Pharyngula

Arrrrr. Let us begin a rude day with a rude picture.

i-3923454d942611f0e14274707bb156d6-blackbeard_tampons.jpg


i-471022f168c89dea23fa54b841bad16d-real_blackbeard.jpg

I do protest, though, that Cap’n Blackbeard looked nothin’ like that (he had two hands and a snaky tangle of a beard), and there is a great missed opportunity here. Blackbeard knotted lit matchcords in his hair and beard so they’d glow and hiss and smoke in battle—why not render the brute with the product tied into his flowin’ locks?

(Alas, Pharyngula does not yet have a pirate mode restored, so don’t be expectin’ an excess of piratical nonsense today.)

(Some of you will be greatly relieved.)

Comments

  1. #1 Graham Douglas
    September 19, 2006

    Legend has it that it took 22 cutlass wounds and 5 bullets to kill Edward Teach, and that, when they threw his headless body into the sea, it swam round the ship three times before sinking. According to the documentary shown on the BBC recently, anyway. I wonder if they timed the showing of it specifically for Talk Like A Pirate day? If you haven’t seen it yet, and you’re waiting with bated breath for it to be shown over there… it’s OK, but some of the acting leaves a lot to be desired. Lots of fake Cornish/Bristol/vaguely rustic accents.

  2. #2 Jeremy
    September 19, 2006

    Man, I missed it! I can’t keep my days straight for this kind of thing, especially being 13 hours ahead of the Midwest. I wonder if my students in the Japanese middle school I work in would be interested in that video you had below. I smell a supplemental lesson coming up!

  3. #3 Kaethe
    September 19, 2006

    I got yer missed opportunity, ya scurvy dog. There’s plenty o’female pirates churning the waters, as would require a staunch fer the bloody tide.

  4. #4 Mike Nilsen
    September 19, 2006

    Here’s my Tough Tampon advert.

  5. #5 Mike Nilsen
    September 19, 2006

    Sorry, I pooched that link above. Even a ‘preview’ function cannot prevent my evil screwups! Mwa-ha-ha-haaaa.

  6. #6 xebecs
    September 19, 2006

    Legend has it that it took 22 cutlass wounds and 5 bullets to kill Edward Teach, and that, when they threw his headless body into the sea, it swam round the ship three times before sinking.

    Yes, and his bodyless head saw the light and was born again, just like Steve Irwin did. But you won’t find that in the history books, will you???

  7. #7 Robster
    September 19, 2006

    ARRRRR! Even the Weather Channel be talkin like Pirates this day!

  8. #8 aiabx
    September 19, 2006

    That ad, uspecially with the hook, is not suitable for children. In fact it should be
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    Arrrrr- rated.

  9. #9 sam
    September 19, 2006

    In keeping with pirate themes, must we also drink our rum with gunpowder as did Blackbeard?

  10. #10 Kansas Anarchist
    September 19, 2006

    ARRRRR! Even the Weather Channel be talkin like Pirates this day!

    Surely ye be meanin’ the Weath-ARRRR Channel?!

  11. #11 bernarda
    September 19, 2006

    kaethe beat me too it, but here anyway is another site about women pirates.

    http://members.tripod.com/cathreese/DefiantWomen/pirates/

  12. #12 JakeB
    September 19, 2006

    Tim Powers’ delightful _On Stranger Tides_ has it that Blackbeard was a servant of the loa Baron Samedi, who is lord of the slow flame, among other things. Hence Blackbeard could not be killed as long as he had the matchcord burning in his hair.

  13. #13 Kansas Anarchist
    September 19, 2006

    NPR’s “All Things Considered” is also having a Talk Like a Pirate Day segment.

  14. #14 Mena aka Calico Anne Kidd
    September 19, 2006

    I was *so* going to ignore the pirate stuff today but…
    http://www.piratequiz.com/

  15. #15 Ron Sullivan
    September 19, 2006

    You do remember that tampons make the best Molotov cocktail fuses, right?

    Right?

    Um, well, you ARRRRRR a bit young, maybe. Matey.

  16. #16 alastair
    September 19, 2006

    What’s a pirate’s favorite book?

    00

    00

    Arrrr Bodies, Arrr Selves.

  17. #17 wildlifer
    September 20, 2006

    Where do pirates come from?

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    Arrrrrrrkansas.

  18. #18 Arrrrrchangel Beth
    September 24, 2006

    *GRRRROOOOAAAANNNN*

    Or, more properly… ARRRRRRRRgh.

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