to go against common-sense intuitions through skeptical testing and abstract thinking skills. That takes more work, and much of it is not immediately practical.

  23. #23 Mark C. Chu-Carroll
    May 7, 2010

    I think I know there that “toroidal power of implosion” nonsense is coming from.

    A bunch of the attempts at creating a viable fusion generator work by compressing hydrogen gas in a toroidal magnetic field until it fuses. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen the tokomak process described as magnetic toroidal implosion.

    They probably saw a description of a tokomak reactor, and liked the phrase.

  24. #24 Yojimbo
    May 7, 2010

    Sastra @22 says “I suspect that the need for a simple, quick and easy understanding of the environment would be selected for much more, and at an earlier stage, than a disciplined ability to go against common-sense intuitions through skeptical testing and abstract thinking skills.”

    Yes, that seems likely. We come to conclusions that “make sense” as quickly as possible. We’d need to for survival, in spite of the fact that we may often turn out to be wrong. It takes effort and practice to learn to think past those immediate conclusions, and most people probably never will learn to do it – or even see the need.

  25. #25 dogmatichaos
    May 7, 2010

    I can’t help but laughing at how much “Atlantean Power Crystals” strikes me as something you’d hear on a Saturday Morning Cartoon. In fact, I’m pretty certain at one point He-Man and Skeletor were fighting over the exact same thing.

  26. #26 dNorrisM
    May 7, 2010

    …documents pertaining to the time of Atlantis…

    The Akallabêth, obviously. The Numenoreans had palantiri.

  27. #27 Pareidolius
    May 7, 2010

    When I was four, I told my sister that I had invented the Wire-Ec-Complosion. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it was a terrible force to be feared, and she’d be on the receiving end of it if she didn’t stop putting her fucking Barbies in Major Matt Mason’s moon crawler.

    I believe that the Psychonaticists at Life Force™ discovered the same exact energy that was behind the Wire-Ec (those in the know refer to is simply as “the Wire-Ec”) . . . it is, of course, the horrific Toroidal Power of Implosion . . . well, that and the crayon-scrawled notes of a certain four year-old scientist.

  28. #28 Everbleed
    May 7, 2010

    I read through this whole thread (nice Orac) and only decided to post when I read Yojimbo #20. Then Sastra wrote some real smart stuff, (typical) and my post withered and died an appropriate death. Sastra is always so good. And Mark C. seems to have figured out the toroidal power of implosion fun.

    But I was committed to doing a post. So all I have left to wonder is…?
    How on Earth do any people fall for this unless they have been deeply preconditioned? And if they are so “gone”, does it matter one iota that we point out they are fools?

  29. #29 Pareidolius
    May 7, 2010

    The Atlantean Power Crystal™ is obtained from The Shangri-La Mine in the Himalayas. We are privileged to be the only supplier of crystals from the Shangri-La Mine in the world. Himalayan quartz crystal is widely recognised to be the spiritually most pure crystal available on the planet today and it is commonly accepted that Atlantean adepts chose The Himalayas as a place of refuge when the continent of Atlantis was destroyed in a great cataclysm over 40,000 years ago. The spiritual knowledge of Atlantis still exists today among the people of The Himalayas.

    You left out the Shangri-La Mine . . . in the Himalayas. Now I know they have my notes.

  30. #30 Karl Withakay
    May 7, 2010

    So does the toroidal power of implosion produce fast neutrons as a daughter product of the process? Does it result in neutron activation of nearby materials?

  31. #31 Karl Withakay
    May 7, 2010

    Forget those obsolete Antlantian Power Crystals, they’re old school. Grand Unification Dark Crystals are where it’s at now. Crafted out of undetectable dark matter and imbued with equally undetectable dark energy, the crystals link you to the primordial, creative forces from the first moments after the big bang when all the forces were one and only pure energy existed. The crystals radiate Higgs bosons (which as we all know is the fundamental particle that links our souls to our physical bodies) to strengthen our mind-body synergy, promote physical and spiritual health, and relieve dis-ease. The constant emission of supersymetric neutralinos is a bonus effect to harmonize your dark energy field with the fields of those around you.

    Come on, guys. Maybe you need a refresher course. Hey, it’s all ball bearings nowadays.

  32. #32 Todd W.
    May 7, 2010

    @Karl Withakay

    Grand Unification Dark Crystals

    Just watch out for the skeksis.

  33. #33 David N. Brown
    May 7, 2010

    More or less random, but I’ve made some semi-serious speculations about a prehistoric maritime civilization centered in Polynesia. If such a thing did exist, it could have inspired the story of Atlantis and similar myths. The beautiful part is that, since cities tend to be built on coast lines, the rising sea levels at the end of the Pleistocene would have put the evidence under water.

  34. #34 rob
    May 7, 2010

    i wonder how long til they claim the crystals are a source of dark matter or magnetic monopoles?

  35. #35 James Sweet
    May 7, 2010

    the psychonatical engineers at Life Technology™ were able to see beyond material matter

    (emphasis mine)

    hahahahahahaha…

    Do they also see beyond physical physics? What more can they tell me with their verbal verbiage? If I use my Atlantean power crystal incorrectly, will I find myself in dangerous danger? How should I use this technological technology?

    Not only are these guys fraudulent frauds, they are also ignorant ignoramuses.

  36. #36 James Sweet
    May 7, 2010

    I really wanted to know what the toroidal power of implosion is. I know what a toroid is. I know what implosion is. But how do you combine toroids and implosion to produce such awesome power as the Atlantean Power Crystal.

    No no, it’s a typo. It should have read “the toroidal power of toroids, combined with the implosive power of implosions…” That’s what allows them to “visually see” beyond “material matter.”

  37. #37 Azyrie
    May 7, 2010

    I wonder to myself, can anyone who believes in these things also be atheist?

    If they are atheists, how did they come to the conclusion God doesn’t exist? They might cite a lack of proof, or a disbelief in something they can’t see or measure. Perhaps they are skeptical of the fantastical claims of the bible (or whatever manuscript their particular religion uses).

    Then I’d point at their stupid freakin power crystal. So why do you believe in that then?

    Or is it necessary that if you believe in the fantastical powers of things beyond your understanding/measurement, religion is naturally going to fit into your grand scheme of things.

    I don’t suppose anyone would like to admit to owning one of these power crystals, or someone who believes in homeopathy, and being atheist publicly on these forums, I am genuinely just curious.

  38. #38 James Sweet
    May 7, 2010

    OMFG, they keep doing it:

    It restores the higher nutritional frequencies of food, making it more nutritious.

    Ah yes, it’s good that my food will be more nutritionally nutritious. Nutritious nutrition is nutritionally important.

  39. #39 Azyrie
    May 7, 2010

    I wonder to myself, can anyone who believes in these things also be atheist?

    If they are atheists, how did they come to the conclusion God doesn’t exist? They might cite a lack of proof, or a disbelief in something they can’t see or measure. Perhaps they are skeptical of the fantastical claims of the bible (or whatever manuscript their particular religion uses).

    Then I’d point at their stupid freakin power crystal. So why do you believe in that then?

    Or is it necessary that if you believe in the fantastical powers of things beyond your understanding/measurement, religion is naturally going to fit into your grand scheme of things.

    I don’t suppose anyone would like to admit to owning one of these power crystals, or someone who believes in homeopathy, and being atheist publicly on these forums, I am genuinely just curious.

  40. #40 SystemVitalFew
    May 7, 2010

    Well this is depressing. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw the link at the beginning of this article, because for a second I thought it was referring to my company. I work for a company called Life Technologies. We develop and sell tools for research in life science (cell bio, molecular bio, etc.). I don’t like the fact that there’s such a woo-y company out there with a name only three letters different. Wonder if anyone else here knows about this?

  41. #41 Rev. BigDumbChimp
    May 7, 2010

    Ah yes, it’s good that my food will be more nutritionally nutritious. Nutritious nutrition is nutritionally important.

    ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm nutritiolicious

  42. #42 JohnV
    May 7, 2010

    @SystemVitalFew

    haha yeah i got a good chuckle when I saw this this morning and i immediately thought of the company formed as a merger of ABI and Invitrogen.

    “gee they really diversified their product line”

  43. #43 gruebait
    May 7, 2010

    “The larger macro sized version is priced at $799.95.”

    Does that mean it’s big enough to be seen with the naked eye? I understand that not all the crystals pried out of “the Shangri-La Mine in the Himalayas” reach quite that size.

  44. #44 Poogles
    May 7, 2010

    “How on Earth do any people fall for this unless they have been deeply preconditioned? And if they are so “gone”, does it matter one iota that we point out they are fools?”

    Providing my personal anecdote: I was falling for all sorts of psuedoscience just a few short years ago – anti-vaccine claims, homeopathy, quantum woo, crystals etc. I was never “preconditioned” (if I am understanding your use of this word correctly) to accept these things. I didn’t know anyone who did, certainly no one in my family. I was simply a naive young adult who had a woefully inadequate science and critical-thinking education (as many in our nation do, especially those who are in the lower classes, as I was). These things “made sense” to me, because I simply did not know better. Fortunately, I tend to like to seek out arguments against my ideas/beliefs in order to further my own understanding of my ideas/beliefs and to be aware of the arguments against them so I can formulate my own counter-arguments. This led me to skeptical blogs such as this one, and I slowly realized how illogical and full of holes (and lies!) all of the woo was, and haven’t looked back since :-)

    So yes, it does matter that people like this are pointed out to be fools, for people like me who fell for it, but may still change their minds when they realize just how much “burning stupid” it all is, LOL.

  45. #45 OleanderTea
    May 7, 2010

    It facilitates the ability to meditate visualise and pray.

    But not to use commas, apparently.

  46. #46 Todd W.
    May 7, 2010

    @Oleander Tea

    You’re just locked in to a Western mechanistic way of thinking believing and writing.

  47. #47 Yojimbo
    May 7, 2010

    @38 – Clearly their text was developed by the Department of Redundency Department…

  48. #48 blf
    May 7, 2010

    I understand that not all the crystals pried out of “the Shangri-La Mine in the Himalayas” reach quite that size.

    Many, perhaps most, of the crystals are quite large. The problem is the yetis eat them. So only the small stuff is left. This is also why it’s so expensive: You try wrestling with an enraged yeti…

  49. #49 viggen
    May 7, 2010

    who’d’a thunk: neutrinos are nutritious.

  50. #50 SB
    May 7, 2010

    Here’s a wootastic bracelet I found when shopping online for hockey stuff:

    http://www.hockeymonkey.com/power-balance-hockey-accessories-silicone-wristband.html

    WAT.

    It doesn’t even have quantum whatnot, neutrinos or even magnets, it has HOLOGRAMS. Although it is (roughly) toroidal. Maybe it enhances your natural energies through implosion.

  51. #51 squirrelelite
    May 7, 2010

    @Mark C. Chu-Carroll – 23 and Karl Withakay – 30,

    Not that it really has anything to do with the sheer craziness of Atlantean Power Crystals, but I thought I would clarify a couple of points about fusion.

    Mark said:
    “A bunch of the attempts at creating a viable fusion generator work by compressing hydrogen gas in a toroidal magnetic field until it fuses. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen the tokomak process described as magnetic toroidal implosion.”

    This is probably better than Life Technology’s idea(s), but not quite right. Actually, in a magnetically confined plasma test or actual fusion reactor, you need to reduce the pressure by mostly evacuating the chamber, not increase it by compressing it. Then you need to heat and ionize the gas with microwaves, lasers, electron beams or whatever. Then, this low pressure, ionized gas (a plasma) is contained by the toroidal magnetic field because the charged particles are accelerated as they go by the field lines and their paths curve to orbit around the field lines.Then, you have the really big problem of heating the charged nuclei to enormous temperatures so that their kinetic energy is enough to overcome the electrostatic repulsion so they can collide and fuse. If you have to much gas, it will take too much energy to heat. Also, the electrons will collide too soon, radiate away energy, and latch onto a passing atom or ion.

    Karl asked,

    So does the toroidal power of implosion produce fast neutrons as a daughter product of the process? Does it result in neutron activation of nearby materials?

    Anyway, that’s a bit much of a lecture for a Friday afternoon, but since you made some interesting points, I thought I would elucidate them.
    These are important questions, but they depend on the isotope(s) you are using in the fusion reaction. In the sun, bare protons (hydrogen nuclei) collide and fuse and one proton spits out an antielectron (positron) which allows the reaction to conserve both energy and momentum. The result is a hydrogen-2 nucleus, deuterium. In D-D fusion, two deuterium nuclei fuse and spit out a neutron, leaving a helium-3 nucleus (2 protons and a neutron). This will usually latch onto a stray neutron and become regular helium 4. Sometimes a deuterium nucleus will absorb a neutron and become hydrogen-3, tritium. The easiest fusion reaction to start and maintain is D-T fusion, which spits out a neutron and leaves a helium-4 nucleus.

    There are candidate reaction that don’t lead to extra neutrons, but as you can see most of the easiest one lead to lots of stray neutrons. These are not charged and not magnetically confined. They just bounce around causing damage until they get absorbed by something like an external radiation shield material which then becomes radioactive. Safely disposing of this radioactive material is a major problem for potential fusion reactors.

  52. #52 The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
    May 7, 2010

    ….applying the principles of quantum physics and esoteric science the psychonatical engineers at Life Technology™ were able to see beyond material matter and into the primary creative forces of nature.

    “Psychonatical engineers?” Is this a misprint for “psycho-nuttical engineers?”

    @ Mark Chu-Carroll #23:

    A bunch of the attempts at creating a viable fusion generator work by compressing hydrogen gas in a toroidal magnetic field until it fuses. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen the tokomak process described as magnetic toroidal implosion.

    The “toroidal power of implosion” makes me think of the plasmoids that Focus Fusion is aiming for. (Not to make fun of FF—I hope they make it.)

    @ David N. Brown #33:

    More or less random, but I’ve made some semi-serious speculations about a prehistoric maritime civilization centered in Polynesia. If such a thing did exist, it could have inspired the story of Atlantis and similar myths. The beautiful part is that, since cities tend to be built on coast lines, the rising sea levels at the end of the Pleistocene would have put the evidence under water.

    Have you read Eden in the East: The Drowned Continent of Southeast Asia by Stephen Oppenheimer? I don’t know how to evaluate some of his theories, but it’s an interesting read nevertheless.

  53. #53 ChicagoMolly
    May 7, 2010

    But can it reverse the polarity of the neutron flow? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Doctor

  54. #54 scidog
    May 7, 2010

    all real funny but do you want to know what Woo really does?
    it puts people in wheelchairs.a good friend who i have known since the 70′s when we we in college together is stuck in a chair i don’t think he will ever get out of.why?..he took herbal meds for his diabetes.someplace along the line he read that insulin destroyed your pancreas so he treated himself with woo.last summer he had three massive CVA’s over 24 hours that were the result of his untreated diabetes.the only “good” outcome here is that the Veterans Hospital ruled that the stroke was the result of diabetes that were caused by his exposure to Agent Orange in the Nam so he gets treated at he the VA and is not left out in the cold by an insurance company..if you can sue the drug company’s for their screw up’s can you sue the “wooer’s” for theirs??

  55. #55 Saws
    May 8, 2010

    Posted by Mikko @ Comments Going back to check the DNS history of http://www.sco.com, we noticed that SCO had already attempted once to bring back the site. Saws

  56. #56 random question
    May 8, 2010

    I’m a little worried by the last bit: “It decontaminates the subtle inverted negative energies contained in water, by reconfiguring the subtle intrinsic data field.”
    Wouldn’t that reconfiguring mess with homeopathic water memory stuff? It ought to have a warning on it to keep it away from the medicine cabinet, or something.

  57. #57 Todd W.
    May 8, 2010

    @SB

    The latest issue of Skeptical Inquirer has an article on the Power Balance products, if you’re interested.

  58. #58 squirrelelite
    May 8, 2010

    Battleaxe,

    Thanks for the link on Focus Fusion!

    The proton-boron-11 fusion they are working with is one of the “candidate reaction (sic-should have had an s) that don’t lead to extra neutrons” I referred to. It yields 3 alpha particles (helium nuclei) and NO neutrons. So, it is interesting and promising and I wish them luck.

    Unfortunately, boron is relatively rare. Only 0.001% of the Earth’s crust is boron. About 80% of that is boron-11. Most of the reserves are in Turkey, but the U.S. is also a large producer which helps. You just need to take your 20 mule team and plenty of water to Death Valley to mine the borax.

    It is also available as a by-product of nuclear fission in power reactors. I suppose that requires processing the spent fuel to separate the boron. It also has uses in nuclear magnetic resonance spectoscopy!

  59. #59 Kemist
    May 8, 2010

    The Solis Method™ incorporates the toroidal power of implosion, orgone energy, phi harmonics, tensor fields, sonics and ultasonics, visible and invisible light spectrum energy and, most crucially, a unique energy template within the crystalline matrix of The Atlantean Power Crystal™.

    mmmkay.

    Do you want Ranch or Italian with that ?

  60. #60 Kemist
    May 8, 2010

    What the heck is the centrifigual reorganization of chakras ?

    Maybe it’s like sitting in a centrifuge. That would certainly get you “reorganized” – with your organelles at the bottom of th tube and blood plasma as the surpernatant.

  61. #61 CherryBomb
    May 8, 2010

    “It decontaminates the subtle inverted negative energies contained in water, by reconfiguring the subtle intrinsic data field.”

    I was wondering when they would invent one of these. The “water memory” type of homeopathy supposedly works by diluting solution to the point where there the solute is undetectable, but still leaves some kind of “imprint” on the water molecules. The problem is that the water would retain an imprint of everything that was ever dissolved in it. I think they are angling for a solution here which would remove all the previous imprints (the bad woo), so that the treatment (the good woo) would be pure.

  62. #62 The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
    May 8, 2010

    @ Squirrelelite:

    Yeah, I know boron’s a pretty rare element, but so is lithium, and we’re planning on huge numbers of lithium-battery-powered cars in the near future (at least if EEStor doesn’t pan out), but at ~1 lb./MW-yr, one of those 20 Mule Teams that Ronald Reagan was hoicking across the desert when I was a kid would produce a lot of power.

    I’m really pulling for Focus Fusion because their small 20 or 50 MW reactors could easily replace everybody’s electrical substation and decentralize the grid considerably. Of course, Lerner is also in some ways a nut—he did write The Big Bang Never Happened. No, he’s not a creationist—he has an alternative theory: the “Plasma Universe”. A classic case of “To a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail”, but he is a well-respected plasma physicist.

  63. #63 Antiquated Tory
    May 8, 2010

    It might be nonsense scientifically, but I think there’s a superhero origin story somewhere in that Atlantean Power Crystal spiel.

  64. #64 V. infernalis
    May 9, 2010

    Here’s some woo that’s begging to be Orac-ified:

    BioMagnetic is a premier range of natural magnetic therapy products consisting of 100% wool magnetic underlays, pure cotton magnetic underlays, magnetic pillow protectors and, even, magnetic therapy for animals. Purchase BioMagnetic’s products online or from a store near you.

    A totally natural way to get temporary pain relief, some research suggests it stimulates the peripheral circulation. It certainly has been used by many nationalities across the centuries.

    There have been countless calls and letters from happy clients, many of whom can be seen on our various TV commercials. Craig Trinder, founder of BioMagnetic, says it’s thanks to BioMagnetic’s Total Body Therapy.

    http://www.biomagnetic.tv/

  65. #65 V. infernalis
    May 9, 2010

    Damn. Blockquote fail. Needless to say, all of that text was supposed to have been quoted.

  66. #66 CanonicaKoi
    May 9, 2010

    Who knew? I had that $800 available and damned if I didn’t buy an iPad instead. Hmmmm….no toroidal implosions (at least not yet), if I notice any vibrations, I’ll be visiting the Genius Bar, but my chakras feel *great*!!

  67. #67 Scottynuke
    May 9, 2010

    Thanks, one and all — who needs an Atlantean Power Crystal when falling-out-of-my-chair laughter is just what’s called for when recovering from the flu? :-)

  68. #68 Scottynuke
    May 9, 2010

    Thanks, one and all — who needs an Atlantean Power Crystal when falling-out-of-my-chair laughter is just what’s called for when recovering from the flu? :-)

    (beg pardon if this posts twice)

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