Pharyngula

Why pirates are better than ninjas

This would be something like Reason #5,422.

Another reason is that there’s no such thing as “Talk Like a Ninja Day”. (Psssst…19 September. Arrrr.)

Comments

  1. #1 Patrick Quigley
    September 17, 2007

    Hmm. Perhaps this deserves to be changed to Reason #1.

  2. #2 Caucasian Jesus
    September 17, 2007

    Did you know that Jesus was a pirate?

  3. #3 EMR
    September 17, 2007

    To be fair, if “Talk Like a Ninja Day” actually involved talking, then it would ruin the point of being a silent assassin. “Talk Like a Ninja Day” would be more like “Shut the F*ck Up Day”, which on some days is definitely an idea I could get behind. 🙂

  4. #4 Sven DiMilo
    September 17, 2007

    aw, jeez, not “Talk Like a Pirate Day” again. As my wife said last year, when’s “Spit Like a Carthief Day” and “Sit Like a Rapist Day”? And as I pointed out last year, if we really wanted to talk like pirates these days, we ought to learn a dialect of Indonesian.

  5. #5 Rey Fox
    September 17, 2007

    ARRRRRRR, Sven, ye be harshin’ my mellow.

  6. #6 Dustin
    September 17, 2007

    Pirates get to plunder, and are gathered unto the Flying Spaghetti Monster to indulge in the beer volcano and enjoy the stripper factory.

    Ninjas just flip out and get super pissed and swallow frisbees. Idiots.

  7. #7 stogoe
    September 17, 2007

    “Talk Like a Ninja Day” would be more like “Shut the F*ck Up Day”, which on some days is definitely an idea I could get behind. 🙂

    While I like the idea of a “Shut the F*ck Up Day”, “Act Like a Ninja Day” would involve shutting the f*ck up and sneaking up behind people, then scaring the everliving crap out of them.

    “Act like a Pirate Day” would involve lechery, robbery, and battery. Which be a bit of a rhyme, me hearties.

  8. #8 CortxVortx
    September 17, 2007

    Yes, I am a pirate, 200 years too late.
    The cannons don’t thunder, there’s nothing to plunder,
    I’m an over-40 victim of fate,
    Arriving too late. Arriving too late.

    Jimmy Buffett, A Pirate Looks at 40

    — CV

  9. #9 JamesR
    September 17, 2007

    To git ya intha mood fer a bit o piratin.
    Go here:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44LRhTnbjoo
    A scene from “Yellowbeard” The pirate
    Stagger stagger crawl crawl

  10. #10 Rey Fox
    September 17, 2007

    “Act Like a Ninja Day” would involve shutting the f*ck up and sneaking up behind people, then scaring the everliving crap out of them.”

    No. They would be dead too quickly to be scared.

    And we’d also get to eat pizza and yell “COWABUNGA!”

  11. #11 Jon Strong
    September 17, 2007

    Forget Pirates and Ninjas..

    ROBOTS!

  12. #12 Joshua
    September 17, 2007

    Surely, you all realise that the whole pirate-ninja rivalry was only started because the ninjas thought it would be funny.

    Also: robot zombie ninjas.

  13. #13 Blake Stacey
    September 17, 2007

    Robot zombie ninja cephalopods.

    (Incidentally, this would be a good opportunity to test Internet Rule 34b: “If you can think of it, Japan has done it with schoolgirls.”)

  14. #14 Donalbain
    September 17, 2007

    I must say, I have never understood the appeal of pirates. Piracy wasnt cool and fun, it was violent, brutish and short. Rape, theft, murder and slavery have never really been a source of fun for me..

  15. #15 Caucasian Jesus
    September 17, 2007

    Donalbain, if it was good enough for God, it’s good enough for ALL OF US!

  16. #16 Bob L
    September 17, 2007

    I must say, I have never understood the appeal of pirates. Piracy wasnt cool and fun, it was violent, brutish and short. Rape, theft, murder and slavery have never really been a source of fun for me..

    The rapist, slaver murderers were false pirates, that’s why we have Global Warming now. We are talking about TRUE Pirates? here who plunder for a betterment of mankind.

  17. #17 Sarcastro
    September 17, 2007

    Ahem.

    Talk like a pirate DAY… silent like a ninja in the NIGHT!

    It’s baaad ass!

  18. #18 stogoe
    September 17, 2007

    Piracy wasnt cool and fun, it was violent, brutish and short.

    Violence and brutishness are enjoyable. See: Pro Wrestling, Ultimate Fighting, 24, Sin City, Fight Club, etc.

  19. #19 SEF
    September 17, 2007

    Have you found a way to install the talk-like-a-pirate filter (as per the original Pharyngula website) on ScienceBlogs posts yet, PZ?

  20. #20 Sam
    September 17, 2007

    Wait a minute, according to my Despair, Inc. calendar, talk like a pirate day is on the 18th…

    I suppose two is better than one.

  21. #21 R!
    September 17, 2007

    R!! RRR R! R
    !R R!R! R
    !R!! !! R!R !
    RRR R!

  22. #22 SEF
    September 17, 2007

    I think you’re missing a singleton exclamation mark (for morse E) at the end there.

  23. #23 K. Engels
    September 17, 2007

    D00ds do u know any 1337 warez sites!?

    What? Wrong kind of pirate!?

  24. #24 R!
    September 17, 2007

    !R !R! !R! RR! !!!!

  25. #25 Ian B Gibson
    September 17, 2007

    It just goes to show that if you dress up in a silly outfit and talk funny, you can get away with murder (and rape and pillage) and people will think you’re cool!

  26. #26 blf
    September 17, 2007

    Bar-grragh! A’ordint ‘ta http://www.talklikeapirate.com/tlapd07.html#Europe t’s ni squakint da’ ina France…

    (I won’t even attempt that en Français!)

  27. #27 Midwestern Gent
    September 17, 2007

    Piracy wasnt cool and fun, it was violent, brutish and short.

    Wait, are we talking about pirates or Dick Cheney?

  28. #28 noncarborundum
    September 17, 2007

    Wait a minute, according to my Despair, Inc. calendar, talk like a pirate day is on the 18th.

    Arrr, matey, it’s the 19th for sure, it is, and has been for at least a couple of thousand years.

  29. #29 c
    September 17, 2007

    Re: #9

    “Wouldn’t be the first head I’ve et.”

    — CV

  30. #30 Kel
    September 17, 2007

    When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches?

    Never, because nobody ever sees a ninja; they’ll silently kill you before you even know they’re there.

  31. #31 Micah
    September 17, 2007

    As awesome as pirates admittedly are (and I point to Pirate Batman kicking a shark in the face as Exhibit A), I remain reluctant to crown them the winners.

    Because, really, Dr. McNinja.

  32. #32 K. Engels
    September 17, 2007

    When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches?

    Never, because nobody ever sees a ninja; they’ll silently kill you before you even know they’re there.

    Not to mention the fact that some of the best ninjas are ‘wenches’…

  33. #33 Tacticus
    September 17, 2007

    I always thought talk like a ninja day would be a bit difficult.
    The requirement to carry subtitles around with you could get troublesome http://www.reallifecomics.com/archive/010907.html

    anyways stealth ninja pirate bunnies will defeat all

  34. #34 Laser Potato
    September 17, 2007

    Yeah, but what about pirates who just happen to be ninjas (eg. One Piece?)

  35. #35 dogmeatib
    September 17, 2007

    Isn’t there a “Shut the F*ck Up Day” ???

    uh oh…

  36. #36 Dahan
    September 17, 2007

    Why don’t we have a “take a pirate to work” day? Seems like a natural enough thing. Certainly better than “bring your violent, stinky, ill-mannered pet to work” day.

  37. #37 MAJeff
    September 17, 2007

    Marge: So does that earring mean you’re a pirate?

    “Pirate”: Kinda.

  38. #38 Blake Stacey
    September 17, 2007

    Come to think of it, Japan seems to be slow in providing us with Ninja Lolita. However. . . .

  39. #40 A Hermit
    September 17, 2007

    I wanna be one of those cool glow-in-the-dark ninjas…

  40. #41 cajela
    September 18, 2007

    Arrr! And please. We’re not stupid. Yeah, yeah, we all know, real pirates are in fact bad. In other news, water is wet, and creationists are liars. That’s why we here are all, in fact, fictional pirates. Except for those of us who are fictional ninjas, robots, cephalopods, zombies &c.

    Avast! Flee from the wrath of Cap’n Kate Blackheart, ye scurvy po-faced landlubber, or prepare to die like a mangy squid! Arrr.

  41. #42 tom
    September 18, 2007

    When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches? When was the last time you saw a ninja period? That’s right, boys. We sneak into your house and make sweet ninja love to your wife while your at work… sort of like the milk man.

  42. #43 Torbjörn Larsson, OM
    September 18, 2007

    When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches?

    Someone hasn’t played games or read hentai lately. Let me repeat: the best ninjas are wenches.

  43. #44 Torbjörn Larsson, OM
    September 18, 2007

    When was the last time you saw a ninja with wenches?

    Someone hasn’t played games or read hentai lately. Let me repeat: the best ninjas are wenches.

  44. #45 Brandon P.
    September 18, 2007

    Ninjas:

    1. Pizza

    2. “Cowabunga!”

    3. Nifty swords

    4. Stealth

    5. Demigod-like agility

    6. Nunchaku

    7. Cool outfits

    Pirates:

    1. Jack Sparrow

    2. Rum

    NINJAS WIN.

  45. #46 Brandon P.
    September 18, 2007

    T. rexes beat both though. As do cyborgs and Spartans.

    Spartan ninja pirates riding cyborg T. rexes are clearly the pinnacles of awesome.

  46. #48 Heather
    September 18, 2007

    Arghh…aye, it be talk like a pirate day tomorrow. But when is talk like a corsair day? All the plundering, sailing, raping and plank-walking – but with the king’s permission. That’s what I want – the chance to take whatever I want and not have to worry about some fool capturing me and making an example of me by hanging (or worse).

  47. #49 bernarda
    September 18, 2007

    There are some good parodies of “Modern Major General” on youtube.

    “I am the very model of a popular youtube auteur”.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDxxuHkUMRI&mode=related&search=

    “I am the very model of a modern major googler”.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp9KHc6qLXQ&mode=related&search=

    “I am the very model of a Singularitarian”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnreVTKtpMs&mode=related&search=

  48. #50 Caduceus
    September 18, 2007

    Micah has a point. After all, Dr. McNinja is a doctor who is also a ninja.

  49. #51 Zeolite
    September 19, 2007

    The second annual Minneapolis Pirate Pub Crawl is coming up on Oct. 6th. Last year Pirate Jesus attended! I just posted some photos from last year on my blog (including Pirate Jesus) Check out http://www.piratepubcrawl.com for more photos, a short movie clip from last year, and 2007 details. Hope to see you there!

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