…and this is a 
Now this is the pinnacle of office domination furnishings. Imagine, a student comes in to complain about his grade, and I push a button: my chair rises up to tower above the trembling supplicant, and stalks across the room bearing the professor, who in a booming voice declares, "You dare? You dare to question my decisions?"
It's much more intimidating than the trap door to the spiky room in the basement or the discreet ceiling-mounted lasers I'm using now. We tyrant kings all know that spectacle is an important component of effective oppression.
Comments
Posted by: norbizness | June 7, 2007 10:56 AM
Can the ED-209 robot chair sense when a plague of italics has been released? YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY.
Posted by: norbizness | June 7, 2007 10:58 AM
Apparently it can!
Posted by: PZ Myers | June 7, 2007 11:12 AM
DO NOT MOCK THE CHAIR.
Or I'll have to come over there and squash you with it. It may take 20 minutes to plod across the room, but it will look very imposing as it advances on you … until it reaches the limit of its power cord.
CURSE YOU, pathetic extension cords! Quick, someone get me a 1500 mile long cord—I have a mocker to crush in Texas. Eventually.
Posted by: Brian W. | June 7, 2007 11:13 AM
Not bad for a prototype i guess, but i'm hoping the retail version will have a mini-gun and surface-to-air missiles.
Posted by: Dunc | June 7, 2007 11:16 AM
But can it manage stairs?
Posted by: khan | June 7, 2007 11:18 AM
Totally off topic: Eddie Izzard is going to be on "The Daily Show" tonight.
Posted by: JRY | June 7, 2007 11:21 AM
I am still going to rely on the old tried and true trapdoor to a tank of sharks with lasers strapped to their heads.
Posted by: Warren | June 7, 2007 11:37 AM
With the Mr. Fusion reactor and some hydraulic claw-tipped extension arms, you could actually take over the entire university.
"Tenure? TENURE? MwaHaHaHaHa. Here's your #%@& tenure!"
Posted by: RavenT | June 7, 2007 11:38 AM
JRY, please. That's *frickin'* lasers.
Posted by: CalGeorge | June 7, 2007 11:43 AM
Can I get mine in black? With the optional ray gun arms? And the optional extendable emergency side ladder (just in case)?
Posted by: llewelly | June 7, 2007 11:48 AM
Patience. Soon, I am sure the inventor will understand the need for, and the glory of, a cyber-cephalopod model, which will power itself by devouring human flesh, and thus not require an extension cord.Posted by: Chuck | June 7, 2007 11:51 AM
But having a robot lift your chair is so milquetoast. Wouldn't it be better to have defeated ideological foes, like creationists - or pirate underlings - carry your throne around?
Posted by: Joe | June 7, 2007 12:17 PM
I dunno, it looks cool and all that, but has it been tested for balance when firing side-mounted coil guns?
Posted by: Sophie | June 7, 2007 12:20 PM
I am pitifully squashed against the ceiling, cracks appear, and the upper level office dweller comes crashing on us both.Surely your ceiling is not that high ?
Posted by: Mr. Mark | June 7, 2007 12:29 PM
WANT.
Can I get it with a gravity gun? Oh, yeah, and the rocket launcher option?
Posted by: billy pilgrim | June 7, 2007 12:32 PM
I am reminded of Q's floating chair in TNG pilot episode.
It's no good if you don't have goofy sartorial impact also.
Posted by: Mike - Chemical Romancer | June 7, 2007 1:02 PM
"the trap door to the spiky room in the basement "
Spiky room in the basement? I always assumed that trap door led to the pool of man-eating squid. You've disappointed me, Myers.
Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson, OM | June 7, 2007 1:15 PM
Poor soldier, bolted onto grenade launchers. I am glad he/she won't be chained to the guns as well.
The disability function is cool though. Except for the sorry militaries that will go from chair to chair immediately or eventually. Talk about nightmare recollection. :-(
On another note, if mine can't pop and lock or boogie down, I don't want it when the time comes. I may make an exception for windmilling, though.
Posted by: Rey Fox | June 7, 2007 1:27 PM
A gyroscopic stabilizer would be good too. The guy looked like he was sitting awfully stiffly to keep from being shook around.
Posted by: Andrés Diplotti | June 7, 2007 1:27 PM
Tyrannoteuthis rex? Interesting...
Posted by: Rheinhard | June 7, 2007 1:57 PM
Methinks that Davros is going to be rather jealous!
Posted by: CortxVortx | June 7, 2007 2:16 PM
If I can get it outfitted like an Irken Megadoomer, or even just an AT/ST, I'd take out a second mortgage for one.
-- CV
Posted by: J. Y. | June 7, 2007 3:00 PM
Quick, someone get me a 1500 mile long cord--I have a mocker to crush in Texas. Eventually.
While you're at it your next stop could be the creation museum in Kentucky. You could squash their dinosaur exhibits, then go after Ken Ham.
Posted by: RAM | June 7, 2007 3:12 PM
Been done already, didn't Dr. Loveless have one of those on the newer version of The Wild Wild West.....
Posted by: stogoe | June 7, 2007 3:15 PM
I can't find it now, but there was a video here of a dinosaur mecha a while back.
I want to see ChairMech vs. DinoMech in a no holds barred robo-smackdown.
Posted by: forsen | June 7, 2007 3:26 PM
I demand a guest appearance from ChairMech at Gundam Seed.
Posted by: Sophie | June 7, 2007 4:01 PM
To evacuate the poor soldier, look into the teddy-bear-faced robot developed by the US military - no power cord this time, apparently :
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6729745.stm
Posted by: Baratos | June 7, 2007 4:21 PM
Robot bears? Wait until Colbert hears about that.
Posted by: Boosterz | June 7, 2007 4:52 PM
You know, with a little work, I think I could rig some railguns up to that thing...
Posted by: Boosterz | June 7, 2007 5:09 PM
Just needs more power and a better housing...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eHv33mH6Nq0&mode=related&search=
Posted by: Nix | June 7, 2007 6:33 PM
Oh no. If you want something cool, intimidating, and capable, you want an iBot. It's obscenely expensive and can do virtually anything (climbing stairs is the least of it).
Plus it looks flashy and it's all black and silver. This is a wheelchair that says `fear me, mortal scum'. :)
Posted by: Nat | June 7, 2007 7:02 PM
The chair will need stilts/extensions if I'm to tower over the undergrads around here, and I'm 182cm. Something's in the food... these boys are getting seriously big and there are girls over six foot everywhere...
Posted by: barry | June 7, 2007 8:15 PM
i can just see you turning up to a creationist conference in that thing, thundering WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
seriously though, that'd be great for the inevitable end of term grade grubbers.
Posted by: Carlie | June 7, 2007 9:14 PM
Oh, please. All we have to do to defeat it is to get a little mutant teddy bear to lasso the legs and it will fall over. Worked for Skywalker.
Posted by: Cory | June 7, 2007 9:54 PM
Do you have the collar? Because you REALLY need the collar.
Posted by: Jon | June 8, 2007 10:37 AM
I saw the pic and my first thought was "The Dancing Hut of Baba-Yaga" - I have played too many roles....
Posted by: Allienne Goddard | June 8, 2007 3:59 PM
Hm, I thought of Doctor Mung-Mung's walking chair, with retractable legs. As Chrome-Dome says: "[The Mad Scientist] has only one purpose: To do bad things to good people mit SCIENCE!" (See episode 308: The Tick vs. Science)