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« Cultural Learnings of Borat for Make Benefit Glorious City of Morris | Main | Reason #3 to vote for Pharyngula »

For the philosophers at scienceblogs

Category: Humor
Posted on: December 8, 2006 3:30 PM, by PZ Myers

An absolutely awesome game.

Comments

Posted by: Karmen | December 8, 2006 3:41 PM

Oh, that's awesome. Go Socrates!!! Thank you, PZ. :)

Posted by: hoody | December 8, 2006 3:46 PM

ntrstng tht th Grks, lkly ppsd t yr rlntlss nd cllss mtrlsm, bt th Grmns, th src nd smmt f yr cllss nd rlntlss mtrlsm.

Posted by: GH | December 8, 2006 3:54 PM

Can there be anything more funny than someone like hoody calling materialism clueless while not being able to provide a shred of anything that exists that doesn't orginate materially.

Posted by: Chris | December 8, 2006 4:04 PM

haha! Two videos in two days! (I was the first to post this one, too). I am the culture industry.

Posted by: Mithrandir | December 8, 2006 4:16 PM

hoody's clueless and relentless comment is all the more amusing in that one of the crucial plays was from Archimedes, one of the few Greek philosophers that did have any truck with materialism.

Posted by: J Max | December 8, 2006 4:20 PM

They said Beckenbauer made a surprise start, but he wasnt even on the field :(

Der Kaiser could have taken it to those greeks

and Hoody materialism sprung from the Atomists of the Ancient Greeks...

Posted by: Steve LaBonne | December 8, 2006 4:21 PM

Hoody's never heard of Democritus, either. Fugures.

Posted by: quork | December 8, 2006 4:22 PM

Cute idea, but that was almost as dull as a real soccer match.

Posted by: Matt T. | December 8, 2006 4:23 PM

Interesting that the Greeks, likely opposed to your relentless and clueless materialism, beat the Germans, the source and summit of your clueless and relentless materialism.

You're not actually familiar with any of the folks mentioned in the skit, be they German or Greek, are you? You really don't know much about, say, Schopenhauer or Democritus, or what they said or believed to be true, do you? In fact, I highly doubt you could give a coherent definition of "materialism" as used in the philosophical sense.

Dude. Read a book. Seriously.

Anyhow, it's this sketch and the Philospher's Song from "The Bruces" - the philosophy department of the University Of Woolamaloo - that sparked my own interest in philosophy as a young lad. It's always stayed as little more than a hobby - and I understand there's a Monty Python & Philosophy book on the shelves - but I do feel richer as a thinking human being for trying to get Wittgenstein or Hegel, even if I don't think I ever quite get it. Too bad, as being a philosopher's always sounded like a neat gig.

#10

Posted by: Steve LaBonne | December 8, 2006 4:26 PM

Speaking of the Bruces, something tells me hoody would heartily approve of Rules One, Three, Four and Seven. ;)

#11

Posted by: J-Dog | December 8, 2006 4:28 PM

I always thought it was child abuse to make kids play soccer, so my kids played baseball and basketball, and
I have never watched, or played a soccer game, but isn't the goal scored into the end the Greeks are defending, thus actually making the German's the winners of the contest?

Other than that, this was funny as hell! Good Show!

#12

Posted by: 386sx | December 8, 2006 4:29 PM

hoody's clueless and relentless comment is all the more amusing in that one of the crucial plays was from Archimedes, one of the few Greek philosophers that did have any truck with materialism.

Archimedes was the first one who figured out that the ball wasn't going to move just by standing around and praying like Martin Luther was doing. Lol, no wonder materialism is so freakin awesome. Luther, no doubt, was hoping to get the other players on his team to do the dirty work for him, but they were having none of that. They were, after all, philosophers.

#13

Posted by: Greco | December 8, 2006 4:34 PM

You would think that, with Beckenbauer on their side, the Germans would at least have a better defense.

I always thought it was child abuse to make kids play soccer, so my kids played baseball

Now that is child abuse.

#14

Posted by: Markus | December 8, 2006 4:42 PM

Let the culture wars begin: Soccer is so much more interesting than baseball! :)

#15

Posted by: rudolphtherednosed386sx | December 8, 2006 4:42 PM

I have never watched, or played a soccer game, but isn't the goal scored into the end the Greeks are defending, thus actually making the German's the winners of the contest?

If that is true, then the Germans would have been protesting their own victory. Which, when one thinks about it, is not at all entirely surprising. They were, after all, philosophers.

#16

Posted by: Chris | December 8, 2006 4:45 PM

Hah, I just noticed Hoody's comment. Apparently the inclusion of Marx on a team full of German idealists (Kant, Schelling, Hegel, and Schopenhauer, who was a bit different from the others, but still far from a materialist) makes the German team a bunch of materalists.

#17

Posted by: Greco | December 8, 2006 4:47 PM

I remember that, in the same week that Joe Cole scored against Sweden, I was watching the sports program in CNN International, which had a "Play of the Week" feature. It involved a baseball guy waiting... waiting... waiting... till the ball fell on his hand.

Is that the best baseball has to offer? Sheesh.

#18

Posted by: J-Dog | December 8, 2006 4:48 PM

My mama always said "Boring is as boring does."
Attributed to noted philosopher F. Gump.

#19

Posted by: J Max | December 8, 2006 4:53 PM

The goal was in the correct net, as the teams swich sides at half time...

But Marx was right the goal was offsides.

and Beckenbauer scored more than his share of goals

#20

Posted by: Ithika | December 8, 2006 4:54 PM

@J-Dog:

They swapped sides at half time, so by the final mind the Greeks will be going to the left and the Germans attacking to the right...

#21

Posted by: stogoe | December 8, 2006 4:55 PM

Baseball is about as interesting as watching paint dry. It's a lazy sport for fat gentlemen on steroids.

Football is pretty dull, for the same reason as baseball. There's so little action. Two lines, then a clump, then a huddle, then we wait. Repeat.

I loved playing soccer, and if I watched sports, I would watch soccer. Or hockey. Hockey is fun to watch, and not just for the fights.

Basketball is probably a distant third.

I guess I just enjoy sports where the 'scoring artifact' is always in play, rather than discrete scoring attempts, like a pitch or a down, with extended waiting between.

#22

Posted by: J-Dog | December 8, 2006 4:56 PM

Aha!(Eureka!) Thank you! (Danka!)

#23

Posted by: bPer | December 8, 2006 4:56 PM

J-Dog said:

I always thought it was child abuse to make kids play soccer...

I thought so too when I was a kid. These days, though, there aren't enough soccer fields for all the demand, at least here in Ottawa. And if it is child abuse, my nephews are masochists.

I have never watched, or played a soccer game, but isn't the goal scored into the end the Greeks are defending, thus actually making the German's the winners of the contest?

The teams exchange ends at half-time. The Greeks started the match to the left of the camera, so at the last minute of regulation time, the Germans defended the goal on the left.

#24

Posted by: stogoe | December 8, 2006 5:16 PM

It's like what happens in basketball. Or football. Or hockey. Or (I imagine) polo or rugby.

The teams exchange ends at half-time.

#25

Posted by: Doc Bill | December 8, 2006 5:18 PM

This just in.

Evolutionist commentator PZ Myers noted that the Greek's play evolved rather rapidly following a long period of incubation when the basic building blocks were being constructed. Faced with environmental pressure the Greeks punctuated the equilibrium, co-opted moves from other players and scored in a dazzling display of complexity.

Creationist commentator Mike Behe, on the otherhand, noted that it was obvious that the Greeks had help from an Unseen Outside Force because the complexity of their scoring play was, well, just too complex but a purposeful arrangement of parts all the same. Actually, Behe noted in a postscript, he was in the Little Boy's Room at the time and missed the whole thing. But it could have happened like that. Really.

#26

Posted by: Steve Watson | December 8, 2006 5:38 PM

I always thought it was child abuse to make kids play soccer, so my kids played baseball

Dude, it's child abuse to make kids play team sports, period.

#27

Posted by: Kristine | December 8, 2006 5:47 PM

Yeah, but how about those drinks after the game? (Cover your eyes, little trolls.)

"...Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And René DesCartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am..."

#28

Posted by: Erin M | December 8, 2006 6:02 PM

Doc Bill: Brilliant addition!

This version of the sketch leaves out my favorite line, though:

Announcer: Nietzsche stares at the ball, and the ball stares back.

#29

Posted by: Spoony Quine | December 8, 2006 6:08 PM

` I have that movie! And I LOVE SOCRATES! Especially since he was 'permanently pissed'.... I'd like to have drank with him. Except for that little one at the end....

#30

Posted by: marlonrh | December 8, 2006 6:40 PM

When I told my dad that I wanted to be a baseball player when I grew up, he told me "well son, you can't do both."

#31

Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson | December 8, 2006 6:44 PM

I always thought this sketch portrays philosophers unfairly. They should have been the commenters, while the real action plays out between scientists and mathematicians.

But perhaps Marx would resemble this remark.

#32

Posted by: Caledonian | December 8, 2006 6:44 PM

Did Charlie Wagner just post as 'a'?

#33

Posted by: Fernando Magyar | December 8, 2006 6:54 PM

Culture wars? Ok.

On the one hand we have, Ehem, The World Series?
On the Other, we have, The World Cup!

Now which of those two is more boring?

Oh, and please don't tell me I'm biased just cause I was born in Brazil, nothing could be further from the truth, I swear! BTW I think Socrates, the Brazilian soccer legend, probably prefers caipirinhas to hemlock though both can be equally deadly.

#34

Posted by: Martin Christensen | December 8, 2006 6:57 PM

I've never found this particular skit very amusing. Sure, it's a good jab at armchair philosophy, but that's about it. Less armchair and more philosophy would have done nicely.

It did get me thinking, though, that a real evangelical Christian is one who would have all mention of Heraclites removed from all philosophy textbooks, because it's obviously a reference to Hera's clitoris, doubly evil for promoting both promiscuity and paganism in one go. But then again any philosophy department is just a breeding ground for godless liberal communist nazi homosexual feminists who hug trees instead of JEEEEEsus!!! and try desperately to turn them into terrorists, so it'd probably be best to just poison the water supply and then censor the textbooks. Well, not censor, obviously, since censorship is bad. Just burn them.

Martin

#35

Posted by: Don | December 8, 2006 7:18 PM

It's not soccer. It's football.

#36

Posted by: Greco | December 8, 2006 7:43 PM

BTW I think Socrates, the Brazilian soccer legend, probably prefers caipirinhas to hemlock though both can be equally deadly.

The man not only is a threat to any stock of cachaça, he also smokes like a chimney. I'm amazed he still was able to play at 30 years old.

#37

Posted by: Greco | December 8, 2006 7:46 PM

Oh, check this youtube gem: Zico and Socrates

#38

Posted by: Fernando Magyar | December 8, 2006 8:12 PM

Don, this isn't diplomacy,dude, it's culture war, remember?

Greco, I just read somewhere that he is coming out of retirement at 50 to play amateur soccer. As for smoking like a chimney, unfortunately a lot of Brazilians, even doctors, who should know better, still do.

#39

Posted by: Greco | December 8, 2006 8:23 PM

As for smoking like a chimney, unfortunately a lot of Brazilians, even doctors, who should know better, still do.

Yeah, I know. I live two blocks from a school, and I'm amazed at how many twelve- or thirteen-year olds, especially girls, are holding cigarettes in their hands.

#40

Posted by: Saint Gasoline | December 8, 2006 8:32 PM

What were the Germans thinking? Why put Leibniz in goal? Don't get me wrong, the guy has major monads, but it takes more than just serious monads to be able to block a header from Socrates.

Although perhaps the Germans can argue their way out of this--Socrates, after all, denied physical reality with Plato because the senses could be deceptive. Perhaps in the realm of forms that goal never happened, and it only appeared to happen in reality. Hmmm. Could the German idealists win this one, after all?

No, it seems not. No one can understand what the funk Kant is saying.

#41

Posted by: Ick of the East | December 8, 2006 9:49 PM

.....It's not soccer. It's football.

Tell that to Maradona.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/f7/Hand_of_God_goal.jpg/445px-Hand_of_God_goal.jpg

#42

Posted by: garth | December 8, 2006 10:25 PM

baseball is fascinating. the length of the season allows for some statistical intricacies not possible in something that measures time to the nearest minute, like soccer. the act of hitting a ball is about as hard as they come in the world of sports. it's just a different kind of tension. if you watch a tight, well-played baseball game the tension can be breathtaking.
of course, i'd rather watch a hockey game. or a football game. or a basketball game. or a tennis match. or an MMA fight. or boxing. or golf.
i really like sports, but baseball's pretty low on the list. and anyone badmouthing football just hasn't seen a good game, or lacks the knowledge to see what's going on. just lik emost wines basically taste the same to me, it's a matter of what you spend time getting to understand. anyone who watched willie mays field a ball, or the sweet swing of a perfect double in the gap and isn't a little impressed...well, you're just not watching the same thing i am, i guess.

#43

Posted by: Michael | December 8, 2006 11:01 PM

This was brilliant. Philosophy happens to be my field of study and I also love monty python. I've never been happier than the moment I first saw this sketch. You'd probably not be surprised by all changes every philosopher I know has suggested for it. But I find it perfectly hilarious. Thanks PZ.

#44

Posted by: MHB | December 8, 2006 11:19 PM

The second half of this football match was wonderful - who didn't enjoy the Karl Marx subsitution?

#45

Posted by: Paul G. Brown | December 8, 2006 11:46 PM

Confucious say, "Name go in book!"

This must become the new rallying cry to howl down trolls attempting argument with blog hosts.

"Y dsmvwlld m! Y bstrd!"

"Name go in book!"

#46

Posted by: Skemono | December 9, 2006 12:37 AM

Awww. I was hoping Marx would rally the working-class audience to storm the field and win the game for him.

#47

Posted by: Rey Fox | December 9, 2006 1:43 AM

He was indeed off-sides. Know how I know? Because the match got exciting. Folks!

#48

Posted by: djlactin | December 9, 2006 3:18 AM

disemvowelling has a nice sound to it, but i think disemconsonanting would also be amusing

#49

Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson | December 9, 2006 3:21 AM

As long as anyone diss'em.

#50

Posted by: bernarda | December 9, 2006 5:39 AM

A soccer game seen in advertizing.

http://the-dakus-site.chez-alice.fr/videos/foot-a-poil.mpg

#51

Posted by: Mark UK | December 9, 2006 7:59 AM

If you don't like baseball, you must be a creationist. There.

#52

Posted by: Mark UK | December 9, 2006 8:17 AM

Here's how you deal with preachers...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zw3utgkMlCA

#53

Posted by: Ian Wood | December 9, 2006 11:02 AM

This is copyrighted Monty Python material.

The replay goal is actually a different goal from the original. Check out the position of Leibniz. He's on different sides of the goal each time.

And yes, it was offside (not "offsides").

#54

Posted by: Rey Fox | December 9, 2006 12:54 PM

How long 'til someone shows up on this thread and denounces all sports as being the opiate of the proletariat?

#55

Posted by: Maditude | December 9, 2006 1:48 PM

> How long 'til someone shows up on this thread and denounces
> all sports as being the opiate of the proletariat?

Well that (sports being the opiate of...) goes without saying!

#56

Posted by: Dan | December 9, 2006 2:22 PM

"My sport can beat up your sport" arguments are dumb. I like all sports, and I like them for different reasons.

#57

Posted by: ubernerd83 | December 9, 2006 2:59 PM

A hymn from the Pythons:

All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.
Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.

Amen.

#58

Posted by: anomalous4 | December 9, 2006 3:18 PM

Wotthebleep? No DIOGENES??????????

I say, Foul!

#59

Posted by: Ichthyic | December 9, 2006 3:26 PM

No, it seems not. No one can understand what the funk Kant is saying.

that's because Immanuel Kant was a real pissant, who was very rarely stable...