The Island of Doubt

So amused was I the first time I got this particular piece of spam that I actually clicked on the link: http://www.elohistic.com/fakepsychic. It takes you to a not particularly professional web page that attempts to sell you what I strongly suspect is a tutorial on cold reading -- that is, pretending to adduce facts about a total stranger's personal life through some kind of paranormal, psychic, ability.

There are several interesting aspects to this pitch. First, unlike 99 per cent of the spam that makes it through my email filters (Thunderbird's Bayesian algorithms are good, but not perfect), it actually tries to sell you something. Most of the junk I get these days is a baffling collection of meaningless "failure notice" or "returned mail" declarations that contain no sales pitch of any kind. Those and the pathetic hot stock tips seem to have replaced gonad enlargement offers, for the most part. The "Fake Psychic" spam is, by comparison, relatively intriguing.

Second, the senders aren't preying directly on unsuspecting email account holders' gullibility. In fact, they appeal to one's sense of sophistication, rather than naivete. The mark (a male) is assumed to be smart enough to know that psychic powers are just a scam. Smarter at least, than all the other marks out there on whom we can test the skills on offer. For just $39, one recieves 5 CDs that will teach you how get women to:

• Reveal secrets and private details to you. Without you ever asking them to. (This is priceless!)
  
• Learn EXACTLY how go get ANYONE to Agree with you and THEN do the weirdest things ON COMMAND. Hours of entertainment!
  
• Wouldn't it be nice to get BUCKETFULLS OF MONEY! My best friend makes bookoo buckos doing his FAKE PSYCHIC ROUTINE at 4 local Salons. He gets PAID TO MEET CHICKS!
  
• Have girls praise you for your MIND READING PSYCIC SKILLS, and how great you are! INSTANTLY! (Don't do this, yes it has happened!
  
• Become FAMOUS and RESPECTED AND SOUGHT AFTER!

And so on.

To generalize, the underlying premise is that you know pyschic powers aren't real, but everyone else isn't quite as wise. There is, of course and not surprisingly, an unfortunately sexist overtone as well: "We men know that psychic stuff is all crap, but all those hot chicks are easily duped."

I wonder what kind of return rate these spam campaigns are achieving. I get perhaps one piece of "fake psychic" spam for every 40 or 50 conventional spam, but I don't know enough about my net service provider's server-side spam filtering efforts to draw any conclusions on that rate. Still, I suspect that the campaign's creator(s) are onto something, a notion succinctly expressed by Homer Simpson: Everyone else is stupid except me.

I kind of find that kind of optimistic outlook on the human condition to be quite refreshing. Not that I encourage anyone to shell out $39 on the scam. I mean, who would fall for a pitch that included this amateurish testimonial:

"This course rocks. First I went to starbucks, and I ONLY did the first 2 routines to the Hottie behind the counter. I wasn't expecting much, since I just got the course in the mail. SUDDENLY she LIT UP like a Christmas tree and I was the star on top. 20 minutes later she took her break with me, after a few more minutes of me getting her to OPEN WAY UP SHE ASKED ME OUT! Now not only digs me, but she has her friends giving me money to give them FAKE "psychic" readings! I tell them the truth AND they STILL want me to give them readings!"

The originators of the scam are still pitching beneath me, but at least they think they're not.