This is really hard for me to say. We’ve been so close for such a long time, and I feel like there was something real between us. Sure, there have been some rough times, like when you decided deforestation was worth televising. We’ve had our fights about silly things like how you perpetuate a negative stereotype through shark week and whether ghost hunting is valid programing for a science-oriented network. I’ve cheated on you with National Geographic a few times, and yet you forgave me. In spite of all our troubles, I still love you, mostly because of Mike Rowe, Dave Salmoni and the Mythbusters, and I really believed that we would make it work – somehow.
But this time, I fear the wounds will be too deep. I just don’t think I’ll be able to get over this. You’ve broken my heart for the last time.
No, I’m not talking about you choosing Oprah to narrate Life (though, come on – you have Mike Rowe at your disposal!). I’m talking about how you have decided to go behind my back and get in bed with Sarah Palin.
How could you?! How dare you be with her and try to tell me that you haven’t changed, that you’re the same science-loving, environment-protecting network I fell in love with?
This is a woman who would destroy the very “nature” that the series you’re paying her $1.2 million an episode is supposed to showcase! Did you forget about her terrible environmental record? Did you forget that she campaigned to no only allow the aerial hunting of wolves, but pay people for it? Fought tooth and nail to remove protections animals like Beluga Whales and Polar Bears? That she openly and unabashedly desires to tear apart the wilderness of Alaska to fill it with oil platforms? This is a women who flaunts her disbelief of scientific consensuses like evolution and climate change! She is the picture of everything that you are supposed to be in the fight against.
I repeat – how could you?!
I’m sorry. I just can’t be with you anymore. I can’t keep lying to myself, convincing myself that you’re the network I want you to be. I can’t snuggle up and watch Life and pretend that none of this has happened. Part of me still loves you, so this is harder for me than you can imagine.
I’m breaking up with you, Discovery – for good, this time. Not even Mike can make things better, even if he shows up at my door in person to beg for me to come back.
Well, maybe not for good. I don’t know. *Sigh* Maybe we could be friends again some day down the road, if all of this changes. But it seems like you’re slipping further and further away from me every day, and I sincerely doubt that I’ll be able to look at you with the same adoring, innocent eyes that I used to ever again.
For now, though, it’s over. Goodbye.