…and this is a 
I get … mail
Category: Creationism • Kooks
Posted on: December 3, 2007 10:09 PM, by PZ Myers
Regular old physical mail, that is, paper with a stamp. Anyone remember Michael Korn? The nut from Colorado who threatened biologists there, and then sent email to everyone at my university offering to meet them for a fistfight out by the flagpole? He sent me a bunch of tracts … and a poem.
Here's the letter and poem.
Dear Professor Myers,
These martyrs uffer enormous pain to uphold the ultimate Truth that you strive mightily to denigrate, deride, and destroy. Yet these simple people seem to have so much more wisdom than a proud American professor, who will inherit the Vale of Tears for all his malevolent efforts to ridicule their Faith, while they receive Eternal Bliss.
My heart truly grieves for you as I peruse
This tribute to Christian triumph over abuse
These martyrs gladly suffer for Supreme True
Confident their Faith is no mere ruse.With full knowledge of going to their Heavenly Reward,
Eternity with God means the pain they can afford.But you, O proud Paul, who battles the Truth,
Inflicting the deprecations of a skeptic's Muse,What eternal hope lives buried in your heart?
A cold dark place from God set eternally apart!Awake, O Soul, and find your way back home!
To the True Shepherd's embrace that alone,
Can satisfy the desperation that ravages your soul
And seeks like a lion to consume you whole.Praying for you,
Mehachem Korn
Israeli Christian Evangelist
720-840-3877
geologists4truth@yahoo.comPS Look at the picture of the deer. Do you really think something so stunning developed by chance? If you see no Divine Poetry in nature, is is not because it is not there. It is because your heart is closed even as your eyes survey the horizon.
With this letter was included the ripped out cover of a magazine called Blue Ridge Country with a cute fawn, another sheet of Christian screed telling me about unpardonable sin (which makes me wonder what the point of this mailing was—I've committed all the unpardonable sins he lists), a magazine called "The Voice of the Martyrs" that is full of horrible stories of deluded fanatics hauling bibles and christian literature to remote regions of the globe where people had mercifully been free of this crap, and a tract decrying the bible codes. It's all very random and inane.
I can just throw it all in the trash where it belongs, but bad poetry is a sin against the muse Euterpe, for which he will suffer the torments of Tartarus.
I know you read this, Korn. Don't bother sending me your insane ramblings anymore: they don't persuade me of the existence of any gods, but they do convince me that you are a certifiable kook.
By request, here are the "unpardonable sins":
Deliberately ascribing the Holy Spirit's activity to demonic agency
Deliberately refusing the help of the Holy Spirit when it is available to save him from denying Jesus
Deliberately lying to or testing the Holy Spirit
Deliberately rejecting the witness of the Holy Spirit concerning Jesus
So I'm afraid that if you haven't been paying any attention to an invisible, proselytizing ghost, you've committed an unpardonable sin.
Comments
Korn, what's the 'martyr' with you?
Posted by: Corey Schlueter | December 3, 2007 10:19 PM
Having not been in a church for years, I forgot about missionaries until I was at grandma's funeral. There was a bulletin board in the basement, listing groups of missionary families the church was sponsoring in various parts of the world. They were so proud to be spreading their silliness around the world. The worst ones are those that tie public works to their bloody proselytization.
Posted by: MAJeff | December 3, 2007 10:21 PM
Look at the poem! Do you really think something so stunning was developed by an intelligent designer?
Posted by: Marc Connor | December 3, 2007 10:22 PM
"Vale of ears"? I assume he meant "Valley of Tears?" Because, you know, a vale of ears doesn't sound all that bad. Especially if some of them are bunny ears.
Posted by: Carlie | December 3, 2007 10:23 PM
That's so cute, he thinks he matters.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 3, 2007 10:24 PM
PZ, could you publish the list of unpardonable sins as well, please? I want to know how many I've yet to commit (so I can go out and commit them)!
Posted by: Kimpatsu | December 3, 2007 10:25 PM
Wow, I'm convinced and have now seen the light -- where do I sign up?
/sarcasm
Posted by: Susan | December 3, 2007 10:25 PM
PZ, You may be needing this:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
111 Washington Avenue South
Suite 1100
Minneapolis, MN 55401
Phone: (612) 376-3200
Posted by: Greg Laden | December 3, 2007 10:28 PM
Suffering?
How about us having to hear these stupid martyr stories? Now that's suffering.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | December 3, 2007 10:41 PM
I don't think cuttlefish has to worry about competition...
Posted by: Tulse | December 3, 2007 10:44 PM
Do you really think something so stunning developed by chance?
Do you really think something so stunning is the equivalent of Frankenstein's creature, the product of some idiot savant who couldn't even turn the eye right-side out, yet who could deal with complexity beyond all observed skill thus far?
What a weird little nerd you worship, Korn. A guy sort of...like you, only exponentially so.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 3, 2007 10:45 PM
Huh. Looks like those four sins require that the Holy Spirit actually exist. Well, the first one is predicated on demons existing, anyway. Since none of those things exist, none of these sins can possibly be committed.
Posted by: Sam Adams | December 3, 2007 10:53 PM
I have to disagree, it is disturbing. I am thinking "Blue Velvet" only with millions of cut off ears. Eeeewwwwww!
Posted by: Janine | December 3, 2007 10:55 PM
Oh goodie. The band Korn is writing poetry now.
Posted by: danley | December 3, 2007 10:57 PM
PZ, do realize that sinning against the Muses does not necessarily merit torture in Tartarus. Generally, when the Muses feel offended, they will rescind their collective gift of inspiration and render the offender artistically inert forever. If the Muses are really pissed off, though, they may arrive in person to beat the living crap out of the offender, much like the way they literally ripped off the wings of the Sirens when the Sirens had the unmitigated audacity to challenge the Muses to a singing contest (which the Sirens unsurprisingly lost).
Posted by: Stanton | December 3, 2007 11:01 PM
Of course, the list of unpardonable sins assumes at least one fact not in evidence.
Here's how I read them:
Are they unpardonable because there's no one to pardon them?
Posted by: noncarborundum | December 3, 2007 11:03 PM
The odd thing about those "unpardonable sin" is that they all seem to work on the assumption that human beings can infallibly tell the difference between the Holy Spirit and
1.)a false or evil spirit
2.)a reasonable doubt
3.)a more compelling feeling
4.) a false religion
It's as if the people who think these sins are clear and understandable believe we're all characters in a book or movie. When encounter the Holy Spirit it's not a sensation, a feeling, a thought, a conclusion, or a hunch -- no, it's another character, just like us, only this one is real Big and Bright and Shimmery or something. And when he says "Hey, do you want some help" you look right into his face, you bold thing, and say "NO!" Or "Go Away!" Or "Prove it's really you!" Or "I don't seeeee yoooouuu..."
They must be using the part of the brain we use for stories, narratives, and dealing with social situations -- and not so much the part that does the rational analysis.
Posted by: Sastra, OM | December 3, 2007 11:03 PM
He rhymed "peruse" and "ruse" with the NOUN form of "abuse"? "Home" and "alone"? (A secret Macaulay Culkin Code perhaps?)
The scansion is just pitiful, but this sums it all up; "These martyrs gladly suffer for Supreme True". (groan)
Reading this crap fills me with the same sense of mortification I felt when I watched The Gong Show as a kid. (shudders)
Posted by: Jsn | December 3, 2007 11:04 PM
Oops. Missed #12.
Posted by: noncarborundum | December 3, 2007 11:04 PM
How often has all of us heard some variation of that argument? I try to have fun with people when they pull that on me. My favorite was a person in knew in college heard that I was an atheist. She felt the need to seek me out to question me about it. Nevermind that I did not speak to her about it. And watching her in action at parties, not godly at all.
Well, she is giving me grieve. She then points at a nearby bunch of trees and asked, who put them there. There were about six trees in a straight line. So I commented that seeing how they were are in a line, some one planted them there. She walked away and never bothered me again on the subject.
If only more people were that easy to discourage.
Posted by: Janine | December 3, 2007 11:04 PM
"That's so cute, he thinks he matters."
Thank you Glen D
-Michael
Posted by: Michael | December 3, 2007 11:06 PM
Ahhh fuck,
How am I supposed to commit all the unpardonable sins when they include:
"Deliberately lying to or testing the Holy Spirit"
How do I lie or test a nonexistant being? Not fare.
Posted by: Dahan | December 3, 2007 11:11 PM
Look at the picture of the deer. Do you really think something so stunning developed by chance?
Korn,
mountain; deer; watch; flower; snowflake
One of the above things does not belong with the others. Which one would you choose, and why?
Posted by: Susan | December 3, 2007 11:14 PM
Not at all Mike, thank you.
But I still wonder why you don't care about my own wretched soul, while you try to save PZ's. Am I not evil enough in my own right to merit paper, stamp, and preachments?
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 3, 2007 11:15 PM
Bad poetry is something at which Christians excel. Two especially egregious examples are posted on my blog, compositions courtesy of "pro-life" Catholics whom God inspired to express their muse. (Inspiration from God is clearly not very effective.)
A word of warning about the link: It turns out I have three poems posted on my site. One is a limerick I wrote myself in honor of PZ's most recent birthday. It is, nevertheless, in keeping with the theme of bad poetry.
[Link]
Posted by: Zeno | December 3, 2007 11:23 PM
It looks like someone failed to take their haldol today. What is it with the crazies and their whole "we pity you" crap? Tell Korn to shove his shitty poem (which could've been written by my Kindergartener) up his corn hole.
And, since we all know he's going to read this - let me just raise the one fingered salute. *finger*
Posted by: Possummomma | December 3, 2007 11:42 PM
Ever notice how similar the ravings of a Christian lunatic are to the ravings of a Muslim or Hindu or hell I don't know take your pick... a foaming at the mouth Indiana Jones movie high priest cult leader maybe? How they all sound alike? All you have to do is replace God with Allah or Vishnu or Bishamon or Kukailimoku or Harvey the invisible Bunny; pretend like you're all blissed out because you're one of the few who understands the secret to life; pretend that you're deeply sad because your chosen deity is sad; pretend you suffer a lot; pretend that your the personal messenger of your chosen said deity; paste on an otherworldly countenance that conveys how blissed out and sad and suffering you are; and then work yourself into an uncompromising grim fanaticism.
Oh wait, of course you've noticed it.
Posted by: RamblinDude | December 3, 2007 11:48 PM
Oddly enough, M. Korn seems to be improving. He hasn't threatened to kill anyone this time.
Smart move. If he had figured this out the first time around, he wouldn't have had to leave Boulder with a warrant out for this arrest.
Hmmm, maybe the 8 commandments are on an upswing. Looks like we made it to 9 for once.
Posted by: raven | December 3, 2007 11:51 PM
ramblindude: the various conspiracy theorists sound the same to me, too.
Posted by: garth | December 3, 2007 11:59 PM
Sweet.
Posted by: Curt Cameron | December 4, 2007 12:11 AM
I'm surprised you actually opened a real envelope from Korn. Who knows what could be in there? I hope you at least used a grad student.
Posted by: Pareto | December 4, 2007 12:14 AM
"Not at all Mike, thank you.
But I still wonder why you don't care about my own wretched soul, while you try to save PZ's. Am I not evil enough in my own right to merit paper, stamp, and preachments?"
Ack! It seems I've been mistaken for a poetry writing loon. Damn my wretchedly common name! Please don't mistake me for this guy. One, I don't write poetry (nothing wrong with it, just not my thing), two I don't send paper and stamp letters (way too much effort), and three I'm just as guilty for the imposible sins as the rest of the fine folks that frequent this blog. Though if it makes you feel any better if I ever try to save people from their evil ways you'll be one of the first on my list.
-Michael B (Not to be confused with the likely unstable Michael K)
Posted by: Michael | December 4, 2007 12:15 AM
Unpardonable Sin #3 ("Deliberately lying to or testing the Holy Spirit") creates a real problem. Like Sastra (#17) points out, even if we assume that the Holy Spirit exists, how do you know if you are dealing with the real Holy Spirit or just an imposture (Satan in disguse)? The only way would be to test it in some manner (beats me how, but there must be a way, otherwise it wouldn't be listed as an Unpardonable Sin).
But if it is the real deal, you would then have committed an Unpardonable Sin, meaning that there is no hope of anything but damnation for you, no matter how much you plead to Jesus for forgiveness. If you refuse to test, fearing unpardonable eternal damnation, then any old demon can come along and trick you.
Frankly, I would say that this list of Unpardonable Sins sounds exactly like something a demonic agency would come up with to trick people into accepting it as the Holy Spirit without question. But then, if I'm wrong, I would be running afoul of Unpardonable Sin #1.
Hey Korn, how do you get out of this mess?
Posted by: jpf | December 4, 2007 12:16 AM
Which opens up the bigger question:
If God was truly interested in saving souls, knowing that demons could trick the faithful in precisely this manner, wouldn't he have provided some means by which He could be positively and uniquely identified?
God couldn't come up with a metaphysical equivalent of Pretty Good Privacy?
Oh, wait. Sorry about the disrespectful but relevant questions, guys.
Theology: We're doing it wrong.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | December 4, 2007 12:28 AM
If God was truly interested in saving souls, knowing that demons could trick the faithful in precisely this manner, wouldn't he have provided some means by which He could be positively and uniquely identified?
If God was truly interested in saving souls, why would he make it possible for them to get lost in the first place?
Posted by: MAJeff | December 4, 2007 12:33 AM
"Do you really think something so stunning developed by chance?"
Why Not?
Christians think that something as stunning as God developed without a designer. So why not a simple deer?
Posted by: June | December 4, 2007 12:34 AM
Susan,
"mountain; deer; watch; flower; snowflake
One of the above things does not belong with the others. Which one would you choose, and why?"
You left out the banana. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zwbhAXe5yk
Posted by: robuzo | December 4, 2007 12:35 AM
Mmmm, deer. ID meat.
As an experiment simply remove the "Holy Spirit" and replace with the "church" to see that it makes more sense that these injunctions were made up by the church to keep the sheep in line.
Deliberately ascribing the church's activity to demonic agency
Deliberately refusing the help of the church when it is available to save him from denying Jesus
Deliberately lying to or testing the church
Deliberately rejecting the witness of the church concerning Jesus
See, no need to wonder who's who, demon or Holy Spirit. Simply listen to the nearest priest. They wear silly uniforms (as well as say stupid things) so as to make it easier to identify them.
Posted by: Rick T. | December 4, 2007 12:41 AM
Posted by: Dustin | December 4, 2007 12:51 AM
Unfortunately, the only way God can show you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are dealing with the real God (or some homoousian aspect of Himself), and not a demon/false god/alien with advanced technology/etc., is by making you God. If God is supposed to be an infinite being, then only another infinite being can examine for infiniteness something claiming to be God.
But even then, how can you tell if you have really been made God? You may think you can see all and comprehend the totality of everything, but how would you know if there were something missing in your understanding. A demon could grant you some illusion of infiniteness that you are unable to see through, since in reality you're still a finite being, in order to trick you.
For that matter, how can God know that he is really God? Maybe Yahweh is just in the Matrix, all alone with no one to offer him the red pill.
Posted by: jpf | December 4, 2007 12:52 AM
"Lying to the Holy Spirit"? The others I can understand, at least, but that one I don't get. My understanding, at least, is that the Holy Spirit wasn't a thing that one prayed or spoke to, it was just something that "came upon" one, like Peter North.
Even if the concept made sense, the unforgivableness doesn't. It's the Holy Spirit, part of the triune god, the omniscient creator of the universe. So it's going to know you're lying, you're going to know you're lying... I mean, if I mislead a real person, I may do them harm in some way. If I lie to the Holy Spirit I'm just being an idiot. Allow me an allegory here.
Research indicates that three out of five parents have had an experience more or less exactly like the following: their precocious four-year-old, smeared with chocolate from nosetip to fingertips, candy wrappers sticking to the sides of his face and a perfect facsimile of doe-eyed innocence planted on the front of it, denying any involvement in the mysterious disappearance of a whole box of Andes mints. And everybody reacts the same way - a little mad, a little worried the kid's gonna get sick, but mostly just trying to keep from busting out laughing at the sheer absurdity of their cocoa-covered (yet baldfaced) little angel. But if it's the Supreme Being instead of mom and her entire bridge club, the appropriate response is not laughter -- not even death -- but eternal torture?!
Posted by: K. Signal Eingang | December 4, 2007 12:56 AM
#23, Susan: Mountain. Given a woodchipper, all the rest will fit (messily) into the back of my car.
As for the rest, I suppose the Holy Spigot only ever audits classes. No degree for you! Unless it's one of those bogus degrees like they give to people like Shatner.
Posted by: Phy | December 4, 2007 1:04 AM
"And seeks like a lion to consume you whole."
Yeah, SELL it, Max! I mean...Mike.
Posted by: Rey Fox | December 4, 2007 1:43 AM
Paper with a STAMP??? What was he thinking?
Posted by: Mobius | December 4, 2007 1:51 AM
Awake, O Soul, and find your way back home!
Awake, Oh Korn, and quit with the fucking poems.
Posted by: CalGeorge | December 4, 2007 1:51 AM
I thought Korn poetry was more like this:
Oooppss. I thought you meant KoRN
Posted by: Mike Haubrich, FCD | December 4, 2007 2:04 AM
"Deliberately lying to or testing the Holy Spirit".
Oh, so HE can test us but we can't test HIM. Double standard producing, hypocritical rat bastard.
By that standard anyone who has ever prayed has "tested" him so has committed unpardonable sins. I menan what's praying after all but asking God/Allah/Jehovah etc for a special favour of some kind, therefore TESTING his ability to come up with the goods.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek | December 4, 2007 2:17 AM
It's reassuring to know that Korn thinks that murder, cannibalism and such things are pardonable.
It makes me much gladder to be on a different continent.
Posted by: Nix | December 4, 2007 2:51 AM
Wow - is the Holy Spirit is the prima donna of the Trinity or what? What a drama queen!
I guess he's still pissed that he only got walk on parts in the Bible (just imagine the heel-stamping hissy fit that caused).
P.
Posted by: NC Paul | December 4, 2007 5:03 AM
Apart from the Official Unpardobable Sin List (by Yahweh, dictated but not read), all is pardonable, yes even murder and cannibalism, as long as you renounce godless evolution and join the J-Team.
Bad credit? No credit? No problem! Join now and you too can spend eternity with Korn and Dahmer!
Posted by: jpf | December 4, 2007 5:20 AM
comment #27
It's because they all exhibit similar symptoms of the same mania.
comment #47
Well it's more like testing whether he gives a shit about the supplicant IMO. BTW best regards to Mr Shrek from this side of the pond.
Posted by: AllanW | December 4, 2007 5:45 AM
I don't want to rain on your cavalier parade, but you should have sent it on to either the Boulder Police or the FBI. There's still a warrant out for this guy's arrest last time I checked.
Posted by: JDP | December 4, 2007 6:28 AM
That's the problem with you atheists, you use reason too much. This radio program of some female evangelist (sorry I can't remember her name. She is from the US, but her ministry is currently flogging her DVDs on a christian radio show here). I've heard her say at least twice that if you reason too much, you are going to be miserable. Stop trying to reason out the problems in your life, and pray more and trust god to fix them.
Believe it or not, I have started listening to this station in my car going to and from work. I find it amusing. Of course my commute is not very far either, otherwise it may not seem amusing for long.
Posted by: scienceteacherinexile | December 4, 2007 6:30 AM
"Testing the Holy Spirit"? That's something Randi could do, it seems. Although he would need the ghost to fill an application form and to agree on conditions, which seems rather difficult. Also, a double-blind test would be difficult to conduct.
Posted by: Christophe Thill | December 4, 2007 6:56 AM
I think this Mehachem guy has a typo in his own name.
I also think that, as explained at length above, you aren't capable of "committing" any of the unpardonable "sins" listed. By the kook's own criteria, you haven't done anything unpardonable, while he is in grave danger as explained in comment 33.
I also wonder in whose "heart" the "ravaging desperation" really is...
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | December 4, 2007 7:46 AM
You received this by post?
Does that mean you've typed this up yourself?
I don't know whether to commisserate you or curse you.
(Please tell me you got some lowly undergrad to do the brunt of the dirty work.)
Posted by: Sili | December 4, 2007 7:50 AM
Well, ol' Korn got what he wanted, a whole PZ blog entry all to himself and look at all these comments. Really, the only way to deal with attention getting behavior (trolling) is to ignore it. All this focus just encourages him.
Posted by: Tom | December 4, 2007 8:05 AM
Did they ever catch that guy, or is he still on the run somewhere?
Posted by: Scott | December 4, 2007 8:09 AM
Aha! So that's why there are no experiments from the ID mob, any experiment would be seen to be testing their god.
I should have seen it before! It all seems so obvious now...
/headdesk
Posted by: nullifidian | December 4, 2007 8:11 AM
Just so you know, you missed one "unpardonable sin". Anyone who was raised Christian, and took the sacraments or was baptised, anyone who was a Christian at one point and is now not, can never come back.
Hebrews 6:4-6
It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit,
who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age,
if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.
For all us apostates, we can never be forgiven, so why do they bother trying?
Posted by: Skalite4 | December 4, 2007 8:20 AM
Two thoughts:
1. Korn sounds likes he's mentally ill. It isn't nice to mock the mentally ill.
2. All those unforgivable sins seem to require that you have direct knowledge of the Holy Spirit. If those are the only sins that will definitely get you sent to Hell, you're probably better off having nothing whatsoever to do with the Holy Spirit.
Posted by: Ian Gould | December 4, 2007 8:24 AM
Hey Korn! I am Spartacus too!
And God came to me in a vision and told me that you are an agent of the devil, and that you will rot in hell for all eternity.
Just so you know. Have a nice day.
Posted by: J-Dog | December 4, 2007 8:43 AM
I wonder what Korn would say if somebody sent him a picture of a tapeworm or another parasite and asked him to explain the divine poetry in that.
Posted by: John H | December 4, 2007 9:04 AM
"...like Peter North."
Thanks for making me yak up my cinnamon toast.
Posted by: BobbyEarle | December 4, 2007 9:09 AM
[i]geologists4truth@yahoo.com[/i]
Profaning geology is a baseball bat offense. Come here, Korn.
Posted by: Josh | December 4, 2007 9:25 AM
"mountain; deer; watch; flower; snowflake
One of the above things does not belong with the others. Which one would you choose, and why?"
Snowflake. The rest are not made from frozen water.
Okay, I'm kidding. Really.
Posted by: Rich | December 4, 2007 9:54 AM
Fact check time!
Prof. Myers, please describe in detail, giving times & locations:
- to which demonic agency you ascribed which activity of the H.S.;
- which help you refused from the H.S., and what it was that you denied J. (and what J. did when forced to cope without whatever you denied him);
- what lie you told to the H.S., or which test you gave it (and what score it received); and
- which witness concerning J. you received and rejected from the H.S.
You have admitted doing all these things deliberately, and - as you have claimed elsewhere not to be a Republican - claims of memory failure will not be accepted.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | December 4, 2007 10:26 AM
Wow, that's pretty impressive. We now have Four Unpardonable Sins to go with the Seven Deadly Sins and the Ten Commandments. In other words, "believe what I believe or go to Hell." Is it just me, or have all these whacks forgotten the Golden Rule?
Posted by: viggen | December 4, 2007 10:43 AM
Oh, sorry about that. Of course one doesn't know, but the "Michael" and nothing else showing up just looked a tad suspicious, so I went with my suspicions.
It didn't work out right this time. Never mind that, thank you for real for your comments, and carry on.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Glen Davidson | December 4, 2007 10:52 AM
This is worth framing and hanging over your bed. After all, you don't get to be the subject of such crackpoetry every day, let alone crackpoetry that refers to you as 'O proud Paul'. Congratulations!
Posted by: robhoofd | December 4, 2007 10:55 AM
"Bad poetry is something at which Christians excel."
Bad spelling also seems to be common trait among Christians. What's up with their education?...oh...wait..I guess that's the point.
Posted by: Larry | December 4, 2007 10:57 AM
Having committed unpardonable sins, I guess I should start worshipping satan in hopes that he will make my stay in Hell a bit less nasty than Jezombie wants it to be...
Posted by: Thomas Allen | December 4, 2007 11:01 AM
Back in the 90s, there was a band named Devo which consisted of 4 guys dressed in white cleanroom suits playing some weird music. They named their band after De-evolution because, they claimed, mankind was de-evolving back to slime.
Reading this post, I can now better understand where Devo was coming from. Mr. Korn would seem to be a prime example of such a reverse process. What is it about religion that turns a normal human being, who was born with the capacity to learn, grow, and reason, to become one with the slime? It is truly mystifying.
As to the Unpardonable Sins, I'm totally down with each one of them. Do I get some kind of badge or something?
Posted by: Larry | December 4, 2007 11:12 AM
invokes one of my favorite scenes from 'grosse pointe blank':
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119229/quotes
Posted by: gordonsowner | December 4, 2007 11:21 AM
HAPPY FUN BALLHOLY SPIRITPosted by: Cairnarvon | December 4, 2007 11:27 AM
Larry, Devo was formed back in the 70's. They also had other uniforms besides the white suits. I think most of we old timers prefer the black turtlenecks with the flowerpot hats. But I am afraid the would look scary in those shirts now.
Posted by: Janine | December 4, 2007 11:31 AM
I liked the original yellow cleanroom suits from the 70s. There are some great YouTubes of Devo playng their little hearts out at some big venue in France in '78. The audience just stood there in awe and confusion. But France came to understand, and that's why we have Daft Punk today.
Seriously, Korn challenged the whole department to a fistfight? You should have accepted. I doubt he could have beaten even three of you. Two to grappel, one to pummel.
Posted by: bacopa | December 4, 2007 12:14 PM
Re Michael K's poetry: It fits into a peculiar category of poetry well-described by PJ O'Rourke in Holidays in Hell:
I found God and lost all my talent.
I still can't figure out how people can believe in things that aren't consistent with observed reality. The ability to reconcile magic with the world is way beyond me. Anyone want to try to explain the cognitive processes that make people so willing to accept nonsense?
Posted by: Matt H | December 4, 2007 12:23 PM
Isn't this nutcase still wanted by law enforcement?
Posted by: John Law | December 4, 2007 12:27 PM
Cuttlefish he ain't.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | December 4, 2007 12:31 PM
Has anyone else noticed that the "unforgivable sin" is really boring? What if the "unforgivable sin" was something fun like- a hotel room, 8 strippers, and a case of Johhny Walker Black? Now there is a sin with some substance.
Ok, here comes my sorry attempt at poetry,
Darwin, you devil how dare you speak.
I cant suffer your theory for my faith is weak.
The Bible says six days, yet you ask for more time.
Ah, but wait its the origin of life, not the origin of species for which I pine.
So I'll pick from the verses that I like the best.
I'll throw in some science and forget the rest.
Now I have some faith and I have some truth.
I find great comfort in my beliefs that lack proof.
Wait there's a problem I cant help but see.
There's Bertrand Russel and his philosophy.
And there's Nietzshe, Ingersoll, Hume, and Payne
And a thousand others who have taught us the same.
Now instead of comfort, there's a feeling I find hard to explain.
Is this freedom, is it liberty, have I loosened my chains?
The church offers grace for they say I have sinned.
I've thrown of that weight, I shall not pray again.
I'll live my life fully for it wont last long,
and to my fellowman, I'll try to do no wrong.
Now I have a question as I ponder all this again.
Could it be that to waste your life chasing gods and devils is the one "true" sin?
Posted by: Atheist in a Kilt | December 4, 2007 1:21 PM
PZM: Since this guy has threatened you in the past, and seems to have an outstanding warrant out for him (presumably as a result of that threat) it seems prudent for you to have your mail screened before you open it. If your university doesn't have the equipment to examine mail by xray and magnetometer (etc), your local FBI or US Postal Service Inspector should be able to help with that.
Realize the other commenters were kidding, but foisting this duty off on an unsuspecting student isn't the answer.
Posted by: Bureaucratus Minimis | December 4, 2007 3:54 PM
Yay! Let's make fun on the mentally ill! Next week I hope to see photos of people in wheelchairs so we can point and laugh. Oh the hilarity!
Are you really so starved of material that you need to post stuff like this?
Posted by: SmellyTerror | December 4, 2007 4:56 PM
Testing the Holy Spirit is an unpardonable sin? Now you tell me...I gave young Mr. Spirit a chemistry test a couple weeks ago and he failed miserably.
I may burn in hell but I'll never give someone a grade they didn't earn.
Posted by: Willy | December 4, 2007 7:46 PM
To Michael Korn:
An archangel's name
and a firebrand fervor
golden from head to toe, no doubt,
with God's armour.
O! Stout warrior, you are wearing
No clothes.
Your wings don't work here,
in this bright land of human hope.
Go home Michael,
these dizzying heights of whipped up Christian ecstasy
only leave you with
such a long way to fall.
With an industrial crop's talent for
self-examination
you come to us
with sound and fury,
spouting threats and venom,
but evidence cuts deeper than devotion
By your self-inflicted stripes, we are entertained
You, our unwanted saviour,
your own cross you not only carry
but manufacture yourself
every plank
every thorn
every nail
You climb your flimsy construction
plain for all to see:
Festering
Government-subsidised,
High fructose.
Posted by: enlashok | December 4, 2007 7:58 PM
My summary of the poem: neither rhyme nor reason.
Notice how it's well-written and doesn't sound awkward at all? Yeah, me neither.
Some people deliberately eschew regular meter. I think their poems usually suck, but at least they tend to know what they're leaving out. When people leave out rhythm but keep rhyming, it makes me think they don't understand why their work sounds like shit when it's read aloud.
It's ok to occasionally bend the rules of rhyme or rhythm if the rules of grammar are too rigid and vice versa, but one should only do so sparingly. Instead, this poem butchers all three at the same time.
Ok, poetry critique over, but the content was too puerile to merit response.
Very creepy mail, PZ. I'd definitely get my mail checked out from now on if I were you.
Posted by: Escuerd | December 4, 2007 11:28 PM
Escuerd: Get some Ginsberg in ya.
http://members.tripod.com/~Sprayberry/poems/howl.txt
Posted by: enlashok | December 4, 2007 11:54 PM
"mountain; deer; watch; flower; snowflake
One of the above things does not belong with the others. Which one would you choose, and why?"
Flower, of course.
Anyone with pollen allergies would tell you the same.