What to talk about at the Adam and Eve family reunion
Category: Humor
Posted on: December 6, 2007 5:36 PM, by PZ Myers
(Video moved below the fold because it was breaking some browsers)
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Comments
This is every bit as snarky as their Sodom and Gomorrah retelling.
I especially loved these
Adam: "Aw you hit him in his Me-apple."
and...
Noah: "I like monkeys, I have two myself."
Brilliant! But I'd be really impressed if he had two Dingos.
Posted by: Michael X | December 6, 2007 5:50 PM
"Lawn darts. What are ya gonna do?"
Posted by: fardels bear | December 6, 2007 5:51 PM
Made me laugh out loud! Is there more where this came from?
Posted by: Coturnix | December 6, 2007 5:52 PM
OT:
http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg
Posted by: Fernando | December 6, 2007 6:03 PM
Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.
Posted by: Christianjb | December 6, 2007 6:06 PM
Jeez, you people just don't get it.
It was a magic apple!
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | December 6, 2007 6:09 PM
Christianjb writes:
You have to say "a woman stealing an apple". If you're going to present the christian position, you have to reflect the sexism as well as the absurdity.Posted by: Ex-drone | December 6, 2007 6:16 PM
http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg
Whoa, doesn't that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?
Posted by: truth machine | December 6, 2007 7:01 PM
Wasn't it an apple from the tree of knowledge? In other words, god's saying "stay dumb," and because someone actually wanted to learn something (like, how to bake a pie, for example), now we've all got to suffer.
Where is that fair?
Posted by: Dan | December 6, 2007 7:02 PM
Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?
Posted by: Petter Häggholm | December 6, 2007 7:15 PM
It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So yeah, "god" seems to have an objection to people learning. Seems a bit stupid to create people and then what them to be no different than animals.
Posted by: deeks | December 6, 2007 7:19 PM
I wish Sam Kinison were still alive and doing his "Mrs Jesus and the savior back from the dead" routine. This makes me wish he'd gotten around to "Mr Adam and Mrs Eve."
Posted by: Marcus Ranum | December 6, 2007 7:20 PM
Well, the girl looks about 20, so I'm guessing no.
Posted by: Stephen | December 6, 2007 7:32 PM
Christianjb, in your rush to snark on Xianity again, you seem to have overlooked the fact that this is a Jewish origin myth. "Christianity is the only religion..." is patently wrong. This myth has also been borrowed by Islam, and might in fact pre-date (there's that word again!) the old testament.
Posted by: Ann | December 6, 2007 7:33 PM
Hey Christianjb, it isn't just the Christians, since I believe that Genesis is in the Pentateuch which originated with the Jews.
Posted by: Tony P | December 6, 2007 7:35 PM
Tony: Yes, my mistake. All Abrahamic religions hold apple eating to be the root cause of humanity's suffering.
Posted by: Christianjb | December 6, 2007 7:39 PM
Ann, yes- sorry I left out the Jews. They're also Malusphiles.
Posted by: Christianjb | December 6, 2007 7:41 PM
Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:
1. Men have to work hard their whole lives in the fields growing food.
2. Women have to suffer intense pain in parturition.
3. Snakes lose legs and have to crawl on their bellies in the dust.
And all for what? Knowledge of the difference between good and evil? It haedly seems fair.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | December 6, 2007 8:01 PM
another piss my pants funny assed video!
Posted by: firemancarl | December 6, 2007 8:05 PM
@10 -- If that's the way it should be understood, then it's pretty fucked up of God. If Adam and Eve didn't have any knowledge of good or evil, right wrong, before eating the apple, they how the FUCK were they supposed to reason out NOT to eat it? Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God's word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed... man what a boring toy humanity was before the apple incident.
Posted by: Jeff | December 6, 2007 8:18 PM
Now wait a minute Ann, haw many Christians will agree that it's a Jewish myth. Remember, at least one Christian thinks Jesus predates everything.
(shudder)
Posted by: Denis Loubet | December 6, 2007 8:18 PM
While downloading this I plugged in my earphones to listen. I forgot that I was in the middle of downloading Romney's 20 minute "can't have freedom without religion" speech. I was very confused for a few seconds. "Why is there a voice-over dude, and why is Voice-Over Dude talking about the Pilgrims?"
I'm going to vote for Romney, as America's Creepiest Voice Over Dude. (Giuliani already has my vote for America's Creepiest Uncle.)
Posted by: mark | December 6, 2007 8:34 PM
Well, if you're going to cite pizdaus, this diagram is much more on-topic: Science vs. Faith
Posted by: Pyre | December 6, 2007 9:17 PM
Pyre - when I click your link, it tells me that access is forbidden. Very appropriate for this conversation, even if unintentional.
Posted by: Carlie | December 6, 2007 9:34 PM
See ya next year, ...
Or, like ten minutes depending on your bullshit calenders...
Hahahahahha... Gotta love that...
Posted by: Lago | December 6, 2007 10:04 PM
Carlie, here's a working link: Science vs. Faith
Posted by: Pyre | December 6, 2007 10:09 PM
Posted by: Pyre | December 6, 2007 10:17 PM
"Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:"
DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that's right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam's throat...they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.
afterward.....death for everyone!
Posted by: Kevin | December 6, 2007 10:38 PM
Would this make me satan then?
And just watching that video...just had it out on the phone with my sister. Family sucks ass (and not in that good way). I just wish I hadn't already bought the ticket back to Minnesota.
Posted by: MAJeff | December 6, 2007 10:39 PM
Read Daniel Quinn's "Ishmael". He thinks the tree of knowledge/out of eden/fall from grace myths all date from when we humans decided we get to choose life and death for the lower animals. I.e., we're taking over for the gods.
Posted by: dave X | December 6, 2007 10:53 PM
Screw that. We stole the apple trouble idea from the Greeks. They had it first with the Trojan War.
Posted by: Calvyn | December 6, 2007 11:16 PM
That was so funny.
Posted by: Skeptic4u | December 6, 2007 11:30 PM
#20, Jeff: "Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God's word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed..."
And what's also strange about it is that YHWH knew that they couldn't possibly know that not taking his word for it would be wrong.
Posted by: The Avenger | December 7, 2007 12:25 AM
At last I understand! This isn't about stealing an apple! It's about TEA and CAKE or DEATH!!!!
Tea and cake or DEATH!
Posted by: ansuzmannaz | December 7, 2007 12:32 AM
Ah they didn't have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!
Posted by: Thadd | December 7, 2007 12:49 AM
Thadd: But then how could their mothers make chicken soup?
[undergoing severe cognitive dissonance]
Posted by: Pyre | December 7, 2007 12:58 AM
Tea and cake or death?
I certainly hope you arn't all out of cake because you weren't expecting such a rush.
Posted by: Michael X | December 7, 2007 4:14 AM
offtopic...The Daily Buzz, a nationally syndicated morning "news" show, has a poll up about whether or not US morality is religion-based. Go here to vote, scroll to bottom right:
http://dailybuzz.tv/
Posted by: Zetetic | December 7, 2007 7:43 AM
The bibble never actually mentions an apple specifically, it's always just the fruit of the tree. Geographically speaking, it was more likely to be a pomegranate or a fig.
Posted by: Sam | December 7, 2007 8:26 AM
They also did not have red plastic cups.
Posted by: Janine | December 7, 2007 10:29 AM
Can anyone post the link for this video? My computer isn't able to play it from the thread here. Thanks.
Posted by: firemancarl | December 7, 2007 12:12 PM
A magic pomegranate! Better!
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | December 7, 2007 1:09 PM
So who gives a fig?
Clearly not God.
He keeps them all for himself!
Posted by: Pyre | December 8, 2007 12:59 AM
Mr Shrek likes to relay the fact, at dinner parties, that during my last labour of a particularly hugely headed and reluctant-to-be-born child that I screamed, as my mantra " fuck that apple, fuck that apple".
I coped ok until the Anaesthetist finally arrived and stuck that blissful epidural in my back, at which point I realised
a)childbirth was all a load of bollocks and, total proof ID does not fucking exist. As my Obstetrician says,"expanding the cervix to ten centimetres is equivalent to the eye of the penis expanding to the same size." Wanna try that one fellas??
and
b) and drugs can be a really good thing.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek | December 8, 2007 7:41 AM
BoS:
For an interesting alternative interpretation of "fuck that apple," see Shea and Wilson's Illuminatus! trilogy.
re a): ow! ow ow ow ow ow!
re b): indeed!
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | December 8, 2007 12:36 PM