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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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More articles by PZ Myers can be found on Freethoughtblogs at the new Pharyngula!
Octopus LIES
Category: Cephalopods • Humor
Posted on: October 22, 2007 4:43 PM, by PZ Myers
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Comments
Posted by: Brownian | October 22, 2007 5:03 PM
I wouldn't worry, PZ. If there's any truth to the website at all, the author will be sleeping with the starfishes soon enough.
I knew a guy that borrowed some money from the Octo-Mob once, a few years back. He was late making a payment and Bang! He's still trying to wash the ink from his hair.
I think he got off easy.
Posted by: aiabx | October 22, 2007 5:15 PM
Well of course *you* would say it's lies:
We know what kind of person would sit on an Octopus Throne.
Posted by: Janine | October 22, 2007 5:26 PM
I am afraid that the cutsy song, "Octopus' Garden", is the most hideous form of propaganda.
Posted by: dWhisper | October 22, 2007 5:55 PM
Well, given what it starts out with, if you get around to inventing an inverse Scuba Suit, the domination will be complete.
"An animal only stopped by the lack of salt water in the normal American household."
Posted by: Jimmy | October 22, 2007 6:07 PM
That is the greatest web site ever.
Posted by: Warren | October 22, 2007 6:11 PM
I sense a viral marketing campaign for a cheesy horror flick in the making.
Speaking of which, you must see Black Sheep. I couldn't stop giggling.
Posted by: Kurt | October 22, 2007 6:24 PM
I am SO moving to a dry cave. I'm scared...
Posted by: doug l | October 22, 2007 6:39 PM
I for one look forward to the benevolent reign of our future octo-radial overlord, Governor Kang.
Posted by: jrb | October 22, 2007 6:46 PM
This is not a criticism of this delightful website. It's just an opportunity for an off color jocularity (please erase it if it offends):
DeFUNation: A Cephalopod is creature so pleased with putting his foot up his ass, it has gone to his head.
Posted by: Palau | October 22, 2007 7:09 PM
That reminds me: when in doubt, Ask The Giant Squid.
Posted by: afarensis | October 22, 2007 7:12 PM
That is totally heinous. Octopi are our friends and help us find artifacts!
Posted by: Stogoe | October 22, 2007 7:15 PM
Warren, do you by any chance know when Black Sheep hits the pickled shores of Murkin-land? I'd love to go see it, but I'm drowning in a sea of Minnesota Nice.
Posted by: MikeM | October 22, 2007 7:16 PM
Okay, now I get to go home and explain to the family why I can't stop giggling.
How do you find this stuff?
Posted by: Cuttlefish | October 22, 2007 7:27 PM
Oh, the cephalopods have their Octopus Gods,
With tentacles stronger than steel,
Who have taken down ships with their powerful grips
And made many a sailor a meal.
They win wrestling matches with submarine hatches
Like popping a tin of sardines
Then it's horrible cries, and tears in the eyes
Of the witnessing Merchant Marines.
Survivers are few, but they swear it is true--
"The monster, it started to throttle us!"
You can vividly note, from the scar on his throat
He survived the attack on the Nautilus.
These powerful deities loves spontaneity,
Thus, are well-loved by their followers
Who all serve as one, having octopus fun
Whether tiny, or submarine-swallowers
When I tell you (no lie) that the octopus eye
Is superior even to Man's
It's clear that this creature's the centerpiece feature
In a sinister deity's plans
They'll take down a shark, like a walk in the park--
You've seen it on YouTube, I know
And to get to their goal they can squeeze through a hole,
Up the drain, in your tub, to your toe!
So guzzle your Folger's--these octopus soldiers
Are coming for you while you sleep!
These eight-legged beauties will all do their duties;
Invisible devils, they creep.
So the next time you think, "could one hide in my sink?
Or my bathtub, or even my toilet?"
As a Cuttlefish, I would be seen as a spy
If I told you (besides, that would spoil it).
If you find an appeal in an octopus meal--
Say, for sushi you've got a real itch--
The cephalopods have their Octopus Gods
And I'm telling you, payback's a bitch.
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2007/10/talk-to-tentacle.html
Posted by: Chris Anderson | October 22, 2007 7:35 PM
*applause*
Well done, Cuttlefish. Well done indeed.
Have you got enough to put out a book yet?
Posted by: Matt | October 22, 2007 8:08 PM
Wow, Cuttlefish. I may set that to music....
Posted by: suebella | October 22, 2007 8:55 PM
so sorry PZ that this is off topic but i must cleanse my brain.....
ssshhhuuuddddddeeerrrr
i have just seen here in uk (on fox) bill o'reilly 'interview' ben stein about his new movie that you have had reason to mention previously....!!!!
but i HAD to switch off when he was just going to tear into rosie o'donnell....
.....and then ellen degeneres.........
it was more than my wife and i could stomach so i have run here for some sanity, clear thinking and moral support!!!!
thanx for listening and keep up the good work
suebella
Posted by: Frank Anderson | October 22, 2007 9:07 PM
Oh, that was fantastic. The "Octopus vs. Dolphin" page may have been the best.
Who is Cuttlefish and where does (s)he/they find the time and resources to generate such brilliance so regularly? Kudos!
Posted by: Jeb, FCD | October 22, 2007 9:09 PM
Chordates RUL0RXS!
Spineless beeyotches.
Sheesh.
Posted by: octopod | October 22, 2007 9:26 PM
Cuttlefish is the best commenter ever.
Bah. Chordates. Swift-boating, I call it.
Posted by: sam | October 23, 2007 5:18 AM
Who have taken down ships with their powerful grips
And made many a sailor a meal.
Well, that was nice of them. Sailoring is hungry work.
Posted by: Cuttlefish | October 23, 2007 7:21 AM
I am glad you're an octopus fan
It's all part of our cephalo-plan
We are excellent cooks
And our favorite books
Are the recipes "How to serve Man"
Posted by: doonboggle | October 23, 2007 7:45 AM
Cuttlefish, I find myself wondering if you are one of the regular commenters at Making Light. Nowhere else have I seen such quick and clever poetry-crafting on a blog. If you aren't on Making Light, you probably would enjoy the community there.
I'm mostly a lurker there too, but I don't recognize your name -- maybe you use a different one?
Posted by: Laser Potato | October 23, 2007 9:17 AM
That "urban" octopus looks an awful lot like a plastic toy.
Posted by: Linkage | October 23, 2007 10:17 AM
So...
Who do you think would actually take this thing seriously?
Posted by: Jon | October 23, 2007 10:17 AM
But it's still the case that octopuses are at least as bad as terrorists in most U.S. cities, and in many, twice as bad. (Twice as many limbs to use for evil purposes, for example.)
My daughter assures me they won't suck out my brain, but I figure that is some faith-based hogwash they teach in schools.
What's HomeSec's plan for dealing with this threat?
I pay plenty of taxes and I want to be protected from this threat!
Posted by: DnorrisM | October 23, 2007 10:20 AM
My father would horrify my sister with tales of a creature called the Ploptopus to such effect that she would not let her cheeks touch the toilet seat! (Seriously)