Dr. Isis is bunkered in for a fight she fears she may not win. Dr. Isis has been trained to face aggressive questioners at meetings, students who demand one extra point on their exams, reviewers, administrators, and university bureaucrats. But, now she's finding herself waging war against a new type of super villain that she was never prepared for.
Allow me to explain.
Everyday, while Dr. and Mr. Isis go to work, Little Isis goes to daycare. The different classrooms are broken up by age groups and have cute little animal names - the lambs, bunnies, cubs, tigers, and eagles. For the last year, Little Isis has been in the cubs room. The cubs are between 18 months and 3 years old. Each day I'd bring him there, leaving him behind in a room filled with the sounds of giggling of toddlers and cooing teachers, the smell of baby powder, and the safe feeling that comes with things like outlet covers and baby gates and regimented naptime.
No Little Isis to be found. Little Isis's teacher approached me and told me that Little Isis was not a cub anymore. That morning, with no warning, Little Isis had entered his chrysalis and emerged a tiger. He had been moved to join the other flesh-eating felines. I left the sanctity of the cubs room to walk down the hall -- towards the scary unknown of the tigers room.
The room was a vast war zone, littered with legos, trucks and cars, the bits and pieces of a kitchen set, and the carnage of the dollies who had clearly lost the battle. I hyperventilated a bit, but managed to calm enough to enter the room. My little boy ran to me, kissed me, and wrapped his arms around me. For a moment I felt relieved, thinking that these little heathens might not take my little boy's sweetness away. My precious boy might survive the wildness of the tigers.
That is, until I took his hand and we started for the door. The oldest, most milk-mustached of the barbarians ran up behind us, slapped my baby on the back, and said, "See you tomorrow, Paulie!" For the record, my son's name is not Paulie. It's not even close to Paulie.
I turned and asked him, "Why did you call him Paulie? His name is Little Isis." The little wretch replied, "Yeah, but his new name is Paulie."
I realized that this cannot stand. However, how did the well-educated, beautiful, articulate, brilliant, humble Dr. Isis response? By calling the hooligan "George." His name is not "George."
So, every morning I have brought my little peanut to be a tiger, George comes up and takes his new friend "Paulie" off to play and every morning I try to come up with some new name to offend the young beast. Lloyd, Gunther, Wesley, Roger. All ineffective. He simply giggles and takes "Paulie" off to play and I am left planning and plotting what I will call him the next day. Something must break the seemingly impenetrable shell of this little creature and I will find it.
Mr. Isis has pointed out the lunacy of being at war with a three year old who apparently does not realize how seriously I am taking these battles. Scouring baby books for names. Considering how best to deliver my ammo. I do not care. Mr. Isis has told me that it might be more productive to simply ask the teacher to ask George to change his ways. No. This kid is going to learn the hard way that he has messed with the wrong woman. He's going to wish it had been as simple as a "time out."
I have to protect my baby somehow from this place and it seems to me the best way to start is by taking out George.
Education & Careers
Brain & Behavior
Comments
Oh, goddess, the most important lesson of childrearing is to save your energy for the "real" battles.
I had a little boy tell my son that his mommy couldn't be a doctor, that mommies could only be nurses. Another Dr. Mom got to the little darling first and educated him.
If you really want to change the behavior of little George, try girl names. If there is anything boys that age don't want to be it's feminine.
Good luck with this one. It's difficult enough to change your own offspring's behavior, like the weeks during his 5th year when Tim decided that underwear were optional. REALLY optional, even with 12 inches of snow on the ground and below zero temps. Every time we left the house I had to make sure undergarments were in place. Personally, I'm glad I have saved my energy for things like the "long sideburn growing contest" Tim and a couple of friends just tried.
Posted by: Pascale | May 17, 2009 8:16 PM
You need to start on the GIRLS' names!
Posted by: MFA Mama | May 17, 2009 8:19 PM
You are completely fucked. This is the beginning of peers outweighing parents. Sorry. Get over it.
Posted by: Comrade PhysioProf | May 17, 2009 8:50 PM
We're evul. Girls names, flower names (daisy, rose, dandelion), or Barbie would work.
Pascale, sounds like your son got the same "going commando" handbook as PP. And I bet he just luuuvveesss his mom bringing it up here, but really, save it for the dates he brings home! tee hee hee
Posted by: jc | May 17, 2009 9:32 PM
Oh, I have photos for those special times.
Anything particularly suitable for blackmail or embarassment has been scanned and archived in several locations. We are already discussing which one we will send in for the senior yearbook in 2011...
Stories can be embarassing, but pictures are harder to deny!
Posted by: Pascale | May 17, 2009 9:46 PM
Personally, I'm most aggrieved that they didn't give you any warning that Little Isis was about to move up. What sort of "child development center" is this? At ours, we've got to have meetings with both the incoming and outgoing teaches, and Minnow transitions over the course of a week.
Posted by: ScienceWoman | May 17, 2009 9:49 PM
ARRRGH!!! I know I wrote about this once before somwhere, but the first day I took Little Isis to school his teacher asked me where I worked. When I told her "the hospital" she replied, "that's cool! Lots of the mommys are nurses!"
Bitch.
Posted by: Isis the Scientist | May 17, 2009 9:49 PM
I agree with MFA - I have a feeling using a girl's name would be much more effective! Hahaha!
Posted by: Mrs. CH | May 17, 2009 9:57 PM
Give up. you will not win. In january monkey went from the traditional 1-3 age group into a new 1.5-5 year group. He now ROLLS HIS EYES prior to giving me a goodbye kiss and the other day when Mr.SM asked him to stop standing on his truck. He replied NO. hahaha! The look on Mr.SMs face was priceless.
Posted by: ScientistMother | May 17, 2009 9:58 PM
I say go with "spike" - you'll be the coolest mommy ever. I called one kid in the public library spike and he was a smiling, giggling friend ever after.
Posted by: Christina Pikas | May 17, 2009 10:04 PM
"Spanky". Trust me on this.
Posted by: Asher Kay | May 17, 2009 10:15 PM
"Pikkuperkele"
Use your sweetest voice for it, as though you're being affectionate and you will win. George won't know you've won, but you will, because "pikkuperkele" = "little shit" in Finnish and you can laugh on the inside each and every time you use it. It's so obscure no one can possibly be offended!
"PEEK-oo-PEAR-keh-leh"
Posted by: Toaster | May 17, 2009 11:17 PM
...
I suppose you could be glad 'moniker abuse' is the worst challenge he apparently faces...
I like the girls names idea. Or Barbie. But I think you need to find one name and stick to it. Continuity in interactions/behaviors is important (at least as I remember from a long time ago) at that age.
Maybe take a pic of him and little isis and tell him it wil be labeled 'Barbie' or whatever in the photobook. Maybe you could bargain for his correct name to be used if he agrees to use the the little one's right name...
Make it a fun thing . . .not a battle; though you surely feel like girding your Amazonian loins... (excuse me, I have to go splash cold water on my face after that thought... ...:minism:...)
...tom...
Posted by: ...tom... | May 17, 2009 11:21 PM
We went through trauma like that years ago as well... (my ex- is a psychiatrist) When we moved from Philadelphia to a small town in Minnesota, our oldest son went from a small private school with a male principal and two female kindergarten teachers to a large public elementary school where Kay Douglas was the principal and Greg Hermerding was his first grade teacher. He came home from his first day and announced, "My school is backward! I have a man teacher and a woman principal!" My ex- and I stared at each other; at an absolute loss as to who might have taught him that... Fortunately, he adjusted...
Posted by: ER Doc | May 18, 2009 12:06 AM
Little Isis is simply preserving his identity through the use of a pseudonym. I would certainly expect you to understand and respect that!
Or perhaps Little Isis has been reading a little Homer...
Teacher: "Who has injured you, young Forsythe? Who has bloodied your nose?"
Thuggish tiger: "Paulie did it! Paulie has injured me! Paulie has bloodied my nose!"
Teacher (checking roster): "Pamela...Patrick...Pavarti...hmmm, no 'Paulie.' Chalk it up to an overactive imagination. Get this kid some Ritalin."
Thuggish tiger (screaming as he is dragged off): "NOOOOOOO! Paulie did it! It was Paulie! IT WAS PAULIE!!!"
Little Isis (sotto voce): "Heh, heh, heh." (Makes another check on a list headed "Bullies Dealt With.")
Posted by: Harold | May 18, 2009 1:31 AM
Toaster - you're evil.
Grrlsscientist can probably find a pronunciation guide on YouTube, along with a few other choice terms.
Posted by: Bob O'H | May 18, 2009 3:26 AM
Now I know what does it mean, that every loving mum can change into cruel tiger in order to save her child.
Keep my finers crossed!
Posted by: wybory sondaze demokracja | May 18, 2009 6:05 AM
Could we please not perpetuate the use of girls' names as insults? Even though it would probably work, it would also reinforce that girl=bad, not just in George's little mind, but also in Little Isis', since he will be listening.
I suggest "sweetie pie", "honey bun", or perhaps "sparkly pony".
Posted by: Carlie | May 18, 2009 7:17 AM
I suspect that the aversion that some pre-pubescent males have for things female may be innate, as in the apocryphal He-Man Woman Haters’ Club of Our Gang.
I suspect it derives from deep evolutionary time where males fought to the death over females. It is best to not be in such a competition before one is mature enough to have a chance of being successful. Males who avoided females until they were older, bigger and stronger had less chance of being killed by older males.
I further suspect that some of the anxiety that some males have when in a group with females relates to this too. There is always the chance that the female’s male partner will become jealous and violent. This has nothing to do with whether there is anything going on between the female and any males in the group, only on what her mate (or self-imagined potential mate) believes.
I think that some amount of violence against women by their male partners is to advertise that the male is willing to use violence to protect his sole access to his female. Beating up on a female partner is much less risky than beating up on another male.
I don’t think that aversions to things female should be encouraged, or that stereotypical female attributes be used as insults or to denigrate males (or vice versa).
Isis, I think your focus should be on the female tigers, to teach them and empower them to not accept male violence against them or against other males. Teach the female tigers that males who use female attributes as insults to other males are losers; losers they don’t want to associate with or find attractive. If women did have zero tolerance for those behaviors in men, those behaviors would be gone in a generation.
Posted by: daedalus2u | May 18, 2009 8:22 AM
I admit, girls names were my first thought too. I censored it, as per Carlie.
Although, I did wonder if perhaps "Paulina" would be useful. It gives him added incentive to call Little Isis something else.
Or maybe... does Paulie know the Spanish words for "lying little bully"?
Posted by: Becca | May 18, 2009 8:37 AM
Does Little Isis care whether he's called Paulie?
Posted by: David | May 18, 2009 10:46 AM
So they just moved him right into the tigers? Interesting. PharmKid's preschool did this "transition week" thing where the kids would do a half-day each in the old and new rooms. I think it helped with the adjustment.
I have to say that the name Paulie brings me very warm memories. I had and Uncle Paulie who worked the farm that became my hometown. One of the kindest and warmest men I knew as a kid. He had a son that everyone then called Paulie Boy. I think Paulie Boy is now about 55 or 60 - the family still calls him Paulie Boy.
So, it could be worse.
Posted by: Abel Pharmboy | May 18, 2009 10:47 AM
Carlie's point is a good one.
Everytime one of my male students accuse each other of doing something "like a girl" I look challenge them with, "you say that as if it's a bad thing!?!"
I suspect that you should ignore George's use of the name Paulie. You are rewarding his obnoxious behaviour by giving it attention. He's probably looking forward to each morning to see what you come up with.
You should reward his good behavior. For instance, you could express appreciation for his friendliness.
You could also express your concerns to the teachers who are in a better position to modify his behavior.
This is one of those situations that is like baby acne. It seems really awful at the time, but it soon passes and you realize how fleeting and inconsequential it was.
Posted by: Female Engineering Professor | May 18, 2009 10:53 AM
How does Little Isis feel about the nickname? There's an in-the-club element to nicknaming - maybe he thinks it's cool that he's regarded as one of the gang.
Totally know the feeling about not wanting my precious little ones besmirched by other people's grubby hooligans, though.
Posted by: isles | May 18, 2009 11:00 AM
This is right up there with the statement, "I couldn't be in school that long, my family is too important to me. Being a mom comes first."
My response is always the same as the goddess... Bitch.
Though most often it is only thought, occasionally it has actually been said.
Posted by: Science Bear | May 18, 2009 11:56 AM
My oldest sister was named Margaret Rose. I am told that one day, coming home from pre-school, she announced to mom "My name is ROSE!", and has refused to answer to anything else since. (Realizing that the diminutive "Peggy" was turned to "Piggy" by the classmates contributes some understanding. For the rest... Rose has always had a bit of a thorny personality.)
I would suggest you visit a library (or bookstore), find Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated, and read the section titled "Names". Miss Manners is likely to have a calming effect.
Posted by: abb3w | May 18, 2009 12:08 PM
Dearest Dr. Isis, you are hilarious.
Good luck on your mission to make George/Frank/Bob/Boogerbreath call Little Isis by his name.
On a side note... I was directed to this neato little site today called visibletweets.com, I typed in Dr. Isis and it proceeded to show tweets posted by you and your worshipers. I thought you would like it. It really could be the future in screen savers...
happy monday!
Posted by: seeree, PhD | May 18, 2009 12:31 PM
Lovely goddess and fellow worshipers, I have to point something out. If you are so offended that people assume you are a nurse just because you are a female hospital employee, then I don't think you can use female names to pick on a little boy. Don't get me wrong, I think calling men by feminine names is funny too. But I also don't get so offended when people assume that I'm an elementary teacher when I tell them I'm in education. I simply correct them and move on.
Posted by: KS | May 18, 2009 1:05 PM
I would suggest approaching this with all the education and training you have in science. Observe, hypothesize, experiment, and reject what experimental evidence has proven not to work.
Get prepared for lots of that last step.
Posted by: D. C. Sessions | May 18, 2009 1:17 PM
In thinking more about this, no matter what behavior Isis tries to elicit (as the obvious alpha female of the preschool), prepubescent boys trying to avoid being perceived as flirting with the alpha female will do the opposite.
Posted by: daedalus2u | May 18, 2009 2:15 PM
Maybe try something non-gender-specific, that kids typically consider revolting. Turnip, maybe, or broccoli. This might not help Broccoli Mom in her efforts to encourage veggivorousness, but that would be her problem....
Posted by: cicely | May 18, 2009 2:35 PM
Face it, you already lost. You are doomed.
Whatever way you find to make him stop, the score in the end will be many times fun for George vs. one time fun for Dr. Isis (the one time you make him stop). Until then, you had many times frustration vs. George has a one-time frustration when you win.
The only way to save your dignity is stop playing.
Posted by: Janga | May 18, 2009 4:18 PM
It can always be worse (and will probably get worse - a lot worse). Just wait until he decides that you're getting in the way of him playing with friends. Or when he decides that you are like the friend he doesn't want anyone else to know is his friend - he'll still love you and want affectionate contact - but only when no one else is around...
Ahh, the joys of parenting.
Posted by: DuWayne | May 19, 2009 9:49 AM
hahahahahahaaaa!
Posted by: Candid Engineer | May 19, 2009 3:06 PM
I would try calling him something that everyone hates. Like "Ashton Kutcher."
Posted by: Ed Brayton | May 19, 2009 8:49 PM
Now, here I have an issue in regards to the comments about nurses. I have an advanced degree in another field but, due to being laid off, I am back in school. Take a wild guess what I'm studying?
Oh, shit. Yes. Nursing.
To me it's not going to be "just nursing", something to do for a little extra moolah while I raise a gaggle of kidlets. I am enjoying the science aspects of my education immensely. There are ways of making a nursing degree more than just a BSN, as I'm sure you can appreciate. So, while I agree that it is misogynist that a tyke would think mommies can't be Doctors, it is also true that the nursing profession suffers from outsiders not taking it seriously. So, please, a little respect.
Speaking from experience, some of the coursework I am taking for my BSN is every bit as difficult as the science coursework I had at a top-shelf eastern university. I know better, now, than to look down my nose at nurses and the effort they put into their education.
Posted by: Jennifer | June 9, 2009 10:52 AM
why do you have to do anything? How does your son feel about being Paulie for a while?
Are you afraid he won't like "Little Isis" after having a normal name?
Just laugh and say "that's nice dear.."
Posted by: Kevin (NYC) | June 9, 2009 5:10 PM