Pharyngula

The descent of man

Objects of strange affections: Sex doll → mannequin → bicycle → pavement.

No word on how many of them vote Republican.

Comments

  1. #1 DocAmazing!
    October 29, 2007

    Hey, now–having sex with a bicycle is not weird, if you really love your bicycle. I’ve got this steel-frame Kona…

  2. #2 gg
    October 29, 2007

    PZ wrote: “No word on how many of them vote Republican.”

    Wait – do you mean the sex dolls and mannequins, or the people using them? 🙂

  3. #3 rob
    October 29, 2007

    Why again is it illegal to masturbate using a bicycle? Weird, yes, but worthy of labelling the guy a sex offender?

    Cleaning staff walk in on people all the time doing weird things. Ask anyone who has had that job. Normally they say “oops” and quickly shut the door.

  4. #4 Warren
    October 29, 2007

    I’ve got this steel-frame Kona…
    Posted by: DocAmazing!

    So you’re saying you’re bikesexual?

  5. #5 Phoenix Woman
    October 29, 2007

    Matt the Viceroy in the Pandagon comments section nails it (pardon the pun):

    Hmmm. . . .

    Go home, grab the hand lotion, lock the bedroom door, take the phone off the hook-

    Nah, too much work. I’ll just fuck this pothole.

  6. #6 Master Mahan
    October 29, 2007

    Okay, I can sort of visualize a man “riding” a bicycle. How in the name of an undead Jewish carpenter does someone have sex with pavement? It seems slightly easier to have sex with jealousy.

    I assume, though, the defense claimed the pavement was totally asking for it.

  7. #7 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    A bicycle??

    As a very avid cyclist myself, all I gotta say is: Ouch.

  8. #8 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    By the way, this is completely off-topic, but I am very, very happy about the Genarlow Wilson ruling.

    Mixed feelings, actually… ONLY 4-3 that it was “cruel and unusual”? Good grief, let’s talk to the 3 who think it wasn’t. Great snort.

    And I hope 2 years in jail for a crimeless-crime hasn’t ruined Genarlow Wilson. It may have. If anyone out there is in a position to support the rehab 2 years in prison will almost guarantee he needs, please do so.

    I hope it’s not as hard for him to get into a university as I think it will now. He’s clearly university material.

    Again, I apologize, I just didn’t know where else to say this.

  9. #9 dinogami
    October 29, 2007

    Long, long ago — possibly back when I was taking an abnormal psych class — I read a statistic somewhere that was essentially this: for every item in the Sears catalog (back when there was a Sears catalog, and it was a big deal!), someone, somewhere, wants to sleep with it. Bizarre in and of itself (does that include the index?), but I suppose if I had to think about it, then I could vaguely see why someone might have an attraction to, say, a Barbie doll, but jebus, a weed whacker…?!?

  10. #10 sailor
    October 29, 2007

    “Okay, I can sort of visualize a man “riding” a bicycle. How in the name of an undead Jewish carpenter does someone have sex with pavement?”

    You look for a “man hole”

  11. #11 Greg Peterson
    October 29, 2007

    Isn’t the guy who can have sex with pavement one of the new characters on “Heroes”?

  12. #12 Kseniya
    October 29, 2007

    Is his name Jack Hammer?

  13. #13 Brownian, OM
    October 29, 2007

    Is his name Jack Hammer?

    Kseniya, you forgot to add one of these after that doozy.

  14. #14 Liz in Australia
    October 29, 2007

    At least they’re not breeding…

  15. #15 fardels bear
    October 29, 2007

    C’mon the guy with the inflatable doll was from Cedar Rapids! No Iowan would be surprised, those city folks have strange ways.

  16. #16 MikeM
    October 29, 2007

    I’m now prepared to call partial BS on the bicycle story.

    The only source I can find is from Anorak, “Keeping tabs on the tabloids.” Searched in Google News.

    Sorry, but if it’s only in a publication that keeps an eye on the tabloids, my BS meter is fairly active.

  17. #17 Anon
    October 29, 2007

    While researching a talk to go along with A Clockwork Orange, I looked through the counterconditioning literature of the time. (Contrary to popular view, aversive conditioning was not the norm for sexual deviants; it was not terribly effective. Rather, therapists tried mostly to condition the men–it seemed that it was always men–to be sexually attracted to appropriate stimuli…like, say, their wives.) One has to read between the lines in order to see what any given person’s paraphillia was, but my favorite involved a man who had been arrested and sent to treatment because he had…contaminated…a baby buggy. Or stroller, or whatever the current term is.

    For treatement, the man was told to masturbate to a stroller, up to the “point of no return”, then to finish off to a picture of his wife.

    (disclaimer–I may be conflating 2 cases; I don’t believe so, but it has been a few years.)

  18. #18 truth machine
    October 30, 2007

    whatever the current term is

    “pram” works.

  19. #19 Rey Fox
    October 30, 2007

    I still don’t see why sex with Stephen Malkmus would be a jailable offense.

  20. #20 MartinC
    October 30, 2007

    Fucking cyclepaths.

  21. #21 Kseniya
    October 30, 2007

    As Wayne and Garth might say: “Schwinnnn!”

  22. #22 Brownian, OM
    October 30, 2007

    Kseniya, you wouldn’t be somehow related to Henny Youngman, would you?

  23. #23 ?????? ?????????? ?????????
    October 30, 2007

    Only through our mutual connection to borshch.

  24. #24 ?????? ?????????? ?????????
    October 30, 2007

    Only through our mutual connection to borshch.

  25. #25 thalarctos
    October 30, 2007

    If anyone out there is in a position to support the rehab 2 years in prison will almost guarantee he needs, please do so. I hope it’s not as hard for him to get into a university as I think it will now. He’s clearly university material.

    Agree 100%, MikeM.

  26. #26 Kseniya
    October 30, 2007

    OT (continued): Check out one of the comments on the CNN page about Wilson’s release:

    He learned nothing, Just another thug that will be Mooching off the taxpayers again soon, probably in prison for a more serious offense.

    Are these people born without brains? Or do their redneck Klansmen families beat them permanently senseless?

  27. #27 neo
    October 31, 2007

    *
    getting back to actual science… how about running these numbers?

    *

  28. #28 Pyre
    November 2, 2007

    Objects of strange affections: Sex doll → mannequin → bicycle → pavement.
    No word on how many of them vote Republican.

    Sex dolls: Republican
    Mannequins: Libertarian
    Bicycles: Green
    Pavements: Democratic

    The first explains Bush’s ~24% core support.

    Mannequins tend to be employed in commerce, hardly a surprise to find a Libertarian orientation there.

    No need to explain the Bicycle-Green relationship.

    Pavements, of course, as part of the public-works infrastructure, have long been part of Democratic politics — to the extent that anyone seeking to fill a hole in pavement might attain swifter satisfaction by approaching his alderman as an intermediary rather than the public works department directly.

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