Pharyngula

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Comments

  1. #1 Michael X
    December 6, 2007

    This is every bit as snarky as their Sodom and Gomorrah retelling.

    I especially loved these
    Adam: “Aw you hit him in his Me-apple.”
    and…
    Noah: “I like monkeys, I have two myself.”
    Brilliant! But I’d be really impressed if he had two Dingos.

  2. #2 fardels bear
    December 6, 2007

    “Lawn darts. What are ya gonna do?”

  3. #3 Coturnix
    December 6, 2007

    Made me laugh out loud! Is there more where this came from?

  4. #4 Fernando
    December 6, 2007
  5. #5 Christianjb
    December 6, 2007

    Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.

  6. #6 Sven DiMilo
    December 6, 2007

    Jeez, you people just don’t get it.
    It was a magic apple!

  7. #7 Ex-drone
    December 6, 2007

    Christianjb writes:

    Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.

    You have to say “a woman stealing an apple”. If you’re going to present the christian position, you have to reflect the sexism as well as the absurdity.

  8. #8 truth machine
    December 6, 2007

    http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg

    Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?

  9. #9 Dan
    December 6, 2007

    Jeez, you people just don’t get it.
    It was a magic apple!

    Posted by: Sven DiMilo

    Wasn’t it an apple from the tree of knowledge? In other words, god’s saying “stay dumb,” and because someone actually wanted to learn something (like, how to bake a pie, for example), now we’ve all got to suffer.

    Where is that fair?

  10. #10 Petter Häggholm
    December 6, 2007

    Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?

  11. #11 Petter Häggholm
    December 6, 2007

    Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?

  12. #12 deeks
    December 6, 2007

    It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So yeah, “god” seems to have an objection to people learning. Seems a bit stupid to create people and then what them to be no different than animals.

  13. #13 Marcus Ranum
    December 6, 2007

    I wish Sam Kinison were still alive and doing his “Mrs Jesus and the savior back from the dead” routine. This makes me wish he’d gotten around to “Mr Adam and Mrs Eve.”

  14. #14 Stephen
    December 6, 2007

    http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg

    Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?

    Well, the girl looks about 20, so I’m guessing no.

  15. #15 Ann
    December 6, 2007

    Christianjb, in your rush to snark on Xianity again, you seem to have overlooked the fact that this is a Jewish origin myth. “Christianity is the only religion…” is patently wrong. This myth has also been borrowed by Islam, and might in fact pre-date (there’s that word again!) the old testament.

  16. #16 Tony P
    December 6, 2007

    Hey Christianjb, it isn’t just the Christians, since I believe that Genesis is in the Pentateuch which originated with the Jews.

  17. #17 Christianjb
    December 6, 2007

    Tony: Yes, my mistake. All Abrahamic religions hold apple eating to be the root cause of humanity’s suffering.

  18. #18 Christianjb
    December 6, 2007

    Ann, yes- sorry I left out the Jews. They’re also Malusphiles.

  19. #19 Sven DiMilo
    December 6, 2007

    Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:
    1. Men have to work hard their whole lives in the fields growing food.
    2. Women have to suffer intense pain in parturition.
    3. Snakes lose legs and have to crawl on their bellies in the dust.
    And all for what? Knowledge of the difference between good and evil? It haedly seems fair.

  20. #20 firemancarl
    December 6, 2007

    another piss my pants funny assed video!

  21. #21 Jeff
    December 6, 2007

    @10 — If that’s the way it should be understood, then it’s pretty fucked up of God. If Adam and Eve didn’t have any knowledge of good or evil, right wrong, before eating the apple, they how the FUCK were they supposed to reason out NOT to eat it? Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed… man what a boring toy humanity was before the apple incident.

  22. #22 Denis Loubet
    December 6, 2007

    Now wait a minute Ann, haw many Christians will agree that it’s a Jewish myth. Remember, at least one Christian thinks Jesus predates everything.

    (shudder)

  23. #23 mark
    December 6, 2007

    While downloading this I plugged in my earphones to listen. I forgot that I was in the middle of downloading Romney’s 20 minute “can’t have freedom without religion” speech. I was very confused for a few seconds. “Why is there a voice-over dude, and why is Voice-Over Dude talking about the Pilgrims?”

    I’m going to vote for Romney, as America’s Creepiest Voice Over Dude. (Giuliani already has my vote for America’s Creepiest Uncle.)

  24. #24 Pyre
    December 6, 2007

    Well, if you’re going to cite pizdaus, this diagram is much more on-topic: Science vs. Faith

  25. #25 Carlie
    December 6, 2007

    Pyre – when I click your link, it tells me that access is forbidden. Very appropriate for this conversation, even if unintentional.

  26. #26 Lago
    December 6, 2007

    See ya next year, …

    Or, like ten minutes depending on your bullshit calenders…

    Hahahahahha… Gotta love that…

  27. #27 Pyre
    December 6, 2007

    Carlie, here’s a working link: Science vs. Faith

  28. #28 Pyre
    December 6, 2007
    Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?

    Well, the girl looks about 20, so I’m guessing no.

    Leave aside the girl; that is not an adult octopus!

  29. #29 Kevin
    December 6, 2007

    “Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:”

    DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that’s right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam’s throat…they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.

    afterward…..death for everyone!

  30. #30 MAJeff
    December 6, 2007

    Tony: Yes, my mistake. All Abrahamic religions hold apple eating to be the root cause of humanity’s suffering

    Would this make me satan then?

    And just watching that video…just had it out on the phone with my sister. Family sucks ass (and not in that good way). I just wish I hadn’t already bought the ticket back to Minnesota.

  31. #31 dave X
    December 6, 2007

    Read Daniel Quinn’s “Ishmael”. He thinks the tree of knowledge/out of eden/fall from grace myths all date from when we humans decided we get to choose life and death for the lower animals. I.e., we’re taking over for the gods.

  32. #32 Calvyn
    December 6, 2007

    Screw that. We stole the apple trouble idea from the Greeks. They had it first with the Trojan War.

  33. #33 Skeptic4u
    December 6, 2007

    That was so funny.

  34. #34 The Avenger
    December 7, 2007

    #20, Jeff: “Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed…”

    And what’s also strange about it is that YHWH knew that they couldn’t possibly know that not taking his word for it would be wrong.

  35. #35 ansuzmannaz
    December 7, 2007

    DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that’s right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam’s throat…they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.
    afterward…..death for everyone!

    At last I understand! This isn’t about stealing an apple! It’s about TEA and CAKE or DEATH!!!!

    Tea and cake or DEATH!

  36. #36 Thadd
    December 7, 2007

    Ah they didn’t have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!

  37. #37 Pyre
    December 7, 2007

    Thadd:   But then how could their mothers make chicken soup?

    [undergoing severe cognitive dissonance]

  38. #38 Michael X
    December 7, 2007

    Tea and cake or death?
    I certainly hope you arn’t all out of cake because you weren’t expecting such a rush.

  39. #39 Zetetic
    December 7, 2007

    offtopic…The Daily Buzz, a nationally syndicated morning “news” show, has a poll up about whether or not US morality is religion-based. Go here to vote, scroll to bottom right:

    http://dailybuzz.tv/

  40. #40 Sam
    December 7, 2007

    The bibble never actually mentions an apple specifically, it’s always just the fruit of the tree. Geographically speaking, it was more likely to be a pomegranate or a fig.

  41. #41 Janine
    December 7, 2007

    Ah they didn’t have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!

    Posted by: Thadd | December 7, 2007 12:49 AM

    They also did not have red plastic cups.

  42. #42 firemancarl
    December 7, 2007

    Can anyone post the link for this video? My computer isn’t able to play it from the thread here. Thanks.

  43. #43 Sven DiMilo
    December 7, 2007

    A magic pomegranate! Better!

  44. #44 Pyre
    December 8, 2007

    So who gives a fig?

    Clearly not God.

    He keeps them all for himself!

  45. #45 Bride of Shrek
    December 8, 2007

    Mr Shrek likes to relay the fact, at dinner parties, that during my last labour of a particularly hugely headed and reluctant-to-be-born child that I screamed, as my mantra ” fuck that apple, fuck that apple”.

    I coped ok until the Anaesthetist finally arrived and stuck that blissful epidural in my back, at which point I realised

    a)childbirth was all a load of bollocks and, total proof ID does not fucking exist. As my Obstetrician says,”expanding the cervix to ten centimetres is equivalent to the eye of the penis expanding to the same size.” Wanna try that one fellas??

    and

    b) and drugs can be a really good thing.

  46. #46 Sven DiMilo
    December 8, 2007

    BoS:
    For an interesting alternative interpretation of “fuck that apple,” see Shea and Wilson’s Illuminatus! trilogy.
    re a): ow! ow ow ow ow ow!
    re b): indeed!

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