to Speaker of the House and general left-wing beacon, Nancy Pelosi.
Dear Madame Speaker,
I have recently been invited to give an international presentation and I am feeling a bit nervous about it. You see, like someone else we all know and love, I am kind of new to my job. I'm a little young and a little scrappy. I have some controversial data to lay out there and some pretty ambitious goals and future directions. I'm pretty charismatic myself, but I'm still not quite sure how this is all going to go down.
So, I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind traveling with me to help give my address talk. For the most part, I'll do the hard work and you just sit behind me and look interested. Wear something green. It'll be hot.
However (and this is where it gets a little tricky), before I give my talk, we'll meet up and I'll give you a copy of my slides. Then I'll show you where all the really impressive stuff is and, when I mention it, you jump up like someone left a scorpion on your really cool Speaker of the House chair and rouse the crowd into applause and ovation. What would really be amazing would be if you would occasionally prematurely jump up out of your chair before I even manage to finish a sentence. People will think that we are so in tune, that my ideas are so revolutionary, that you couldn't contain your excitement. I'll continue to act dignified but aware of the adoration. That will also be hot.
Figure 1: Give me an "O." Will one of you take away my Photoshop? Seriously, Mama needs an intervention.
Congresswoman, I know that you're busy, but I could really use a cheerleader. I've seen you in action. You're amazing. I know that my science is hot, and given enough time to think about the data people will realize just how groundbreaking it is and jump on board. But I think it could really help things along if they were able to leave the room also feeling happy about my ideas. What could possibly make people more happy about what they've heard than hearing it with periods of interrupting, and slightly contrived, applause?
Cause, really, we're all more likely to buy into something when we feel good about it. Right?
All my best,
Dr. Isis
Politics
Comments
Dr. Isis,
Better send an open letter to VP Biden. He, as your side kick, will be more dignified, serious and respectful, all of which will do much more for your hot science than a cheerleader who can only jump up and down with a big smile on her face. Of course, you could ask President O to deliver your talk, but that would probably defeat the whole purpose of your travel to an international meeting.
Posted by: S. Rivlin | February 24, 2009 11:22 PM
I don't know, Rivlington. Biden mostly just looked starstruck and then occasionally bored. I think I saw him yawn once. Pelosi, however, never missed a cue.
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | February 25, 2009 12:11 AM
I'll never take away your photoshop Isis. It's just way too amusing :)
Posted by: Jenn, PhD | February 25, 2009 3:54 AM
"I have recently been invited to give an international presentation and I am feeling a bit nervous about it." What exactly does that mean? I would guess that in your field all conferences are international? Thus if I had to guess, it means you have been invited to travel overseas. Anyways, giving a presentation overseas is no different then given one in the USA, unless you hate travel and there is some language barrier. Nothing to be nervous about.
Posted by: Danimal | February 25, 2009 6:42 AM
This is the most disgusting thing I have read in a long time. You have some serious problems if you need Nancy Pelosi to be your cheerleader. Good Lord, what on earth could your data show? I'm scared to find out.
Posted by: Cleo | February 25, 2009 8:00 AM
Pelosi looked like she had something pricking her from beneath, she jumped up so quickly! At least with your photoshop addiction, I know why I'm seeing you less. "Does Photoshop get in the way of spending time with friends and family? Do your friends and family express concerns about the amount of time you spend on Photoshop? Is Photoshop interfering with your work?"
Posted by: Academic | February 25, 2009 8:05 AM
Methinks Cleo might need a refresher course in sarcasm and irony. ::coughs politely::
Anyway, the clapping is why I never watch these speeches. I can read what the president said the next day and it takes me 1/10th of the time. Maybe less.
Posted by: Mara | February 25, 2009 8:05 AM
Speaker Pelosi, who does love her some hot science, could be forgiven for being a little quick on the jump last night. After all, it's been some time (8 years) since the person addressing the joint session was someone she wanted to applaud.
Posted by: hgen9804 | February 25, 2009 8:17 AM
Did anybody notice that one old white dude (yeah, yeah, I know, "Which old white dude?") with the bitchin' sunglasses? He was in the vicinity of Lieberman, and wouldn't stand up at any point. He just sat there, white-haired, wrinkly, navy blue-suited, with huuuge RayBan sunglasses on. It was surreal. I've been trying to find a picture of him on the interwebs, but to no avail.
Posted by: DamnGoodTechnician | February 25, 2009 9:01 AM
Oh, don't be so dramatic, Cleo. This is the most disgusting thing you have read in a long time? You have obviously not seen this.
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | February 25, 2009 9:02 AM
By the way, can one of you check and see if I am feverish? Sol's comment made me chuckle. I think I might have mad cow or something.
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | February 25, 2009 9:04 AM
Isis, I just checked the link you posted in #10 (there is a typo in it btw) and I think I died a little inside.
Posted by: x-ine | February 25, 2009 9:14 AM
I also concur with Sol (who I imagine resembles Saul Tigh from BSG) - Biden looked like he was playing with his Blackberry back there all night.
Posted by: DamnGoodTechnician | February 25, 2009 9:14 AM
Oh noes, x-ine!! Fixed!
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | February 25, 2009 9:37 AM
Isis, maybe you missed O's comment about Joe Biden's being in charge of overseeing those big banks expenditures of governmental funds. O said: "You do not mess with Joe!" I thought that having Joe with you during your presentation would assure that the audience happily accept your data and speculations rather than messing with him.
Posted by: S. Rivlin | February 25, 2009 10:21 AM
And, I want to thank you, Isis, for ruining my breakfast with your attachment on #10.
Posted by: S. Rivlin | February 25, 2009 10:24 AM
I'm totally not clicking that link in the comments. I'd rather just stay uninformed.
I will totally be your cheerleader, Dr. Isis! (I was JV captain in high school for awhile....shhhh.....don't tell anyone. I also got kicked off the squad for smoking in uniform.)
I'll trade my crowd-rousing abilities for a mention in your presentation about how "briliant aspiring grad student, JLK, whose application is probably on the desks of the psych dept at some of your universities, was an inspiration to me as I did this jaw-dropping research. If not for her wonderfully distracting 'Ask Dr. Isis' emails about grad school admissions, I may have become so burned out and exhausted by this ass-kicking hot science that I would not be here today."
Or something like that.
I'm tellin' ya, it's worth it. My moves are way better than Pelosi's.
Posted by: JLK | February 25, 2009 12:11 PM
Oh, come now, brave readers of the lovely Isis! There's nothing frightening about deep-fried oreos with sprinkles. Except maybe the idea that somewhere, someone ate one. *shudder*
Posted by: JustaTech | February 25, 2009 2:15 PM
I am drooling, damn near literally. Not over the Pelosi-cheerleader, but over the link in #10 (what was there before you fixed it?).
Bacon-wrapped meatloaf with a layer of macaroni and cheese in the middle!?
Hot dogs topped with mac and cheese!?
Chicken-fried bacon!?
Sloppy joes on a Krispy Kreme bun!?
Deep-fried cupcake with chocolate syrup!?
See...this is why I don't eat red meat or pork, so that I won't let myself eat these things, because otherwise I totally would. Still, one can indeed buy turkey bacon and turkey hot dogs...I might just have to try the mac and cheese topped hot dogs, although I'll probably add some chili as well. And I'd probably use corn bread instead of hot dog buns...
Also, bacon and chocolate are excellent together, but only when the bacon is crispy. This also works well as crepe stuffing.
In summary, I do not see how that link was disgusting. In fact, I am now hungry.
Posted by: Toaster | February 25, 2009 2:20 PM
I don't know; I think Pelosi kept standing up so that she wouldn't fall asleep. I thought she looked bored.
What I really want to know is... with all your photoshop manipulations, web browsing (I will not follow that link!), cooking, blogging, and child rearing, when do you find time to do science? Please enlighten me.
Posted by: Tina | February 25, 2009 2:44 PM
Very clever and very,very funny, Isis. One or two of your readers need to get a sense of humor. And for what it's worth, you don't need intervention on that photo shop thing, (even though I know you're kidding) what you need is a support group to prod you into keeping it up. Your use of it is priceless!
Posted by: Scribbler50 | February 25, 2009 6:33 PM
Aw, Scribbly-Pants! You are such a love! See you Sunday morning!
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | February 25, 2009 11:55 PM