Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
…and this is a pharyngula stage embryo.
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« A Cincinnati local paper reacts to Ken Ham's Folly | Main | Carnivalia and and open thread »
Category: Humor
Posted on: June 15, 2007 6:32 PM, by PZ Myers
There isn't enough sacrilege going on here, so I've thrown a few pictures that must offend someone below the fold.
I hate to break the bad news to you all, but if you're reading this you're going to hell. Sorry.
(If you feel you aren't quite damned enough, each of those pictures is a link. Go ahead, compound your sins.)
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Comments
What?
No tentacles or virgin sacrifices?
Are you going soft on us?
Posted by: Stanton | June 15, 2007 6:38 PM
What's sacrilegious about those?
Posted by: PZ Myers | June 15, 2007 6:40 PM
So ... which genus does Christos belong in .. Pan, or Australopithecus ?
Posted by: llewelly | June 15, 2007 6:44 PM
What about old ladies with tentacles?
Posted by: Stanton | June 15, 2007 6:48 PM
Where are the coke cans?
Posted by: John Danley | June 15, 2007 7:15 PM
You must be joking, I have been repeatedly accusing you of searching for virgin sacrifices... oh, joking you are.
About sacrilege against christian values. Really, why go after the easy pickings? Are you soft on hinduism because of many-armed deities and buddhism because of squid hats?
Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson, OM | June 15, 2007 7:20 PM
Sacrilege against christian values? Hasn't anyone noticed the last picture?
Posted by: PZ Myers | June 15, 2007 7:28 PM
The whole problem is that you just need to define religion in the right way. One person's sacrilege is another's worship services. As is often the case, history can be instructive. Egyptian history, for example:
"Over the past six years, Bryan's online expeditions have documented 3,400-year-old rites at the temple that were conducted to appease the gods and give vent to some of the age-old animal impulses in the process. The highlights apparently involved getting drunk on barley beer, then "traveling through the marshes" (a euphemism for having sex), then passing out, then waking up the next morning for religious services."
http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/06/12/224088.aspx
(I like this religion, except for the waking-up part)
Posted by: jeff | June 15, 2007 7:35 PM
Why did you remove the second comment? Yes, I agree it was rather off topic and pointless and trollish, but why did you remove it after only one post? Was he already in the dungeon?
(For those of you who are wondering, he said something like this: "Hilarious! Now why don't you show us some funny pictures of old lady believers being dragged off to the Sibirian labour camps?")
Posted by: frodo | June 15, 2007 7:39 PM
That was the Kansas troll.
Posted by: PZ Myers | June 15, 2007 7:45 PM
The Australopithecus Kyrios is probably already responsible for a few creationist troll's premature death due to cardiac arrest...
Posted by: forsen | June 15, 2007 7:46 PM
Jurassic Cowboy Christ (on the site that the apeface Jesus links to) made me howl with laughter. I feel sufficiently damned now. Thanks PZ!
Posted by: Jen Phillips | June 15, 2007 7:46 PM
OK, I see. I just felt cheated that you didn't give us the chance to slap him down.
Posted by: frodo | June 15, 2007 7:49 PM
Why is it sacrilegious to portray Jesus as an ape? After all, he was an ape, of the East African sort. As are we all, even PZ. (Sorry, but you're not a cephalopod. If it's any consolation, you'll find you have cephalopod cousins, if you go far enough back.)
You're right about the sacrilege of that last picture, though. If Darwin had been blessed with such beautiful luxurious horns, I'm sure he'd never have taken an angle grinder to them.
Posted by: Mrs Tilton, FCD | June 15, 2007 7:54 PM
That's some confrontationalism I can get behind. I bet Kirk Cameron's dingaling could fit in his hand with enough room left over for the banana. Zing!
Posted by: Chris | June 15, 2007 7:57 PM
So not even Darwin is sacred? I get it.
Few seem to recognise this picture of old Charlie before the beard. Didn't he have scary eyes - a bit like Forest Whitaker.
Posted by: dc | June 15, 2007 8:03 PM
Aaaah, sacrilege.. I feel rejuvinated..
By the way.. how much sacrilege is enough sacrilege? Is there even an upper limit to it?
Posted by: Dutch Vigilante | June 15, 2007 8:14 PM
Tell the holy rollers:
I MAY BE GOING TO HELL BUT AT LEAST YOU WON'T BE THERE!
And don't forget the Banana Mantra:
Oh Mama Maya
I Pray For A Banana...............(to which she replies)
Banana Nirvana Manana
(Repeat infinitely)
Posted by: Jaycubed | June 15, 2007 8:19 PM
I'm fairly certain the first picture is the portrait selected to hang in the lobby of the future George W. Bush Library?
Posted by: Disgusted in St. Louis | June 15, 2007 8:39 PM
The chap in the green doesn't look like preist. But in the last two frames he talks like one.
Posted by: Peter McGrath | June 15, 2007 8:46 PM
Posted by: ekzept | June 15, 2007 10:09 PM
incidently, on the point of Jesus with femme, there sure was plenty of hinting in Jesus Christ Superstar that the relationship between Joshua ben Josef and Mary of the Magdelene sort might be more than confessor to sinner. indeed, that's not something i recall ever having been explored: whether the icon of modern Christianity died a virgin or not. indeed, if he did, it might explain a lot.
y'wanna stir up the Crazies? portray J.b.J. in fellacio or cunelingus with said Mary.
Posted by: ekzept | June 15, 2007 10:16 PM
I'm greviously offended by that first image. Everyone knows that Jesus was an orangutan!
Posted by: Parse | June 15, 2007 10:35 PM
You call that sacrilege? Bleeding amateur. Feast your eyes on these graven images!
Screw your sins
Whip it good!
Just hanging at the YMCA
WoHoo!
For Sheezy My Jezzy
Don't cross the beams
Pointless violence has never been so fun
I could go on all day, this is just the nice stuff, just what sort of depths do you want to descend to?
Posted by: Potter Dee | June 15, 2007 11:41 PM
No one is sent to hell, they choose it. I promise all atheist, none of you will be sent to hell unless you choose, not just in this life, but in the next as well.
you may think, who would choose hell? Only a fool, yes, but arrogance doesn't stop in this world. So if you die, and are asked to choose, change your mind, because God is mercy. And if you die and are just dead, no worries.
The thief on the cross ask for mercy as he was crucified, you will have the same chance. Choose life, God loves you.
Posted by: Physicist | June 15, 2007 11:42 PM
Sorry, he does look like Darwin without the imposing beard. I just couldn't place the face.
But you could also be making fun of the Devil by pitting the poor bastard against an evilutionist.
Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson, OM | June 15, 2007 11:45 PM
No one is sent to hell, they choose it. I promise all atheist, none of you will be sent to hell unless you choose, not just in this life, but in the next as well.
did i mention the endless bad sci-fi marathon was free?
through the main gate, right at the squid pits, then straight ahead.
can't miss it.
Posted by: Ichthyic | June 15, 2007 11:48 PM
Your god has a lousy way of showing love - infinite torment for a finite crime of not believing in it. I think I'll choose reason over delusion, thanks just the same.
Posted by: Ray S | June 15, 2007 11:50 PM
The banana picture(s) are my favorite. Ever. I had heard that argument before, but never actually considered using my genitalia to refute it. In the words of another man who often cites his khrem, "Verry niiiice."
Posted by: Thought(sic) | June 15, 2007 11:51 PM
Ichthyic
I offer you something new, you may not understand Gods love for you. He (God) deals with the individual. He knows your doubts, and doesn't care. There will be those who tell you, you must believe this way or that way to go to heaven. They are liars.
I don't ask you to believe, I only ask you to love, so that when and if you meet love you will see.
Posted by: Physicist | June 15, 2007 11:55 PM
When we get there, let's all have a party. I'll bring the ice water.
Posted by: jackie gaston | June 15, 2007 11:56 PM
I don't ask you to believe, I only ask you to love, so that when and if you meet love you will see.
through the main gate, then make a right.
I'll show you something alrighty (or at least Joel Hodgson will; I'm just in charge of production)
it'll make your head spin!
Posted by: Ichthyic | June 16, 2007 12:04 AM
Rowan Atkinson may have been the man who finally convinced me of the utter absurdity of the notion of eternal punishments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJA9RPX9mRY
Nothing short of a classic.
Posted by: forsen | June 16, 2007 12:11 AM
What did Jesus say, did he come to convert the believers, which he so admonished. Or did he say, "Blessed are the poor in spirit"... maybe God has a plan for you? I hope I have not exceeded PZ's generosity. but I know one thing, he is looking for you, not through me or anyone who says they know, because they don't. Many Christians only cause division, especially through politics.
Any politician who wave as Bible is a liar, just a rule of thumb.
Posted by: Physcist | June 16, 2007 12:25 AM
he is looking for you
I keep telling you...
through the main gate, right at the squid pit, then straight.
next time you see him, write it down on a piece of paper or something for him, would ya dear?
Posted by: Ichthyic | June 16, 2007 12:39 AM
Very meta moment for me. I pulled the citybeat and used it to explain to several coworkers who "wanted to go to that museum" exactly why it was so horribly, horribly wrong. And I think I actually got through, thanks in large parts to arguments and information I've gotten from this site. Then I emailed the link to PZ and it was posted. (Though from me or others unknown). Awesome.
Posted by: no1uno | June 16, 2007 12:43 AM
Oops, meant this on the citybeat thread.
Posted by: no1uno | June 16, 2007 12:44 AM
you may not understand Gods love for you
You're right. He got drunk at a party and made a pass at me once, but I'm not gay, so I just rebuffed him and went for a snog in the kitchen with the hostess.
Posted by: Kimpatsu | June 16, 2007 12:46 AM
I'm a little drunk myself. I know what they say about drunken blog commenting, but, well, what fun is it if you don't? This one time in college I was at a party, and somebody decided it would be a good idea to do some prank ICQ messages. I was the only one who could type while drunk.
Anyway. Topic? If Jesus was an orangutan, the gospels would have a lot more "Oook! Oook!"
Posted by: Stacy | June 16, 2007 12:57 AM
Stacy: given the fact that you're commenting a thread beginning with a picture of an Australopithecine Jesus, I think being drunk is an advantage rather than a drawback...
Posted by: forsen | June 16, 2007 1:31 AM
Childish pictures are not sacrilegious, PZ. Grow up.
Posted by: Nunov Yurbiznez | June 16, 2007 1:32 AM
One of the best Hell scenes is from Woody Allen's "Deconstructing Harry" with Billy Crystal as the Devil. Sorry, I didn't find an extract on the net.
Also I would like to propose some positive atheist images rather than just the too-easy god-mocking. Here is Robert Ingersoll.
http://www.robertingersoll.com/ingersoll_children.jpg
This next one is rather unbelievable--if I dare say--Ingersoll used as in advertizing to promote a store. Hard to imagine today.
http://www.tradecards.com/articles/personages/per11.html
Posted by: bernarda | June 16, 2007 1:40 AM
nah, bernarda, Jesus Christ has been running ads for a long time, especially for banks.Posted by: ekzept | June 16, 2007 2:27 AM
"I don't ask you to believe, I only ask you to love, so that when and if you meet love you will see."
Posted by: Physicist
I see love. I practice love. I don't see any Fairy.
If your particular Fairy did exist, I would not Worship it; as it, by its own alleged word, is a malevolent & destructive creature unworthy of respect, much less Worship.
P.S.
I can hardly believe that a "physicist" would have such incompetent writing ability or non-physical ideas.
I suspect that you meant to write "physalia" (inflated with wind).
P.P.S.
The reason I confront you this way is due to love. For me, speaking truth to nonsense is an exercise of love.
Posted by: Jaycubed | June 16, 2007 2:56 AM
#41: Nunov Yurbiznez,
"Unless you be as small children, you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
I figure, with stuff like this PZ has a lock on getting in.
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | June 16, 2007 2:59 AM
Nunov Yurbiznez says, "Childish pictures are not sacrilegious, PZ. Grow up."
Excuse me? What sacrilege isn't essentially, at its very core, "childish"?
Oh, and MISTER "Physicist", who says, "I know one thing, he is looking for you, not through me or anyone who says they know, because they don't. Many Christians only cause division, especially through politics."
IF you are a PHYSICIST, which I sincerely doubt, why isn't that sufficient evidence for you to close the case? I've heard of amazing feats of scientists harboring mutually incompatible worldviews, but if you ARE a physicist, I have no doubt I'm looking at a record-breaking example.
Don't tell us some disembodied wisp of your imagination is looking for us, tracking us down like some kind of divine bloodhound and follow that crap up with some lofty self-absorbed give-away like, "not through me or anyone who says they know, because they don't" that exposes you as a likely crackpot who thinks Einstein was all wrong and has PROVEN it by developing THE ABSOLUTE THEORY of EVERYTHING.
What you think you know can be safely contained within a 19th-century insane asylum. I was going to say that you would find there that you are utterly unoriginal, but...well, lets just say that none of your fellow superiority-complex genius inmates would have noticed anything of the kind either.
Go away and stun the world with a new theory of quantum consciousness or something. Don't forget to take your medication.
Posted by: Arnosium Upinarum | June 16, 2007 3:03 AM
This one made me chuckle the other day:
If you're Jesus and you know it
Posted by: Virge | June 16, 2007 4:08 AM
I really like your blog, though I don't have much intelligent to say.
Here's a comic depicting a Pharyngula monster to add to the amusing pics.
Posted by: Sarah | June 16, 2007 5:06 AM
If Jesus was an orangutan they'd have had to make a much bigger cross. And the True Crosses miraculously discovered by the Emperor Constantine's mother in a divinely-directed dig (first test pit, bang, three crosses) in Jerusalem were human-sized.
And WWF would have prosecuted Pontius Pilate's ass.
Posted by: Peter McGrath | June 16, 2007 7:32 AM
"Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!""
Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms
Posted by: JCfromNC | June 16, 2007 8:08 AM
#24 Potter Dee: Excellent! how do you find these?! "Y" M C A! (ok, I'm crying now) that was one of the best.
PZ: This site only gets better with age. A dose of pharyngula a day keeps the fundies away; from my front door, that is. I've taken a few of my favorite posts, printed them off with some art work, and when they come a knockin', I hand THEM one of MY "fliers." Got the idea from someone's post somewhere on this site, excellent suggestion by the way.
Posted by: LeeLeeOne | June 16, 2007 8:15 AM
Mmmm ... sacrilicious ...
Posted by: FrumiousBandersnark | June 16, 2007 9:08 AM
Don't miss the 10 page gallery on the ape-jesus link, there are a couple of great entries in there :)
Posted by: slang | June 16, 2007 9:49 AM
"Siberian Labor Camps."
How trollishly silly. Those were Theme Parks.
Posted by: Kseniya | June 16, 2007 12:02 PM
forsen: Ironic, too, since as I recall Mr. Atkinson is himself a Christian.
Posted by: Keith Douglas | June 16, 2007 12:28 PM
Those were Theme Parks.
lol
what makes this extra humorous, at least satirically, is that it's also technically accurate.
er, just not the kind of "theme" most would find entertaining.
:p
Posted by: Ichthyic | June 16, 2007 3:15 PM
Hell is a theme park, too. (And some theme parks are hell.)
Seriously, though, it is not my intention to trivialize the GULAG or any other horrendous feature of the Stalin era - my paternal grandfather lived through the Holomodor, among other things - but hauling out Stalin in response to these silly pictures is annoying and pointless, given the strangely off-target assertion that little old ladies were shipped off to labor camps (little old ladies are your best laborors, yup yup yup).
That kind of thing always leads to "Well, Hitler did it all for Jesus" and then the Godwin alarm rings and it the whole debate goes straight to
DisneyworldHell.(Ugh. S'late. Must... sleeeep.... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.)
Posted by: Kseniya | June 17, 2007 2:26 AM
I respectfully submit my all time favourite:
but "seeing is believing" as little Angus' terrier-tush
Posted by: mikmik | June 17, 2007 5:53 PM
Try that again: ma fave
Posted by: mikmik | June 17, 2007 6:09 PM
#55
Why do you think that? I was surprised and so did a quick google search and couldn't find any evidence one way or the other. Most of the oxbridge comedians seem to be athiest so it would be unusual.
Posted by: reason | June 18, 2007 6:29 AM
reason: I seem to remember it coming out in a newspaper interview I read somewhere - and yes, believe it or not some of the Monty Python guys are too. But unfortunately I can't remember when it was. (The paper was almost certainly the Montreal Gazette, for what little that's worth.)
Posted by: Keith Douglas | June 19, 2007 6:02 PM
I can't believe people actually get their jollies off of this. All that I can say to this crowd is what my High King, Jesus Christ, once said to a crowd of vile, cruel, and blind high priests and pharisees, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."
Posted by: YECC | June 20, 2007 12:21 PM