...from Dr. Isis to herself, 3 hours in the past.
My most darling desert diva,
I know that a run though the Sonoran Desert sounded like a great idea when you read about it in the running magazine. I appreciate that you took the time to consider whether you were cardiovascularly fit enough to complete a seven mile desert run and that you studied the terrain enough to determine the best route so that you did not become lost, dehydrate, and die.
Running through slightly damp desert sand is much more challenging than running on pavement and you were right to be proud of yourself for your ability to accomplish this task. However, I fear that that you became overly confident as you began imaging yourself as an Olympic-level speed skater, jumping right and left over shrubs and small spiky plants to a club dance soundtrack. You see, in your moment of excessive cockiness, as you leaped like a pole vaulter to avoid the small shrub on your right, you completely missed the full grown saguaro cactus on your left. Your ass did not appreciate the sudden introduction and your spandex running tights offered little protection.
I appreciate that you lacked any shame and were willing to drop trou in the middle of the desert to remove the majority of the 2 inch spines from your left cheek, but it was really all of those small ones that did you in. 3.5 miles is a long time to run with those little tiny spines rubbing in your running tights.
Figure 1: Dr. Isis very seriously considered posting a picture of the saguaro spines in her left cheek, but figured that a picture of her naked rear might just be enough to get her expelled from Science Blogs. Instead I offer a picture of a cactus similar to that which has left the domestic and laboratory goddess sitting lightly.
However, my dear domestic and laboratory goddess, I fear that you have not learned your lesson because you are planning to hike Camelback Mountain tomorrow and that thing is littered with sharp, spine-covered species. I can only suggest you heed Little Isis's advice:
Mommy, cactus no touch. Give you big owie.
Yes, it does.
All my best,
The Isis with the spines in her ass
Education & Careers
Comments
dance shoes are one of the most important pieces of 'equipment' for your dancing. Without them, you wouldn't be able to perform your moves as gracefully and easily as you would like in front of an audience. Capezio has a large selection of dance shoes to complement almost any outfit you have chosen for your performance or practice.
Posted by: balletshoes22 | December 24, 2008 5:07 AM
Ouch! Hope your spiney ass is doing better. Merry Christmas. The post above mine looks like a spammer.
Posted by: Danimal | December 24, 2008 6:24 AM
Not THAT is a real "bummer".
I suggest gobs and gobs aloe applied by the lucky Mr. Isis and a healthy dollop of TLC. "TLC" of course meaning Tushy Loves Caressing!
Posted by: scribbler50 | December 24, 2008 10:08 AM
Oww...ow...ouch!!
Bummer indeed. Leaping over shrubs while running is not all that it is cracked up to be. In hindsight, it may be a bad idea many times.
That, and...SONORAN!!!
Posted by: arvind | December 24, 2008 10:49 AM
So, your Pima name is now officially "Runs With Spines."
In all seriousness, though, go get yourself some Elmer's glue and big gauze pads. Slather the glue on your cheek, cover with gauze, let dry for about a half hour, then peel off like a face mask. This should get out the small ones.
Little Isis cracks me up - last time we were in similar climes, PharmKid went ripping across the terrain in her Crocs before I could tell her to watch out for the cacti. She called her resulting disorder cactus toe.
Oh, and congratulations on the Sb frontpage ad!
Good luck hiking Camelback and be careful, okay?
Posted by: Abel Pharmboy | December 24, 2008 11:08 AM
Are you sure this wasn't just a plot by your 3-hour-ago self to keep you up and moving around so you can enjoy more good Christmas food?
Posted by: Stephanie Z | December 24, 2008 11:12 AM
Many plants with spines that induce itch do so via serotonin in their glassy spines. This is the case for nettles, I presume that saguaro spines are similar (at least the very small ones). The serotonin triggers mast cell degranulation and so causes acute itching. Low NO potentiates mast cell degranulation, so doing things to raise your NO level will help.
There is a folk remedy that you might try the next time; peeing in the dirt and then applying the pee-soaked dirt to the itchy part. If you are lucky and the dirt contains ammonia oxidizing bacteria, then the ammonia released by ureases from other bacteria will produce ammonia which the ammonia oxidizers will turn into nitrite and NO. This should have immediate soothing and anti-microbial effects. Even some hours later this remedy might help.
Saliva (after a high nitrate meal such as one containing 100 grams of lettuce) contains significant nitrite (up to 2 mM/L) due to concentration of nitrate in saliva (~10x over plasma) and reduction of nitrate to nitrite by commensal bacteria on the tongue. The licking of wounds is suggested to have evolved because the nitrite in saliva has healing properties. Getting someone to apply saliva to your ass might help too. Being away from MRU and out of network, the supply of ass-kissers may be reduced, limiting your options using that folk remedy and perhaps making the co-pay unacceptably high.
Posted by: daedalus2u | December 24, 2008 11:34 AM
Oh, sweet Scribbler, you are a punny, punny man.
Stephanie, if I eat anything else I will explode. POP!
Finally, my most darling daedalus. Did you really suggest that the domestic and laboratory goddess would pee in the desert and urine-soaked dirt on herself? You know how much I love you and how much I love NO, but that might be the line right there brother.
On the other hand, I am sure there is a plethora of people willing to eat a salad and then lick my backside. Any takers?
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | December 24, 2008 11:41 AM
My dearest Isis. I would never suggest anything to you that I would not do to myself. Desert soil is very unlikely to have pathogens in it. Many desert soils have abundant ammonia oxidizers. The vast deposits of nitrate in the deserts of Chile derive from the metabolism of uric acid deposited by birds.
In many treatments, time is of the essence. Suppressing mast cell degranulation and inhibiting NFkB by increasing NO levels immediately would have made the run back to civilization more tolerable and with less irritation to be suppressed later.
Of course if you already had the right biofilm of ammonia oxidizing bacteria the application of pee-soaked soil would be unnecessary.
Posted by: daedalus2u | December 24, 2008 12:11 PM
Ouch!
I know how you feel. In Kenya several years ago I was chased by a number of frisky baboons, and in my panic ran straight into a similarly beastly plant, which left tiny hair-like spines all down my right arm and chest. I was still pulling the little blighters out two days later, and since they look almost identic to the finer hairs on the backs of my hands and body, I'd also plucked a considerably amount of my own hair with them. Not pretty.
Posted by: Martin | December 24, 2008 1:34 PM
I'd have to see said picture before committing to backside licking, but I'm definitely open to the idea.
Now, that said, I'm originally from Phoenix, so it mystifies me that anyone actually lives there anymore.
I have fond memories, from somewhere around twelve years old, of realizing that I had a bunch of jumping cactus gallivanting up my legs. Staring down as each little movement caused them to hop further up my bare legs, a hypothesis framed clearly in my mind of how it was going to feel when one or more hit my tender genitals, and a certainty that this hypothesis was not yet ready to be tested. Several minutes of fearful shouting, which tended to also move the bastards up my legs, summoned my dad with a pair of needle nose pliers. It's a bizarre world when a man wielding a set of pliers at you is a source of comfort.
Good times.
Posted by: Fargo | December 24, 2008 2:00 PM
Is 'slightly damp desert sand' a sign of the End Times?
Posted by: VJBinCT | December 24, 2008 2:50 PM
Ok daedalus, you've got me. I find the word "biofilm" amazingly hot.
Martin, you have made my Christmas by beginning a comment with you being chased by "frisky baboons". Seriously, that may even have made my year.
Fargo, there are jumping ones? Dude!
Finally, VJBinCT, I think it very well might be. I've spent the last 6 years in AZ and this is the first time we've had rain. It is out of control and seriously hindering my outdoor adventuring. On the other hand, the desert is lovely and green.
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | December 24, 2008 3:05 PM
Jumping cactus is a terrible, terrible thing. I'm glad you know about it now. I believe there's a few varieties. Here's a wingnut handling one-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cswsg16uQeY
The worst are the small ones, easily below your danger threshold, where you brush against them with your shoe or sock, and they're so light that when you move they tend to shake around and "climb".
Posted by: Fargo | December 24, 2008 3:22 PM
HILARIOUS! Because the exact same thing has happened to me!
(Except it was in Ghana. And the baboons were more frightening than frisky. I don't think they found me all that charming.)
Dr. Isis, I applaud you not only for running seven miles through sand like it was nothing but also for making your butt the center of today's holiday adventure. That is real style, right there. I mean that wholeheartedly.
Posted by: Juniper Shoemaker | December 24, 2008 4:04 PM
oh dear, ouchie!!!! i hope your ass feels better in time to have a lovely christmas :).
Posted by: PhizzleDizzle | December 24, 2008 7:32 PM
There are prickly pear cactus in the Okanagan valley where I live and I managed to find a right butt cheek full when out for a hike. To complicate matters further I had just stumbled upon an outdoor marijuana grow-op moments before. I didn't see anybody there, but I didn't think it wise to hang around and pull the spines out, I had to wait awhile before I could do that.
This reminds me of how many bad experiences I've had with plants, I've probably had poison ivy a half a dozen times.
Posted by: Muhr | December 24, 2008 8:25 PM
hey! wait a minute...how come my puns don't get any love? *stoic manly pout*
this is a recipe for the green monster of jealousy derriere its ugly head... :-)
Posted by: arvind | December 24, 2008 9:25 PM
You know, the only things I've ever heard spines being on were dendritic SHAFTS, not ass. Despite your misfortune, I wish you a Merry Christmas, Dr. Isis!
Posted by: Physiogroupie IV | December 24, 2008 10:41 PM
Yowsers. I thought chapped ass from the cold was bad...but spines trump all!
Posted by: unbalanced reaction | December 24, 2008 11:06 PM
Welcome to my home town; Camelback is just down the street and I grew up within a short walk. Alas, I can't offer you hospitality since I'm doing ski patrol.
As for the saguaro -- Bad Girl. They're a protected species, after all. You should have landed in some cholla or prickly pear. The little glochids offer days to weeks of amusement.
Posted by: D. C. Sessions | December 25, 2008 8:31 AM
Maybe around Yuma, but the Phoenix-area Sonoran "desert" soil is actually chock-full of opportunistic microbes, including a goodly number of human pathogens such as coccidioides immitis. Like C. immitis, they tend to lie dormant until water (e.g. urine) becomes available.
Posted by: D. C. Sessions | December 25, 2008 10:16 PM
Hi, I'd like to ass you a question... How does one become so cocky in a desert? I'm afraid the desert owns both you and me, my friend.
This reminds me of an incident that I had with a prickly pear bush in southern CA. A native friend of mine informed me that cowboys pluck the spines out of the prickly pear fruit with their teeth- and of course, I tried to follow suit. I wound up with millions of tiny prickly pear prickles in my lips and mouth. My friend and I spent an hour in the bathroom, with her trying to pluck the spines from my swollen lips.
Posted by: Candid Engineer | December 28, 2008 10:11 AM