Pharyngula

Post-Purchase Deity Evaluation Form

Go ahead, fill it out. These forms are so easy to lose. Don’t forget to send in the warranty information, too!

Comments

  1. #1 CCP
    November 30, 2006

    So the FSM is a “false deity”?
    say it ain’t so, matey!

  2. #2 Bro. Bartleby
    November 30, 2006

    JUST IN

    SPC AC 301955

    DAY 1 CONVECTIVE OUTLOOK
    STORM PREDICTION CENTER MORRIS MINNESOTA
    0155 PM CST THU NOV 30 2006

    VALID 302000Z – 011200Z

    EXTREME THUNDERSTORM MOVING INTO MORRIS … ADVISORY FOR ALL UNBELIEVERS ON THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA MORRIS CAMPUS, VIOLENT LIGHTNING STRIKES ARE FORECAST IN THE AREA SOUTH OF THE BRIGGS LIBRARY …

  3. #3 Kristine
    November 30, 2006

    My only criterion: God has to be someone with whom I would want to have a beer.

    God being a hottie wouldn’t hurt.

  4. #4 J-Dog
    November 30, 2006

    Like other written words from said “deity”, the info seems to be dated… The selection should include a Hurricane Response Rating, and the Jerry Falwell references should be changed to Ted Haggard references, for a more modern ecumenacal feel… if you’ll pardon the expression.

  5. #5 jba
    November 30, 2006

    My favorite part is that last bit: (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)if? yeah, I’ll be attaching a sheet or two. Please forgive my pompous moment, but I was raised Mormon. Want to talk about a flawed god. “You chose THAT guy as your prophet? Gah..”

  6. #6 mndarwinist
    November 30, 2006

    I am with CCP. How could they possibly omit the Flying Spaghetti Monster?What a shame.

  7. #7 intepid
    November 30, 2006

    worth browsing in the same folder for other gems such as this (Family Circus comic edited for humorous effect)

  8. #8 chezjake
    November 30, 2006

    It’s missing a couple of the most important segments of the usual market research form:

    1. Where did you purchase your deity?
    2. Experience with salesperson.
    3. Have you joined or do you wish to join a support group?

    And, of course, the usual sales pitch for “accessories.”

  9. #9 Q. Pheevr
    November 30, 2006

    I’ve never bought a deity. If anyone ever gives me one as a present, I hope they hang on to the receipt.

  10. #10 Your Mom
    November 30, 2006

    I rather believe that I have no purpose in life and my pedigree consists of a bunch of monkeys hanging around. I think that makes more sense.

  11. #11 Cathy in Seattle
    December 1, 2006

    Damn! I should have purchased the extended warrantee with my God…

  12. #12 kmiers
    December 1, 2006

    This is great. I printed off a few copies for the misguided friends I have who are occasionally trying to “save” me. I’ll also keep one by the front door for the next representatives of some prosylitizing sect that have the misfortune of ringing my bell. Turn-about is fair play!

  13. #13 Bob
    December 1, 2006

    If (#4) doesn’t make you laugh, nothing will…

  14. #14 anomalous4
    December 1, 2006

    Hilarious, and going out to my equally crazy friends.

    I have a few additions, though:

    #1: I was smokin’ the good shit, mon!

    #2: I’m with CCP – gotta include FSM. Also the Invisible Pink Unicorn. And this forum, at least, can’t leave out Cthulhu.

    (BTW, Dr. Who just ran a 2-parter featuring the “Ood,” a powerful species with their lower faces covered in tentacles. It’s so much easier to pronounce than “Cthulhu”! OTOH, it doesn’t sound half as scary. Never mind……..)

    “Hairy Thunderer” and “Cosmic Muffin”………. I hadn’t thought of them in decades. Gawd, I feel old!

    Does the Force count as a “deity”?

    #3: Doesn’t allow virgin sacrifices. Doesn’t include temple prostitution. Doesn’t include ritual use of hallucinogens.

    #4: Needed a reason for virgin sacrifices. Needed a legal loophole for using hallucinogenic substances.

    And the all-time winner:

    The Devil made me do it.

  15. #15 anomalous4
    December 1, 2006

    I just noticed where this came from. Good ol’ CMU. My not-quite alma mater. Still crazy after all these years……

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