Pharyngula

A compendium of craziness

Be careful, Nathan Zamprogno. The background research behind compiling a list of all the insane things Kent Hovind believes can be very hazardous to your mental health.

Reading the list can be very entertaining, though, so thank you for the sacrifice of some of your psychological stability.

Comments

  1. #1 DaveX
    July 5, 2007

    Makes me nostalgic for the days when I could be somewhat entertained while listening to some random schizo’s rantings. Now they all sounds the same… *yawn* Whatever happened to the creative crazy folks?

  2. #2 AJ Milne
    July 5, 2007

    Okay… yes the list is funny. But some of the comments. Oh my.

    Comedy gold:

    As for all the so-called conspiracy theories you mock; have you done the research, studied the Word of God? I fear you are under total mind control, just like 99.5% of the public….

    … satire. Right? I’m assuming this is satire.

  3. #3 Ezekiel Buchheit
    July 5, 2007

    I’ve sat through the first five or so hours of Hovind’s taped seminars. It just gets way crazier. I like to write. I try and write. I sit around and conceive stories and plot and events and characters and try to make them unique and intriguing. But the fictional narrative of Hovind’s world, the depth of the fantasy world, the internal system of magical logic it operates from – it’s astounding. It continues to inspire me. I have so much more to learn about imagination and just plain old bat-shit crazy.

  4. #4 monkeymind
    July 5, 2007

    I read some of the comments. I loved the phrase “political free feral” and can’t wait to use it in a sentence! Wait, I just did.

  5. #5 Chayanov
    July 5, 2007

    The message in the comments is crystal clear: Real Christians aren’t critical of other Christians, no matter what bad deeds they may have done. This is why the vast majority of the Christian moderates haven’t denounced the insane fundies beyond shrugging their shoulders and saying, “They’re Christians but they don’t speak for me.”

  6. #6 Virginia Dutch
    July 5, 2007

    I don’t want to defend Hovind by any means, but I think your post should have made clear that this was a list of beliefs of people commenting on Hovind’s blog, not Hovind himself. Big difference. I doubt you would want to be held accountable for everything said in the comments on this blog. In fact, this has been a common and reprehensible tactic of the right recently, to tar progressives for fringe views found on the comments sections of liberal blogs.

  7. #7 mojojojo
    July 5, 2007

    Virginia Dutch: good catch

    Even so…Hovind makes me ashamed to wear my tinfoil hat in public

  8. #8 tony
    July 5, 2007

    Re: 6

    Actually this IS a list of things that Hovind believes, according to Mr. Zamprogno’s research of Hovind’s own writings.

    PZ carefully states in his post that this is compiled by Mr. Zamprogno.

    From what I’ve read…. Hovind’s list of stuff he believes, printed at 6pt, single spaced, then reduced to microfiche… would need a 26ft truck from u-haul to carry!

    He believes a *lot* of batshit. And the list appears to grow without end.

    The only thing he seems not to believe in is his own guilt!

    oh, and anything rational!

  9. #9 John Pieret
    July 5, 2007

    The Bush clan is one of the world’s ranking Illuminati bloodlines.

    See! I told the Masters that all that inbreeding would do us in!

  10. #10 Citizen S
    July 5, 2007

    My favorite is how Hovind believes the T Rex could breathe fire.

    If you combine all the creationists’ beliefs together, you end up with Jesus riding into Jerusalem on the back of a fire-breathing, coconut-eating thunder lizard.

  11. #11 Michelle
    July 5, 2007

    Hmm. I swear I’m not a young earth Creationist, but they’re right about the fluoride thing. It really does nothing for your teeth that other, safer chemicals and whiteners couldn’t do, it’s toxic (thus why you can’t swallow too much) and small children can get fluorosis (google images that one… ick!) from too much exposure. Adults can also get skeletal fluorosis from drinking fluoridated water, and it can accelerate/amplify arthritic and osteoporosis-related pains.

    But I like Canola oil. 🙁

    And honestly… soy? All the actual nasty chemicals that end up in our food (especially meat) and you want to blame soy? The worst thing about soy is likely that its protein is less digestible than other food’s.

  12. #12 Meret
    July 5, 2007

    Citizen S:

    You know, I just *might* be tempted to start going to church if that was actual doctrine.

  13. #13 Mrs Tilton
    July 5, 2007

    Chayanoy @4:

    The message in the comments is crystal clear: Real Christians aren’t critical of other Christians, no matter what bad deeds they may have done.

    If I have read Zamprogno’s post right, he is himself a Christian disgusted by the antics of certain other Christians. If so, he is exactly what you say doesn’t exist: a Christian calling fellow-believers on their bullshit.

  14. #14 Moody834
    July 5, 2007

    Dear Citizen S (#10):

    You caused me to nearly choke to death on my dinner due to the mad laughter your comment caused.

    Kudos!

  15. #15 Chayanov
    July 5, 2007

    Mrs. Tilton,

    If you had read the second sentence of my post, you would have seen that I said “the vast majority” which does not mean “all of them”. I certainly never said those disgusted by their antics did not exist, so please do not put words in my mouth.

  16. #16 arachnophilia
    July 6, 2007

    he recommends THE PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF ZION?!?!?

    i didn’t think it was possible for my opinion of the man to get any worse.

  17. #17 Interrobang
    July 6, 2007

    And what’s with the person who’s currently at the end of the comments, taking the writer to task for compiling the list because he’s “mocking” Hovind in public, and he should shut up and respect Hovind’s beliefs or something? Apparently in the world that person lives in, it’s not okay to mention that someone is a complete and total lunatic in public — even if they are, because that’s offensive or something.

    Thank goodness I’m one of these people who thinks that just because you believe something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to my respect. (And that’s basically what it comes down to, I think — a misplaced sense of entitlement.)

  18. #18 Graculus
    July 6, 2007

    he recommends THE PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF ZION?!?!

    Actually, he sells it in his bookstore.

  19. #19 arachnophilia
    July 6, 2007

    i’m at a complete loss here. i can understand that it appeals to his sense for tortured logic, but jesus h christ. he might as well be selling mein kampf or the turner diaries.

    i knew he was a lunatic, but i think i severly underestimated just how dangerous of a lunatic he is.

  20. #20 Carlie
    July 6, 2007

    This is why I mostly stopped reading Fundies Say The Darndest Things. It started out as funny, then the more I realized that there is no end or limit to what they will say, it got sad, then frightening.

  21. #21 Bob Carroll
    July 6, 2007

    Reading that blog, I noticed a strange usage, possibly a (repeated) misspelling, or more likely a deliberate coinage: “Rigious” as a combination of “religious” and “rigorous.” Amusingly ironic. I’d nominate this anonymous commenter for the CL Dodgson Award for Creative Wordsmithery, if there were such a thing.

  22. #22 John Bode
    July 6, 2007

    Did anyone else find this comment deliciously ironic?

    As for all the so-called conspiracy theories you mock; have you done the research, studied the Word of God? I fear you are under total mind control, just like 99.5% of the public. Seek God. Kill your tv, radio and newspapers. Say no to Hollywood etc. for your entertainment. When I did these things and submitted myself to God’s will, the blinders started coming off. God will give you revelation of His Word.

    So, to find the Truth, we must first ignore reality.

    Got it.

  23. #23 David Marjanovi?
    July 6, 2007

    Hmm. I swear I’m not a young earth Creationist, but they’re right about the fluoride thing. It really does nothing for your teeth that other, safer chemicals and whiteners couldn’t do,

    Including hardening?

    (Incidentally, Fossil bones crumble after about 100,000 years unless they are fluoridated by groundwater.)

    it’s toxic (thus why you can’t swallow too much) and small children can get fluorosis (google images that one… ick!) from too much exposure.

    For that, you need very, very large amounts. A child with 17 kg would need to eat a whole tube of toothpaste to get fluorosis.

    and it can accelerate/amplify arthritic and osteoporosis-related pains.

    How does that work?

    All I can say against fluoridation of water is that it’s a waste. Over here the toothpastes are fluoridated instead, and children often get extra pills while their permanent teeth develop.

  24. #24 David Marjanovi?
    July 6, 2007

    Hmm. I swear I’m not a young earth Creationist, but they’re right about the fluoride thing. It really does nothing for your teeth that other, safer chemicals and whiteners couldn’t do,

    Including hardening?

    (Incidentally, Fossil bones crumble after about 100,000 years unless they are fluoridated by groundwater.)

    it’s toxic (thus why you can’t swallow too much) and small children can get fluorosis (google images that one… ick!) from too much exposure.

    For that, you need very, very large amounts. A child with 17 kg would need to eat a whole tube of toothpaste to get fluorosis.

    and it can accelerate/amplify arthritic and osteoporosis-related pains.

    How does that work?

    All I can say against fluoridation of water is that it’s a waste. Over here the toothpastes are fluoridated instead, and children often get extra pills while their permanent teeth develop.

  25. #25 JJR
    July 7, 2007

    “So, to find the Truth, we must first ignore reality.”

    Well, to be fair, mainstream Network TV often does, or at least only presents picture-friendly reality that sticks to the accepted script…selling eyeballs to advertisers is priority number #1 for commercial television. All that forth estate sh*t about informing the citizenry, etc…strictly a secondary consideration, and easily disregarded if it threatens to negatively impact priority #1.

    So…don’t kill your TV but be highly selective and take it in measured doses. Unlike the religious nuts, read MORE than just 1 friggin’ book. Focus on getting your news from print sources (including the internet) than from one-way AV formats. Deep thought and reflection comes best from reading and direct observation. Indirect oral reportage is less desirable as a source of information.

    My comments here are just off the cuff, I’ll explore the link above in a bit.

  26. #26 JJR
    July 7, 2007

    *Sigh*
    9/11 Skepticism is not irrational. The official story is.
    But, since it’s such a hot button, and yes, surely there are plenty of nutty theories out there, cut your teeth first on the blog called “REAL HISTORY BLOG”.

    And some historians have concluded that indeed the US Gov’t in 1941 *did* know in advance of the pending attack on Pearl Harbor and DID let it happen, to give FDR the causus belli he was looking for. PNAC themselves in their own documents claimed, pre-9/11, to be looking for “a new Pearl Harbor” with which to galvanize the public behind their expansionist, imperial policies, and in the main, 9/11 has fit the bill rather nicely.

    It is just as crazy to suppose that NOTHING is a conspiracy as to suppose that EVERYTHING is. Conspiracies have existed quite effectively in the past…Manhattan Project ring a bell? The US Gov’t has been proven to at least considered harming its own citizens for political gain (Operation Northwoods).

    Also, have a gander at:
    _The Threat to Reason_
    by Daniel Hind
    # Hardcover: 224 pages
    # Publisher: Verso (June 18, 2007)
    # Language: English
    # ISBN-10: 1844671526
    # ISBN-13: 978-1844671526

    (recently featured on Lenin’s Tomb)

  27. #27 Ezekiel Buchheit
    July 8, 2007

    “It is just as crazy to suppose that NOTHING is a conspiracy as to suppose that EVERYTHING is.”

    Yup, there was a conspiracy. 19 religious extremists conspired to crash planes into buildings.

  28. #28 Brian X
    July 10, 2007

    Arachnophilia:

    Mein Kampf is a legitimate historical document whose main value is as a psychological profile of the man who wrote it; Protocols is much the same. I’d probably have a copy myself if I was a WWII buff. The Turner Diaries, on the other hand, is a poorly-written propaganda novel probably best read in summary form to avoid giving money to the people who promote it. All of them are essentially conspiracy literature and require a heavy dose of context to properly understand, a concept with which a great number of the mouthbreathers who treat them as scripture are likely very unfamiliar with due to their often coming from totalitarian/fundamentalist Christian (or Muslim) backgrounds.

    All of them are best read in such a form as not to give money to the causes they created — it’s one of those cases where copyright violation is a very good thing, since it insures that the nutjobs who promote them will not benefit from them.

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