Pharyngula

I get email

You guys are so unlucky. You don’t get to regularly read the glory that is the awesome creationist Neal. I shall be generous and share a few of his latest rants with you.

Note: the language in these comments is about what you’d expect from a potty-mouthed 8-year-old. You have been warned.

Lets, for one moment, forget the social conventionally traditional, “this
is what the fuck we want to be the reality of the situation” type stupid
logic that myers, etc etc etc want to be able to continue to slam down the
throats of everybody around them. And to make themselves “FEOW SO
GOOOOOOOD” about their personal emotionally loaded biases against things
such as “religion” “unexplained phenomena” “just wanting to let everyone
know how brilliant I am” (to make up for “my feelings of inadequacy” (after
all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck me)

You STUPID ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! YOU REALLY DON’T SEE HOW VASTLY INADEQUATE YOU
GODDAMN ASSERTIONS ARE (IN WHAT-EVER SO CALLED “SCIENTIFIC” PROGRAM) IN
EVEN COMING CLOSE TO EVEN BEGINNING TO START ANY SORT OF LEGITIMATE
DESCRIPTION OF THE FUCKING IMMENSE BIO-PHYSICAL-CHEMICAL ORGANIZATIONAL
PATHWAYS ARE REQUIRED TO EVEN REMOTELY (NO MATTER HOW FUCKING MUCH TIME IS
AVAILABLE) COME CLOSE TO EVEN STARTING SOME SORT OF RESEMBLANCE TO THE
BEGINNINGS OF A (WHAT THE FUCK?) LIVING CELL!!!! YOU PHONY BASTARDS!!!!!!!

Neal has an amazingly rapid ramp-up from normal text and punctuation to full-blown all-caps, underpants-on-the-head exclamation-points-in-a-volley mode, doesn’t he?

He took a break for a day and then he fired off this one. I don’t think he has entirely calmed down yet — he’s awfully close to the screaming threshold already and doesn’t last long before blowing up.

Let us attempt to define “smart” college students.

The a-priori (fox in the chicken house) representative would clearly
(without any kind of meaningful vastly required evidences) define “smart
college student” as one that BLINDLY ACCEPTS THE VASTLY UNSUBSTANTIATED
STATUS QUO, THE RESULTS OF THE ASSERTIONS OF THE PHILOSOPHICALLY DRIVEN
PSEUDO-SCIENTISTS (WHO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY “SLIDE” THEIR
UNSUBSTANTIATED WISHES AND PREFERRED BELIEF SYSTEMS INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN
BECAUSE OF THE VAST IGNORANCE OF THE (REALLY!!!) INNOCENT PUBLIC!!!!!!!!
YOU BASTARDS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN HITLER TYPE IDIOTS WHO HAVE HAD THE
(UNTIL NOW) UNMITIGATED POSITION TO CLAIM YOUR (WHAT SO MANY PEOPLE NOW CAN
SEE AS) PHILOSOPHICAL PREFERENCES REALLY HAVE ANY KIND OF MATERIAL
SUBSTANCES TO WHAT YOU WANT TO CLAIM AS FACT!!!!!! AND YOU WONDER WHY THE
MAJORITY OF THE (WHAT YOU WISH TO BE IGNORANT, BUT ARE REALLY MORE INFORMED
THAN YOU ASSHOLES!!!) PUBLIC CONTINUES TO CONTEST YOUR POSITIONS OF
PUBLICALLY FUNDED PRIVILEDGE!!!!!!!
GO HOME, GET ANOTHER JOB, FORGET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR “NATURE VS. RELIGION”
YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!

Edit this out too just like you love to do when you want to preserve your
beloved position of nonsense!!!!!!!

This guy needs to get on YouTube. I really want to see a live performance. When Harlan Ellison coined the word “bugfuck,” he was giving us a glimpse into the future Neal.

Comments

  1. #1 raindogzilla
    October 29, 2007

    “When Harlan Ellison coined the word “bugfuck,” he was giving us a glimpse into the future Neal.”

    “Fucktard” works well, too.

  2. #2 Bad Albert
    October 29, 2007

    Yes, please let us know when he’s on YouTube. I’ll make the popcorn.

  3. #3 Spalanzani
    October 29, 2007

    Crazy Swearing Guy: “And to make themselves “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD” about their personal emotionally loaded biases against things such as “religion” “unexplained phenomena” “just wanting to let everyone know how brilliant I am” (to make up for “my feelings of inadequacy” (after all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck me)”

    Did anyone else notice that he accused PZ of having a loaded bias against “just wanting to let everyone know how brilliant I am”? Probably not what he intended to say.

  4. #4 Michael X
    October 29, 2007

    I think the market for vulgar shouting is actually already saturated on youtube. Not to mention, Neal barely qualifies to be one of the more idiotic youtube commenters.

  5. #5 demallien
    October 29, 2007

    Can we nominte Neal for the next Molly? I mean, seriously, no-one on Pharyngula makes me laugh as much as this guy.

    And count me in for encouraging him to do a YouTube version. Maybe we could send him a webcam? 🙂

  6. #6 Matt
    October 29, 2007

    I’ll chip in 5 bucks if were planning on taking up a collection for the webcam idea!

  7. #7 Feshy
    October 29, 2007

    The a-priori (fox in the chicken house) representative would clearly (without any kind of meaningful vastly required evidences) define “smart college student” as one that BLINDLY ACCEPTS THE VASTLY UNSUBSTANTIATED STATUS QUO, THE RESULTS OF THE ASSERTIONS OF THE PHILOSOPHICALLY DRIVEN PSEUDO-SCIENTISTS (WHO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY “SLIDE” THEIR UNSUBSTANTIATED WISHES AND PREFERRED BELIEF SYSTEMS INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE OF THE VAST IGNORANCE OF THE (REALLY!!!) INNOCENT PUBLIC!!!!!!!!

    Yes, curse us pseudo scientists for putting out so little in the way of experimental proof, and curse us for our 2,000 year plus status quo and dogmatic beliefs.

    Wait, which side is he arguing for again?

  8. #8 Lee Bowman
    October 29, 2007

    He needs to be a little more succinct in his remarks. Ad homs are OK if they are clever and original, and his plainly are not. But given his penchant for vitriol, he may eventually become a convert.

    In the meantime, why not direct him to ERV. Mary will fry him, but it should help him polish his technique.

  9. #9 Ichthyic
    October 29, 2007

    Yes, curse us pseudo scientists for putting out so little in the way of experimental proof, and curse us for our 2,000 year plus status quo and dogmatic beliefs.

    Wait, which side is he arguing for again?

    projections’s a wonderful thing, eh?

    Neal has discovered how useful it can be in order to maintain his own delusions.

    I do hope the guy, or someone close to him, is at least considering treatment for Neal from a qualified mental health care professional.

    He’s usually just as bad when he posts on PT, btw.

  10. #10 KiwiInOz
    October 29, 2007

    Lee – It would appear that he is already gracing ERV’s site.

  11. #11 Joshua
    October 29, 2007

    (to make up for “my feelings of inadequacy” (after all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck [you])

    I thought that’s what your trophy wife was for. 😉

  12. #12 Lee Bowman
    October 29, 2007

    Correction: Abbie will fry him…

    Where’d I get Mary?…

  13. #13 Brian W.
    October 29, 2007

    ya gotta give him some credit for being able to spell your name correctly. Most creationist cant.

  14. #14 Steven
    October 29, 2007

    That guy is one retarded bastard.

  15. #15 woozy (dammit! I could see my own eyeballs if I *really* needed to!!!!)
    October 29, 2007

    Okay, let’s see if I get this. People who believe in evolution say they are smart. Neal knows evolution is false, so he wants to make sure everyone knows he isn’t smart. Because Neal knows evolution can’t be right he knows people who say they are smart and act smart are always wrong. Thus to convince people evolution is wrong he figures the dumber he is and the dumber he can convince people he is, the more convincing he will be. In conclussion, because Neal can demonstrate himself to be an incoherant, ranting, imbecile we must conclude he’s made an incrediably convincing case against evolution.

    After all, in this country sincerity is more convincing than reality and anger is more sincere than intelligence…

  16. #16 woozy (dammit! I could see my own eyeballs if I *really* needed to!!!!)
    October 29, 2007

    Okay, let’s see if I get this. People who believe in evolution say they are smart. Neal knows evolution is false, so he wants to make sure everyone knows he isn’t smart. Because Neal knows evolution can’t be right he knows people who say they are smart and act smart are always wrong. Thus to convince people evolution is wrong he figures the dumber he is and the dumber he can convince people he is, the more convincing he will be. In conclussion, because Neal can demonstrate himself to be an incoherant, ranting, imbecile we must conclude he’s made an incrediably convincing case against evolution.

    After all, in this country sincerity is more convincing than reality and anger is more sincere than intelligence…

  17. #17 Steven Alleyn
    October 29, 2007

    I love the way he seems to forget what he’s trying to say mid-sentence. It’s funny to see the phrase structure break down as the meaning he’s trying to convey simply disappears… It makes me smile.

  18. #18 Jon
    October 29, 2007

    ya gotta give him some credit for being able to spell your name correctly.

    Although, ironically, he didn’t capitalize it. Neal can never win, can he?

  19. #19 Bride of Shrek
    October 29, 2007

    “after all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck me (you)”

    Because yes, of course, they were all slobbering away wanting to be thoroughly rogered by arsewipe fundamentalist Christian Creationists instead.

    Bollocks, give me a science nerd anyday, nothing sexier. I love it when a man can whisper pi to at least forty two places during moments of intimacy. (Mr Shrek was advised this during our first two weeks of courtship)

  20. #20 Bride of Shrek
    October 29, 2007

    Given the level of neck vein popping hysteria apparent in the email does any of you medicos out there want to place a bet on when this guy is going to stroke out?

  21. #21 Damian
    October 29, 2007

    Doesn’t he realise that most people can’t / don’t / won’t read uppercase? I read it as:

    “…evidences) define ‘smart college student’ as one that bzzzzz bzzzzz bzzz bzzzzz bzzzz…”

  22. #22 Hank Fox
    October 29, 2007

    No Molly awards for crazies. Figure out some other award, a Golly, or Folly, or Off-the-Trolley.

    But not Molly. That’s for respect.

    Better yet, forget the anti-award and just keep poking fun at them by showing what they really are.

    There are always a few crazies like him in some of the chat rooms I frequent. One guy, Moses737, goes on and on in all-caps and multiple bangs (exclamation points) about demon spiders and hell.

    Muslim chat crazies are so common, and have such characteristic font choices, I’ve joked that apparently all computers owned by middle East fundamentalists have a single font choice — “Thundering Might of Allah Helvetica” — which only comes in 72-point black.

  23. #23 Hank Fox
    October 29, 2007

    As you read my previous comment, imagine the word “Muslim” is replaced with the word “Islamic.” That’s closer to what I meant.

  24. #24 soteos
    October 29, 2007

    I tried translating it into english:

    “Stop defining reality the way you guys want it. You only do it to feel good about yourselves. You cannot explain the origins of the cell.

    ‘Smart’ college students are those who accept their professors’ beliefs and political ideologies. You are idiots to claim your philosophies are fact. This is why the public is against you. Stop attacking religion.”

  25. #25 Possummomma
    October 29, 2007

    This guy MUST be related to John (from my blog). Actually, no…I take that back, PZ. Your troll is worse.

    I love how he completely misses the point of college and then slams a way of life that he clearly knows very little about. I have a feeling that his perception of college students would change based on the university in question. If it were Bob Jones or Liberty University, I’m sure he’d find a reason to celebrate academia. And, since when did atheism become the status quo in colleges? Freethought and the scientific method are encouraged, but I’ve yet to see a university strictly for atheists.

  26. #26 Kris Verburgh
    October 29, 2007

    What an intense hate against science, progress and enlightment. Now I can imagine how a judge of the Inquisition ranted against his victims (like for example, Galileo) 😉

  27. #27 Goatboy
    October 29, 2007

    You know, if anyone ever does find compelling evidence that the use of multiple exclamation marks has a genetic basis.

    I, for one, will start supporting eugenics.

    What a fucking nosebleed.

  28. #28 Snoof
    October 29, 2007

    You’d understand him, if you weren’t all EDUCATED STUPID!!!!111eleven.

  29. #29 yeahchris
    October 29, 2007

    “The a-priori (fox in the chicken house) representative would clearly (without any kind of meaningful vastly required evidences) define “smart college student” as one that BLINDLY ACCEPTS THE VASTLY UNSUBSTANTIATED STATUS QUO, THE RESULTS OF THE ASSERTIONS OF THE PHILOSOPHICALLY DRIVEN PSEUDO-SCIENTISTS (WHO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SUCCESSFULLY “SLIDE” THEIR UNSUBSTANTIATED WISHES AND PREFERRED BELIEF SYSTEMS INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE OF THE VAST IGNORANCE OF THE (REALLY!!!) INNOCENT PUBLIC!!!!!!!!”

    Dear God Neal, you’re right! We’ve been living a lie by blindly accepting outrageously absurd notions about life’s origins from people who rely on bunk science for support-

    Clearly the invisible man in the sky must have done it all!

    We have to stop these mad scientists who obviously hate sky daddy before it’s too late! I mean, I wouldn’t want to see them, “SUCCESSFULLY ‘SLIDE’ THEIR UNSUBSTANTIATED WISHES AND PREFERRED BELIEF SYSTEMS INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN BECAUSE OF THE VAST IGNORANCE OF THE (REALLY!!!) INNOCENT PUBLIC,” so let’s keep good Christians in office, get those commandments into all courthouses, pronto! While we’re at it, let’s attempt to push through a constitutional amendment banning marriages of people who violate the antiquated and absurd edicts concerning human sexuality within our holy book. That’s a good idea, right? Right? Let’s do all that before these scummy, clearly uneducated scientists manage to burrow their way even further into our society. I mean, next they’ll try and get their activities tax-exempt status, and go about trying to pressure money out of the ignorant public! Honestly, so mean – damned scientists.

  30. #30 Kuhlmancanadensis
    October 29, 2007

    Thanks for that. I needed to giggle this morning.

  31. #31 Blake Stacey
    October 29, 2007

    I think this is the same guy who trolled ERV with anonymous posts which sound basically the same before and after a Markov process:

    FUCKING VASTLY UNSUSTANTIATED MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT AND POPCULTURALLY SOCIO-INGORANT INNUDATED RECEPTOR CONSCIOUSNESSES

  32. #32 senderista
    October 29, 2007

    This wouldn’t have been nearly as effective without the Comic Sans.

  33. #33 mayhempix
    October 29, 2007

    Wingnuts and fundamentalists (ever notice how both seem to come tightly wrapped in the same package?) are experts at accusing their godless liberal enemies of exhibiting the same irrational logic and behavior that is the hallmark of their silly ignorant tirades.

    They are BLESSED with the ABILITIES of PROJECTION of THE HIGHEST ORDER.

  34. #34 Jud
    October 29, 2007

    Ah, there is treasure here. What, as a connoisseur of English and its unintentional variants, I wonder, exactly is “UNMITIGATED POSITION”?

    This is some of the best food for thought I’ve had since the Alumni Association offered me a mantel clock the marketing company trumpeted as “richly dimensional” (more than the usual visible three?).

  35. #35 Flex
    October 29, 2007

    woozy wrote, “In conclussion, because Neal can demonstrate himself to be an incoherant, ranting, imbecile we must conclude he’s made an incrediably convincing case against evolution.”

    It must be the early morning woozy, but I first read that as, “In concussion,….” It somehow felt more appropriate.

  36. #36 Ric
    October 29, 2007

    Ahahaha! Good job, PZ. I think you can now claim total victory. You have driven what is obviously a devout Christian into total profanity. Great success!

  37. #37 JVC
    October 29, 2007

    FUCKING VASTLY UNSUSTANTIATED MOST POLITICALLY CORRECT AND POPCULTURALLY SOCIO-INGORANT INNUDATED RECEPTOR CONSCIOUSNESSES

    Thanks Blake, I am going to have that put on a t-shirt.

  38. #38 demallien
    October 29, 2007

    Ohmifsm! Soteos speaks Neal?!

  39. #39 MartinC
    October 29, 2007

    Leave Neal alone.
    HE’S A HUMAN!!!!!!!
    (OK thats my youtube impression for today)

  40. #40 negentropyeater
    October 29, 2007

    STUPID ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! (9!)
    LIVING CELL!!!! (4!)
    PHONY BASTARDS!!!!!!! (7!)
    REALLY!!! (3!)
    INNOCENT PUBLIC!!!!!!!! (8!)
    FACT!!!!!! (6!)
    ASSHOLES!!! (3!)
    PUBLICALLY FUNDED PRIVILEDGE!!!!!!! (7!)
    BASTARDS!!!!!!! (7!)
    nonsense!!!!!!! (7!)

    What an interesting pattern of exclamation mark ejaculates. Please note that what gets him off the most is the innocence of the public.

  41. #41 negentropyeater
    October 29, 2007

    and the stupidity of assholes.

  42. #42 Ray M
    October 29, 2007

    #33 “This is some of the best food for thought I’ve had since the Alumni Association offered me a mantel clock the marketing company trumpeted as “richly dimensional” (more than the usual visible three?).”

    Well, duh, yes… it’s a clock, and it’s purpose is to keep track of that fourth “rich” dimension. See – those marketeers really do know what they’re about (even if it is accidental).

  43. #43 Thoracantha
    October 29, 2007

    “YOU PHONY BASTARDS!!!!!!!” = “You legimate child!”

  44. #44 Thoracantha
    October 29, 2007

    “YOU PHONY BASTARDS!!!!!!!” = “You legitimate child!”

    Can’t spell to save my life.

  45. #45 ironpoptart
    October 29, 2007

    *Sobs*

    It’s so true! I’m a college student, and I really do get graded on how well I parrot and follow in lockstep with my professors! *cry* Of course, I am a Chinese major…

    This reminds me of a second grader who just learned to say “fuck”.

  46. #46 Mena
    October 29, 2007

    He forgot to close one set of parentheses. That’s going to cause a problem when his brain tries to compile his message…
    (I don’t think that he has done that yet)

  47. #47 Boosterz
    October 29, 2007

    I believe “fucktard” has already been taken by Kent Hovind and immortalized in song. I saw it on youtube.

    As an aside, I just my page jacked by that damn malware ad. Somebody kill that damn thing.

  48. #48 Jon
    October 29, 2007

    LOOK, I’M DOING THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. #49 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 29, 2007

    woozy for Molly.

    which sound basically the same before and after a Markov process:

    For a long time I have trained to laugh silently, even if it lasts a minute. Any bystanders would at most hear heavy breathing.

    This time I failed. I bet both of my neighbors (assuming they’re here) have heard me through the thin walls.

  50. #50 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 29, 2007

    woozy for Molly.

    which sound basically the same before and after a Markov process:

    For a long time I have trained to laugh silently, even if it lasts a minute. Any bystanders would at most hear heavy breathing.

    This time I failed. I bet both of my neighbors (assuming they’re here) have heard me through the thin walls.

  51. #51 John Marley
    October 29, 2007

    At least he spelled your name right, even if it was the only thing he didn’t capitalize.

  52. #52 HPLC_Sean
    October 29, 2007

    This mindjob is latently mad at the church. He doesn’t know it, but his “vastly inadequate” and “blindly accepts” screeds are perfect descriptions of the prison his church has shepherded him into.

  53. #53 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 29, 2007

    Of course, I am a Chinese major…

    This reminds me of a second grader who just learned to say “fuck”.

    ???!

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  54. #54 David Marjanovi?, OM
    October 29, 2007

    Of course, I am a Chinese major…

    This reminds me of a second grader who just learned to say “fuck”.

    ???!

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

  55. #55 thalarctos
    October 29, 2007

    ???!

    ???!

    (we actually didn’t learn that one in class…)

  56. #56 Stevie_C
    October 29, 2007

    I almost spit out my coffee when I got to “bugfuck”.

    Neal loves himself some Jeses SOOOOO much.

    I wonder if he’s a baptist.

  57. #57 Brendan S
    October 29, 2007

    One has to wonder with people like this.. are they some sort of meta-troll. Like, a troll pretending to be a troll to troll PZ into thinking he’s a troll, then laughing when PZ laughs at his attempt to Troll.

  58. #58 Dan
    October 29, 2007

    Ah Neal. Whenever I read his outbursts, I can’t help but picture a dirty, sticky child with a grape Kool-
    Aid mustache sitting on a grime-covered floor smashing a couple of Hot Wheels cars together again and again and again.

    “Errr.. BANG!”

  59. #59 Scott Hatfield, OM
    October 29, 2007

    Well, (with apologies to Will Rogers), I never metatroll that I did not fail to dislike.

  60. #60 Mango
    October 29, 2007

    Brendan, I was wondering the same thing.

    He might just be some attention-starved loser who gets off on seeing his provocative e-mails posted on a popular blog. Possibly he’s pretending to be an ultra-religious moron because he knows that gives him the best odds.

  61. #61 Janine
    October 29, 2007

    The one thing that comes to mind when PZ posts these troll e-mails is this; how absolutely tedious it must be to get these e-mails.

  62. #62 Nathaniel
    October 29, 2007

    negentropyeater #39:
    I suggest that this become the new metric for crazed posters: mean exclamation points (or ‘bangs’ as some programmers call them). Neal is averaging an impressive 6.1 bangs per sentence.

    However, I would like to discount theories by Bride of Shrek #19 and others that Neal is about to stroke out. Most of these diagnoses arise from observation of the capital letters, which are most likely not indicative of screaming, but rather that the poster has lost voluntary control of the caps-lock key, probably because his keyboard is not liquid-resistant.

  63. #63 Cliff
    October 29, 2007

    I’m sorry, but this guy doesn’t even curse particularly well.

  64. #64 Lisa
    October 29, 2007

    Comments #47 & #53 have put me over the edge. I can’t stop laughing (which is probably not good since I have to be at a funeral in 20 minutes).

  65. #65 Bob L
    October 29, 2007

    Neal @ (to make up for “my feelings of inadequacy” (after all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck me)

    Presumably PZ can sooth his pain in the arms of his’ trophy wife.

  66. #66 Farb
    October 29, 2007

    “Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels . . . “

  67. #67 PT
    October 29, 2007

    doesn’t last long before blowing

    I think you may have stumbled across the source of his frustrations.

  68. #68 Jeb, FCD
    October 29, 2007

    PZ,

    You need a new award, sort of an anti-Molly. Call it the Order of Falafel (after Falafel Boy Bill O’Reilly). I nominate Neal for the inaugural OF.

  69. #69 Torbjrn Larsson, OM
    October 29, 2007

    I think woozy nealed it.

  70. #70 Torbjrn Larsson, OM
    October 29, 2007

    I think woozy nealed it.

  71. #71 Stevie_C
    October 29, 2007

    BUGFUCK OF THE MONTH.

    AIG SPAWN OF SATAN AWARD.

    DI DOOFUS AWARD.

  72. #72 Phy
    October 29, 2007

    #58: I’m reminded once again of Terry Pratchett’s observation that the use of multiple exclamation points is the surest sign of a diseased mind.

  73. #73 Alison
    October 29, 2007

    I think Neal should have his own blog. Maybe write a book. At least it would keep him busy.

  74. #74 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    I have never been more proud of my asshole status.

    Seriously, there are some people that when they call you an asshole, you take it with great delight. This is one of those instances.

  75. #75 Fred
    October 29, 2007

    Don’t pick on Neal too much. He clearly has some mental health issues.

  76. #76 Interrobang
    October 29, 2007

    When Harlan Ellison coined the phrase “prune-whip yoghurt,” he was giving us a glimpse into the future — of what my brain would look like, post-Neal. I bet PZ’s happy to know that at least some of his readers are, in fact, on their meds (took mine this morning as usual, *mutter grump*), even if we can’t close tags reliably (*double mutter grump*).

    I’m suddenly nostalgic for the old trope of the crazy guy who thinks he’s Napoleon.

  77. #77 J. John Johnstown
    October 29, 2007

    I used to think writing with parentheticals was cool. It seemed to make sense to me in a LISP-programming fashion. Just push a new idea onto the stack real quick and pop it off right away. Boy-howdy, was I ever wrong.

  78. #78 Brownian
    October 29, 2007

    Well, (with apologies to Will Rogers), I never metatroll that I did not fail to dislike.

    Is metatrolling when one trolls multiple other trolls?

  79. #79 Charley
    October 29, 2007

    I was able to resist the truth of creationism for the first 11 exclamation points, but the twelfth finally convinced me, and the rest sealed it. So, SAY HI TO CARL FOR ME, YOU SMUG PARASITIC LYING SUEDOINTELLECTUEL RETARDS!!!!!

  80. #80 Bob
    October 29, 2007

    I find it terribly unfortunate that Neal either feels the stigma of seeking mental health treatment too great to do so or, lacking insurance or other means of payment, cannot afford the medication needed to maintain a calm and rational outlook.

    That said, Neal is a walking timebomb, a free-range extra from Scanners — stay back 500 feet lest you get hit by cranium shrapnel when he finally detonates.

    Poor frothing nutjob.

  81. #81 HP
    October 29, 2007

    “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD”

    Can we at least give Neal some credit for referencing 70s jazz-pop icon Chuck Mangione? Truly, Neal is one of the “Children of Sanchez.” I think you should go back through the old emails and see if there are any references to Bob James or Grover Washington, Jr.

    Then you can reply to him in his own language: “Dear Neal, your screeds are as reliable as Steve Gadd’s hi=hat. Your ideas are a ‘bitches brew’ of nonsense, and you are clearly living in
    ‘birdland.'”

  82. #82 Janine
    October 29, 2007

    And I “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD”
    And I “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD”
    I “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD” I’m gonna take someone apart tonight.

    Naw, that’s Richard Thompson.

  83. #83 mothra
    October 29, 2007

    The ‘anti- Molly’ could be the ‘Big W’ award.
    Other suggestions:
    The Ambuscade Award for incoherence.
    The Robinson order of the Rant
    The Faldwell holy screed.
    The Ratzi Crest & Boots (must design coat-of-arms)

    Or simply
    The Chalice of the benthic slurry

  84. #84 PZ Myers
    October 29, 2007

    Here’s the problem with an anti-molly, though: people would start to compete for it. I don’t think it’s something I want to encourage.

  85. #85 Hank
    October 29, 2007

    Charley: sudointellectual? Too much UNIX lately…

  86. #86 Epikt
    October 29, 2007

    Thanks so much for sharing this rant. The font really does enhance the experience. But if you paste the text into something speech-enabled, with the voice set to “Deranged” and the speed at about 3/4 of the way between Normal and Fast, close your eyes, and Neal will be right there in the room with you.

    Does anyone know where I can download a Cartman voice?

  87. #87 Janine
    October 29, 2007

    Here’s the problem with an anti-molly, though: people would start to compete for it. I don’t think it’s something I want to encourage.

    PZ, the fact that you exist and run this site is enough encouragement for these yahoos. I doubt that a booby prize is going to get more freaks coming out of the woodwork.

  88. #88 Webs
    October 29, 2007

    hmm seven sixteenths of an inch… the distance this moron had to move his pinky to not look like a moron.

  89. #89 Dan
    October 29, 2007

    “YOU MAKE ME FEOW WIKE DANCING!
    gonna dance the night away
    YOU MAKE MEEEE FEEEOW WIKE DANCING
    gonna dance the night away…”

    I tried to resist. I tried and failed.

  90. #90 Phoenix Woman
    October 29, 2007

    Doesn’t he realise that most people can’t / don’t / won’t read uppercase? I read it as:

    “…evidences) define ‘smart college student’ as one that bzzzzz bzzzzz bzzz bzzzzz bzzzz…”

    Posted by: Damian | October 29, 2007 2:52 AM

    That’s how I saw it, too. It’s hard to understand what someone’s saying when they’re screaming so loudly they’re driving the microphone well into the red.

    I hope PZ is saving this guy’s IP addresses, because if he doesn’t give himself a stroke with all this rehearsed hyper-rage, I can just see him making the step from verbal to physical violence any day now.

  91. #91 demallien
    October 29, 2007

    An anti-Molly would of course be a “Wally”…

  92. #92 viggen
    October 29, 2007

    Are screaming and profanity really what religion is all about? Does such a bout of linguistic diarrhea really qualify one to appear more capable and less ignorant than one’s contemporaries?

    The man only knows he’s angry; he doesn’t even know what he’s arguing about and doesn’t respect the fact that Science gave him the tool by which he can register his distain directly with the one he regards as his enemy. Do these people not realize that they would all be living in hovels still, dying of smallpox and syphilis were it not for what Biology and Genetics, in particular, have given them?

  93. #93 Michael X
    October 29, 2007

    Actually, Brownian I thought that Neal had risen above the ranks of normal troll to a higher tier of “Metatroll”. Lets hope he doesn’t multiply…

  94. #94 Eric Paulsen
    October 29, 2007

    Freethought and the scientific method are encouraged, but I’ve yet to see a university strictly for atheists.

    What, you’ve never been to Bob Dobbs University?!? Technically it is higher learning from the Church of the SubGenius? but I doubt you’ll find a Christian on the campus!

  95. #95 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    Well, instead of having an anti-Molly (you can already sort of do that by going to one of the Sam Brownback blogs, and it IS entertaining to do so), maybe you could give us a list of what you consider your top-5 rants, and let us vote on the “best” one.

    The prize: Lifetime ban from this blog.

    I bet, given your profile, it’d be really hard for you to give us only 5 to vote on.

  96. #96 Jimi
    October 29, 2007

    It’s amazing how often the following quote from an insipid Adam Sandler movie can be paraphrased and applied to creationists.

    ‘Neal, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent tirade were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone here is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’

  97. #97 The Count
    October 29, 2007

    Hey, I just think it’s wonderful you get this kind of email vs the bigger, longer, buy this or that kind.

    Yes, I think you’re showing off 😉

  98. #98 Brownian, OM
    October 29, 2007

    CAN WE HAVE NEAL’S EMAIL YOU?!!!!!!!I’LL BET HE’D REALLY LOVE (NOT LIKE A MAN AND A WOMAN YOU SICKOO!!!!!!) TO GET EMAIL FROM US!!!!!!!! A LOT OF EMAILS FROM EVERY ONE OF US (EVEN IF SOME OF US ONLY SENT ONE AND NOT A LOT YOU DON’T EVEN GET IT NOW) WOULD REALLY SHOW HIM (AND THE OTHERS HE BELIEVES WITTH HOW !!!!!!(FUCKING) STUPID HIS RANT’S ARE AND IT’S REALLY ANNOYING TO HAVE TO WADE THROUGH HIS SHIT ALL OF THE TIME (NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME IS INVOLVED)!!!!!

  99. #99 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    Brownian, that hurt.

    At least I know not to do that now. Not that I ever do.

    In case you’re wondering, I can’t read the words. The headache I get from forcing myself to get past the 3rd or so line is just too severe.

  100. #100 Angie
    October 29, 2007

    I like to imagine his voice as a plummy BBC British accent. Makes it even funnier.

    He’s a fuck-knuckle.

  101. #101 Rjaye
    October 29, 2007

    “I like to imagine his voice as a plummy BBC British accent. Makes it even funnier.

    He’s a fuck-knuckle.

    Posted by: Angie | October 29, 2007 7:40 PM ”

    OUCH! That sounds painful! I hope there’s a cure for that!

  102. #102 Perumbery
    October 29, 2007

    Soteos translation feels accurate. It’d be nice if we could respond to these sort of concerns in a way that’s accessible to the folks expressing them — rather than just having a laugh at their expense.

  103. #103 Ichthyic
    October 29, 2007

    It’d be nice if we could respond to these sort of concerns in a way that’s accessible to the folks expressing them —

    we did, see #94.

    and, don’t be a concern troll. This guy has been posting the same rants on ALL the science blogs for months now, and those that did try to figure out some sort of meaningful response when he first started got nowhere.

    he doesn’t WANT a rational response, and he’s made that perfectly clear time and time again.

    having a laugh at them is really all you can do.

    so, sit back and enjoy, or write him yourself and recommend a good mental health care professional. don’t for a second think he actually has any reasonable concerns.

  104. #104 Bubba Sixpack
    October 29, 2007

    I see Ben Stein has adopted the pseudonym “Neal”.

  105. #105 Bubba Sixpack
    October 29, 2007

    Sorry, my mistake. This guy’s too lucid to be Ben Stein.

  106. #106 Bubba Sixpack
    October 29, 2007

    And far less phlegmatic.

  107. #107 beccarii
    October 30, 2007

    With regard to:

    “Charley: sudointellectual? Too much UNIX lately…”

    How about ‘sumointellectual’? Lots of possibilities there…

    Very large biologists, astronomers, physicists, et al. lumber onto the stage at presentations like Hovind’s…

  108. #108 Michael Handy
    October 30, 2007

    “YOU REALLY DON’T SEE HOW VASTLY INADEQUATE YOU GODDAMN ASSERTIONS ARE”

    Thanks a bunch PZ, every irony meter on my campus just exploded. What am I gonna tell my professors…

  109. #109 susan
    October 30, 2007

    “Lets, for one moment, forget the social conventionally traditional, “this is what the fuck we want to be the reality of the situation” type stupid logic that myers, etc etc etc want to be able to continue to slam down the throats of everybody around them. And to make themselves “FEOW SO GOOOOOOOD” about their personal emotionally loaded biases against things such as “religion” “unexplained phenomena” “just wanting to let everyone know how brilliant I am” (to make up for “my feelings of inadequacy” (after all the best looking girls in my class didn’t want to fuck me)”

    Yep, Neil seems pretty hot all right. Nothing sexier then ignorance, terrible grammar and bad spelling.

  110. #110 Scotty B
    October 30, 2007

    Well, the first message was retarded, but I would say he definitely uptarded his stance in the second message.

    Oh, and if it hasn’t been said yet… Godwin:

    “YOU BASTARDS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN HITLER TYPE IDIOTS…”

  111. #111 Doug
    October 30, 2007

    Agree with Phoenix Woman (#86): “I hope PZ is saving this guy’s IP addresses, because if he doesn’t give himself a stroke with all this rehearsed hyper-rage, I can just see him making the step from verbal to physical violence any day now.” See Elliott Leyton “Hunting humans : the rise of the modern multiple murderer”. From his rant, it is evident that this nutjob has the diagnostic signs: projecting all over the place, little evidence of concern for coherent thought, convinced of his own superiority, barely restrained fury at all who disdain him (who must perforce be less than him), a sense of entitlement to respect from others, and, bitter resentment that it is not forthcoming. PZ, thanks for sharing this sample of him with us, but I really think you should alert the authorities to have this guy put on watch before he explodes into a bio lab at UMM (or weherever) as Marc Lepine did at l’Ecole polytechnique in Montreal in 1993 to shoot 14 women engineering students. This is not a free speech matter any longer; with “Neal”, it is a case of protecting the public safety.

  112. #112 Alex
    October 30, 2007

    So let me get this straight: none of the pretty girls in school wanted to f**k you? Then how does he explain your Trophy Wife??

  113. #113 Olorin
    October 31, 2007

    I had the pleasure of dealing with Neal in “ID the Future” podcast comments, before Robert Crowther shut down comments in August.

    Once, I scrambled up sentences from several of his comments and posted them as my own comment. Neal replied, and disagreed with a lot of what “I” said.

    This led to my hypothesis that Neal is actually an upgraded version of a 1977 internal IBM Rexx program (Foggy Exec) that we employed to flesh out management reports and marketing studies with content-free hype. Upgrade or not, it still doesn’t quite pass the Turing test.

    Physical violence is not out of the question. The reason Crowther terminated comments on “ID the Future” was a complaint I made against Neal and another rabid IDologue for just such threats against me (as “Pau hana”) and another evilutionist commenter (“Bioprof”).

  114. #114 Arnosium Upinarum
    November 2, 2007

    The fellow thinks with his lungs which just happen to supply air to his vocal chords in spasmodic blasts. I know some just like that. They erupt alot. Perhaps they were all unusally cholicky as infants. Their outbursts rather resemble a permanent case of the hiccups. They’re distraught and they have no idea why.

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