Darn it all!

I knew they’d find us out. I just knew it:


Actually, I’m happy. Our diversion has worked. While the conspiracy loons will be protesting the lesser of two meetings, the real work in crushing conspiracies and ensuring our world domination will be some 600 miles away in Las Vegas at The Amaz!ng Meeting 9.

A pity, though, that I and my fellow skeptical conspirators can’t be two places at once. The discussions of toxic murder meters, mandated vaccines, aerial toxins, and starting perpetual wars in order to assure progress towards a World Government and Hitlerian New World Order sound most tempting. I guess I’ll have to miss it and the protesters in favor of hobnobbing with fellow skeptics, angling to get my picture taken with the bigwigs of the skeptical movement, and meeting some of my readers.

And plotting, of course. Always plotting.


  1. #1 rni.boh
    July 5, 2011

    I’ve heard of this – Jon Ronson described trying to infiltrate it in Them (a jolly fine book).

    I love the message – “we are going to protest against the most evil people in the world. Bring a picnic”.

  2. #2 AbnormalWrench
    July 5, 2011

    “A pity, though, that I and my fellow skeptical conspirators can’t be two places at once.”

    Nice try to throw us off the scent, but we’re on to your teleportation technology.

  3. #3 anarchic teapot
    July 5, 2011

    “This is what they do, you could not make this stuff up!”

    They owe me a new keyboard.

  4. #4 JohnV
    July 5, 2011

    Saw part of a program on History about the Bohemian grove. Only problem was no one could actually get in and check it out. The second attempt was by kayak and apparently the security guards were waiting for them :p

  5. #5 DW
    July 5, 2011

    Oh. Jesus. Christ. And I was just there on *Friday*- guess that means I have to *fly back again* on. my. own. dime. as per usual.

    You sceptics owe me _big time_

  6. #6 LW
    July 5, 2011

    “toxic smart murder meters”

    great for keeping track of your smart murders, plus once you’ve metered your murders, you can use the meter to poison somebody!

  7. #7 Mattand
    July 5, 2011

    The people that created this poster are serious? They can’t possible believe there’s child sacrifice going on at this meeting?


  8. #8 DaveD
    July 5, 2011

    Spy Magazine, may it rest in peace, did a long article on the hijinks at the Bohemian Grove, back in the 90’s. I doubt things have changed much since then. It wasn’t really all that interesting or scandalous.

  9. #9 feralboy12
    July 5, 2011

    “These men will conduct a ceremonial sacrifice of children where they will be symbolically set on fire.”

    “Bring your picnic lunch or dinner and your Family.”

    Wait, what?

  10. #10 JayK
    July 5, 2011

    It’s a cookbook!

  11. #11 rob
    July 5, 2011

    been there. done that. those billionaires are a boring lot. i’m not gonna waste anymore time on them.

  12. #12 Andrew
    July 5, 2011

    “I love the message – “we are going to protest against the most evil people in the world. Bring a picnic”

    Yeah. The question for me is not “Do these protesters believe what they are saying?” but rather “How on Earth could the protesters expect anyone to think that they actually believe what they are saying?” A person who really believes he is protesting (and thereby drawing the attention of) dark masterminds who intend to murder millions and enslave the rest, does not bring his family and a picnic lunch to the the protest. My conclusion is that the protesters get a kick out of pretending that they are engaged in a battle against evil, but they’d never protest anywhere where real evil was going on – that would be dangerous and uncomfortable (no picnic lunch).

  13. #13 zackoz
    July 5, 2011

    You mean it’s not a joke?

    On first reading, I thought “Moloch” was “Murdoch”!

  14. #14 DLC
    July 5, 2011

    cue twilight zone music.

  15. #15 maydijo
    July 6, 2011

    Okay, I was going to try to summarise what this woman believes (she lives too close to me for comfort) but it’s really more fun if you just go to the website and read it for yourself. She’s got a whole section on smart metres; but personally I think her rants against communication towers are more interesting.


    It would be funny, except that she has actually kept communication towers from being built in an area that is highly prone to bush fires, where having cell phone access can be a matter of life or death. She is so bat-shit crazy, she actually walks around with tin foil in her hair. We know from talking with others in the area that she bullies them into signing her petitions; or they sign because they feel sorry for her. We know from our own run-ins with her that when you refuse to sign, she bullies and intimidates and abuses you. It might be one thing if she actually knew what she was talking about; but I’ve shown some of her documents to my nieces and nephews in grade school, and even they can point out flaws in what she’s saying.

  16. #16 maydijo
    July 6, 2011

    On second thought she’s so bat-shit crazy she’d probably sue me if she found this post, and while the case wouldn’t stand up in court I couldn’t be bothered wasting my time with a petty lawsuit, so could you delete everything in my #15 from “She’s so bat-shit crazy” on . . . It’s all true, but probably hard to prove, and as I said I couldn’t be bothered wasting my time or money fighting her on it.

  17. #17 Venna
    July 6, 2011

    I wonder who’s children are volunteered to be sacrificed? Or do they just kidnap random kids? Maybe they only sacrifice children born with autism which is why the anti-vax fanatics are so adamant that vaccines caused autism in their children. You would think there would be some kind of national emergency if dozens of children just disappeared though, hmm.

    It would have been so much more worth my time to try and come up with a way to get there if she had said dessert would be provided and free drinks. Maybe a clown who makes balloon animals for the kids? Will there be a fireworks display at dusk?

  18. #18 Jud
    July 6, 2011

    I just love the “highly satanic” part. I was stuck seeing it as a binary thing, satanic/not. Little did I know there was a whole range possible.

    Kinda reminds me of a brochure I once received in the mail offering me as an alum of my college alma mater a “richly dimensional” mantelpiece clock. What, more than 3?

  19. #19 Calli Arcale
    July 6, 2011

    Well, of course more than three. It’s a clock; it also measures time, so it’s really four-dimensional. Or maybe it’s actually a Time Lord timepiece, and “richly dimensional” means you had better not tamper with it, ever; switching to DST could mean punching a hole in the fabric of spacetime!

  20. #20 DW
    July 6, 2011

    Should anyone decide to be in two places at one time, let me give you some travel tips :

    Monte Rio is in the heart of the Russian River resort area, a sign over the road declares it a “Vacation Wonderland” and it is. The restaurants are *so* sophisticated for such a tiny town: I highly recommend the one at the Inn- it’s Continental with a creative Californian twist. In nearby Guerneville, a “hate-free town” with wineries, redwoods, gay-friendy resorts, kayaking, and river access at “Johnson’s Beach”, there is so much to do. I enjoyed Champagne as I listened to a live jazz duo at a gallery opening there on Friday.

    Dress is always casual in this region, except of course, when you’re in your robes.

  21. #21 Aaron
    July 6, 2011

    “It’s a cookbook!”

    JayK wins with an awesome reference.

  22. #22 Phoenix Woman
    July 6, 2011

    Spy Magazine, may it rest in peace, did a long article on the hijinks at the Bohemian Grove, back in the 90’s. I doubt things have changed much since then. It wasn’t really all that interesting or scandalous.

    Yupper. I think the article’s been archived online, but from my memory of it, it described a rather silly affair of middlebrow CEOs and trustafarians pretending to be highbrow while walking around naked, peeing on trees, and hitting on the service workers (all of whom are male — it’s a female-free environment).

    Aha! Here it is, circa 1989:


  23. #23 Thomas Goss
    July 7, 2011

    Sorry to spoil anyone’s satanic fantasies, but I’ve been to the Grove, and it was basically just a lot of rich guys hanging out and getting drunk. No world domination plans, unless it involves tying one on. Oh, and I’ve also had the honor of attending the Bohemian Club – basically just a bunch of rich guys sitting around talking about their extramarital affairs while eating really really expensive food.

    In other words, if Satan’s most potent weapon is boredom, then they are guilty as charged.

  24. #24 Ginger Peterson
    July 7, 2011

    Will you be a speaker at the Amazing Meeting 9?

  25. MESSAGE BEGINS——————

    Shills and Minions:

    I passed this little piece of subversion on to our cybernetic host since I really do not want the more bucolic of my two terran vacations ruined by screeching, patchouli dipped monkeys waving placards and manipulating giant puppets intended to . . . what? Shame those of us who rule this planet into being “nice?” Really? Your ten-foot, crudely wrought, papier mache CEO on a stick is supposed to strike terror into beings who have flown in from all parts of the Orion Arm?

    I am doubling the production quota on the murder meters at once. They will not succeed in derailing our plans for this little backwater.

    Infiltrate my Minions, infiltrate and mock.

    Yrs Vry Trly,

    Lord Draconis Zeneca, VC, iH7L Mobile Broadcast

    Forward Mavoon of the Great Fleet, Suzerain of V’tar and Pharmaca Magna of Terra

    Glaxxon Fleet Cutter Eggs of Total Conquest
    Coordinates Undisclosed

  26. #26 DW
    July 7, 2011

    My dearsest Lord Draconis,

    I am *on* it, have been *on* it, and *will* be on it, oh, seriously! I will have the “boys” take care of it. Other minions will follow.

    btw-I am *so* glad that we ladies have restricted access to the Grove- except for the fancy-dress soiree ( and I am so f–king *sick* and *tired* of playing the Huntress Diana with that friggen half-moon brooch in my hair, wearing that mini-toga, carrying that miserable golden bow and arrow, chasing that idiotic pantomine stag around the d-mned trees-!) and that boring cocktail party. Oh Draconis, what I do for your benefit!

    Have a nice break from your conquest of Terra. As usual, I will be tending to my duties, un-interrupted by personal concerns.

    Yours very truly and most sincerely,

    DW, DL,VII, etc

  27. MESSAGE BEGINS——————

    Minion DW, DL, Class VII Commendation,

    Diana? I should rather see you dressed as the Grand E’hra Movokk, ascended warrior egg-mother of clan V’Glaxx. I can see you now, resplendent in your glistening ventral sheath, helmet and holster with your intricately carved battleclaw at the ready. Below your great clawed boot, I imagine bloated, inebriated CEOs vacating their bowels in terror as you sing the stirring songline of the Glaxxon!

    Sorry . . . where was I? Oh, yes. Mocking and infiltration. Just do what you can Minion DW, whatever resources you require at your disposal.

    Yours in cross-species admiration,

    Lord Draconis Zeneca, VC, iH7L Mobile Broadcast

    Forward Mavoon of the Great Fleet, Suzerain of V’tar and Pharmaca Magna of Terra

    Glaxxon Fleet Cutter: Eggs of Total Conquest
    Coordinates Undisclosed

    ——————MESSAGE ENDS

  28. #28 stripey_cat
    July 8, 2011

    Part of me wants to infiltrate the Grove (I’m assuming from the name that there’s plenty of cover) with a crew in costume, theatrical haze machines, hidden speakers, and anything else our sick imagination can come up with. I think if there’s time for an advance set-up, we ought to be able to rig transformation gauze and a projector to really give them a 40ft owl statue fading in and out – if there are suitable trees we should even be able to whisk it all up out of sight in the unlikely event of someone coming for a closer look. Realistic flame effects are more challenging, but I’m sure something could be done to give the effect of a fire out of line-of-sight with flickering uplights. Points are scored for any protesters fainting or soiling themselves.

    Part of me doesn’t want to get arrested.

  29. #29 Rufus Altamiruno
    October 17, 2011

    Babaganoosh here and this was such a treat, boost out another one asap

  30. #30 lilady
    October 17, 2011

    Orac, we are having some problems with Rufus Altamiruno overrunning this blog.

  31. #31 Marketing Help
    April 30, 2012


    I think their marketing campaign could do with some help! However, never rule out any ideas for an alternative stage at TAM 2012!

    I really want to go this year, but a trip to Vegas is always hard to sell to the missus!


New comments have been temporarily disabled. Please check back soon.