They shoulda sold tickets : Pharyngula

Search

Profile

PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
…and this is a pharyngula stage embryo.
• a longer profile of yours truly
• my calendar
• Nature Network
• RichardDawkins Network
• facebook
• MySpace
• Twitter
• Atheist Nexus
• the Pharyngula chat room
(#pharyngula on irc.synirc.net)

• Quick link to the latest endless thread

Register for the Atheist Convention Melbourne 12-14 March 2010

I reserve the right to publicly post, with full identifying information about the source, any email sent to me that contains threats of violence.

I support Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

Random Quote

On the ordinary view of each species having been independently created, we gain no scientific explanation…

[Charles Darwin]

Other Information

2005 Koufax Award
Best Expert

2006 Weblogs Award

« Denyse O'Leary: paranoid projectionist | Main | Michael Rennie never said, "whoa, dude" »

They shoulda sold tickets

Category: Humor
Posted on: August 27, 2007 7:37 PM, by PZ Myers

Share this: Facebook Twitter Stumbleupon Reddit Email + More

TrackBacks

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://scienceblogs.com/mt/pings/49113

Comments

Posted by: Blake Stacey | August 27, 2007 8:03 PM

A friend of mine was recently on a plane, flying from the United States to Japan, sitting next to a Mormon and a fundamentalist Protestant, who kept trying to convert each other all the way there.

Posted by: SLC | August 27, 2007 8:07 PM

OT but pertinent.

There is an initiative on the California ballot next June which, if approved, would divide the states electoral votes according to the popular vote. This is nothing but an attempt by the Rethuglicans to steal the 2008 election because there is no way the Democratic candidate can win without Californias' 55 electoral votes. The liberal blogasphere had better get cracking to defeat this initiative.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/26/AR2007082601184.html?hpid%3Dtopnews&sub=AR

Posted by: techskeptic | August 27, 2007 8:09 PM

very funny. Would have been better if there were a bunch of atheists on the side eating popcorn and laughing at them.

Posted by: Jonathan Vos Post | August 27, 2007 8:14 PM

"...who kept trying to convert each other all the way there..."

It's the thological equivalent of the two guys stuck at the bottom of a mineshaft they fell into.

They've been selling the same diamond back and forth to each other as their food ran out, for increasingly huge amounts of money that they don't have.

"But think of the profit we're making!"

Posted by: Zeno | August 27, 2007 8:16 PM

One summer during college I was at my parents' home when a Jehovah's Witness came calling. Mom preferred to ignore the doorbell, but I had some free time and thought it would be amusing to talk to him, so I stepped outside. Upon finding out I was a college student, the Witness asked me if I knew evolution was false. I told him I knew no such thing. The Witness then pointed at the open field across the road, and this is what he said:

"If one of your hired men were to fall over dead while working the field, could you go over there and bring him back to life by a process of evolution?"

Damn. He had me there!

Posted by: Infalliblvs | August 27, 2007 8:20 PM

Darn funny...just confused because I've never seen White Jehova's Witnesses. Granted, I live in mostly Latino neighborhoods, but even when I have been in predominantly white neighborhoods, Latinos (mostly from Puerto Rico and Central America) are knocking on the door. Reminds me one time this old Puerto Rican lady and a very hot PR girl knocked on my friend's door. I was staying overnight at a friend's house and she wasn't there so I opened the door. The lady almost had a divine orgasm when she saw me (another Puerto Rican) in that white 'hood. Well, she tried to convert me, I told her I was an atheist, we started arguing back and forth, and the hot girl that seemed to be in training was kinda getting convinced by me, unfortunately the old lady quit on me, gave a Spanish issue of "Awake!" and left, before I could ask for the girl's number to finish my ungodly duty.

Posted by: Jesse | August 27, 2007 8:38 PM

During my religious curiosity phase (completly from a participant observation point of view, I swear) I 'joined' the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses simultaneously.

You never want to tell any church that you're considering churches. That you're visiting different churches and considering your options, because they will become relentless.

I now have a couple bookshelves full of books of Mormon, bibbles with Jehovah written in them instead of LORD, and a good supply of notes.

I could write a good number of chapters of a book on the topic, so I'm going to stop typing now. =P

Posted by: k | August 27, 2007 9:30 PM

I thought for sure the neighbors would come out and watch. Dumb ending.

Posted by: Sonja | August 27, 2007 9:30 PM

As someone who ran a door-to-door canvass for a progressive organization for many years, I can tell you that the "turf" issues are universal. The way the progressive issue groups dealt with it was the Canvass Directors for each group would meet quarterly and we would literally divide up the Twin Cities 7 county metro area among the organizations present. Each group agreed to go into any area only once per year.

You never wanted to follow another organization too closely. Nothing was worse than hitting the "monkey turf*" right after another organization. What we called "monkey turf" was any area where you can send a monkey with a Nuclear Freeze button and a tin cup and make quota (around $100 in donations per night). You can probably guess what was the monkey turf -- any liberal area with high incomes. In Minneapolis, places like Prospect Park, Kenwood, Bryn Mawr, Linden Hills, etc.

Smaller organizations had to fight for turf in these meetings with the very turf-hungry monster canvasses such as Clean Water. If a Canvass Director ever made a mistake and sent their canvassers into the same area as another canvass, all hell would break loose. For a struggling canvasser, having a night ruined by one of these screw-ups could mean the difference between making quota and keeping your job or rejoining the ranks of the unemployed.

Even though I despise the issues that the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses work on, I can't help but empathize with the very difficult and noble job of door-to-door canvassing. And for those of you who have never tried it, it is back in vogue with political campaigns (and 2008 is a big year!). Since the advent of the no-call list and caller ID, door-to-door is becoming a cost-effective way to reach new voters and contributors.

I often say that everything I learned, I learned by canvassing. If you really are interested in what the public thinks about important issues, there's nothing like talking to thousands of them in one-on-one dialogues.

#10

Posted by: Alan | August 27, 2007 9:46 PM

Gotta say I've known a lot of Mormon missionaries, never heard any turf stories. Mormons for the most part ignore other Christian religions. I've never heard anything negative come over the pulpit in a Mormon church--can't say the same about fundie or protestant churches that I've attended. It has been about 20 years since I've been in a church though.
The part I like: Christians fighting Christians. I don't think it's so funny as desireable and perhaps entertaining. I'd rather sit on the sidelines and eat the popcorn than be in the battle. Back to my belief in a divide and conquer theme....
Alan

#11

Posted by: LeeLeeOne | August 27, 2007 10:15 PM

Oh for kriztaks! people! Lighten up! Will ya! This was not only funny but poignant (sadly - must we learn another thing we already know?)!

All religions are based on superstition, blah, blah, blah..... anti-theists are starting to sound like the theists.

Have a belly laugh for once, will ya? It feels good!

#12

Posted by: Paul | August 27, 2007 10:28 PM

I don't get it.

#13

Posted by: cm | August 27, 2007 10:38 PM

10% funny
30% juvenile
30% college art film
30% morally immature gore porn
-------
100% who the fuck cares

#14

Posted by: Teresa | August 27, 2007 10:45 PM

That's actually completely horrifying. Sorry.

I tried to see the funny. Really, I did.

#15

Posted by: Scott Simmons | August 27, 2007 10:57 PM

I swear Heinlein wrote up a confrontation like that once. Except it was Hare Krishnas and Scientologists ...

#16

Posted by: Crudely Wrott | August 27, 2007 11:43 PM

When the kid in blue stands up at the end I am reminded of a Gahan Wilson cartoon in Playboy some years ago. Maybe a few of you will remember.

A solitary soldier, clad in futuristic armor, bristling with undreamed of weaponry stands up in the midst of a city of rubble and looks about. Cartoony hints of radioactivity light the somber sky as the vapor of civilization rises upwards. Nothing else moves. With something like reverent incredulity the soldier marvels, "My God! I think I've won!"

#17

Posted by: Johnny Vector | August 28, 2007 12:12 AM

Johnny's Reviews sez:

Good premise, not the best acting. Several really good punches (perfect timing, well hidden misses, good knap), but they should have put the fight on grass or soft dirt, so the falls could have been real.

A little Jerome Robbins choreography wouldn't have gone amiss. C'mon, it's 50 years since West Side Story came out, and even Barenaked Ladies are stealing the finger-snapping bit. It's pretty much de rigeur. (Understand that if they had done it, of course I would hate them for being unoriginal.)

But really, the big problem is no arc. It needs an ending. Hello? Something like the end of The Battle of Epping Forest would work: No-one left alive; must be a draw / So the blackcap barons toss a coin to settle the score. This limp ending is like finishing a song with a fadeout; it shows you're not even trying.

C+. Shows promise, but not worth taking the family to see.

#18

Posted by: phat | August 28, 2007 1:41 AM

Needed a punch-line, so to speak.

The last man standing should have been shown yelling, "we won!" Or maybe they should have faded to the next day with the Jehovah's witnesses taking to the streets with no opposition.

phat

#19

Posted by: Nomad | August 28, 2007 1:41 AM

Am I the only one who was yelling "kick him in the goolies!" at the screen? I mean they had a girly guy, who should have gone for the crotch shot.

That and I felt there should have been a token action movie style neck break.. you know, the thing that looks like a chiropractor move.

And yes, the ending could have been a little stronger.. but I felt that there was a certain post apocalyptic feeling to the end, possibly even an intentional message about religious violence leading to mutual destruction.

#20

Posted by: Ed Darrell | August 28, 2007 1:48 AM

Entertaining premise, but it goes off the rails with just a physical fight.

P.Z., were the Scientologists downtown on State Street at about 2nd South when you lived in Salt Lake City? I worked with one former Mormon missionary who had a great way of dealing with the Scientologists and their sidewalk surveys. He'd answer the first couple of questions, and then he'd look the "surveyor" intensely in the eyes and say, "You know, friend, you look a little lost. What do you know about the Mormons? Would you like to know more?"

Magic words. They made the Scientologists disappear. Better than DEET with a mosquito.

#21

Posted by: Paul Mannering | August 28, 2007 2:58 AM

My dad got us black listed by the JW's.

Being a Marine Biologist and university lecturer he liked to talk science. He would not shut the door in their faces. Instead he would talk to them. For about 4 hours at a time.

Those poor bastards were to polite to excuse themselves and leave, and Dad never paused long enough for interjection. Hours and hours of being lectured about the science of evolution.

I think he may have converted a couple of them. They stopped coming around anyway.

#22

Posted by: Francesco | August 28, 2007 5:10 AM

Hey, I actually "witnessed" (...sorry about that) an event very much like that on one of my period travels up to Milano. But, obviously, it was a group of Catholics beating the hell out of some pathetic and pitiful JWs. This is not unusual at at in Italy, as you may imagine. Not funny either, since these things are always so damned one-sided, and often kept out of sight and hearing, in a country that is almost 95% Catholic. JWs, believe it or not, weigh in second at 5 or 6%. They have made a tiny breach, so they are not looked on with much fondness by anyone, inlcuding the local preists and other RCC parasite/rulers!!

Anyway, one almost felt sorry for the JWs. But, then, they really don't have to push so damned insistently do they? They know quite well that they are surrounded by Catholic nuts and willing to be beaten to death to push a radically different lunacy?? Come on! Even Muslims are far more circumspect and restrained in their proselytizing, considering the extraordinary racism and intolerance up in those northernmost parts of la bell'Italia. (But I'm carrying on)....Funny video.

#23

Posted by: Peter Ashby | August 28, 2007 5:39 AM

Paul Mannering wrote:
"My dad got us black listed by the JW's.
Being a Marine Biologist and university lecturer he liked to talk science. He would not shut the door in their faces. Instead he would talk to them. For about 4 hours at a time."

4 hours! damn. I thought I did well keeping them for 40 minutes doing the same. MInd you it was winter and we were leaking heat as I kept them on the doorstep. Mind you, they have not been back....

#24

Posted by: Lepht | August 28, 2007 6:34 AM

... spit my marshmallow right the fuck out onto my keyboard. thanks PeeZed.

Lepht

#25

Posted by: daenku32 | August 28, 2007 7:38 AM

Reminded me of a scene in Anchorman.

#26

Posted by: Dianne | August 28, 2007 7:53 AM

"If one of your hired men were to fall over dead while working the field, could you go over there and bring him back to life by a process of evolution?"

Evolution, no. Defibrillation, yes.

#27

Posted by: Firemancarl | August 28, 2007 8:24 AM

Bloody fantastic that! I loved it. I agree, woulda been funnier if there were athiests with signs eating popcorn watching it.

All in all, i thought it was pretty funny.

#28

Posted by: Stephen | August 28, 2007 9:54 AM

I would've liked it better if the survivor stood up and screamed "I'm free!", and then run off with all of their wallets.

#29

Posted by: Heather | August 28, 2007 10:08 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdKpzWk_kIc

Aside from the friggin' W sticker....... I thought this was pretty funny and appropriate.

#30

Posted by: Jaine | August 28, 2007 10:17 AM

I really wanted to see a swichblade cross. Also brass knuckles in the shape of a cross.

#31

Posted by: Reginald Selkirk | August 28, 2007 10:28 AM

But really, the big problem is no arc. It needs an ending.

What did you have in mind? Buddha shows up and admonishes both sides that they are accumulating bad karma?

#32

Posted by: frog | August 28, 2007 10:28 AM

Really says something about the value of sublimation...

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem is co-governed by the big churches of the 5th century - Catholics, Orthodox, Armenian (I think) and Copts. Now, in the intervening millenium, their success has been differential - so now the Copts have their corner of that church and some Upper Egyptians.

That leads to some tensions. Elderly monks have been known to smack each other over chair positions with access to sunlight that have been set by a thousand years of precedence. The Copts are particularly aggressive - those five inches of space are a significant portion of their total world influence. Reminds me of office space fights in cubicle-land!

#33

Posted by: Torbjörn Larsson, OM | August 28, 2007 10:46 AM

Not that religion peddlers are common here, but the local tactic is more insidious. Most often they pair up a young and pretty girl with a chaperon. Guess who first address the victim, before the handler steps in for the kill of the supposedly weakened victim.

[Always reminds me of the cheap but clean hotel in Rio I moved to after the generally known and expensive one turned out to be less than sanitary. The reason for them having the luxurious and meticulously clean bath rooms I found out when I was awaken from my after-beach siesta by the porter peddling one of his fancy dressed female, um, "friends". Selling practices are really universal, even if the definition of "room service" isn't. :-)]

Fortunately there are lots of pretty girls around here, so you are naturally inoculated against the sinful practices of religious fanatics. :-P

#34

Posted by: Mo | August 28, 2007 11:28 AM

This may have been inspired by, but isn't nearly as funny as, this scene from Anchorman.

#35

Posted by: ctenotrish, FCD | August 28, 2007 12:02 PM

Last time I traveled by airplane, I took along The Ancestor's Tale. I've never been happier with a book choice, as I was seated next to a man writing a sermon, frequently referring to his bible. He looked at my book, and never said a word to me the entire flight. It was great.

#36

Posted by: dwarf zebu | August 28, 2007 1:17 PM

But really, the big problem is no arc. It needs an ending.
What did you have in mind? Buddha shows up and admonishes both sides that they are accumulating bad karma?

How about a bunch of Hare Krishnas dancing around the fallen and on up the street?

#37

Posted by: Susan Brassfield Cogan | August 28, 2007 1:18 PM

I had a great experience with a couple of Mormons recently. They walked up to me with their speil and I said "You're wasting your time, I'm a Unitarian." Then one of them said "What's that?" :-) And I spent the next 10 minutes prosletyzing them. They couldn't WAIT to get back on their bikes and get out of there.

Most fun I've had in ages.

#38

Posted by: fierce-rabbit | August 28, 2007 1:18 PM

Speaking as a Recovering Mormon, thank you so much for this!

#39

Posted by: SteveyD | August 28, 2007 4:40 PM

I'm a former Mormon, left the ol' church at age of 18 right after high school, became an athiest and studied evolutionary biology in college. Much of my family is still in it, born and raised, living in Utah. My younger brother served a mission and many of my cousins are reaching the age to go. Remember that these young men and women are people and mean something to somebody else.

So please, for the love of everything, answer the door naked or something. They could use the shock and I NEED these stories.

Thank you

#40

Posted by: Robert Maynard | August 28, 2007 4:48 PM

This reminded me of a sequence on an old Australian program, John Safran Vs. God, in which he pitched a trailer for a feature film to producers in the Mormon film industry in Salt Lake City.

Xtreme Mormons. It's hilarious!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSeaoP9OPaA

#41

Posted by: BDM | August 28, 2007 6:44 PM

As George Carlin has said, "Any time a bunch of holy people start killing each other, I'm a happy guy!"

#42

Posted by: mschoppe | August 30, 2007 6:20 PM

It's a nice little video, but I agree the ending is lacking. A much better film in a similar vein is "The Saviour", which was nominated for an Oscar in the live-action short film category (and should have won, in my opinion). I haven't found it posted on-line anywhere, but a one minute clip is available.