Pharyngula

An Adequate poem

Category: Creationism • Humor
Posted on: August 19, 2006 9:58 AM, by PZ Myers

This poem from the EvC Forum, "Another Reply To Bishop Wilberforce," tickled my fancy, so here it is. All credit goes to the author, who goes by the name Dr Adequate.

Another Reply To Bishop Wilberforce
"I asserted — and I repeat — that a man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his grandfather. If there were an ancestor whom I should feel shame in recalling it would rather be a man — a man of restless and versatile intellect — who, not content with an equivocal success in his own sphere of activity, plunges into scientific questions with which he has no real acquaintance, only to obscure them by an aimless rhetoric, and distract the attention of his hearers from the real point at issue by eloquent digressions and skilled appeals to religious prejudice." --- T. H. Huxley's reply to Bishop Wilberforce, as reported by J. R. Green.

I'll wager that you'll never see
a monkey or a chimpanzee
denying they are kin to me;
they've got more sense.
In all my life I never knew
a wallaby or kangaroo
to disagree with Darwin's view
and take offence.

Creationists cannot pretend
that any rodent would descend
so very low as to defend
or back their side.
No tiger stalks you to explain
how Darwin softens up the brain
and nor do lions (in the main)
they've got more pride.

The works of Gish and Johnson both
(so naturalists will take their oath)
do not convince the three-toed sloth
or slender loris;
and self-respecting plankton, I'm
informed, have very little time
for less developed forms of slime
like Henry Morris.

No matter how Kent Hovind prates,
close observation demonstrates
no members of the ungulates
endorse his views.
For antelope he's no allure;
impala find his works obscure;
and wildebeest are too mature
(but that's old gnus).

Creationists cannot deceive
orang-utans: they're not naive.
They hear them out, but don't believe
a word they tell 'em.
E. coli cannot understand
why Behe's books are in demand
and wouldn't want to shake his hand
with its flagellum.

Amongst the lemurs, not a word
in praise of William Dembski's heard;
his work's considered quite absurd
in Madagascan climates.
The howler monkeys' tuneful throngs
are not debating in their songs
if Bishop Wilberforce belongs
among the primates.

But Man, that self-conceited chap
this "clever man", this Homo sap.
can't find his arse without a map
--- pretentious clown!
It seems the swelling of his brain
has only made him quite insane.
Let's climb into the trees again
and not come down.