Mike the Mad Biologist

Zombie Banks Are Still a Problem

2009-04-22-ZombieBank
(from here)

Now, by ‘zombie bank‘, you probably think I’m referring to banks that have more liabilities than assets, and are basically waiting for the plug to be pulled. Nope. At this point, the only rational explanation for many banks’ behavior is that they have actually been taken over by zombies.

Consider the following:

1) Banks have been acting as if they are brain dead. Maybe they are brain dead.

zombie
(from here)

2) Banks are behaving voraciously towards their customers, showing very poor impulse control. Sounds like zombies to me.

3) Banks are set in their ways, and reacting very slowly. Movies notwithstanding, zombies just don’t move very quickly. Again, the behavioral patterns suggest zombies.

4) Zombies are evil. Many banks are evil. Clearly, this is strong, compelling evidence that zombies (or their necromancer overlords) are running banks.

zombie-bank1
(from here)

So what next? We could propose an intervention strategy–perhaps a vaccine to immunize people against the zombie banker etiological agent. Although Jenny McCarthy tells me that vaccines cause zombification. Surely, politics must be also involved here: we need to mobilize all our resources against the zombie banker threat. You are for freedom or for the zombie banksters!

Actually, those probably aren’t the best strategies. What we really need are op-ed pieces castigating scientists for their failure to reach out to the zombie banker community. If only we were more respectful, they wouldn’t want to DEVOUR OUR BRAINZ!!

Comments

  1. #2 tawaen
    July 1, 2010

    In contention with your otherwise compelling evidence I offer that banks cannot be run by zombies because zombies love brains.

    And we all know that brains are not found in banks, so zombies would avoid them.

  2. #3 Mike Haubrich, FCD
    July 1, 2010

    I blame it on the New Atheist Noise Machine. They aren’t helping.

  3. #4 David N. Brown
    July 1, 2010

    An utterly shameless plug for my “book store”:
    http://evilpossum.weebly.com/store.html
    Featuring Walking Dead, Walking Dead 2 and Zombie Vegas!

    Also, I’m adding this post to a “Zombie Day” link list.

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