Respectful Insolence

Beyond butt reflexology

Egads!

You remember my fun little post about a Sokal-type hoax perpetrated by John C. McLachlan, when he completely fooled the “scientific review” committee of a complementary and alternative medicine conference with a hilarious Sokal-inspired hoax in which he created, in essence, butt reflexology. I thought it was an amusing and fairly original bit of made-up woo.

It turns out I was wrong. A reader just pointed me to Jacqueline Stalline’s Rumpology. It turns out that she’s an astrologer, and that she thinks she can tell a lot about you by reading your rump:

Jacqueline Stallone has revived the ancient art of Rumpology. Just as a printo of your fingerprints, palms, soles, and ears tell a story, so does your rump.

I’ll bet. Stallone even invites her fans to send her pictures of their posteriors for a reading:

The lines, crevices, and folds of your fanny, rear-end for those of you in the UK, can, to the trained eye, reveal your personality, fate, and future in luck and love. So they thought in ancient India and Babylon and so today. The Greeks used palm and behind prints to determine health and fidelity. The Romans used the prints to identify potential future success. The prints reveal your whole being.

I have no doubt that a print of one’s posterior can reveal one’s whole being. Some people are real asses, after all.

Comments

  1. #1 makeinu
    December 14, 2010

    I wonder, then, what reading she gets from a certain disgusting webmeme picture from years back….

  2. #2 Travis
    December 14, 2010

    The first thing that came to mind when reading this was that perhaps this person is just some sort of twisted ass freak. I guess it would be somewhat nice to work my fetishes into a job but I think I would feel guilty doing it this way.

    I hope this is not considered inappropriate, but I just cannot take this topic seriously.

    Okay, now I have to go watch The Kids in the Hall sketches for a few hours.

  3. #3 Clay
    December 14, 2010

    What a deal – and only $125! I’m sure all the woo-faithful will beat a path to her door.

  4. #4 Drivebyposter
    December 14, 2010

    This was mentioned on The Skeptic’s Guide to the Universe several times. Still as ridiculous as ever

  5. #5 Drivebyposter
    December 14, 2010

    And also from the SGU the word fanny is slang for vagina in Australia.

  6. #6 lordsetar
    December 14, 2010

    I wonder if Ms. Stallone has ever met Sir Mix-a-Lot.

  7. #7 Ellyn
    December 14, 2010

    I think that’s Sly Stallone’s mum. She has previously claimed to be a pet psychic as well.
    She’s beyond batty, this one.

  8. #8 Phillip IV
    December 14, 2010

    So they thought in ancient India and Babylon and so today. The Greeks used palm and behind prints to determine health and fidelity. The Romans used the prints to identify potential future success.

    What? Complete and utter nonsense – or at the very least, there’s not a single shred of evidence for such a claim. Admittedly, there are only a few things from which not at least one of the ancient cultures tried to somehow divine the future, but the butt (in the literal sense) is most assuredly one of them.

    Stallone is apparently just name-dropping ancient cultures to bolster her claims – relying on her audience accepting these as authorities, obviously without knowing the first thing about them. A ploy which works with alarming frequency. Or, to quote from Scripture: “And from the seed of Abraham shall spring a woman named Stallone, who will become a fraud among frauds in the lands beyond the sea” (Mark 3:16-19)

  9. #9 Simba
    December 14, 2010

    “The lines, crevices, and folds of your fanny… can, to the trained eye, reveal your personality, fate, and future in luck and love.

    This gets much funnier when you live somewhere ‘fanny’ is a general word for women’s ‘front ends’ (everything in front of the anus), not to be used in polite company.

  10. #10 Skepticat UK
    December 14, 2010

    Indeed, Simba.

    Who the heck calls it a ‘rear-end’ in the UK? Don’t Americans use the word ‘bottom’?

    Jackie Stallone is hilarious. Wonderfully eccentric.

  11. #11 GBJ
    December 14, 2010

    Poe’s Law comes to mind.

  12. #12 Cuttlefish, OM
    December 14, 2010

    I seem to recall a “news” piece a couple of years ago, of a blind man who read tushies on the boardwalk for a living. Nice juxtaposition of the “serious news face” on the anchors, with footage of this guy feeling up attractive women’s posteriors…

  13. #13 Sarah
    December 14, 2010

    My dad used to exposit to me a lot when I was kid, “Whatever you think of, no matter how stupid or bizarre, no matter how crazy you think it is… Somebody, somewhere, has done it.”

    It gets truer every day.

  14. #14 Knightly
    December 14, 2010

    But… but it’s ancient…

  15. #15 Yojimbo
    December 14, 2010

    See! You quite literally can’t make this stuff up :)

  16. #16 Kapitano
    December 14, 2010

    What’s that officer? No, I’m not a prostitute! I’m a glanologist. This man just paid me 100 dollars to read his genital bumps.

  17. #17 Raging Bee
    December 15, 2010

    I read the title of this post, “Beyond Butt Reflexology” and thought, what does that mean exactly? Placing one’s homunculous even further up one’s ass?

  18. #18 Prometheus
    December 15, 2010

    “It turns out that she’s an astrologer, and that she thinks she can tell a lot about you by reading your rump…”

    Orac, was that a typo? Didn’t you mean that she is an asstrologer?

    Just asking,

    Prometheus

  19. #19 T. Bruce McNeely
    December 15, 2010

    Who the heck calls it a ‘rear-end’ in the UK? Don’t Americans use the word ‘bottom’?

    What? No love for “bum”?

  20. #20 Rosie
    December 15, 2010

    “to the trained eye”? Just where does one go to receive this type of training?

  21. #21 DLC
    December 16, 2010

    Butt-Ology strikes again!
    what a bunch of shit.
    This cracks me up.

  22. #22 Harry
    December 16, 2010

    “…. can reveal one’s whole being ….”
    Shoudn’t that be
    “…. can reveal one’s hole being ….”

  23. #23 Harry
    December 16, 2010

    “…. can reveal one’s whole being ….”
    Shoudn’t that be
    “…. can reveal one’s hole being ….”

  24. #24 wheatdogg
    December 21, 2010

    Cuttlefish @12:

    OK, so was this guy really blind, or just pretending to be?

    And, if there is butt reflexology, can boob reflexology be far behind (if you pardon the pun)?

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