Pharyngula

Arrrmageddon!

In a good pirate movie, you need flamboyant excess, so I guess it’s not surprising that the final installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is going to have every pirate in the world in a final climactic battle.

It’s going to give every pirate fan an arrrrgasm, I think.

Comments

  1. #1 Baka
    March 21, 2007

    Run out the topsail an’ spank ‘er!

  2. #2 Diego
    March 21, 2007

    “It’s going to give every pirate fan an arrrrgasm, I think.”

    Only if it be not such a lubberly disaster as the last one. I loved the first one but Davy Jones’good looks could not save the jury-rigged plot of the sequel.

  3. #3 dorid
    March 21, 2007

    I failed to be impressed by either of the previous films, but find myself interested in this one… but that was heavily influenced by seeing the Black Pearl moored across the channel from the Cabrillo Aquarium in San Pedro, CA while they were filming.

    Of course all my kids love the movies. Thankfully my girls aren’t Johnny Depp crazy yet…

  4. #4 Orac
    March 21, 2007

    I never saw the second movie, but I was underwhelmed by the first one. It suffered from the same disease that too many movies these days tend to suffer from: Bloat. It was too long by about a half hour. The judicious and–dare I say?–surgical application of some editing would have made for a leaner, tighter movie. As it was, I frequently found my mind wandering and my attention drifting off during large swaths of the movie–even some of the action sequences, which dragged on for too long.

  5. #5 Johnny Vector
    March 21, 2007

    Davy Jones’ good looks could not save the jury-rigged plot of the sequel

    There was a plot? Far as I could tell, the plot consisted of a couple lines to get you from one cute visual to the next. It’s pirate porn!

    As for the trailer… Okay, I gotta say, in a pirate movie I wants me some swordfighting. And apparently we’ve gone from the blacksmith-shop fight in the first episode, which rivals the clifftop fight in Princess Bride for title of best movie swordfight ever, to that pathetic thing on the bowsprit? High-Flynn, Low-Flynn, High-Flynn, Low-Flynn, whee. Friggin’ I could do that.

    I’m afraid this may go in my box of movies I wished I would want to see, but wasn’t worth the time, right along with Revenge of the Sith. As for Mr. Depp, what I’m waiting for now is Sweeney Todd!

  6. #6 Mike Haubrich
    March 21, 2007

    Couple of comments on Johnny Depp. Dorid’s daughters might not be crazy about him yet, but I am. I am straight, but I am gay for him.

    His turn in The Libertine was one of the better things I have seen him do so far. Imagine the reaction in Modern America to a stage musical whose opening is a tribute to “Signor Dildo.”

    POTC doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyable. It is a hell of a franchise. I’ll see this one a couple of times, you betcha.

  7. #7 DiscordianStooge
    March 21, 2007

    Well, POTC is sadly historically inaccurate.

    Just a little ribbing from a guy who liked “300.” Thanks for the trailer.

  8. #8 Heliologue
    March 21, 2007

    Seems like they more or less spoiled all the intrigue they built up in the second one. I can more or less surmise the entirely of #3 just from two minutes of trailer.

  9. #9 DaveX
    March 21, 2007

    That’s enough blasphemy out of all of you. Pirates rocks, ’nuff said. ;)

  10. #10 Bob O'H
    March 21, 2007

    So, who will be playing the Estonian selling dodgy copies of Windows Vista?

    Bob

  11. #11 PaulGBrown
    March 21, 2007

    Yeargh! Yer all buckets of bilge grease cut with rancid rum! ‘Tis a PIRATE film, aye? There’s nah purpose t’ it! Nah reason fer it’s bein’ anything beyond pure aaaaargery!

    So yer didn’t liek the fust one, eh? Well tie me t’ the capstan an’ flog me ’round twice! An’ then yer went an’ put yer oar in an’ set yerselves a cutting out lark t’ see the second!? Jus’ WUT were ye expectin, then?

    More cutlasses, I say! More bodice! More rippin’! Bring on the Chinese (they’re alas gud fer booty! An’ they make the best explozi..expolis…expo…. Things That Go BANG!). Bring back the squid man! He’s Davey Jones’ boy, an’ I’d sail right into Tortuga w’ ‘im any day he needed a for’mast hand with a steady eye an’ a liver for the harsh stuff!

    Arrrrr!

    *plonk* thump ….. *plonk* thump ….. *plonk* thump …..

  12. #12 windy
    March 21, 2007

    So, who will be playing the Estonian selling dodgy copies of Windows Vista?

    The choices are limited at this point to Stellan Skarsgård or Mads Mikkelsen.

  13. #13 PaulGBrown
    March 21, 2007

    Aye!

    An’ if they don’t cough up th’ booty, give ‘em a gunpowder suppository an’ wave a lit match in their faces! Aaaar!

  14. #14 Rey Fox
    March 21, 2007

    “The choices are limited at this point to Stellan Skarsgård or Mads Mikkelsen.”

    Ah, Peter Stormare could play anybody east of the Iron Curtain.

  15. #15 octopod
    March 21, 2007

    Pirates from the South China Sea, explosions, shiny cinematography, crazy choral score, aquatic mindflayers, Johnny Depp, Chow Yun-Fat, and that awesome vodou lady.

    The hell with subtlety. Can I get a HELL YEAH?

    Only thing it’s missing is Ching Shih.

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