This is a post I wrote years ago on a personal blog I kept. Apparently this commercial sparked quite the discussion between Mr. Isis and I...
Last night Mr. Isis and I were sitting in bed watching TV together and we saw this commercial...
Mr. Isis told me that is that ever happened to him, he would poop himself. Literally poop himself. I thought it would be funny if that happened on occasion. He thought the only way it would ever be acceptable for a giant plastic king to sneak up behind you at the ATM was if the ATMs had little Tasers attached to them. You know, like the pen on a chain? Well, the ATMs could have Tasers on chains in case the giant plastic king showed up....
But I realized (and told my husband) that a Taser on a chain for public use seemed like a poor idea. People would Taser each other just for giggles. Heck, I would Taser people for giggles. I would ask people to come to the ATM with me so that I could get cash and Taser them.
Mr. Isis's solution was that any time you used the Taser it would debit your account some amount of money as a service charge. I asked him how much and he suggested maybe $1. I told him there was no way that would deter me from Tasering my people for fun.
$10?
Nope.
$100?
Nope.
$1000?
That might keep me from Tasering more than one person. In order to keep me from Tasering people, with the exception of the most life-and-death situation, I would need to be charged a fee that would potentially prevent my son from going to college.
I just have that little self control And because of that, you bitches aren't getting a Taser at your ATM to protect you from the giant plastic king.
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Comments
Try googling "death by taser" or 'taser deaths statistics'. A taser is not a toy, nor is the sight of people writhing in unbearable pain 'amusing'.
Posted by: Oscar Zoalaster | July 9, 2009 12:11 AM
The thing is tasers and pepper spray is widely available. I can imagine you'd be the type to just randomly taser or spray people.
Posted by: Tony P | July 9, 2009 12:27 AM
I've been shocked by about the same charge as a Taser. I don't recommend it. I was playing with an unfamiliar vintage tube bass amplifier and made the mistake of touching the tube terminals and becoming the ground while looking for the off switch. Knocked me flat on my ass and hurt very badly. All my prior electrical injuries had been burns.
Maybe you should put a prank palm buzzer on a compound light microscopes fine focus knob instead?
Posted by: Toaster | July 9, 2009 1:14 AM
So it's all your fault.
Tasers would be perfect for that person who gets a bit too close behind you when you are using the ATM (including gient plastic kings)
Spoilsport!
Posted by: Chris Nedin | July 9, 2009 3:28 AM
. . . or even giant plastic kings
Posted by: Chris Nedin | July 9, 2009 3:30 AM
Maybe you should put a prank palm buzzer on a compound light microscopes fine focus knob instead?
Toaster, why is it only now that I realize you are completely and truly evil?
Posted by: LostMarbles | July 9, 2009 7:19 AM
I did something like the palm buzzer trick but on a radio replaced the frequency finder knob. Oh and then put on something I'd know the rest of the people hate :D
Posted by: Who Cares | July 9, 2009 8:01 AM
Isis, tasers are really dangerous and not very funny. you know they can kill people, right? the palm buzzer is a better idea. :)
Posted by: volcanista | July 9, 2009 8:28 AM
Been knocked on my ass by an electric fence - more than once, and been electrocuted by a mis-wired camper (while dripping wet from a swimming pool). Trust me, this is a large steaming pile of not fun with a side order of bad idea.
The large plastic king, on the other hand, I think deserves a dose of Doctor Who's anti-plastic. If you got that reference at all, you are officially an ueber-nerd, and my kindred spirit.
Posted by: TGAP Dad | July 9, 2009 8:32 AM
TGAP Dad, you really think anti-plastic? I was thinking a black hole, or a star going nova. I don't care what anyone says, that guy is beyond creepy.
Having once (accidentally) held one of the wires to a stallion's paddock, I've never even been tempted to do that to anyone else. And after seeing it on Mythbusters...
A Joy-buzzer? Now that I would love to attached to many things in the lab, mostly to my pipettes. Teach them to steal my stuff!
Posted by: JustaTech | July 9, 2009 1:57 PM
Clearly not a Doctor Who (http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/) devotee, or you would grasp the power of anti-plastic. Small plastic kings are insignificant toys compared to the (plastic) Nastene Consciousness!
Posted by: TGAP Dad | July 9, 2009 3:15 PM
I think a joy buzzer on the 2 button in our elevators (for the variety of dorks lacking either lots of stuff or difficulty walking) who insist on taking the elevator from 1 to 2) would be welcome.
The delivery system would be hard to carry and has risks, but I think the King deserves a beanbag shotgun shell of his very own. Or two, or three, preferably delivered at high velocity.
Posted by: Hap | July 9, 2009 5:32 PM