…and this is a 
Prison doesn't seem to be helping Kent Hovind face the facts. He has these blog entries where he writes down these little imaginary conversations with god, who tells poor Kent how wonderful he is and how important his suffering is; in the latest, Hovind insists that he's innocent — of course God agrees — but the real sign of growing insanity is that Satan is now having conversations with him, too.
You have also dared to try to take dinosaurs away from me. I have used dinosaurs for nearly 200 years to teach billions of people that the earth is billions of years old and that God's Word is not true. Your seminar on dinosaurs strikes at the heart of my kingdom. I intend to destroy both your ministry and your reputation for good. Dinosaurs are especially effective for me to deceive children. You are taking children away from me, so I took yours away from you!
Strangely, instead of sowing doubt and feeding Hovind's fears, even Satan is confirming his delusions. Funny how that works.
Comments
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 8:14 PM
I'm sorry, but that is just...
ROFLMAO!
Posted by: Nevyn | October 10, 2007 8:21 PM
Satan sure uses reverential grammar to reference "God's Word." Who knew Lucifer employed Christian capitalization traditions?
Posted by: Will E. | October 10, 2007 8:28 PM
10. To give me time to read all the books by Dr. Gill, Richard Wurmbrand, Henry Morris, Ray Comfort, Tommy Tenney and scores of others that have changed me forever.
I suppose it's too much to hope that he'd read Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment or House of the Dead? Ah, probably a little above his reading comprehension level anyway.
Posted by: CalGeorge | October 10, 2007 8:29 PM
25. To show me how dumb it is to make drugs illegal and create this giant criminal element and prison system. Your laws never call for a punishment for "possession" of anything--only for "actions" which actually harm someone else.
There's hope for him yet.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 8:31 PM
Dinosaurs are especially effective for me to deceive children
Ken finally admits to his game.
a perfect projection if ever I saw one.
Posted by: Christian Burnham | October 10, 2007 8:47 PM
Wow- even Satan understands that science shows the Earth to be billions of years old and that the fossil record shows an ancient time-line of life on this planet.
Could we get Hovind to channel more of this Satan guy and less of his pal God?
Posted by: Micah | October 10, 2007 8:47 PM
I can't get through that without thinking "this is a bad parody". Then I realize it's not, and I cry myself to sleep.
Posted by: fusilier | October 10, 2007 8:49 PM
Nevyn, (#2) remember "Sympathy for the Devil?"
fusilier
James 2:24
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 8:52 PM
Could we get Hovind to channel more of this Satan guy and less of his pal God?
since this is obviously the only way that Kent will (or even can) admit to his own crimes, the answer is most likely yes.
I predict his missives will indeed contain more and more revelations from "Satan".
He's a fascinating study in psychology. Always has been, for whatever that's worth.
Posted by: Karen | October 10, 2007 8:54 PM
I still have a really hard time with the idea that people will follow someone who claims to hear the voices of both God and Satan. How does one know which is which, I wonder?
Posted by: Stogoe | October 10, 2007 8:55 PM
CalGeorge, there's too much invested in the War on Drugs for us to ever stop it. The police love their no-knock warrants and their SWAT teams and their militarization, and the private prisons are drooling at all the money they're going to make by incarcerating all those pot smokers. And the politicians cannot oppose the expansion of police brutality and mandatory sentences for mere possession for fear of being smeared as 'soft on crime'.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 9:02 PM
and the private prisons are drooling at all the money they're going to make by incarcerating all those pot smokers.
uh, you might want to relate that to Gov. Schwarzenegger, as CA is in danger of having the feds cut massive levels of cash inflow and arbitrarily force large scale releases because of the overcrowding (severe) in the prison systems here, much of which is because of the "three strikes" legislation that voters here overwhelmingly supported over a decade ago.
OTOH, there might be a reason that prison privatization hasn't gone over so well in CA.
Posted by: Mike Haubrich, FCD | October 10, 2007 9:06 PM
Somebody should have taken Kent's dinos away from him a long time ago.
Posted by: Pohranicni Straze | October 10, 2007 9:13 PM
Poor Kent. He'll never realize that it's really just Janus whispering to him, with each face taking turns.
Not sure if anyone posted this one yet, so:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/399665
"Tribute to Kent Hovind"
Posted by: rhian | October 10, 2007 9:16 PM
This list is by far my favorite part:
King Herod, Pilate, Pharoah, Hitler, Stalin, Mao Pol Pot, Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court Justices
I do actually feel sort of bad for him though.
Posted by: scote | October 10, 2007 9:16 PM
Wow! Satan makes all the same mistakes that movie super-villains do!
It's so nice of Satan to confess his evil plan to Kent Hovind even though that would seem to be the kind of mistake only a pretend villain would do--er, unless Satan's **real** plan is just to make Kent Hovind look like even more of an idiot that he already is.
Posted by: Pohranicni Straze | October 10, 2007 9:18 PM
"King Herod, Pilate, Pharoah, Hitler, Stalin, Mao Pol Pot, Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court Justices"
Wow... it's like he isn't aware that there was a little bit of history that occurred between his bible and the 1930s.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 9:19 PM
unless Satan's **real** plan is just to make Kent Hovind look like even more of an idiot that he already is.
Even Satan is incapable of accomplishing that feat.
Posted by: Jeb, FCD | October 10, 2007 9:19 PM
Let's send him The God Delusion!
Posted by: Physicalist | October 10, 2007 9:21 PM
My favorite two claims:
Somehow I just can't read that without chuckling. I suppose the sad part is that he must really be trying to believe it.It just amazes me that these Christians can believe that God gives Satan the green light for everything he does (he's apparently not allowed to act without explicit permission from the top man), and then the ensuing evil (or in this case, "evil" with scare quotes) is all Satan's fault, and God gets none of the blame.
Imagine my employee coming to ask permission to pillage and plunder, my granting that permission, and then my denying any moral responsibility for the looting that results. How can anyone believe this stuff?
Posted by: Rey Fox | October 10, 2007 9:26 PM
Who is this Satan fellow, I like the cut of his jib.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 9:28 PM
How can anyone believe this stuff?
the patterns and results make absolutely perfect sense if you look at them in terms of projection, denial, and displacement behaviors.
here's boosting the idea that more people should take a basic psych class.
I'm sure there are even plenty of good resources on the web at this point; this is basic stuff.
Posted by: tinyfrog | October 10, 2007 9:28 PM
How weird. I just posted an article on a creationist who is a dinosaur denialist. He argues that all dinosaurs are fakes created by paleontologists - for money, fame, to discredit the Bible, and create artificial evidence for evolution.
http://tinyfrog.wordpress.com/2007/10/11/dinosaur-denialist/
Posted by: Zarquon | October 10, 2007 9:39 PM
That's easy. God speaks through a little angel on your right shoulder and Satan speaks through an imp on your sinister shoulder.
Posted by: tacitus | October 10, 2007 9:43 PM
It's easy to see through all the faux humility to see what an arrogant, self-absorbed man Hovind is.
Posted by: Rey Fox | October 10, 2007 9:44 PM
"Even Satan is incapable of accomplishing that feat."
Hey now, Satan's got some skills. He's the guy who created the dinosaurs in order to deceive people. Or wait, he created the fossils of dinosaurs to deceive people. Or no, wait, he created the impression that the fossils were older than they really are in order to deceive people. He...
How do they keep up with all this bullshit?
Posted by: Dan | October 10, 2007 9:59 PM
I really don't feel all that sorry for the evil, greedy prick. The ignorance this bastard Hovind has fostered in our children is going to be very difficult to repair.
Posted by: arachnophilia | October 10, 2007 10:02 PM
now, this is just sad.
that's a serious martyrdom complex. i mean, satan didn't even talk to job. and god, well, god barely did. and when he did, it was to yell at job for being a self-absorbed assclown. but then, somehow i doubt hovind has read any of job besides the 40th and 41st chapters.
oh, and pz. may i suggest a different font for quotes from satan? somic sans is good for crackpots, but i think the rocky horror font would be appropriate for goofy depictions of the devil.
Posted by: Alison | October 10, 2007 10:05 PM
This just shows why praying to god doesn't make you a good and moral person - he just gives you the answers you wanted to hear anyway.
Posted by: horrobin | October 10, 2007 10:06 PM
...I thought God was going to pull one of those captain Kirk things there for a second, "...Hitler, Stalin, Lee Kwan, Kodos the Executioner..."Posted by: coathangrrr | October 10, 2007 10:08 PM
How does one know which is which, I wonder?
Well, God is the one that threatens death and eternal damnation and Satan is the liar. Pretty obvious which is the evil one really.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 10:15 PM
oh, and pz. may i suggest a different font for quotes from satan? somic sans is good for crackpots, but i think the rocky horror font would be appropriate for goofy depictions of the devil.
well, at least it was red comic sans.
:p
Posted by: Samuel | October 10, 2007 10:17 PM
Unreal. This guy has some serious, serious issues.
I've found that it's slightly more funny and less disturbing if you read all of God's line in Stone Cold Steve Austin's voice.
"There is a looooooong list of people who also want that job, son! And son, there are a lot of people both in and out of the prison watching you. Thanks for letting me use you in this special assignment. I'm proud of you, son."
Son son son son son son.
Posted by: Cuttlefish | October 10, 2007 10:18 PM
Confined against his will, the liar Kent
Will plead his case online, to one and all;
His mind is, if not broken, clearly bent
(I know; there really wasn't far to fall)
He always claimed to talk to God, but now
He talks with Satan too, about his fate.
If God allowed it, Kent will find out how--
Does prison show God's love, or Satan's hate?
I read his post, and find I wonder why
A man like Hovind, patently unwell,
Is stuck in prison. I think, rather, I
Would have him in a soothing, padded cell.
With anybody else, such rants as his
Would indicate psychosis--no denying--
With Hovind, though, it seems the story is
(Old habits sure die hard) he's simply lying.
Posted by: Carl Schmidt | October 10, 2007 10:25 PM
The prison has got to cut back on this guy's Fruit Loop ration.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 10, 2007 10:29 PM
sweet plastic jeebus on my dashboard, Cuttlefish, you need to start gathering those up for publication in book form!
Posted by: inkadu | October 10, 2007 10:31 PM
Posted by: Dahan | October 10, 2007 10:48 PM
Crikey! Man is this one twisted kid. "my sweet little wife"? Reminds me of a MST3K bit where the protagonist says how he's going to go see "the wife" To which the MST3K crew responds:
Boy, "the wife" sure will be glad to see "the me." We're going to have "the sex."
Oh and a quick question. Why is it these nuts are always saying thing like "Thanks for helping me so far, God. You are truly awesome!" Does god have an inferiority complex or something? Sure seems to need a lot of ego padding for someone who's supposed to be all-knowing and all-powerful.
Posted by: Greta Christina | October 10, 2007 11:05 PM
You know, if Kent is really trying to take Satan's dinosaurs away, that's not very nice of him. I tried to take my brother's dinosaurs away when he was eight, and he hit me with his G.I. Joe.
Posted by: Offended. | October 10, 2007 11:05 PM
Again, I am highly offended, offended and offended by this Cuttlefish poet. Disgusted from Cambridgeshire here.
When will we start de-boning this scampish cephalapod for making inappropriate and highly unbiological comments on a liberal godless blog? I insist the national guard come out on this one, probably wearing petunia-colored frocks with a nice motif of crucifixes.
I mean, this man Hovind has had his DINOSAURS taken from him! Do you not remember your childhood years when you wailed at the loss of your pacifier? I insist that The Cuttlefish so-called-Poet buy him a new barrel of monkeys immediately. But not the sort they find in evolution museums, please. You can only rub it in so much...
Posted by: Damon B. | October 10, 2007 11:11 PM
Come on now, Satan should really be saying, "Kent, Kent, Kent... I'm so disappointed in you... YOU GOT CAUGHT!"
Posted by: raindogzilla | October 10, 2007 11:13 PM
"well, when I talked to God, I knew he'd understand.
He said 'Stick by me and I'll be your guiding hand.
Don't ask me what I think of you.
I might not give the answer that you want me to.'"
Oh, well, Kent.
Posted by: Hank Fox | October 10, 2007 11:25 PM
Kent has a flashback to Groundhog Day.
...
With all the bits about how ugly prison is, I do wonder if Hovind ever had much to say about the penal system before he fell into it. Or was he too busy being a parasite and getting rich off lies, and just figuring everything else in the world would be okay?
Posted by: Doc Bill | October 10, 2007 11:27 PM
Satan dared me to take Statistical Mechanics but I did anyway!
And, I got an A!
Bwahahahahahahaha! I am the antiChrist, psi star psi.
I will probably dominate you all!
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | October 10, 2007 11:29 PM
Man, that's ugly. With a capital ugh.
Posted by: salient | October 10, 2007 11:35 PM
I wonder if Satan's ISP (Infernal Satanic Penitentiary) address is the same as Kent's.
Posted by: ckerst | October 10, 2007 11:45 PM
It won't be long before Satan is telling him how cute the guy in the next cell is.
Posted by: Brian English | October 10, 2007 11:50 PM
Karen:
Muslims have no trouble with it. Mohamed recanted some of his earlier teachings by saying Satan told him the earlier teachings not god. If you believe crap, you'll believe whatever it takes for the crap to seem reasonable I reckon.
Posted by: Calladus | October 10, 2007 11:54 PM
No one has mentioned Kent's Job complex yet?
Posted by: chris | October 10, 2007 11:57 PM
Hovind reminds me of T-Rex from Dinosaur Comics, who also talks to God and the Devil.
Posted by: zayzayem | October 10, 2007 11:57 PM
I spent ages looking for some sort of parody disclaimer.
Stop putting satirists out of a job.
PS Bazooka Jesus
Posted by: N.Wells | October 11, 2007 12:07 AM
How to tell the difference between god and satan? Well, one of them permits the existence of evil, sickness, suffering, and scam artists, and has occasionally demanded genocides, and the other is merely a devil.
Posted by: noncarborundum | October 11, 2007 12:31 AM
Polite devil, isn't he?
Posted by: chainsaw mary | October 11, 2007 12:32 AM
Poor, poor Kenny. He must be the the equivalent of the crazy cat lady in his cell block. "Boo hoo! The mean imaginary evil devil took my dinosaurs away! Waaaaaaa!!"
I wonder if the magic leprechauns come and take "his world history" away from him as well...
Posted by: autumn | October 11, 2007 12:59 AM
I am still amazed at the number of people who equate the biblical figure "Satan" with evil. "Satan" is, I believe, simply the ancient Hebrew word for "the opposer", and nowhere in the Bible is Satan depicted as anything other than God's servant. Satan merely asks God opposing questions, and God allows demonstrations of his subjects loyalty. Satan is often in God's presence, not likely for the Lord of Hosts's evil foil, and even his evokation by Jesus, i.e., "Get thee behind me, Satan", is not a judgement of evil, merely Jesus showing his conquest of the temptation, which was ordered by God. To prove that He could exist and resist His own Temptation. To Himself.
The ratiocination...it hurts!
Posted by: pradeep | October 11, 2007 1:06 AM
I wonder if he using this as a ploy to get a reduced sentence due to clinical insanity.
Posted by: Brian English | October 11, 2007 1:10 AM
autumn:
Hence the saying "Devil's advocate"
Posted by: Denis Loubet | October 11, 2007 1:24 AM
Reduced sentence? I don't know, saying what you did wasn't wrong doesn't indicate any kind of rehabilitation to me.
I'd love to see his little blog posts extend his sentence.
Posted by: Ichthyic | October 11, 2007 1:25 AM
I wonder if he using this as a ploy to get a reduced sentence due to clinical insanity.
frankly, he wasn't that far from this level of insanity before incarceration.
I'm inclined not to think this as much of a ploy.
if you spend your whole life pretending to be insane...
Posted by: ATM | October 11, 2007 1:26 AM
I've seen that TV show "Reaper". The Devil doesn't sound anything like what Kent Hovind described.
Posted by: K. Signal Eingang | October 11, 2007 1:59 AM
Minor stylistic correction here - I believe it's generally agreed by those in the know that the devil speaks in ALL CAPS.
Posted by: K. Signal Eingang | October 11, 2007 2:00 AM
@ #50:
Hey! I see you up there!
Posted by: arachnophilia | October 11, 2007 2:01 AM
does anyone else find it kind of odd that hovind, god, and satan all drop mostly-random bible-verse-citations into the middle of every other line? who really talks like that?
i mean, it's like a really awful sunday school play, where the characters are going about their lines and actions. and then they all randomly turn, face the audience, and give a book/chapter/verse. and then go back to talking. it reeks of goofy christian kitsch to begin with, but then it goes and shatters all illusion of anything being even remotely real.
i don't think hovind's crazy. i think he's a bad author, and a terrible preacher, but quite dangerously sane. these aren't private conversations with god -- they're not moving, or personal, emotional. it's not jesus on his knees in gethsemane. it's not even hovind on his knees in jail, as the title might imply.
it's hovind on a computer, trying to keep preaching. it's hovind and his ego, trying to worm out of being honest and repentant. that's not god, or the devil, and hovind knows it. they're just his literary sock-puppets, and i don't think he thinks otherwise even for a second.
hovind is a liar and a charlatan. he always has been, and he is still one now. he knows what he does, and he knows it's wrong.
maybe i'll write to him.
Posted by: Michael X | October 11, 2007 2:10 AM
Cuttlefish, cut one of those sections and add a rhyming couplet and you've got yourself a sonnet!
(I appreciate the iambic pentameter, by the way. I don't get alot of that at science blogs...)
Posted by: autumn | October 11, 2007 2:17 AM
@Brian English.
I'm aware of the term, although I think it has to do with the Bishop assigned to argue against the candidate for a church position. I'm curious as to when Satan, Biblicly an obiedient servant of God, becomes "The Beast" of the Revelation.
I don't recall Satan ever being construed as evil in the actual text of the Bible.
Posted by: Physicalist | October 11, 2007 2:18 AM
arachnophilia:
I hadn't quite savored that. Here's God quoting quotes from himself; how confused is that? Like Hovind won't even believe God himself unless God backs himself up with a bible passage. (Perhaps this is evidence that he really worships the king james bible, and not god . . . )
Posted by: Mrs Tilton | October 11, 2007 3:17 AM
Wait a minute. Hovind is in prison, and he has internet access?
Posted by: melior | October 11, 2007 4:11 AM
So ya see, He's got all of the YEC super-intellectuals up there in heaven with Him, pleasing Him with their big words and complex proofs. Which explains why they're rarer than hen's teeth down here.
Posted by: Sam | October 11, 2007 4:17 AM
Satan: Evolution has been my religion since the Garden of Eden. I want people to believe the lie that they are improving and can one day be a god. Your message destroys that, so I hate you and will stop you any way I can.
So Satan doesn't understand evolution either? In fact, seeing as evolution also destroys the lie that people are necessarily improving and can one day be a god (at least via evolution - transhumanism notwithstanding) then Satan himself is really anti-evolution, and it actually *hasn't* always been his religion! Oooh, that Satan - he's such a fibber.
Satan: I don't mind it as much when the super-intellectuals speak on creation because they use all the big words and complex proofs that only a few understand. But your method of making it simple is way too effective
Take *that* Dembski, you Satanic super-intellectual, you.
Posted by: resident_alien | October 11, 2007 5:43 AM
You Americans have all these hilarious lunatics,Hovind Coulter,Malkin et al,why don't you build a huge asylum a la Bedlam Hospital,lock'em up in there and put them on display for paying customers to come gawk at the loonies?That way,they'd actually have some use for society.You know I myself suffer from a form of mental illness,but I'm nowhere near as divorced from reality as those fuckers are.
Posted by: Zeratul | October 11, 2007 6:19 AM
So God and Satan speak English this time, neh? It seems that Hovind had created them in his own image (and tongue)... How deluded!
But more deluded are his followers!
Posted by: Bunjo | October 11, 2007 7:04 AM
Strange, good ol' Kent missed out at least one reason for being in jail:
"I deliberately broke the law because of my greed and got caught"
Plus also lower down we have the quote
Wouldn't an omnipresent God say "What if I decide you are more fruitful for me in here? "Posted by: Ex-drone | October 11, 2007 7:15 AM
Come on, Kent. Don't be coy. Satan is coming on to you. Go for it. If you really care for us, you'll sell him your soul in exchange for attaining your freedom and getting your message out. Then, before he completes the deal, you can demonstrate your superior intellect with an a-ha moment by pointing out the clever word trick you used in making the deal.
Posted by: Stephen Wells | October 11, 2007 7:23 AM
I think there's a Hassidic story about how a group of rabbis are meeting to discuss a point. The consensus comes down one way, but one dissenter says "If I am right, may the Lord send a miracle" (I forget the details, an earthquake or something). Miracle duly occurs and God's voice speaks from the heavens saying that the dissenter is right. The other rabbis pull out a passage from Leviticus saying that these questions are to be decided by a committee of elders. Who's God to go intervening when he's already laid down the protocol? :)
Posted by: MartinC | October 11, 2007 7:53 AM
I don't get the part where he asks God to cast Satan into hell. That hardly sounds like an appropriate punishment for Satan, doesn't he sort of like it there? It would be like imprisoning Michael Jackson in a boys primary school.
And if Satan isn't currently in hell who exactly is presently carrying out the evil tormenting of sinful souls?
It wouldn't be that nice God fellow by any chance, would it?
Posted by: Moses | October 11, 2007 7:58 AM
I tried so hard to obey the laws about taxes and still feel that both I and the ministry have been wronged
Lying through his teeth, still.
Posted by: Gustav | October 11, 2007 8:01 AM
That Kneemail can't be serious, can it? Somebody must be having a hugh laugh from this parody.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | October 11, 2007 8:07 AM
That happens when people desperately try to believe in Christianity and Manichaeism at the same time. It's doublethink.
A confusion with Manichaeism again.
Jehova's Witnesses (Genesis 1,2). At least that's how they write (Genesis 2,1), all the time (Genesis 3,1).
Posted by: DEATH | October 11, 2007 8:08 AM
YOU HAVE BEEN MISINFORMED.
Posted by: Josh | October 11, 2007 8:27 AM
tinyfrog wrote in #23: How weird. I just posted an article on a creationist who is a dinosaur denialist. He argues that all dinosaurs are fakes created by paleontologists - for money, fame, to discredit the Bible, and create artificial evidence for evolution.
Heck, if we're making dinosaur fossils, then we should be getting money and fame...because we are ridiculously talented...ever looked at a thin-section of well-preserved bone? If I can create that in my fucking lab, then damn... OK, so then where's my money? Seriously, hand it over.
Posted by: Lepht | October 11, 2007 8:48 AM
one of his reasons that God sent him to prison for is "to let him see the well-organised tool shed for ideas for our ministry"; he's either planning some sort of final out-with-a-bang act or he's actually, seriously, got problems.
L
PS and what the fuck is a "Knee-Mail" supposed to be? why isn't it written like a fucking email instead of a chat log of some sort?
Posted by: Heather | October 11, 2007 9:20 AM
"Knee-mail" is a cutesy Christian term for prayer and chat time with God.
Maybe Dateline will set up some fake chat room trying to lure God into showing up at some teenager's house. Then when he shows up...out come the cameras and the interview starts.
In any case, it would be more entertaining than the Hovind drivel.
Posted by: Reginald Selkirk | October 11, 2007 9:25 AM
I wonder if any future administrative board deciding on whether Hovind is eligible for early release might consider such communications as evidence that Hovind has not acknowledged his crime and feels no remorse.Posted by: Christophe Thill | October 11, 2007 9:34 AM
... knee-mail ??? What the deuce does that mean ???
This little play is weirdly disturbing, for more reasons than I could list... Well, just a few ones :
"GOD: What did your dad teach you to do with complex problems or questions, son?
kh: He taught me to list all the options we could think of and then study and pray about the list. All ideas, even the dumb ones, were put on the list. You always seemed to show us the truth that way."
So, that's how it works? A bit like dowsing, when you hold your pendulum above a list and wait for it to choose the right item for you?
But why doesn't Kent notice that god always nudges him towards "the dumb ones"? Hmm, perhaps god has some sens of humour after all.
"King Herod, Pilate, Pharoah, Hitler, Stalin, Mao Pol Pot, Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court Justices"
So nobody, including god, took the pain to explain to our man Kent that no Egyptian pharaoh actually bore the name Pharaoh, let alone Pharoah?
"To see how Your children did not "seek Your face" when pushing to elect judges and congressmen who promise to be "tough on crime" by giving out huge prison sentences which are indeed "burdens grievous to be born" (Luke 11:46) when they don't have a clue what even thirty days in prison does to a man, his family, and society, let alone thirty months or thirty years."
Hey! Look! He's actually learning something! There might be hope for Kent after all...
"To let me spend thirty minutes a day getting Vitamin D from the sun"
God put you in prison so that you can... get some sunlight? Say, Kent, why couldn't you take 30 minutes a day for your health when you were free?
"Son, your case is bigger than you realize. There is a real battle going on between the forces of evil and the forces of good"
Still has a thing or two to learn about humility, right?
Posted by: PuckishOne | October 11, 2007 9:45 AM
Okay, the Stone Cold Steve Austin suggestion was excellent, but I can't shake from my mind the scene in "Real Genius" where they radio transmit via the baddie's braces...is it mere coincidence that the character's name was Kent?
Posted by: JJR | October 11, 2007 10:09 AM
I just have this mental image of Kent H. holding up a Jesus action figure and a Devil action figure and speaking to himself in angelic and demonic voices while he works out this dialogue to blog about.
Posted by: eruvande | October 11, 2007 10:12 AM
Wow, he's actually learning some worthwhile things. How long can we keep ol' Kent in there? Maybe when he gets out he won't be a complete waste.
Nah, who'm I kidding. As soon as he's out, prison will probably suddenly be awesome and just again.
Posted by: Steve_C | October 11, 2007 10:15 AM
Not even one Hovind fan troll yet?
I think this might be a record.
Wish they would show up. They're always good for a laugh.
Posted by: David Harmon | October 11, 2007 10:48 AM
autumn, Stephen Wells, et al.: In Jewish folklore, the Devil appears mostly as a trickster figure, his explicit purpose being to test the morality, faith, or wits of the human protagonists.
Personally, I'd say Mr. Hovind exemplifies the blurred line between evil and insanity....
Posted by: MartinDH | October 11, 2007 10:59 AM
Wow...this is life imitating art! In the movie "Real Genius" a receiver/speaker tooth is implanted into Kent's mouth. And from the tooth comes information and commands from God.
The questions then become: who was the prankster in the gaol's dental office and when he is going to get really twisted with the pronouncements from God and Satan?
Posted by: Ryan Egesdahl | October 11, 2007 11:01 AM
Not that we needed any confirmation that Kent Hovind was a psychotic douchebag, but I'm fine with being amused by the little hairless ape behind bars. I like zoos, too, by the way.
Posted by: NonyNony | October 11, 2007 11:03 AM
It just amazes me that these Christians can believe that God gives Satan the green light for everything he does (he's apparently not allowed to act without explicit permission from the top man), and then the ensuing evil (or in this case, "evil" with scare quotes) is all Satan's fault, and God gets none of the blame.
...
How can anyone believe this stuff?
This is what happens when you turn a tribal God into the "source of all good" AND you don't bother to give him a Manichean-style "source of all evil" who is at his level. The ancient Hebrews had zero problem with God tormenting them in various ways - they probably deserved it and it was just a sign that they weren't being deferential enough to their LORD.
But when Greek philosophy started to invade into Hebrew theology, God became this "source of all goodness" (the only type of god worth worshipping). He was a One God, but he was also All Good - where does evil come from? And THAT was the source of schisms, heresies and all kinds of stuff for centuries.
American Fundamentalist mythology wants there to be a War between Good And Evil going on. But that would mean that Satan was God's Equal - and they can't have that. So in their mythology It Is Inevitable That Good Will Triumph Over Evil and somehow God must be "allowing" this War to go on. Why? Who knows - no one ever bothers to ask. There's some level of "if God does it it MUST be good" going on that, if questioned too closely, destroys the entire infrastructure of the enterprise and you have to go back to more "mainstream" mythology (where there is no Epic Struggle Of Good Versus Evil, and it's just that People Are Basically Crappy To Each Other).
Posted by: Jake Boyman | October 11, 2007 11:10 AM
"Knee-mail" is a cutesy Christian term for prayer and chat time with God.
I immediately got a mental image of Ned Flanders using that phrase.
Admit it, you all did, too.
Posted by: dogmeatib | October 11, 2007 11:23 AM
25. To show me how dumb it is to make drugs illegal and create this giant criminal element and prison system. Your laws never call for a punishment for "possession" of anything--only for "actions" which actually harm someone else.
Does this mean that he'll now support full civil rights for homosexuals and argue on behalf of gay marriage?
Somehow ... I doubt it...
Posted by: CarrerCrytharis | October 11, 2007 12:13 PM
I wonder if Satan talked to him about video games... although that might just be when Satan talks to dinosaurs directly...
Posted by: Willey | October 11, 2007 1:17 PM
Hmm, this might explain why repub/xtians are so far against impeachment.
Posted by: Tattooed and Atheist | October 11, 2007 2:14 PM
He needs to be restricted from using the prison computer... On second thought, let use it, I can always use a good laugh!
Posted by: seashell | October 11, 2007 3:07 PM
delurk
Don't worry, god also gives disclaimers - that some of his list is wrong. I'm sure as soon as he gets out of jail god will tell him that he should be tough on crime and forget about #25, 49, etc.
Posted by: David Harmon | October 11, 2007 4:12 PM
NonyNony: But when Greek philosophy started to invade into Hebrew theology, God became this "source of all goodness" (the only type of god worth worshipping). He was a One God, but he was also All Good - where does evil come from? And THAT was the source of schisms, heresies and all kinds of stuff for centuries.
I don't think it's fair to blame Greek philosophers for this. Even Aristotle posed the rhetorical question of whether things were "good" because the gods commanded them, or whether the gods themselves were held to a standard above themselves. (This before ending up with a thoroughly human-oriented definition of "good".)
Of course, the philosphers came in pretty late in the game, when "the gods" were receding into generalities. Pagan gods in their original forms defined "good" in the same way as any king or lord -- "these are the rules, follow them or else". But since they also had personalities, they could also take offenses and grudges over trivia, or just get ticked off at individuals. Also they could squabble among themselves, and any mortal caught up in those conflicts was pretty much SOL.
The flip side of trying to claim "all goodness, all the time" for a single divine personage, was that the priests lost those excuses for disaster and misfortune, thus the increased prominence of the Devil. But then they claimed God as all-powerful....
Posted by: Arnosium Upinarum | October 11, 2007 5:43 PM
"Prison doesn't seem to be helping Kent Hovind face the facts."
Face 'em? He can't even find 'em.
Posted by: Keith Douglas | October 11, 2007 10:31 PM
I hope there's a good psychiatrist in that prison.
Posted by: John Scanlon, FCD | October 11, 2007 10:37 PM
Speaking of kooks, this item for sale on eBay seems like a real bargain. The most coherent part of the Description reads:
(sic)Posted by: Ichthyic | October 11, 2007 11:15 PM
hmm, that item for sale looks like a chunk of mica (mica schist) to me.
It sure doesn't look like a "fossil snake head" from any angle I can see.
but surely, it must be, since it was a secret revealed by god hisself to the seller!
Posted by: Satán | October 12, 2007 12:22 AM
DEATH wrote:
You tell 'em, Mort!
Really, everyone says I speak just like Jesus. Or a used car salesman, same diff.
Posted by: ZorkFox | October 12, 2007 2:41 PM
What I want to know is how Mr. Hovind is allowed to write a blog from prison. If I went to prison for something, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be allowed to keep up with my LiveJournal. :P Why does he warrant special dispensation from the penal system?
Posted by: Nes | October 14, 2007 10:23 PM
I'm a bit late to the party, but what the heck...
I'm too lazy to look it up, but I think it was mentioned in a previous post that he sends mail back home and his family posts it for him or something like that. On the other hand, I have a terrible memory and may just be making that up...
That reminds me of one of Dark Helmet's scenes in Spaceballs:
Other people beat me to the Real Genius comparisons.