…and this is a 
Sunday morning eruption of evil
Category: Weirdness
Posted on: January 28, 2007 10:03 AM, by PZ Myers
The Nielsen Haydens filled my morning with horror, so I'm going to make you suffer, too. Behold, a Danish disco band pretending to be Apaches:
It goes on for an interminable 4½ minutes; seriously, you've done your penance if you watch 20 seconds, long enough to spot the sequins and the Groucho mustache on the keyboardist. I recommend you turn it off before the Apache maidens emerge from behind the teepee—that was just too much.
Say, that Making Light thread led me to another cheesy video by Army of Lovers, and since I was soliciting suggestions for a menacing makeover, it gave me an idea: eyeliner and frilly shirts. A busty henchperson with exposed cleavage might also help.
Comments
I now think I know what it feels like to have a bad acid trip.
Posted by: The Science Pundit | January 28, 2007 10:11 AM
Those of us who lived through the 70s didn't even need to drop acid to know that.
Posted by: PZ Myers | January 28, 2007 10:16 AM
I can't quite figure it out: Is the Danish group a "tribute band" to Yanni ... or Tesh?
Is a puzzlement.
Posted by: Zeno | January 28, 2007 10:37 AM
"I now think I know what it feels like to have a bad acid trip."
No bad acid trip was ever THAT bad!
Posted by: Thony C. | January 28, 2007 10:45 AM
Awesome!! It's the theme music they use for "Wild Chicago"! A public television program about out of the way corners and unusual people in the Chicago area hosted by local improv comics. (Though the new hosts aren't nearly as funny as the ones from the 90's.)
Posted by: Bill | January 28, 2007 10:45 AM
Oops. Correction: I see this is the "disco version". "Wild Chicago" uses the original version of Apache.
Posted by: Bill | January 28, 2007 10:48 AM
That was awesome :)
Dwight Schrute on drums?
Posted by: Magnum | January 28, 2007 10:56 AM
Skip the eyeliner and frilly shirts. Send out the busty henchperson and we'll promise to think of you as scary.
Posted by: John Pieret | January 28, 2007 11:42 AM
AAAH! My eyes! and my ears! AAAHH!
Posted by: Michael | January 28, 2007 11:57 AM
Hehehe. Oh, PZ, this is truly an oldie but a goldie.
Posted by: Aerik | January 28, 2007 12:07 PM
Indian maidens? I thought they were roaring 20's flappers. The costumes look like leftovers from some cheezy 70s porn flick.
The best part is where the guy spends a good 40 seconds singing to the girls with his back to the camera ha ha haa!
Posted by: Mike | January 28, 2007 12:19 PM
Now I ask you, what the freakin' hell did I do to deserve that!!?
Posted by: Lago | January 28, 2007 12:34 PM
I watched all 4.5 minutes and I still rate it as more enjoyable than going to church.
Posted by: Geoff Wozniak | January 28, 2007 12:44 PM
PZ, I'm thinking that looks like you in your younger days on those bongos....is this a blast from your past? BTW, I made it thru the entire thing...pirate-like voiceover at the end and all! Too funny!
Posted by: emkay | January 28, 2007 1:15 PM
Thank you. I feel like I just looked at the Necronomicon. There are no words to describe the horror...of cheesy videos.
Posted by: Dianne | January 28, 2007 1:20 PM
I watched the whole thing, too. It's mesmerizing, like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (or a Pam Atlas vlog).
Posted by: Davis | January 28, 2007 1:33 PM
My eyes! My ears! It burns! It burns!
Posted by: Mark | January 28, 2007 2:01 PM
It should be a capital crime to use a Les Paul in the service of such an atrocity. And I didn't get a good look at the bass, but it had better not be a Rickenbacker!
Posted by: False Prophet | January 28, 2007 2:13 PM
Quote from the news magazine profil:
So glad I was born no sooner than 1982. And didn't watch the video.
Posted by: David Marjanović | January 28, 2007 2:20 PM
I sort of liked it. Is that so wrong? I'm...I'm not a creationist, though! That counts for something...right?
Posted by: Saint Gasoline | January 28, 2007 2:28 PM
This is possibly one of the greatest videos ever created.
Posted by: Gordon S | January 28, 2007 2:59 PM
I think you're missing then point about the Army of Lovers video. It's cheesy, of course; but sort of tongue-in-cheesy. And you're definitely missing the point about the busty henchbabe. She's sexy and good-looking, but much more importantly, she's very, very funny.
Posted by: Mrs Tilton | January 28, 2007 3:25 PM
This is why the islamists HATE the West. Not our porn filled entertainment, not "freedoms" and not our hate of their religion. This video is an affront to humanity. It is so bad Osama bin Laden said "All praise to Allah, this video makes David Hasselhoff's "Hooked On A Feeling" look like the work of a genius. Death to the infidels."
Posted by: Beersport | January 28, 2007 3:26 PM
Here, try this death metal version of the video. >;-D
Posted by: Moody834 | January 28, 2007 3:26 PM
I believe Apache was a shadows tune origional (nice work Hank Marvin), but the funkiest version by far is Michael Viner's Incredible Bongo Band's.
http://o-dub.com/sounds/apache/bongoband.mp3
It's been sampled to death.
Posted by: Rich | January 28, 2007 3:37 PM
` *Spoony has collapsed in a giggling heap*
Posted by: S E E Quine | January 28, 2007 3:52 PM
Hey, I thought that rocked! It took me back to the days before techno, house, industrial and superstar scratcher dj's took over the music on the dancefloor. And for more fun, check out Boney-M and their Russian gig. If you really want to look cool, PZ, get a dead ermine to drape over your shoulders:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg
Posted by: Mike Haubrich | January 28, 2007 4:12 PM
it was like a train wreck... I couldn't take my eyes away...
Posted by: Cathy in Seattle | January 28, 2007 4:45 PM
"I believe Apache was a Shadows tune originally"
Nope.
Posted by: Patrick Nielsen Hayden | January 28, 2007 5:07 PM
That, ladies and gentlemen, is Danish pop king Tommy Seebach and band. Danes older than ~ 30 will be intimately familiar with him and his music. He composed a number of nationwide hits in the 80s and 90s, and represented Denmark in the Eurovision Song Contest in 1979, 1981 and 1993. He is probably best known for Disco Tango.
Posted by: Ole | January 28, 2007 5:42 PM
There's also a video of Disco Tango on YouTube (sorry, lyrics are in Danish).
Posted by: Ole | January 28, 2007 5:57 PM
What's wrong with the dancing apache girls? They look fine to me.
Posted by: Mooser | January 28, 2007 6:59 PM
They look fine. They don't look Apache.
Posted by: PZ Myers | January 28, 2007 7:02 PM
""I believe Apache was a Shadows tune originally"
Nope."
YUP:
"Apache" was a popular instrumental song written by Jerry Lordan and recorded by British group The Shadows in June 1960. It was released two months later. The song topped the UK singles chart for five weeks. It has since been covered many times. The record is considered influential, both in its time and in following years.
"Cover versions
Early British guitarist Bert Weedon also recorded "Apache" in 1960; it made it to number 24 on the charts. "
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apache_%28instrumental%29
Posted by: Rich | January 28, 2007 7:15 PM
397.
397?
How many levels is that wrong on?
397.
Posted by: Todd Adamson | January 28, 2007 7:19 PM
Softcorn. Very '70s.
Posted by: Chris | January 28, 2007 10:18 PM
You people are nuts. The Danish Apache flappers were hot. I'm calling my buddies and we're going to meet in the garage to start a band, just so we can call ourselves The Danish Apache Flappers.
Posted by: Max Udargo | January 29, 2007 1:58 PM
That is like some overly cheesed spaghetti western theme song. Where's Squint Eastrood?
Posted by: JamesR | January 29, 2007 2:31 PM
Fortunately, Youtube provided a link to the original, which is much better.
Posted by: arensb | January 29, 2007 11:10 PM