Frank Peretti's book Monster was bad, but the recently-aired SciFi Channel movie Monster Ark is worse. Not that SciFi original movies inspire much hope in me in the first place (they are better for riffing on than anything else) but I simply have no words to fully convey how atrociously bad Monster Ark is. It is best left to speak for itself, as in this clip excerpted on the cable show "The Soup";
The storyline involves a team of archaeologists that find a previously unknown story about another ark Noah had built to trap an ancient evil. They find this ark and, not ones to buck convention, they release the beast and can only stop it with the help of Noah's magical staff. Unless you like MST3K-ing movies, it's probably best to leave this one alone.
Comments
I watch most of the crappy movies on Sci-Fi for fun. During commercials I find my housemate who has a Ph.D in English Lit and I give her reports on the action so far, making sure to point out the most absurd parts.
Sci-Fi has been repeating their movies a lot; I'm hoping for some fresh crap. The well of crappy sci-fi movies runs very deep, considering the shallowness of the movies.
The only movies I will not watch are the ones starring Steven Baldwin. Along with accepting Jeebus he also accepted some really shitty movie scripts.
Also, as a gay man, I watch these movies with the faint hope of seeing a little eye candy, like David Chokachi.
Posted by: wrpd | January 11, 2009 1:26 PM
All Sci-fi movies are bad!!! They proved that with theirmockery of Dinosaurs and Pterosaurs with movies like 100 million BC, Aztec Rex, Raptor Island, and Pterodactyl. Trust me, I know, dude!
Posted by: Raptor Lewis | January 11, 2009 3:32 PM
Movies like "Chariots Of The Gods", shown late at night in the 70's were more entertaining, because if I have to watch something cheesy and hokey, I prefer it without the religious overtones.
Posted by: Raymond Minton | January 11, 2009 8:11 PM
I assume you mean that the Sci-Fi channel movies are bad, not that all science fiction movies are. Sci-Fi Channel movies, to me, have taken the place of the horrible monster movies I used to watch on Saturday Afternoons on the independent channels that eventually became Fox affiliates. The special effects are sometimes good, but just about everything else is bad - actors, script, acting, writing, (lack of) plot, acting...ok, you get the idea. I'm glad that someone is willing to give people a chance and make their movies, but the schlock factor is usually too high for my tastes (and that's saying a lot, considering some of what I used to - and still do - watch).
Posted by: badger3k | January 11, 2009 9:45 PM
Oh gosh, I've seen this one. It's every bit as bad as you could possibly imagine. My roommate and I watch Sci-Fi channel original movies on a regular basis, and this one induced more eye-rolling than usual. Still hilarious, though. Just wait until you see "the Nephilim."
The funniest Sci-Fi channel original movies have to be "Harpies" and "Shark Attack 3." They are funnier than just about any comedy around.
Posted by: Adam Pritchard | January 12, 2009 10:20 AM
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Posted by: chat | January 12, 2009 2:14 PM
WhatDummy you guys are ....Simply stupisd creeps ..so what Moster Ark is better then some of those stupid movies that run on Sci-fi .So take your comments and shove them.
Posted by: dee | March 22, 2009 1:11 AM
Well I for one liked the movie. I'll take any chance I can get to see Renee O'Connor. And besides, what else is there to watch? Idols, Dancing, Island, or any other reality crap show - I think not.
Posted by: Ripper | March 24, 2009 6:06 PM