Pharyngula

You know, when a conservative Christian minister, graduate of Liberty University, and friend of Jerry Falwell is found dead under these circumstances

Clothing: The decedent was received wearing two (2) wet suits, one scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5) belts, eleven (11) straps.

Personal Effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left ring finger, one dildo.

…you know that somehow, somewhere, someone is going to blame the liberals.

Although I think Mrs Tilton has the right response — it’s a shame and a waste that someone spent a life sanctimoniously denouncing people just like him. If he’d been a godless liberal, maybe he would have joined a club, been a little happier, had a lot less self-loathing, and still be alive today.

But man, two wetsuits? A little moderation in all things is a wise dictum.

Comments

  1. #1 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    And WTF?? TWO wetsuits?? I mean, I’m sure Jesus probably told him to take up scuba diving so he could minister to the hellbound sinners in the diver subculture, but … damn.

    Well, I never saw him at the meetings.

    as any diver will tell ya:

    It’s hard to go down with two wetsuits on.

  2. #2 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    seriously, though, there does seem to be a rather sharp increase in hypocrite mortality of late.

    Is it the rapture?

    maybe we had it wrong all these years and it was the kinky who would inherit the kingdom of god?

    if that’s the case, maybe it wasn’t as boring as we were led to believe.

  3. #3 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    it’d be impossible to stuff a dead guy into two wetsuits. Unless … was he all greased up?

    nope, that still wouldn’t eliminate one or the other hypothesis, as many divers use either talc or lubrication to put on their wetsuits. However, the ones with nylon fabric inside and outside -especially the velour type of fabric on the inside- are much easier to don/doff.

  4. #4 Buffybot
    October 10, 2007

    Thanks for clearing things up on the talc/lube issues, Ichthyic. I was thinking back to the last time I put on a wetsuit, and it was a struggle. Couldn’t imagine going through that twice and having any energy left for activities as strenuous as whatever this guy was getting up to.

    This whole scenario is way too much like something from a Carl Hiaasen book.

  5. #5 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    Couldn’t imagine going through that twice and having any energy left for activities as strenuous as whatever this guy was getting up to.

    indeed, suggests maybe in fact the poor boyo was using the standard neoprene with no lube at all; maybe he died of overexertion instead of asphyxia!

    heck, I recall a couple of times using the older neoprene where I nearly killed myself with overexertion getting the damn thing on, and I was much younger than this poor fella (and not trying to put one on top of the other!).

    oh, and just for filler, the lube we usually used was simply dishwashing soap, if talc wasn’t available. as a bonus, the dishsoap was far easier to remove, and left your suit smelling of palmolive (“you’re soaking in it!”).

    all went away after the nylon cloth interior suits got more popular, though.

  6. #6 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    hmm, yes, could be a contributing factor as well. Of course, it’s really all idle (but fun!) speculation since the coroner listed the cause of death as “mechanical asphyxiation”.

    If the coroner listed the cause of death as “heart failure due to complications”, or something similar, I would lend more weight the the idea that the wetsuits might really have had more to do with it.

    OTOH, he could have been so exhausted after donning the multiple suits, that he made some silly errors…

  7. #7 windy
    October 10, 2007

    Thanks for clearing things up on the talc/lube issues, Ichthyic. I was thinking back to the last time I put on a wetsuit, and it was a struggle.

    Try wearing panty-hose under the wetsuit next time. (I mean while scuba diving! really! :)

  8. #8 Brownian
    October 10, 2007

    Cuttlefish is clearly angling for a Molly.

    Since we’re still weeks away from voting, here’s a gold star for Cuttle’s efforts.

  9. #9 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    “Yeah, but you can’t pee in your drysuit. Good times.”

    Yes you can.

    Greatest invention in the history of mankind I tells ya. Emphasis on mankind, sorry ladies it doesn’t work as well for females.

    ah, but technically, you still are not peeing IN the suit:

    The urine goes through the tube, out the valve, and into the water.

    we used to call our westsuits on long dives…

    portable jacuzzis.

    Don’t ask where the bubbles come from.

  10. #10 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    ah, i see we were thinking exactly the same thing, tharlactos.

    LOL

  11. #11 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    … when I first started learning how to dive (I was around 15 at the time), my instructor used to drink a couple of cups of coffee before every dive.

    It took me a while, but I finally asked him why he did that…

    That might have been how I got hooked on coffee.

  12. #12 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    Dammit, I never tried the Jacuzzi!

    There’s still time, yes?

    Puget Sound must still have some great diving spots.

  13. #13 Ichthyic
    October 10, 2007

    Later, if I can have it surgically well-enough repaired that I can be sure my intestines won’t do an Aliens on ascent

    here’s hoping that’s a solid prognosis. being a fish outta water is no damn fun.

  14. #14 thalarctos
    October 10, 2007

    LOL, Kseniya!

    Thanks for the good wishes, ichthyic: (raises fist and touches it to top of head).

  15. #15 Ichthyic
    October 11, 2007

    calladus –

    after checking that forum, I note that the last post is from:

    Sly Fox
    Master of Fundamentalism

    who notes that the person who tried (not so subtly) to call attention to how Double-Trouble actually died was banned from the forum.

    I was so tempted to login and simply post the link to this thread. Still trying to figure out what stopped me pulling the trigger there.

  16. #16 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 11, 2007

    He was actually found wearing a “Vote GW Bush 2004″ T-shirt.
    The police just dressed him in that other stuff to lower the embarrassment factor for the family.

    ROTFL!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

  17. #17 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 11, 2007

    He was actually found wearing a “Vote GW Bush 2004″ T-shirt.
    The police just dressed him in that other stuff to lower the embarrassment factor for the family.

    ROTFL!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

  18. #18 Ichthyic
    October 11, 2007

    Clearly, I was mistaken.

    your take was not ignored, but merely criticized.

    good luck with that thin skin of yours, if you ever plan on defending your own ideas*.

    *suggest LOTS of sunblock

  19. #19 Ichthyic
    October 11, 2007

    Still trying to figure out what stopped me pulling the trigger there.

    actually, I went back (target was just too tempting), tried to register but was unable to – no email response from the registration server.

    I must not have entered the secret code words under my “faith statement” correctly.

    I tried: Post hoc, ergo propter hoc , but i guess they didn’t like that.

  20. #20 Ichthyic
    October 11, 2007

    PZ, I just checked and you don’t seem to have up a post about this much more damning news article concerning the ethics of the evangelicals. This Liberty U. guy is merely pathetic and rediculous whereas Roberts is seriously f__king his donors and the political process.

    hmm, IIRC, PZ did have a post up about this, but it was before the 8th, so has scrolled off the “recent post” list.

    ah, here ya go:

    http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2007/10/scratch_a_rich_christian_watch.php

  21. #21 embertine
    March 27, 2008

    I think the slippers are a nice touch. Are we thinking pink fluffy mules, or plaid grandad slippers?

  22. #22 DingoDave
    December 1, 2008

    Calladus wrote @ #103:
    “I’ve been browsing around the ‘net to see how his flock are dealing with things. A self-identified fundamentalist forum started out with shock at the pastor’s apparent “murder”, but the shock only deepens as they find out the truth and start calling each other names.”

    Guess what is right at the top of their web page?
    Believe it or not, a link to an advertisment for “Christian Clothing and Christian apparel”.

    Oh, the irony!

  23. #23 RickrOll
    December 2, 2008

    Azkyroth: “Bloody hell, are there any prominent (homo/sexo)phobes who AREN’T just building a machinegun nest in the back of the closet?”- i was slapping myself reading this one. Seriously funny, to bad it only applies to Red gay guys.

  24. #24 Anonymous
    April 26, 2009

    dr patricia farrell palos heights

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