…and this is a 
The War on Cephalopodmas
Category: Cephalopods • Weirdness
Posted on: November 13, 2006 10:04 AM, by PZ Myers
Mark your calendars—Cephalopodmas is on the 22nd day of December, and you need to start rehearsing those Cephalopodmas carols.
I have to say, though, that the continuing neglect of this important holiday by the media is another sign of the War on Cephalopodmas. Don't believe me? Walk into your local Wal-Mart, and I promise you that the greeter won't say "Merry Cephalopodmas!" to you. You won't see any civic displays draped with tentacles. The school pageants won't be full of songs about squid. The smell of kelp won't be in the air, nor will you be hearing the mournful, melodious tones of the foghorn. Outrageous, isn't it?
I want everyone this year to give their best Bill O'Reilly glare to anyone you meet who doesn't affirm your personal beliefs with a verbal recognition of the validity of Cephalopodmas. Temper tantrums are good, too. Of course, it should go without saying that you shouldn't have to explain why you're walking around always looking so pissed-off; truth be told, when you have to explain that you're upset because people aren't reciting some ritualized formal greeting at you, you sound a bit like a pinhead. So don't.
Comments
The only Cephalopodmas Carol I know is "Ia! Ia! Chthulhu fhtagn!", but rest assured that I will be chanting with gusto.
The name also makes me think there ought to be a Cephalopodcast, is there isn't one already.
Posted by: Joshua | November 13, 2006 10:09 AM
That was "if", not "is".
And there is one!
Posted by: Joshua | November 13, 2006 10:12 AM
Archbishop wages Winterval war on creeping atheism
Posted by: quork | November 13, 2006 10:14 AM
Excellent holiday. I can't decide whether to celebrate it with a big plate of calamari alla marinara or a big plate of Thai squid red curry. Perhaps both in alternating years.
Posted by: Steve LaBonne | November 13, 2006 10:14 AM
What's up with Cephalopods and other words that are hard to pronounce? Can't I just call it Frank?
Posted by: Markus | November 13, 2006 10:27 AM
We could call it "Squidmas", but that would leave out the octopi and nautili.
Posted by: quork | November 13, 2006 10:29 AM
And don't even mention the hostility against Festivest!
Where are the Festivest celebrations?
When are the children going to be allowed to hang Festivest banners?
I know Bill O is behind this somehow...........
Posted by: Rocky | November 13, 2006 10:54 AM
I'm stuck at the second line of "Once in Royal David's City".
"Once in Davy Jones's locker
Lived a lonely giant squid"
Posted by: MissPrism | November 13, 2006 11:02 AM
I stand by my position that Winterval is a pretty word. To my ear, it sounds more poetic than "Christmas". It reminds me that this holiday is a passage between autumn and spring, making me spend at least a little time contemplating the past and hoping for the future. Growing up as I did at Carl Sagan's knee, figuratively speaking, I've always known that a secular life is more poetic than a life mothballed in blind faith, and that the balance between wonder and skepticism — a balance which is a process, not a destination — is nothing less than a spiritual act. It's nice to have a word which carries a bit of all that, even if it was invented by a nameless subcommittee of a faceless city council.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | November 13, 2006 11:04 AM
you northern hemisphacist! what are those down below to do at winterval?
Posted by: zwa | November 13, 2006 11:27 AM
Posted by: quork | November 13, 2006 11:53 AM
Darn. I just sent PZ the link for the carols before I saw this post. (hangs head)
Posted by: Heather Kuhn | November 13, 2006 12:39 PM
That's where I got it, Heather -- I was just quick about putting it up here.
Posted by: PZ Myers | November 13, 2006 12:46 PM
I think it was you, anyway -- I got a bunch of these emails on the subject.
One suggestion for everyone is that you should mention whether you want attribution or not. I'm happy to do so, but a lot of my email submissions are accompanied by the equivalent of a polite request to "please, please don't mention my name on your godless heathenish acerbically mean blog!", so I tend to avoid exposing people's names unless they express a willingness to be associated with this place.
Posted by: PZ Myers | November 13, 2006 12:52 PM
Squiddy Claus.
His Eight Tiny Cuttlefish.
People could inflate their seasonal coral reef, right there between the fireplace and couch, and adorn it with colorful starfish, urchins, and funny little crabs.
The presents underneath would all be wrapped in seaweed (recyclable and quite tasty), and if they were lucky Squiddy Claus would visit during the night, and squirt ink all over their living room.
Hooray!
Posted by: Will Von Wizzlepig | November 13, 2006 2:10 PM
Another festival to fill my Saturnalia! Is it customary to celebrate with fried calamari?
Posted by: Max Kaehn | November 13, 2006 3:53 PM
I hope this doesn't degenrate into a flame war over the proper feast. In any case, I cast my vote for fried calamari and chips washed down with a nice oatmeal porter. For side dishes, anything covered in garlic butter will do.
Posted by: John McKay | November 13, 2006 4:56 PM
Does one hang stockings for Cephalopodmas, and if so, how many???
Posted by: Elissa | November 13, 2006 8:49 PM
I don't know about anyone else's family, but my kids are THRILLED at the possibility of celebrating Cephalopodmas for the first time this year. Of course, we've had lengthy discussions about the menu for the feast. And the little rascals are all over themselves with ideas for ornaments. But we've run in to a bit of a snag...
From what shall we hang our glorious handmade cuttlefish?!? Surely a Germanic-tradition indoor conifer is out of the question. Perhaps a tasteful array of kelp? We're at our wits end here - though we'll be the first to admit that's not a great distance to begin with. Thoughts? Suggestions? One hates to think of such lovely ornaments going to waste.
Posted by: SteveInMI | November 13, 2006 10:14 PM
Eight each! Or 16 for the cats!
Posted by: Monado | November 13, 2006 10:15 PM
And the perfect gifts come in sets of eight (or ten)!
- sets of dipping bowls for holding teriyaki sauce
- pairs of chopsticks
- dice (especially 8-sided and 10-sided dice)
- collections of model cephalopods
- realistic cephalopod charms
- cephalpod wind chimes with 8 (or 10) notes
- your 8 favourite calimari recipes
- 8 colours of "Welcome Squid Overlords!" shirts
- and for the rich, a glass-topped coffee table supported by bronze cephalopods
Your gemstone is Pipe Opal, fossilized squid beaks or "benemites."
Posted by: Monado | November 13, 2006 10:29 PM
"It's beginning to look a lot like Squidmas!
Toys in every store..."
Like this Squidmas doll:
http://www.cafepress.com/fairylandstudio/408273
Posted by: Monado | November 13, 2006 10:35 PM
Or the Squidsplosion shirt...
http://www.electricchair.com/images/products/SQUID004.jpg
Posted by: Monado | November 13, 2006 10:36 PM
Or you could get your favorite spandex-wearing biker ("squid" in the common parlance) one of these great jerseys:
http://fastermustache.org/index.php?q=gallery&g2_itemId=18645
(I thought as soon as I saw folks wearing this at the relay that I would send a link to PZ Myers...)
Posted by: sharonopolis | November 13, 2006 10:53 PM
Well, I live in Florida...
To the tune of Silver Bells I give you "See the Swells"
See the swells, See the swells
It's Squidmas time on the jetty
I'm, surf-ing, hear me sing
Soon it will be Squidmas day
Beach'n boardwalks, busy boardwalks
Decked in holiday style
In the air
There's a feeling of Squidmas
Children swimming
divers grinning
Meeting smile after smile
And from ev'ry speed boater you'll hear
See the swells, See the swells
It's Squidmas time on the jetty
I'm, surf-ing, hear me sing
Soon it will be Squidmas day
Strings of boat lights
Even mast lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the divers rush home with their lobsters
Hear the sand crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Squidmas's big scene
And above all this bustle
You'll hear
See the swells, See the swells
It's Squidmas time on the jetty
I'm, surf-ing, hear me sing
Soon it will be Squidmas day
See the swells, See the swells
It's Squidmas time on the jetty
I'm, surf-ing, hear me sing
Soon it will be Squidmas day
Posted by: Fernando Magyar | November 14, 2006 7:10 AM
Minor correction.
Hear the sand crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Chthulhu's big scene
And above all this bustle
You'll hear
Posted by: Fernando Magyar | November 14, 2006 7:22 AM
Knit a lovely Cephalopodmas toy for the kiddies:
http://knitty.com/ISSUEspring06/PATTnautie.html
Posted by: Fernmonkey | November 14, 2006 9:37 AM
This is a big year for me because my birthday falls on the auspicious 22nd of December. Global Orgasm Day and Cephalopodmas! Something slimy in the sea truly loves me (in a non-platonic way, evidently).
Posted by: Xibalba | November 28, 2006 7:03 PM
Does your birthday move around a lot then? ;-)
Posted by: SEF | November 28, 2006 7:58 PM
There was nothing auspicious about the 22nd this year. The earth moved on the 21st.
Posted by: Pony | December 22, 2006 9:42 PM