…and this is a 
On the utility of mice
Category: Weirdness
Posted on: September 11, 2007 10:00 AM, by PZ Myers
I'm soon to run off to a class in which we're going to discuss 16th-17th century science (Vesalius, Bacon, Harvey, Hooke, etc.), and there's an amusing passage in J.A. Moore's book that I have to share. It's a description of a bestiary by Edward Topsell that explains the importance and usefulness of various animals, including mice. Mice seemed to do everything.
A mouse can be skinned, cut in two, and placed over an arrow wound to help the healing process; if a mouse is beaten into pieces and mixed with old wine, the concoction will cause hair to grow on the eyelids; if skinned, steeped in oil, and rubbed with salt, the mouse will cure pains in the lungs; sodden mice can prevent children from urinating too much; mice that are burned and converted to powder are fine for cleaning the teeth; mouse dung, prepared in various manners, is useful for treating sciatica, headache, migraine, the tetters, scabs, red bunches on the head, gout, wounds, spitting of blood, colick, constipation, stones, producing abortions, putting on weight, and increasing lactation in women.
One does wonder if there was a plague of people running around with hairy eyelids in 1607, and I'm almost tempted to try the pulped mouse in wine for the effect. The toothpaste recipe…eh, only if I never wanted to be kissed again.
Humanities & Social Science
Medicine & Health
Comments
Wow! Mice are almost as useful as doughnuts!
Posted by: True Bob | September 11, 2007 10:15 AM
Mouse-dung abortions? Even in the 16th century science was the Devil's Work!
Posted by: bokanovsky process | September 11, 2007 10:20 AM
I've got a headache this big (|_________ |), and it's got Mouse Dung written all over it!
Posted by: John Marley | September 11, 2007 10:21 AM
I for one am glad science found a real cure for red bunches on the head.
And I'm imagining a parent of that time shouting up the attic stairs, "And you'll get still more sodden mice in your bed if you wet it again!"
Handling mouse dung? Those people obviously never heard of hantavirus.
Posted by: Hank Fox | September 11, 2007 10:22 AM
Ah, that takes me back to my childhood when I could always count on a sodden mouse to prevent me from urinating too much.
Posted by: Fnord Prefect | September 11, 2007 10:24 AM
A mouse a day keeps the doctor away.
Posted by: Gray Lensman | September 11, 2007 10:27 AM
Those people obviously never heard of hantavirus.
Hey, who's the barber, here?
Posted by: AJ Milne | September 11, 2007 10:32 AM
That's AMAZING!!! I'm going to run down to the garage and check the traps right now!
Posted by: Cat's Staff | September 11, 2007 10:34 AM
Now that Mickey has cured it, just what are "red bunches on the head"?
Posted by: raindogzilla | September 11, 2007 10:35 AM
PETA has been covering up these useful mouse remedies for years.
Posted by: procyon | September 11, 2007 10:42 AM
In the fields of science and medicine, this is keenly funny ... because we've moved on.
Rather than the assertion hidden in certain godder claims that science is no good because it changes and grows and learns ("Scientists once believed the sun revolved around the earth! Scientists thought Piltdown Man was real!" And now, I suppose "Scientists once thought a dead mouse could cure anything!"), that change and growth and learning is the foundation of science.
Because of it, we can laugh today at the state of the art in the 1600s, and take pride in how far things have come in 400 years.
On the far other side of reality, religion/superstition never moved on, never grew, never learned. I often see people in Yahoo chat rooms discussing religious events that happened thousands of years ago as if they were critical breaking news. They swallow every dead myth as if it was lobster, and expect to be nourished and strengthened by it.
They see the unchangingness of it all as a strength, rather than a fatal weakness. Godders once believed a man healed lepers just by touching them. They STILL DO.
And that's keenly sad.
Posted by: Hank Fox | September 11, 2007 10:43 AM
The mouse toothpaste sounds great!
If you're a cat.
Posted by: Graculus | September 11, 2007 10:49 AM
A mouse has many lives, certainly more than a cat. And the present life of a healing mouse could well be named Homeopathy; or you could chose one the other many complementary "pathies".
Posted by: Dr PS Sugathan | September 11, 2007 10:50 AM
Just try getting any of those mouse protocols past IACUC.
A motivated individual could probably find published transgenic mouse models that correspond to most of the listed human ailments....
Posted by: Barn Owl | September 11, 2007 10:53 AM
Mice are also good for spreading the plague. Or were they still blaming that on witches and cats in 1607?
Posted by: Rey Fox | September 11, 2007 11:24 AM
Strangely enough, male mice can actually induce miscarriages in female mice (using pheromones - they're not into scat, so far as I know).
I suppose it's at least conceivable that ingesting waste from a male mouse might trigger a miscarriage in humans as well.
That's pretty much the only semi-plausible item I saw in the list, though.
Posted by: Thanny | September 11, 2007 11:26 AM
Posted by: Reginald Selkirk | September 11, 2007 11:44 AM
I don't know, I think I might try the burnt-mouse tooth-powder idea. I'm getting kind of tired of the taste of the burnt shrew powder I've been using for years.
Posted by: Sve n DiMilo | September 11, 2007 11:46 AM
All I thought they were good for was lunch for my cat. A movable feast so to speak.
Posted by: Ken Mareld | September 11, 2007 11:55 AM
i'm not about to try to disprove it, so it certainly must be true. some questions remain: why would anybody want hair on their eyelids, and why would anybody even think to try this particular method as a way of achieving anything at all?
(my personal theory: people got so insanely bored in the age before the internet, television, and cheap paperbacks, that even sex and alcohol could not waste enough of their time...)
Posted by: Nomen Nescio | September 11, 2007 11:56 AM
and back then, they knew how to produce them in bulk for all these uses.
Posted by: Mark (Monty) Montague | September 11, 2007 11:57 AM
That's pretty much the only semi-plausible item I saw in the list, though.
The toothpaste is viable. Ground up bone ash would be a very fine abrasive, just like today's toothpolishes. It's just the "ick" factor that makes it seem strange.
Posted by: Graculus | September 11, 2007 11:58 AM
Interesting he would just comment on abortions like they were a normal everyday thing people might want. The arrow wound treatment might draw out maggots, though I understand that having the right kind of maggots in a wound actually helps.
Posted by: bacopa | September 11, 2007 12:03 PM
mmmmmmmm, mouse beaten into pieces....
Posted by: terry | September 11, 2007 12:43 PM
Hank Fox wrote:
Ah, Hank, I wish I could join in with you and use this as a clear example scientific progress which even the general public can easily see and accept, but this uses-for-a-mouse excerpt sounds far too much like the kind of stuff promoted in So-Called Alternative Medicine. In fact, I had to glance back to confirm that this was the synopsis of a medical view from the 16th century, and not a Naturopath giving advice in Holistic Healing Magazine last week. The only real clue that it's the former and not the latter is that, today, they would not be so mean to the mice.
Posted by: Sastra | September 11, 2007 12:50 PM
Wouldn't today's homeopaths drown the mouse, and then superdilute the water? Water has memory, right?
/sheesh
Posted by: True Bob | September 11, 2007 1:15 PM
Maybe the skin serves as a sort of band-aid? I suppose that could work.
Posted by: Inky | September 11, 2007 1:20 PM
No no no.
You beat the mouse to pieces, steep in alcohol, (or milk, or whatever - depending on the latest fad) then dilute that tincture in a series of systematic dilutions and successions. Each dilution should be 100 to 1 of pure water. This should be done at least 30 times for a 30C Homeopathic mouse formula.
Good for curing whatever mouse-like symptoms that might plague you, and guaranteed not to make your symptoms worse.
In fact, this Homeopathic medicine works so well that even if you merely consider taking it (say, sometime next week) I guarantee you will be prevented from growing a long hairless pink tail!
Now that's effective!
Posted by: Calladus | September 11, 2007 1:24 PM
why would anybody want hair on their eyelids
Why, to draw attention away from the hair growing on the palms of their hands, of course.
That, or they singed off eyelashes while attending a heretic-burning.
Posted by: Barn Owl | September 11, 2007 1:24 PM
mouse dung ... is useful for treating sciatica, headache, migraine, the tetters, scabs, red bunches on the head, gout, wounds, spitting of blood, colick, constipation, stones...
How would I know if I had the tetters? Is that worse than have a single tetter? Is having the tetters worse than having mouse dung prepared in various manners? Do people still get the tetters today? Does it cause red bunches on the head? Bunches of what? I do have gout; do I stuff the mouse dung down in my boots? Who cleans the mouse dung off the floor when I track it in?
Inquiring minds are obviously quite bored today.....
Posted by: Hairy Doctor Professor | September 11, 2007 1:53 PM
Well, but that's not SCIENCE. It wasn't Alternative Medicine that found a cure for red bunches on the head.
Posted by: Hank Fox | September 11, 2007 2:03 PM
Hank @#11 - Great, now you've made me want lobster.
Sweet, sweet lobster. mmmmmmm.
Better than eating mice, that's for sure.
Posted by: King Aardvark | September 11, 2007 2:05 PM
Lumps of mangled mouse sitting on your eyelids, I imagine.
Posted by: Anton Mates | September 11, 2007 2:09 PM
Hairy Doctor Professor:
"What Is Tetter?"
Used to hear the word all the time on the Gold Bond Medicated Powder commercials.
Posted by: Hank Fox | September 11, 2007 2:09 PM
I was told by a disreputable dermatologist that "tetter" was hillbilly for tinea versicolor.
Posted by: raindogzilla | September 11, 2007 2:25 PM
As Kliban's Fat Cat says:
Love to eat those mousies
Mousies what I love to eat
Bite they little heads off
Nibble on they tiny feet
Posted by: pcs | September 11, 2007 2:53 PM
While one is beating a mouse into pieces for use as a hair growth treatment, is it neccessary or useful to hum "Three Blind Mice" or perhaps "The Bells of St. Mary's?" I went bald too early for rogain to be available, so I was thinking I could do an eyelid comb-over if it works well.
Also, I am quite curious as to the method involved in using
sodden mice to cure a weak bladder. What exactly is a "sodden mouse?" Do you keep it in a jug of water, or do you have to get it drunk? I imagine it's more of a demonstration for the child-you get the mouse drunk so it can't run away yet has to pee. You explain to the child that urinating too much is bad. When the mouse urinates, you beat the mouse into pieces and place it on your eyelids. You will cure the child of over-urination immediately, although he may shit his pants.
Posted by: Neil | September 11, 2007 4:15 PM
The hantavirus had never heard of them. It comes from North America, doesn't it?
On "sodden", compare German gesotten, an archaic term for... "cooked" or "fried" or something. Probably "cooked", because it's connected to "boil".
Posted by: David Marjanović | September 11, 2007 4:31 PM
A classic crackpot can be skinned, cut into two, and placed next to little lawyers to confound the rational; if a crackpot is beaten into pieces and mixed with old superstitions, the concoction will cause hairy chested bigots to spout religion; if skinned, steeped in oil, and rubbed with salt, the crackpot will spoil the salt and make the oil rancid; sodden crackpots cause sleeplessness with drink-talk; crackpots that are burned and converted to power are fine for cleaning drains; crackpot dung, available in various books, is useful for laughs, frivolous lawsuits, inane laws, witch burning, and increasing the stupidity of the masses.
Posted by: blf | September 11, 2007 4:33 PM
"That, or they singed off eyelashes while attending a heretic-burning."
...or while burning mice in the manufacture of tooth-brushing powder.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | September 11, 2007 4:43 PM
the mouse problem
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ihuv5z6nqWw
"there is something of the mouse in all of us"
"its not a question of wanting to be a mouse"
Posted by: pkiwi | September 11, 2007 4:46 PM
ok, i've mixed the beaten mouse with old wine.
do i drink it or apply it directly to my eyelids?
Posted by: tony | September 11, 2007 5:15 PM
A few years ago, I spent an afternoon with an original of Topsell's bestiary at the NY Public Library. The healing properties of mice is not special. Almost all animals have, as the final section about them, a description of the ill-health conditions they may ameliorate, and the method of preparation for these cures.
The book also contains descriptions of animals nowadays generally considered mythical (griffin, manticore, etc) but the author does make judgements. He doubts the existance of unicorns, but believes that the similar rhinoceros probably is real.
And I enjoyed reading that 16th-century cats rubbed against your ankles just like modern ones do. I wouldn't doubt that cats have always done that, but I had never thought about how cats behaved in the 16th century.
The woodcuts, sourced from all over, are a major treat. I used some of them http://www.hexatron.com/Coloring/index.html
Posted by: Hexatron | September 11, 2007 7:43 PM
"or you could chose one the other many complementary 'pathies'."
Pathies is right. Path(olog)ies.
Posted by: sil-chan | September 11, 2007 8:38 PM
MOUSE DUNG - Apply Directly to the Forehead!
Posted by: beccarii | September 11, 2007 8:47 PM
175 illustrations from Topsell's bestiary (published in 1607):
http://info.lib.uh.edu/sca/digital/beast/toc.html
10 full minutes' worth of the original Head On commercial:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=smUCdkx-YGQ
Posted by: beccarii | September 11, 2007 9:32 PM
According to "The Chronic Diseases, Their Specific Nature and Their Homeopathic Treatment" by Charles Julius Hempel and Samuel Hahnemann, (New York, 1846), "the tetters [are] (small white itching pimples in clusters)".
Although I must admit that the Gold Bond Powder link is more entertaining.
The sixteenth and seventeenth century is my field, and mice seem to have been commonly used as poultices: a couple of mice split in two and tied to the feet is mentioned as a chilblains cure in "The Knight of the Burning Pestle".
Posted by: jrochest | September 11, 2007 11:21 PM
"The woodcuts, sourced from all over, are a major treat. I used some of them http://www.hexatron.com/Coloring/index.html"
Yow! That is the coolest thing ever made ever Hexatron! Ever!
Posted by: Brownian | September 11, 2007 11:58 PM
We've secretly switched the homeopathic ointments in this fine apothecary for mouse dung -- let's see if any of our patrons will notice the switch. /voiceover
Posted by: thalarctos | September 12, 2007 1:26 AM
Now you're just trying to make me snap, aren't you, beccarii?
Posted by: thalarctos | September 12, 2007 1:34 AM
Hey look! A polar bear! :-)
Posted by: Kseniya | September 12, 2007 3:14 AM
Now I know why they say Chinese food is the best ;)
Posted by: Dr. Zhwango | September 12, 2007 6:53 AM
Yet another use for mice:
if you put mouse liver in figs and feed those to pigs, the pigs will follow you (without grunting!) wherever you go.
Source: John Jonston, Beschrijving van de natuur der vier-voetige dieren (for those of you who read Dutch)
Posted by: Marina Muilwijk | September 12, 2007 8:35 AM
All this talk of mice reminded me of a clip from NOVA: Origins: How Life Began
NEIL deGRASSE TYSON:So how did life begin? Well, over the years, people have come up with some pretty creative answers to this question. One of my favorites comes from a 17th century scientist who wrote down a recipe for creating life from scratch.
Let's see, it says here, "Take a dirty garment, place it in a vessel. Next add wheat." Then, according to the recipe, after fermenting for 21 days, mice will appear fully formed.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/transcripts/3112_origins.html
tgb
Posted by: tim | September 12, 2007 10:28 AM
the tetters? does anyone know what the tetters were?
Posted by: kelly | September 12, 2007 2:16 PM
Thalactros,
With regard to:
"Now you're just trying to make me snap, aren't you, becarii?"
...sorry about that - I hope that my apology will permit me to escape the spree. On the other hand, about eight minutes in, the piece tends to produce a bright, shiny calmness...
b
Posted by: beccarii | September 12, 2007 7:54 PM
Hi, Kseniya! Yes, sightings are rare these days; it's busy season; whether fortunately or unfortunately is not yet clear.
And beccarii, your "commercial" made me laugh out loud, rather than wanting to pull an Elvis on the screen, like the regular ads make me want to do. So sure, you can escape the spree, no problem.
Posted by: thalarctos | September 13, 2007 12:35 AM