Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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Most theologians admit that to eliminate anthropomorphism suggests that anthropomorphism is more even than its matrix. Rather, religion looks like anthropomorphism, part and parcel.
Stewart Guthrie, Faces in the Clouds: A New Theory of Religion (New York: Oxford University Press, 1996), p. 185.
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Category: Weirdness
Posted on: November 27, 2006 11:29 PM, by PZ Myers
It has been officially determined that you are not allowed to have sex with animals, even if they are dead.
I'm now getting a weird vibe off of these natural lamb condoms…are they illegal in Wisconsin now? I also think this device has acquired a new level of perversion.
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Comments
Dammit, boy! Now you've gone and done it! The secret is out, everybody knows now so it's no use, see. Give it up kiddies, I'm so sorry. The beans are spilt and now they all know that we do stuff with our parts. Oh, what a world! Who could ever have seen it coming to this?
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | November 27, 2006 11:45 PM
They aren't in Minnesota, I guess.
It's way all the freaks go there.
Posted by: Lettuce | November 27, 2006 11:48 PM
It's okay, even encouraged, to end a deer's life by ripping it's flesh and organs to shreds with pieces of flying metal, but sex with a dead animal is something that just cannot be allowed.
Got it.
Posted by: George | November 28, 2006 12:04 AM
Well, to be honest, those animal skin condoms probably should be banned simply for being completely ineffective anyway.
Also, I think you could argue for a legitimate public health reason to criminalise necrophilia. However, I'm sure this particular decision was motivated more by squickiness and a desire to control what people with their genitalia, instead. As is usual with these cases.
Posted by: Joshua | November 28, 2006 12:15 AM
Ha. Kentucky foresaw this problem and passed laws against having sex with the dead, having sex with animals, and having sex with dead animals.
This was apparently something the legislature felt needed addressing.
At least, I think it was Kentucky....
Posted by: Skemono | November 28, 2006 12:21 AM
Interesting the range of state laws on this subject.
You may recall the Washington state incident last year where a man died of complications from being on the receiving end of a horse. Was news to me that bestiality was not against the law in that state. There was talk about filing animal cruelty charges against the operators of the farm, but since the horse was not actually harmed...
The talk then was that a law needed to be passed on the grounds that an animal cannot give consent. Wouldn't the cessation of life functions of said animal kinda make the consent issue moot?
Anyway, as sick as I may find the practice, I disagree with the judge. I no longer classify an animal as an animal upon death. It gets moved into the meat category.
Posted by: Sean | November 28, 2006 12:32 AM
It has been officially determined that you are not allowed to have sex with animals, even if they are dead.
Hah! That's only the case in the repressed censourious FASCIST United States! Here in the FREE country of New Zealand, we -
No, wait a minute.
Posted by: Phoenician in a time of Romans | November 28, 2006 1:14 AM
Sean says:
That takes you into a whole 'nother realm of kinkiness. Didn't your mommy ever tell you not to play with your food?
And will you respect that steak in the morning?
Posted by: anomalous4 | November 28, 2006 1:38 AM
So is sex with a steak now illegal?
This ruling seems a little crappy, I mean the bestiality laws are to protect animals from cruelty. I don't see the harm here. I think tell everybody he screwed a dead deer and let him go.
Posted by: Tatarize | November 28, 2006 3:12 AM
I'm sorry, but the science and society exhibit, bookmarked by PZ, just made me laugh so much ......
Incidentally, I would have thought "French late 18th Century" would have been a more likely period: Marie Antoinette, De Sade, etc ........
Posted by: G. Tingey | November 28, 2006 3:29 AM
What about chocolate? I understand that eating chocolate releases similar compounds in the brain as when having sex? If that is true (I'm sure somebody here will enlighten me) than is chocolate having sex with me? So, it is OK the other way 'round? Food can play with us, but we can't play with food?
I think the solution is to make sex only legal if it is consensual. Need a written statement first. Anyway, interesting to read that a dead animal is still an animal and still has rights. As an animal you have the right to be shot, killed in any other creative way and grilled. But you are not allowed some tender love and care? So unfair.
Posted by: Mark UK | November 28, 2006 5:10 AM
The Judge made his thinking on the issue absolutely clear:
He[Lucci] added that the "primary focus" of Wisconsin's criminal statute dealing with crimes against sexual morality is on "human behavior and on protecting sexual morality in the community, and not necessarily on animal protection."
so the issue of whether it was live or dead is moot. all they care about is the sex part. so yeah, if you had sex with a steak in public, they would likely prosecute you for that too.
hmm, that gives me an idea...
I have some largish fish in my freezer...
Posted by: Ichthyic | November 28, 2006 6:07 AM
Well of course, necrophilia is dead boring. Coprophilia is fucking shit too.
Posted by: Andrew | November 28, 2006 6:57 AM
Ichthyic, yeah but is that fish in your freezer organic?
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/28/business/28fish.html?hp&ex=1164776400&en=d195a06ca268b254&ei=5094&partner=homepage
BTW the picture that accompanies this article is very very erotic don't you think? Maybe it's actually immoral...
Posted by: Fernando Magyar | November 28, 2006 7:07 AM
What about fruit and vegetable products?
What about baked products? Would Jason Biggs' dalliance with an apple pie be considered criminal? What if it had been a steak and kidney pie?
Posted by: RickD | November 28, 2006 7:53 AM
Are there any laws against having sex with plants, living or dead?
A joke:
A northerner was vacationing in the backwoods of Mississippi and went into a local bar. The guys hanging out looked at him suspiciously. The bartender, hearing his accent, asked, "You're not from these parts, are you?"
The northerner, said no, I'm from Chicago.
Bartender then asks, "What do you do."
Northerner, "I'm a taxidermist."
Bartender, "What does a taxidermist do?"
Northerner, "I stuff dead animals."
The bartender turns to the guys and says, "He's ok guys, he is one of us."
Posted by: bernarda | November 28, 2006 7:55 AM
80 million sheep, 3 million humans, need I say more?
Posted by: Kristjan Wager | November 28, 2006 8:11 AM
Rest assured, I have never wanted animal skins on my cock.
I always thought that was sicko.
But, to each his own!
Posted by: The Anti Atheist | November 28, 2006 9:38 AM
"Are there any laws against having sex with plants, living or dead?"
Not that I know of. But always check that knothole for bees first.
Posted by: Coragyps | November 28, 2006 9:40 AM
Oh, and "Kentucky" reminds me: why do hillbillies wrap squirrels in duct tape?
So they won't split when they fuck 'em.
Posted by: Coragyps | November 28, 2006 9:43 AM
And plastic is made from oil, which is made from dead dinosaurs.
That's about 90% of sex toys criminalised, then...
Posted by: wintermute | November 28, 2006 11:02 AM
[WARNING! Major skank attack ahead. Fasten your seat belts and proceed at your own risk.]
If it is, don't tell the Catholic church. They'll add it to the list of sins.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.... I had oral sex with a Hershey bar..."
Now that gives a whole new meaning to the words "tartar sauce."
Honi soit qui mal y pense.
Cucumbers and zucchini are a single girl's best friends! Bananas are OK too.
On the flip side: About 30 years ago, Penthouse published a letter from a guy who was into oranges. Literally.
Going back to the animal kingdom: I won't even mention the one from the guy who was so underendowed, he couldn't get any the regular way, so he took to chasing after the ducks at the local park. Oops, I mentioned it. So sue me. And all this time you thought "f*ck a duck" was just a figure of speech!
"Different strokes
for different folks,
and so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby....."
That reminds me of what they said about the Falkland Islands when England and Argentina were squabbling over it a few years back:
"Where men are men, women are too, and sheep are scared to death."
(BTW, the real winners in that farce of a "war" were the penguins, who acquired a lot of new territory because unlike humans and livestock, they aren't heavy enough to set off the land mines.)
There are other things to watch out for too. You you don't want to have to explain to your doctor, or your main squeeze, how you got that crotch rot that's turned out to be poison ivy......
[End of skank attack. We now return you to your regularly scheduled speculationfest already in progress.]
Posted by: anomalous4 | November 28, 2006 12:31 PM
We don't have a problem with people eating dead animals, so why is it a problem to have sex with them? I mean, gross, sure, but morally wrong?
Posted by: Frumious B | November 28, 2006 1:25 PM
Back in college, we thought necrobestiality was a joke. Ewwwww.
And Portnoy was into chicken way before American Pie.
Posted by: Alison | November 28, 2006 1:37 PM
I've always liked the Borges description: two bald men fighting over a comb.
Ahhhh, making fun of the hermanos. Now I have to think of a good way to mock Maradona.
Posted by: Greco | November 28, 2006 2:27 PM
So, how was the guy caught? Was he doing "it" in public?
What state does the deceased have to be in for it to be a crime? An intact carcass? What if the guy cut out the tenderloin and wrapped that around his wang? Just curious (not in that way!).
Posted by: Deepsix | November 28, 2006 2:46 PM
Another sexual practice I didn't need to learn about. But to each his own.
Apart from ickiness and degrading objectification, I find it more offensive that the barely grown up defendants photo is published. Sure, eventually the criminal charge can lead to conviction. But does each convict gets their photo published? Especially offensive if the charge is dropped and the affair returns to being private with, um, private parts involved.
That is also no way to get him girls, which I assume was the main idea behind the charge.
Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson | November 28, 2006 3:09 PM
"That is also no way to get him girls, which I assume was the main idea behind the charge."
Forgot the convict effect. Okay, that is no way to get him *sane* girls.
Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson | November 28, 2006 3:12 PM
So, how was the guy caught? Was he doing "it" in public?
oh yeah. right next to a set of train tracks, and a commuter train full of folks went by, IIRC.
Posted by: Ichthyic | November 28, 2006 3:14 PM
` Why the hell would anyone have sex with a dead deer!??!
` Or a dead lamb's skin.... (Then again, condoms used to be made out of leather all the time....)
Posted by: Spoony Quine | November 28, 2006 4:49 PM
80 million sheep, 3 million humans, need I say more?
As the saying goes, Chacon a son goat (*)
(*) "Each to their own perversion."
Posted by: Phoenician in a time of Romans | November 28, 2006 6:53 PM
"What about fruit and vegetable products?"
A woman for duty,
A boy for pleasure,
But a melon for ecstasy.
- Old Turkish proverb
Posted by: Neal Deesit | November 29, 2006 7:41 AM