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Category: Godlessness
Posted on: November 15, 2007 5:41 PM, by PZ Myers
Here's a fun exercise: since we already have Christianity Today underwhelming us with the most compelling argument for Christianity, how about if we compile Pharyngula's list of "What is the FEEBLEST reason for becoming a Christian?"
I'll start with the easiest answer: all of them.
(TrackBack URL for this entry: )
Comments
Pascal's Wager.
That was easy.
Posted by: j | November 15, 2007 5:46 PM
I'd have to say a frozen waterfall.
Posted by: H. Humbert | November 15, 2007 5:48 PM
Because your imagination is so bad, you can't imagine the universe without a god.
"Turn over enough rocks, and sure enough, you'll find a god."
Posted by: b | November 15, 2007 5:51 PM
The Bible tells me it's true.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 5:51 PM
So that I can control the girasas.
Posted by: Rey Fox | November 15, 2007 5:54 PM
Lame reasons to believe:
Because my parents were Christians, and because I can't be bothered to make my own evaluations or decisions.
Because I don't really know what to think about it, but to be safe, I'll just keep my mouth shut and go along with everybody else.
Because all the Big People say it's true. Who am I to question them?
Becuase I feeel it in mi sole that its treu, and I just no it for a fcat. Athiests are just rong.
Because all those people who doubted me will find out the truth when they're dead, and someday when they're burning in Hell, I'll be up in Heaven watching, and I'll just laugh and laugh.
Posted by: Hank Fox | November 15, 2007 5:54 PM
"Because if I didn't have the Bible to tell me how to act, I'd just run around killing and raping people and stealing their stuff!"
Posted by: DiscGrace | November 15, 2007 5:55 PM
"Just look at all the..." (here the speaker has arms waving, and is making various gesticulations intended to convey the idea of the majesty of the universe but more effective at making the speaker look like a spastic duck) "...stuff, the great stuff in the world. How could all that happen by random chance?"
Posted by: kurtdenke | November 15, 2007 5:56 PM
Altar boy fetish.
Posted by: Siamang | November 15, 2007 5:57 PM
Because life has no meaning without God.
Actually, just "Because" on any believer's lips is more than plenty to make me puke.
Posted by: darwinfinch | November 15, 2007 5:57 PM
Wait, let me try again:
The BANANA!
Posted by: Siamang | November 15, 2007 5:58 PM
Because I'm NOT ASHAMED OF THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!
Yeah, I hate that one. ;-)
Posted by: Kristine | November 15, 2007 5:59 PM
Because without God and baby Jebus what would stop us from killing, stealing, and raping each other?
Posted by: Steve P. | November 15, 2007 6:01 PM
Peanut butter.
Posted by: Randy | November 15, 2007 6:01 PM
Because the sun rises and sets and the tides come in and out (a la Bill O'Reilly).
Posted by: Matt | November 15, 2007 6:01 PM
PZ, yr ht cms thgh ld nd clr.
Jws rlly r rsd t ht Chrstns, rn't thy. hd lwys thght tht ws jst rmr.
Tht sd, wht th hll d yr rnts hv t d wth SCNC?
r y rlly sch dldd lr tht y thnk ths dvncs scnc?
[The Kansas trolls really don't like Jews, do they? By the way, I was raised as Lutheran. --pzm]
Posted by: Greg | November 15, 2007 6:03 PM
My sister asked "Which is He? Liar, lunatic, or Lord?"
She was somewhat in a tizzy, and she would not be ignored.
I suggested I was busy; she repeatedly implored;
Though the question left her dizzy, frankly I was simply bored.
Posted by: Cuttlefish | November 15, 2007 6:03 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Posted by: Tom Foss | November 15, 2007 6:05 PM
"Because our country was founded on Christian Values".
But these sort of reasons are just rhetoric. The more feeble are the likes of:
"I believe..."
"I have personally experienced the presence of Jesus Christ/Holy Spirit/God/Saint [insert name]/Odin"
"God has spoken to me"
These are the products of truly feeble minds and the real barriers to any pretence of rationality.
Posted by: pkiwi | November 15, 2007 6:05 PM
Christianity's adherents.
Posted by: Azkyroth | November 15, 2007 6:08 PM
Because when I look at the stars, I just know there has to be a God.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:08 PM
Posted by: Tom Foss | November 15, 2007 6:09 PM
Because you can't prove the christian god (or anything) doesn't exist.
Actually my vote for feeblest reason goes to "because the bible says the bible is true" but it was already listed.
Posted by: Karey | November 15, 2007 6:10 PM
The joy that comes from being a Xian.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:10 PM
"personal revelation"
(p.s. let me know if anybody wants to hear my anecdote about Jerry Garcia's spacehelmet yet again)
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | November 15, 2007 6:12 PM
You know what's really fun about this one? Even if a Jesus troll comes in on this thread and tries to preach, it will look like they're just answering PZ's call for bad reasons.
Posted by: Carlie | November 15, 2007 6:12 PM
Some I hate:
--The ontological argument
--That thing about trying to prove there's no gold in China
--I ALMOST DIED ONCE
Posted by: Sunbeam | November 15, 2007 6:13 PM
Ah, yes. "Being clumsily ridiculed by demented little pipsqueaks if you don't treat their beliefs with reverence" is an excellent example of a bad reason for being a Christian. Well done, sir, and you have a keen sense of irony.
...that was ironic, right?
Posted by: Azkyroth | November 15, 2007 6:13 PM
Don't want to sound smug here, but I've obviously got the best reason for being a Christian (tis my name).
Posted by: Christianjb | November 15, 2007 6:14 PM
Because I was a stupid DRUG ADDICT, and now that I found CHRIST I have a new obsessive-compulsive disorder that I know to be THE TRUTH!!!!*
*Of course I didn't learn a damned thing while I was a hype, nor when I became a Xian, but I KNOW what is THE TRUTH.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:15 PM
"Because when I look at the stars, I just know there has to be a God."
That's my personal fave. Substitute "sun setting over the ocean," "baby's face," etc, for stars.
Regarding Greg's comment, I love it when the anti-semitic kooks come out from under their rock.
Posted by: notthedroids | November 15, 2007 6:16 PM
I speak in tongues, the sign of the HOLY SPIRIT.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:17 PM
The pope said so and he's infall infla infalllala uninflatable...
Posted by: itsjustanalias | November 15, 2007 6:17 PM
The Creation Museum.
Posted by: Shalini | November 15, 2007 6:20 PM
Because Jesus has made me what I am today, a kind loving person whose only desire is to save others from their wickedness and well-deserved place in hell, belief in the false religion of evolution, and the secularist conspiracy called separation of church and state.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:21 PM
I believe in Christianity because Jesus fulfilled 800 prophecies in the Old Testament (or was it just 323? Or just over 600?). Besides, how else can you get saved?
Posted by: Shelama | November 15, 2007 6:21 PM
I saw three things. That reminds me of the trinity. Ergo Christianity is fundamentally true.
Posted by: Christianjb | November 15, 2007 6:22 PM
Well my personal reason, my mother needed a social circle and I was too young to resist; PRESTO! I'm a Christan!
Posted by: Cootiio | November 15, 2007 6:22 PM
The wine.
Posted by: Rey Fox | November 15, 2007 6:23 PM
Because God talks to our dear, sweet, compassionate, English literate, competent, GREAT President
Choke, choke, cough, cough, hurl, hurl.
Ken
Posted by: Ken Mareld | November 15, 2007 6:24 PM
So that I CAN WRITE POSTS with huge numbers of CAPITALIZED WORDS which indicate how MUCH TRUTH I KNOW, and not incidentally, SO THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE ever again because it's been RUINED BY ATHEISTS.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:25 PM
Because Jesus wants me to be!
Posted by: Warren | November 15, 2007 6:26 PM
Um, the links in the post are the wrong way round. . . .
Posted by: Blake Stacey | November 15, 2007 6:26 PM
Because PZ Myers says mean things about Christians. Nyyyaahh!
Posted by: mikez | November 15, 2007 6:28 PM
Well, there are a lot of bad reasons for being a Christian which even devout Christians would consider bad: I like the potlucks and dances; the minister is really nice; the church is pretty, etc. The only GOOD reason to be a Christian -- one which I can respect -- is that you have thoughtfully considered the issue and you believe that Christianity is factually true.
Not because it "works." Not because it's a great social club or form of personal therapy. All religions work. They can all help you make friends and they can all help you become a "better person." Ditto for philosophies or service organizations or fan clubs. But if you consciously select becoming a "Christian" I think you should have enough integrity to believe what it's supposed to be about.
Not that there isn't plenty of wiggle-room on "what it's supposed to be about," of course.
That said, here are some of my favorite worst arguments for the existence of God (all have been personally encountered):
1.) The Wind Argument: You believe in the wind, even though you don't see it. So you should believe in God, because you can't see Him either. Or else you shouldn't believe in the wind, either.
2.) The Argument from Feeling: If atheists are right, then the world is a bleak and uncaring place. Choosing to reject this because it feels wrong is an act of courage and wisdom. After all, there are things science can't explain -- like how the universe couldn't be the way we don't want it to be.
3.) The Argument from Desire: If God doesn't exist, then how come we desire God?
4.) The Argument from Santa Claus: Didn't you once believe in Santa Claus? Well, God is just like Santa Claus -- except he's REAL! If you did it once, you can do it again.
5.) The Argument from Measuring Love: You can't measure love, or see it under a microscope, or hold it in your hand. But it's real. If you don't believe in God because you can't scientifically prove Him, then you've no right to believe in Love, either. But you do! So you should!
I could go on (no, really), but that's enough for now.
Posted by: Sastra | November 15, 2007 6:29 PM
I don't personally believe in Christianity, but it's good for the common man.
Also- I hate Jews and fags- so that ties in nicely.
Posted by: Christianjb | November 15, 2007 6:29 PM
And it looks like Judgment Day is online now.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | November 15, 2007 6:29 PM
The talking burning bush.
I had a burning bush back in the 80's. But it didn't say anything. f*cking crabs I caught from a sleeping bag in basic training.
Posted by: Marcus Ranum | November 15, 2007 6:30 PM
Pygmies and dwarfs?
Posted by: wÓò† | November 15, 2007 6:33 PM
Faith.*
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
*I know it's been said in other ways, but I wanted that word here.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:33 PM
Because evolution is obviously wrong- so God made us. (I've never once seen a duck turn into a rabbit.)
Posted by: Christianjb | November 15, 2007 6:33 PM
Because one part of the Bible says that there were five hundred witnesses to something which happened in another part of the Bible!
Posted by: Blake Stacey | November 15, 2007 6:35 PM
Because it's my unshakable faith in Jesus that lets me handle these deadly rattlesnakes and black mambOUCH! Um.... um........ um..........
Posted by: Donnie B. | November 15, 2007 6:36 PM
Because Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.*
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
*Said with an emphasis that brooks no doubt.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:36 PM
Doubt and skepticism are sins, so I have never doubted the truth of Xianity.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:37 PM
Archaeology has proven the truth that David lived and was king of Israel, which means that there is no doubt that the Bible is God's Word.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 6:40 PM
Glen D. #50: My minister father, when he realized I didn't believe, tried to convince me that faith was, in and of itself, a good and worthy thing. I was young then, and so astonished I had no answer for that.
Posted by: Donnie B. | November 15, 2007 6:41 PM
ha. silly christians, there is only one divine dictator, his name is allah, and mohammud is his prophet. now die infidels.
Posted by: Ilya | November 15, 2007 6:44 PM
"Atheists think they are God..."
Posted by: miller | November 15, 2007 6:46 PM
Pascal's wager
Posted by: Betsy | November 15, 2007 6:46 PM
"there would be no morality if there were no great homophobic bigot in the sky" is probably the worst
Posted by: T_U_T | November 15, 2007 6:47 PM
Because I don't have complete knowledge of the universe like God does. (see "turn over enough stones...")
Posted by: Rey Fox | November 15, 2007 6:50 PM
"Christianity is all about forgiveness. They just did a study which discovered that people who forgive other people and move on with their lives are happier, more content, and better adjusted than people who carry grudges and dwell on the past. Therefore, we now have empirical, scientific proof for Christianity. Atheists can't account for that."
Posted by: Sastra | November 15, 2007 6:53 PM
Because of marrying a Christian.
Because of politics.
Because of Jesus Camp (just such a sad, sad reason).
Because of a desire to look down on others.
Because of a nonmiraculous "answered prayer".
Because of the ability to go on tv, claim a deity is going to kill you if viewers don't pay out, and then collect checks.
C'mon, one of those has to be a winner, right?
Posted by: CrypticLife | November 15, 2007 6:57 PM
Because Pop takes us out to the Bonanza Steakhouse for lunch after services...
Posted by: raindogzilla | November 15, 2007 7:02 PM
The Argument from Incomplete Disaster
782 people died in the plane crash but 2 survived. Only God could have saved them.
Posted by: Kevin | November 15, 2007 7:03 PM
Would it be bad to become Christian just to listen to the hilarity of the reasoning in church cell groups? I practically beg a coworker for stories of his cell (yes, they're really called that). He refers to me as "Satan-worshipper" (which of course isn't true, but he also makes a point that he likes to paint a picture without the intrusion of actual facts.)
Posted by: CrypticLife | November 15, 2007 7:03 PM
Foxholes!
Posted by: raindogzilla | November 15, 2007 7:05 PM
Here's a great list of truly pitiful reasons to be a Xian:
www.uncommondescent.com/intelligent-design/design-all-the-way-down/#comment-140261
Thank you bornagain77. You even say it all as if it made sense.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 7:05 PM
Because I am scared to face life on life's terms.
Posted by: Jeb, FCD | November 15, 2007 7:06 PM
The touching part (and I don't completely mean that sarcastically) of it is that just because you have no answer for a non sequitur, they think they were being profound.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 7:07 PM
Because people worship science* when they no longer believe in God.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
*A number of words can be substituted for "science," like communism (in the past), money, reason...
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 7:10 PM
"I just believe."
Posted by: Chard | November 15, 2007 7:15 PM
Glen D:
Admirable. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are a veritable mountain of crap this evening... ;)
Posted by: Sastra | November 15, 2007 7:15 PM
Flirty fishing
Posted by: Zarquon | November 15, 2007 7:16 PM
Because Ann Coulter told me to.
Posted by: T. Bruce McNeely | November 15, 2007 7:18 PM
Thank you, thank you, but I still have to bow to Bornagain77 as the grandmaster.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 7:19 PM
"There are a lot of different religions and a lot of different Gods, but Jesus is the ONLY ONE that sacrificed Himself for US, and died for our sins. That means he's real, and the others aren't."
Posted by: Sastra | November 15, 2007 7:19 PM
If hell doesn't exist, and we can't go there when we die, then life has no meaning.
Posted by: Mark Plus | November 15, 2007 7:21 PM
Because I like getting all gussied up on Sunday mornings. At church, I like to rank the other women in the congregation according to how properly I think they are dressed.
Either that, or it's because I want to shorten my prison sentence.
Posted by: Mrs. Peach | November 15, 2007 7:21 PM
Because I am NOT a satan worshiper!!! I have MORELS! AND ETHICACIES! I doN"T Murder People!!!!!! what the hell is WRONG with you?!
Posted by: Bobrobsbob | November 15, 2007 7:22 PM
"Because I need to have meaning in my life, otherwise what's the point?"
Posted by: PuckishOne | November 15, 2007 7:25 PM
Because science doesn't have all of the answers.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | November 15, 2007 7:26 PM
All of you are sooo making the baby Jesus cry.
Posted by: Collin | November 15, 2007 7:29 PM
I can't decide between the banana, peanut butter, and PYGMIES + DWARFS.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | November 15, 2007 7:30 PM
My personal Fav.
The argument from narcisism
There must be a God because life must have transcendent meaning, otherwise why would I be here? How can the rich wonder of existence that is ME be the product of blind forces and cosmic chance? Don't you dare tell me I evolved from a primate and thus rob me of the false dignity I've spent my entire life propping up!!!
Oh and Christianity is the most humble of religions too.
Posted by: tenebrous | November 15, 2007 7:33 PM
I declare Ross Nixon TEH WINNAR based on his comment in an earlier thread:
One of the most compelling arguments for Christianity is that it is so completely different to any man-made religion, that it can't be man made.
Beat that!!!!
Posted by: T. Bruce McNeely | November 15, 2007 7:33 PM
Because I don't want to offend my parents.
Posted by: Steve_C | November 15, 2007 7:36 PM
Because I can sense, inside my mind, that there is a God.
Look at it this way. The only way anyone knows that people have, say, lucid dreams is that people describe something that happens inside their mind. There is no scientific way to tell that a person is having a lucid dream (or any dream, for that matter) other than measuring brain activity. The only way we know that some people have lucid dreams is that people report their experiences.
Since lucid dreams are no more objectively observable than experiencing god, should we tell the lucid dreamers that they are deluded? Should we say that they just think they had such an experience later, but that at the time the lucid dream didn't happen?
Ok that wasn't really a feeble reason, that's one of the toughest ones to answer, in my opinion. I don't personally "sense" there is a god, but it is very hard to argue against someone who says they do.
Posted by: robbrown | November 15, 2007 7:39 PM
Because I can feel it in my heart.
You are on fire tonight, Glen D. No, I mean that literally.
I would have answered in all caps, but I don't want to get banned. You'll just have to imagine 34 exclamation points here.
Posted by: MikeM | November 15, 2007 7:41 PM
Because I do not have enough faith to be an Atheist.
Posted by: JAM | November 15, 2007 7:42 PM
robbrown wrote:
But "experiencing God" isn't analogous to someone having a lucid dream. It's analogous to someone claiming "it wasn't a lucid dream, it MUST have really happened because it felt real to me. Other people are only having lucid dreams, though."
Posted by: Sastra | November 15, 2007 7:50 PM
"You are on fire tonight, Glen D. No, I mean that literally."
For real?
Posted by: Rey Fox | November 15, 2007 7:53 PM
e^(i.GOD) + 666/KOOKS + 0 = 7G * (T+R+U+T+H+L+O+V+E) * PI /365[*] + k
[*] 366 in a leap year.
Possibly the most beautiful and complete equation in all of science.
Posted by: steve_h | November 15, 2007 7:56 PM
If God didn't exist, animals would eat their young.
(funny in two ways!)
Posted by: windy | November 15, 2007 7:56 PM
Since lucid dreams are no more objectively observable than experiencing god, should we tell the lucid dreamers that they are deluded? Should we say that they just think they had such an experience later, but that at the time the lucid dream didn't happen?
No, a lucid dream is a lucid dream. Unless they are saying the dream was real without corroborating, independent evidence. They it's cool to say they are deluded like the person experiencing god.
Posted by: Brian English | November 15, 2007 7:56 PM
see "All things dull and ug-a-ly..." by Monty Python.
(But hold your hands over your ears and sing "lalala" when you get to the line "...each beastly little squid...")
Posted by: PoxyHowzes | November 15, 2007 7:58 PM
'Cause if you're a Christian(tm), you get to put a clever little fishie logo magnet on your SUV - if you're a really good Christian(tm), you can get a fishie eating a Darwin fishie!
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | November 15, 2007 7:59 PM
So I can live forever. So far, so good. ;-)
Posted by: Ross Nixon | November 15, 2007 8:03 PM
I've quoted this before, but I find it so perfectly appalling.
Thomas Aquinas:
Posted by: noncarborundum | November 15, 2007 8:04 PM
"i don't understand evolution, therefore God"
Posted by: skyotter | November 15, 2007 8:04 PM
A combination of the incomplete disaster argument and the