Pharyngula

The video clip below is from a game called Noah’s Adventures. It’s awful—Noah sounds like a drunk with brain damage, the graphics look like a preschooler tried fingerpainting with his feces, and the whole plot is ridiculous.

Now here’s the question: is this the work of a sincere creationist, or is this the product of the evil atheist conspiracy, made with the intent of making creationists look like talentless, tasteless hacks? I can’t tell.

Comments

  1. #1 B Shepard
    January 21, 2008

    Is it just me or does Noah sound like Zoidberg from Futurama?

  2. #2 Anon
    January 21, 2008

    Evidence of incompetent design?

  3. #3 alex
    January 21, 2008

    “o, god, they are fighting again” – cue 80s funk music.

    wahahahaha.

  4. #4 mackrelmint
    January 21, 2008

    Who knew Noah was so whiney and God so congested?

  5. #5 Lledowynn
    January 21, 2008

    It looks like they used a version of Torque to make that. However, Torque definitely lets you have better graphics than that, so all I can say about the quality is that their art designer either didn’t have much experience, didn’t have enough time, or a combination of the two. The voice acting is absolutely horrid, and I’m shocked that anyone who developed that would think that’s up to par. Overall, I would chalk that horrid mess to some people that knew just enough to make it, but not enough to make anything that looks good.

  6. #6 Owlmirror
    January 21, 2008

    Noah sounds like a drunk with brain damage

    Noah is explicitly depicted in the Bible as a drunk, and an angry one at that.

  7. #7 Matt Heath
    January 21, 2008

    Did God say “Cover it with pish”?

  8. #8 dcwp
    January 21, 2008

    I wanna see the part where the zombie Noah turns away raptors and unicorns for being evil!

  9. #9 stormen_per
    January 21, 2008

    Nah, that’s too stupid. I’ll vote “evil conspiracy” on this one.

  10. #10 Richard Harris
    January 21, 2008

    Jumpin’ Jeezus! What crap!

    So, it says men were wicked. But their bible book says men were made in the image of the god thing. So, you do the math.

    And then there’s this guy who can design & build a ship bigger than a supertanker, & do it in wood!, & at his first attempt at ship building! And he’s an expert at animal husbandry, even for animals he’s never encountered before, suchy as kangaroos. And what about all the plants that were drowned?

    It’s gotta be a parody. I mean, no sane person could believe such crap,

  11. #11 Blake Stacey
    January 21, 2008

    Eight minutes of my life, gone forever. I oscillate between thinking it’s genuine and thinking it the product of an extremely stoned machinima creator.

    “Praise God. . . God is good. . . The animals are here. . . .”

    “Noah! Enter the Ark! You and all your household!”

    “Yeah! And don’t forget to leave the garage door open so the pizza guy knows we’re home!”

  12. #12 MAJeff
    January 21, 2008

    Cue, “Why can’t you just live and let live” in 5…4…3…2..

  13. #13 alex
    January 21, 2008

    o crap, after having watched all that, it must be a spoof. it can’t possibly be real….?

  14. #14 mackrelmint
    January 21, 2008

    #10 Richard,
    I think that the plants were all trampled by the elephants. See the video at minute 5:51.

  15. #15 DiscGrace
    January 21, 2008

    It’s as if someone who had never seen a horse (or elephant, or panda, or human being) had one described to him by someone else who had only ever read about horses once in a book.

  16. #16 Inky
    January 21, 2008

    *deep breath*

    AHHH HAHAHAH!!!!!!

    Man, did God smoke a joint before deciding to trash the place? He sounds so … mellow. You’d imagine that a wrathful deity hell-bent on destroying a planet would have more fury.

    “Greeetingsss, neighhhboooorssss!!”
    I don’t think Noah would have had enough energy to build a raft, let alone an ark. “Looord Goddd CreeeeAHH-TOR”.

    Rofl! Noah seems whiny … Noah is Eeyore!
    No, wait, in the Bible it specifically said that Noah and his poor family had to gather all the animals. God didn’t just drop them into the ark.

    That ark needs a bumper sticker.

  17. #17 Abbie
    January 21, 2008
  18. #18 MAJeff
    January 21, 2008

    Man, did God smoke a joint before deciding to trash the place?

    As I recall, that was the eighth day.

  19. #19 Lledowynn
    January 21, 2008

    #17, OMG what dung! I think that Noah video is actually a leap ahead of that one!

  20. #20 Eamon Knight
    January 21, 2008

    Is that a dinosaur on the deck of the Ark, right at the end?
    Fortunately, it doesn’t look like too many polygons died to make that ridiculous cartoon possible.

  21. #21 mackrelmint
    January 21, 2008

    Abbie,
    Sadly, I think it’s not. Zoo race might actually be worse but then they were both made by the same company and are both terrible.
    -Bad graphics aside, what kind of theology are the game creators pushing to kids here? That Noah put posters (see the screen shots)all over the ark to remind the animals to “Love God Hate Sin” and let them wander all over a mostly empty boat? And in Zoo race, that Noah had races with them? Ehh???!!!

  22. #22 MB
    January 21, 2008

    The game’s website is worth a visit. My favorite part: a screenshot captioned “Noah! There is a tiger hiding in the chapel on the Ark!!!” I wish that happened in real life. It would sure help reduce the number of creationists.

  23. #23 Rayzilla
    January 21, 2008

    Holy shit

    #17

    the 6:20 mark is the greatest thing i have ever seen

    they appear to be in some sort of animal disco, wherein the animals dance by spinning around in circles

    and noah is there getting his gangsta lean on

    i totally want to play this game now

  24. #24 ERV
    January 21, 2008

    OMG!! EVERYONE SEND THAT TO VH1!! LOL!! I havent laughed that hard since the dramatic chipmunk.

  25. #25 Moody834
    January 21, 2008

    So… um… Is there footage of when he’s discovered asleep in his tent, passed out from drunkenness, naked? And what about after…?

    Noah: “Oh, God… My head!”

    God: “Noah… You shall never live this down. Yea though you live three hundred years and more from this day.”

    Noah: “Fuck.”

  26. #26 Dan
    January 21, 2008

    It’s things like this that make me love religion. I mean, which would you rather see: A whole heap of clowns pouring out of a Volkswagen, or this sort fo stupidity trying to pass itself off as good?

    Of course, if I were making the game, it’d be titled Grand Theft Ark: Sin City, and Noah would hang out the side of the boat picking off random swimming sinners in a Biblical drive-by (or float-by as the case may be).

    Not sure what to do with the whores though. Jesus was quite fond of them after all.

  27. #27 tacitus
    January 21, 2008

    The other videos from the game are even more bizarre:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMchQziVGM

  28. #28 Eric
    January 21, 2008

    Bible Adventures for the NES was much better!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkNvQYiM6bw

  29. #29 Rowsdower
    January 21, 2008

    I’ve always wondered: how did animals indigenous to the Americas and Australia and Indonesia survive the Great Flood if Noah wasn’t in any of those areas? I mean where did mountain lions, kangaroos and orangutans come from?

  30. #30 Kcanadensis
    January 21, 2008

    To be fair, anyone with a small budget would produce a game that’s crappy. Then again, did they have a small budget? I don’t know.

    I hate, hate, HATE the noah’s ark fable. UGH.

    And wow, the music is amazing. Really fits the uh… tone. Sounds like something you’d hear down in the bayou!

  31. #31 Dan
    January 21, 2008

    The other videos from the game are even more bizarre:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhMchQziVGM

    Posted by: tacitus

    Oh man! Animal Dance Party with Noah dropping some X and a coked up donkey spinning like mad.

    Freakin’ insane!

  32. #32 holbach
    January 21, 2008

    Abbie Yes, that is awful. And the picture of Einstein
    on the wall is all the more degrading. H L Mencken, give
    us a meaningful evaluation before we croak !

  33. #33 Ex Partiot
    January 21, 2008

    Pathetic attemp at something but not to sure at what.who ever made that has no talent for anything

  34. #34 gsb
    January 21, 2008

    I’m pretty sure that Noah didn’t get his beliefs from the Christian Bible, as the video implies — unless that nitwit from The View was right all along.

  35. #35 Chris R.
    January 21, 2008

    Is it just me or does Noah sound like Zoidberg from Futurama?

    Ha, that’s what I thought too. “I help those who help themselves!”

  36. #36 Tom Morris
    January 21, 2008

    Wow, that’s one of the most retarded videos I’ve ever seen. I particularly like the fact that Noah uses rhetoric to convince the ‘sinners’, despite the story of Noah being set quite a bit earlier than Christ or even the emergence of Judaism.

    What else? I loved the sign on the Ark written in English. They could have made it better by putting “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” behind and having Noah wearing a smart USAF flight suit and giving the thumbs up salute. Drunken and brain-damaged, you say?

    If I were to ever find myself directing or producing some kind of artistic representation of this scene from Genesis, I would seriously improve the animals boarding – this is the most amazing bit of the story, but this version was utterly lame. I mean, think every zoo in the world queued up outside the Ark is a dramatic scene but this video had about ten lonely animals popping out of the bushes and that’s it. Bugger this, I’m off to the Natural History Museum to peer at funny rocks and extinct birds.

  37. #37 aaaa
    January 21, 2008

    german porn music!!! nice

  38. #38 Scrabcake
    January 21, 2008

    Wow.
    As a person who works in the game industry, I have nothing but admiration for people with the drive and persistence to finish a game by themselves…it’s the computer equivalent of building a pyramid.
    However, I do know a halfassed hackjob when I see it, especially compared to the many masterworks of indie gaming, made by teams of less than 10 people. This game doesn’t even stand next to games like Eternal Daughter, Scratches, Cloud, Dyadin, Flow, Darkfall, etc. It looks like they nicked all the graphics from Morrowind and turded them up. This has got some of the most painful textures I’ve ever seen. I mean, they could have done better with the presets that come with Bryce!
    Ick. If there’s a god, you can bet he doesn’t want a shoddy pyramid.

  39. #39 Celandine
    January 21, 2008

    I’d listen to Bill Cosby’s version of the Noah story any day over this piece of tripe. Now that’s a whiny Noah who’s realistic.

  40. #40 Chris F.
    January 21, 2008

    I kept waiting to hear “all your base are belong to us.”

  41. #41 Ichthyic
    January 21, 2008

    Cue, “Why can’t you just live and let live” in 5…4…3…2..

    You used to say: “Live and let live”

    you know ya did ya know ya did ya know ya did…

  42. #42 Zeno
    January 21, 2008

    It seems to me to be as sincere as it is crappy. No matter how feculent, any religiously inspired travesty will get fulsome praise from the devout. They take sincerity for quality and eagerly spoon up the most noisome dreck.

  43. #43 CleveDan
    January 21, 2008

    Genesis 9:24 KJV
    “And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him”

    P.Z. Meyers:012108
    “..Noah sounds like a drunk..”

    DING*DING*DING*DING we have a match

  44. #44 Ichthyic
    January 21, 2008

    no, no, it’s great!

    I highly encourage all xians to invest their money into this game company that obviously will be taking the market by storm any day now!

    seriously, call your broker right now, and have them encourage the CEO of this wonderful game company to do an IPO right away!

    hurry, while you can still get in on the ground floor!

  45. #45 windy
    January 21, 2008

    It’s amazing what they can do with a Commodore 64 these days.

  46. #46 dogmeatib
    January 21, 2008

    It sure seems to stupid to be real, but then doesn’t the concept of an all powerful, all knowing God creating a world full of murder, vice, and other sins and being surprised by it seem pretty damn stupid??

  47. #47 Norm
    January 21, 2008

    Yeah but, but… it “won” 28 “awards”! Including the coveted Golden Acorn!

  48. #48 BlueIndependent
    January 21, 2008

    When I found out I was about as incompetent as this in the 3D graphics realm, I quit to save myself the shame. The aniamtion, or whatever that’s supposed to be, is sub-rudimentary, and their timing on the animations is hilarious. Was that a dog that knocked the tree into the next dimension? It must’ve been filled with god’s power to escape the coming genocide.

    At least the tune was mildly catchy.

  49. #49 Brian
    January 21, 2008

    And what is up with Noah trying to convince his neighbors to renounce their pugilistic ways and accept God? God had already called the hit! He wasn’t asking for Noah to get any last-minute conversions. Dumbass.

  50. #50 Moses
    January 21, 2008

    It looks like they nicked all the graphics from Morrowind and turded them up. This has got some of the most painful textures I’ve ever seen. I mean, they could have done better with the presets that come with Bryce!
    Ick. If there’s a god, you can bet he doesn’t want a shoddy pyramid.

    Posted by: Scrabcake | January 21, 2008 6:07 PM

    When I first saw the video I got the distinct impression that I’d seen that world before. It felt like it was Machinima-adapted from a late 1990’s RPG from the bottle-brush trees and very low poly models with poor textures and no bump-mapping.

    Morrowind’s 3D graphics, even if you put crappy skins on them, were much higher poly count and much more detailed textures, including bump mapping. Also, I couldn’t believe, even for a moment, that those graphics would be as advanced as Wizardry 8 having just run through it on a nostalgia binge.

    So, I looked in my archives for a likely candidate then searched for some screen shots on the Internet. I’m pretty sure they used the graphics engine from (or equal to) the Might & Magic VI, VII & VIII series. See what you think:

    http://ancienthomeofdragon.homestead.com/files/MM6images/TitansParadiseValley.jpg

    http://www.rpgfan.com/reviews/might&magic6/mightmag6-1.jpg

    http://www.juegomania.org/emuladores/pc/1/1107.jpg

    Another option would be Doom II:

    http://drsleep.newdoom.com/images/dm2gm1.jpg

    But considering the exterior scenes, I’m sticking with Might and Magic VI as either a mod or a licensed engine from the collapse of 3DO.

  51. #51 Crudely Wrott
    January 21, 2008

    I second the motion that Cosby’s version is superior. Plus it has the advantage of introducing the concept of ‘wry irony’ into human communication. You remember, when Noah responded, “Riiiight.”

    If this is made for kids by kids, well, how ’bout those little rascals? You never no what they’ll come up with next.

    If this is an adult production, they should consult some geek kids.

  52. #52 Crudely Wrott
    January 21, 2008

    And the opening music seemed eerily familiar. I couldn’t place it at first by it just occurred to me that it’s Organ Leroy, at his organ again.

  53. #53 wÓ&oGrave;†
    January 21, 2008

    Well, now we know how the unicorns got fragged.

  54. #54 wÓ&oGrave;†
    January 21, 2008

    Well, now we know how the unicorns got fragged.

  55. #55 SteadyEddy
    January 21, 2008

    At 6:09 into that crap video, Noah appears to be getting to know one of his new boat mates… maybe that herky-jerky sheep? “Praise god, god is good, the animals are here!”

    The previous Eddie Izard video post pointed out something I hadn’t thought of before… why would ducks, seabirds, or fish have to get on the boat? god- “that’s where my theory falls to the ground”.

  56. #56 Booger
    January 21, 2008

    Well, if I made a world that looked that crappy, I’d want a ‘do-over’ too.

  57. #57 YetAnotherKevin
    January 21, 2008

    Two answers on the fish:
    1) Fish don’t breathe, and somewhere in the story it mentions that ‘breathing things’ will be wiped out, so the fish clearly did not need to get onto the ark.

    2) There are lots of fish that can’t survive the level of salinity / temperature of the Flood water (correct me if you know the exact properties of Flood water), so the fish clearly needed to get onto the ark.

    ;-)

  58. #58 Jacob
    January 21, 2008

    I checked out the website and it does seem to be for real. The full version of the game is a whopping 55 megabytes, which helps to explain some of the quality issues… I vote “sincere creationist” on this one.

  59. #59 MAJeff
    January 21, 2008

    The previous Eddie Izard video post pointed out something I hadn’t thought of before… why would ducks, seabirds, or fish have to get on the boat? god- “that’s where my theory falls to the ground”.

    Yes, the evil floatie things had an out. Bad swans and ducks and geese floating alongside, taunting the other animals, “Feeling lonely? We’re not!”

  60. #60 Bert Chadick
    January 21, 2008

    There aren’t many days that I’m glad I have crummy dial up at home, but this post looks likes an argument against high speed. Now if I can just get back that ten minutes I lost watching that Tom Cruse scientology video……

  61. #61 Denis Loubet
    January 21, 2008

    You’ve got to wonder, what’s on the cutting room floor?

  62. #62 Amber
    January 21, 2008

    Forgive if this has already been mentioned, but did anyone else notice that both of the lions that boarded had manes? That meant they were both male. From this we can hypothesize that they were gay lions. I’m certain there is deep meaning in this.

  63. #63 BaldApe
    January 21, 2008

    “why would ducks, seabirds, or fish have to get on the boat?

    There was a Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy runs off a cliff and Bugs Bunny asks “I wonder if he’ll remember that he’s a dusk and can fly?” (daffy hits ground*thud*) “Guess not.”

    I only watched a couple of minutes, but I got the impression that the reason Noah talked so strangely is that the animation was so slow; they wanted his voice to match the slo-mo of his mouth. As someone else said, there’s only so much you can do with a Commodore 64.

    The thing I noticed right away is that the hills shouldn’t have been there. According to Flood Geology, the mountains were raised up after the flood. The continents were separated afterwards too. That way, all the Australian marsupials, the New World animals, and so on could be let loose in one place, disperse, and then ride the newly separated continents to their present positions.

    See, when you think things through, it all makes sense. /irony mode

  64. #64 wrpd
    January 21, 2008

    Deep thoughts keeping me up at night:

    People seem to forget that there were actually seven pairs of each clean animal and one pair of each unclean animal. But god didn’t bother telling anyone the difference until Moses came along several generations later. Did Moses have to show each pair to god to get a ruling? That must have been why it took so long to build the boat.

    Female animals are often picky about their choice of mates. What if some of the females didn’t like their chosen mate and, therefore did not reproduce?

    How did Noah know that each animal he brought on board was fertile?

    The smell of rotting carcases over all the earth would be overwhelming. I wonder how long this lasted. Of course, after being on a boat reeking with animal shit for a year may have inured the humans and animals to the smell. I’m just guessing.

    But I think the biggest question is, after destroying every living thing on earth in a tantrum, why didn’t god know that things were just going to get worse with us cursed, sinful humans? Not a lot of foresite here.

  65. #65 PalMD
    January 21, 2008

    Maybe…maybe the whole Bible is a parody!!111!!onesey!
    Those shepherds knew how to pull one over on a world!

  66. #66 MAJeff
    January 21, 2008

    wrpd,

    But, but, but…the pretty rainbow!

  67. #67 LegoPanda
    January 21, 2008

    This must be the videogame the bible based its story on. I hear they got some pretty experienced D&D or Star Trek novel writer to flesh out the story, but that didn’t make it much better.

  68. #68 LeeLeeOne
    January 21, 2008

    Did not make it past 20 seconds, and I am really quite surprised at the commentators who were actually able to watch beyond the first 20 seconds. Some even went further, investigating this.

    What a waste of precious energy eating space and time for creationists to “create this.” But also what a pathetic waste for any of us members of the PZ audience to actually watch enough to get the details or to do research to get more details?

  69. #69 Cougar Interactive
    January 21, 2008

    Hi Friends,
    Glad you liked the video and game. I tried to make it fun and funny. :) Sorry about forgeting the rainbow, but I made sure one was in for Noah 2 – aka The Zoo Race http://www.zoorace.com
    Anyways, good news for ya! This game works on a pentium 3 ! Surprise!!!
    Okay Bye. :)

  70. #70 Ichthyic
    January 21, 2008

    Glad you liked the video and game.

    that’s some serious denial, right there.

  71. #71 Owlmirror
    January 21, 2008

    Perhaps today is opposite day, and no one told us?

    GladSorry you disliked the video and game. I tried to make it unfun and unfunny. :( […]
    Anyways, bad news for ya!

  72. #72 Ichthyic
    January 21, 2008

    I’m waiting for him to list PZ on his site as giving a “glowing review” of his game.

  73. #73 Janine
    January 21, 2008

    Forgive if this has already been mentioned, but did anyone else notice that both of the lions that boarded had manes? That meant they were both male. From this we can hypothesize that they were gay lions. I’m certain there is deep meaning in this.

    Posted by: Amber | January 21, 2008 8:42 PM

    Perhaps Noah got them from Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Animal Emporium.

    Say “Hi!” to Sparky.

  74. #74 Dick's Cheney
    January 21, 2008

    The Lord was “sorry”? How exactly could the creator of the universe, who knows all, be “sorry” for anything?

    How fucking stupid.

  75. #75 Andy James
    January 21, 2008

    I keep waiting for a horned bull-man to jog over a hill and mince up the Noah family with a battle ax.

    Its rather natural that Noah would have the empty vacuous appearance of unthinking religious robots, created to fulfill the whims of an vengeance loving god.

    Id be depressed to if I thought that was how things really worked.

  76. #76 Tom Foss
    January 21, 2008

    That dance party is awesome. I may have missed that verse when I read Genesis. Is it tucked in-between begats someplace?

  77. #77 Cougar Interactive
    January 21, 2008

    Hehe, hey you guys are funny. :-D
    If you missed the creature dance party in the bible, then be sure to check out the donkey talking over in Numbers 22:30 … :)

    But, hey I have to go now. Nice talking with you guys. Just send me a message over on the game sites or on youtube for any questions. You guys are great, but remember this older 3D Noah game from the year 2004 is for little kiddies. Okay Bye.
    Randall Alaimo
    Independent Game Developer
    Cougar Interactive

  78. #78 Michael
    January 21, 2008

    I want to know why Noah’s ark is always depicted with the door near the bottom of the ship. That would put it beneath the water line when it was sailing. I really doubt they could make a water tight seal on a part that was meant to be opened.

  79. #79 Cougar Interactive
    January 21, 2008

    OMG !
    You noticed the lions manes???
    But, how about the fact that both deers have large horns?!?!?

    UHh Ogghhh!!!!! HAHA! :-0 :-)

  80. #80 Ichthyic
    January 21, 2008

    But, hey I have to go now.

    awww.

    You guys are great, but remember this older 3D Noah game from the year 2004 is for little kiddies

    wait, that’s supposed to make it BETTER somehow?

    *yikes*

    does the adult version come with a bestiality module?

  81. #81 Amy
    January 21, 2008

    “Well, if I made a world that looked that crappy, I’d want a ‘do-over’ too.”

    Booger wins!

  82. #82 Shigella
    January 21, 2008

    Randall Alaimo: The Ned Flanders of the gaming world. He just needed to throw in some “diddlies” and “gollies” and the post would have been complete.

  83. #83 David Edwards
    January 21, 2008

    Oh please PZ, stop it … just your introductory text for this had me dangerously close to a “hello monitor, meet nose coffee” incident, let alone the video clip! :)

    Ye Gods these people are slug brained. I’m reminded of what P.J. O’Rourke said about Jim & Tammy Bakker’s Heritage USA theme park in Holidays in Hell:

    “To think that the same god that inspired the Sistine Chapel, the cathedral at Chartres and Westminster Abbey could also inspire this. That guy upstairs must be a big kidder.”

  84. #84 MikeM
    January 22, 2008

    As many have noted, yup, Noah was an angry drunk. It’s all there in the Big Book o’ Bad Christian Fables.

    But I’m still asking two questions:

    1) Where’d the water come from?

    2) Where’d it all go?

    As an aside, I still can’t stand the story of Jonah. Yeesh, that’s an idiotic tale.

  85. #85 eric
    January 22, 2008

    I don’t know, despite all your ridicule I found that to be a very stirring and moving presentation on many emotional levels. I’m surprised that religious fundamentalists can be such insightful artisans. I’ll probably shelve my atheism for a while, and do some research on Noah and intelligent design.

  86. #86 Cath
    January 22, 2008

    Remember, every time you see a rainbow, God is having gay sex.

  87. #87 PipeUp
    January 22, 2008

    Yeeeesh! I couldn’t wade through more than 2 minutes of that dreck. I nearly passed tea through my sinuses though when Noah’s “NAAAYYY-BOURRRS” arrived, and jumped from the left of the screen to their totally new positions. Can you say ‘continuity’?

    Just exactly who’d be playing this game, anyway? Other than Rod and Todd Flanders, I mean? It’s ‘way too dreary for kids, too kitschy for teens and too, well… too hilarious for adults.

  88. #88 Brain Hertz
    January 22, 2008

    Did not make it past 20 seconds, and I am really quite surprised at the commentators who were actually able to watch beyond the first 20 seconds.

    You’re kidding, right? Best entertainment so far this year; I’m still wiping the tears from my face. :-) I’m wondering whether this has to be an application of spectacularly terrible animation and sound as a sort of ironic device, akin to intentional misspelling?

    One other thing: did anybody else immediately think of the voice of DEATH AS WRITTEN IN THE DISCWORLD NOVELS when the voice of “God” appeared in the soundtrack…?

  89. #89 Cougar Interactive
    January 22, 2008

    Hey, but who is Ned Flanders? :)
    And I like Bill Cosby comedy stuff.
    Well listen guys, in the year 2004, I presented this game to the game convention guys and they were complaining that it required a Pentium 3 minimum, because they wanted it to work on a Pentium 2 back then! So, to make it work good on a P3, I cut out lots of graphics in it. Oops my mistake, but the game idea still is unique yes? I’ve heard from customers that little kids like to play it a lot. You know, find the missing animals and also give the animals what they want to board the ark! Have you guys seen the other movies that show this???

    I hope you like the story movie. It took a few months to make it. If you know anyone with small kids, tell them to try downloading the free game demo. :)

  90. #90 Chris R.
    January 22, 2008

    Pentium 4s were released in 2000 and these people were whining about it not running on a Pentium 2 in 2004? Were they also complaining that you couldn’t play it over ARPANET?

  91. #91 Dave Thomas
    January 22, 2008

    This is the best example of Russell’s Law I have seen to date!
    Dave

  92. #92 Kytescall
    January 22, 2008

    Did anyone notice they promised we would be “amazed at the realistic animations” at their website? Clearly somebody has never seen a… Well, anything, obviously.

  93. #93 Richard Harris
    January 22, 2008

    Eric @ # 83 …and do some research on Noah and intelligent design.

    So, that’ll be a first – research on intelligent design. Or did you mean, research on the history & ideology of intelligent design?

    And why bother with Noah? The biblical story is informed by the world view of its author, a very limited world view of someone who’d probably never travelled outside of his local area, who had no idea about the enormous diversity of life, or the size of the world. It’s like the implied flat Earth references – their imagination was very limited. And, I guess, only people with a limited imagination can believe such absurd nonsense, so why waste your time?

  94. #94 Kytescall
    January 22, 2008

    Does anyone know that laughable Left Behind video game? The one where you’re supposed to convert everyone in New York to Evangelical Christianity or otherwise exterminate them?

  95. #95 Fernando Magyar
    January 22, 2008

    Chris R. Re #88,
    Hey there may still be some among us who do graphics in BASIC on Vic 20s with 16K memory expansion cards. The Colors and sound effects are really cool too. Can’t wait to upgrade to that Commodore 64.

  96. #96 Bob L
    January 22, 2008

    My bet is it the real deal. A parody would have done better work, after all garbage gets in the way of the joke.

  97. #97 dwarf zebu
    January 22, 2008

    I like the Eddie Izzard ark story the best because he had the foresight to include a “big room for poo.” And in Eddie’s version, Noah is played by Eddie doing a Seam Connery voice.

    But I’m also torn as to whether it’s real or parody. I mean, why is Noah the only one wearing Doc Martens? And what is up with the hovering dove??

  98. #98 Ian
    January 22, 2008

    Noah was a drunk with brain damage. How else do you account for the origin of that farcical flood myth?!

  99. #99 melior
    January 22, 2008

    The reason the characters seem to levitate so weirdly is due to an elementary math error. The origin of the skeleton reference frame (most often defined in the hips) is being used to locate the character meshes, offset by their standing height. This looks fine until the skeletal animations move the skeleton, then it just looks silly and creepy.

    A similar, very basic, math error is responsible for the creatures skating so badly when walking.

    No game programmer who tried to show this as a demo would survive the laughter at his or her expense at a hiring interview.

  100. #100 Cougar Interactive
    January 22, 2008

    “Ye Gods these people are slug brained.”
    Well, I used to be an atheist and believed in evolution, but I had to change my beliefs, because I seen proof that it was wrong. I seen proof of existence of God. I could share with you what I saw and heard for the proof, but you would not understand. I was hardcore atheist and used to make fun of christians, but I was wrong…

  101. #101 spurge
    January 22, 2008

    “Well, I used to be an atheist and believed in evolution, but I had to change my belief”

    A statement like this shows you never understood evolution to begin with.

    It is not a belief.

    Not to mention the fact that atheism and evolution have nothing to do with each other.

  102. #102 Gobear
    January 22, 2008

    Well, I used to be an atheist and believed in evolution, but I had to change my beliefs, because I seen (sic) proof that it was wrong. I seen (sic)proof of existence of God. I could share with you what I saw and heard for the proof, but you would not understand. I was hardcore atheist and used to make fun of christians, but I was wrong…

    There’s a whole lot of wacky in that comment.

    First, “atheism” and the theory of evolution are unrelated ideas; one is philosophical and the other is a scientific concept backed up by extensive evidence. Atheism is merely the lack of belief in deities, and evolution addresses the change in frequency of alleles in a population. One can be a religious believer and accept the evidence for evolution. Not, that biological evolution is a process that must be understood; belief has no place in science.

    Second, evidence that cannot be replicated isn’t evidence. You might think that you had a spiritual revelation of the Christian god’s existence, but you cannot expect anyone else to accept your subjective and anecdotal experience as valid.

    The default position for nay sensible person is that clims for the existence for omnipotent invisible beings need to be more persuasive than “I have proof but you wouldn’t understand it.”

  103. #103 Gobear
    January 22, 2008

    AARRGH!

    That should read “Note that biological evolution is a process that must be understood; belief has no place in science.

  104. #104 Bryn
    January 22, 2008

    Can someone explain why Noah sounds like a bad imitation of the Swedish Chef crossed with Stan Boreson on Valium? Seeing how poorly done the graphics and the animation is, I can only imagine how appallingly bad the actual game play is. Shudder. Religious folks keep blaming their kids love of non-Biblical games on the Devil. Let’s face it: their kids just have better taste. Good graphics, smooth scrolling, interesting story line, solid background music and good voice acting are going to beat out any of the Bible-based crap ever produced.

  105. #105 arensb
    January 22, 2008

    I wanted to say that if the graphics are that crappy, it must be a parody. After all, fundies may be nuts, but they do have talented artists (Jim Pinkoski, anyone?).

    Then again, there’s stuff like the rapping pirates, so maybe it’s for real.

  106. #106 Cougar Interactive
    January 22, 2008

    Hi, yes but making a game and movies is very costly. Only the large game companies can afford it nowdays.

    Well, I did not believe in God or anything years ago, but I only believed in what I could see with my eyes and was an atheist. But, my girlfriend wanted to talk to her dead mother and I thought it was harmless.

    What happened was that after months of ouija board and seances, that we started talking and seeing demons on a regular basis. As an atheist, I marveled at the sights and sounds of demons, because i thought they did not exist previously. What would you do man?!?!

    Only the power of Jesus helped me and closed my mind to the spirit realm that is all around us. Do you good people understand me? No, I thought you would not. Please open your eyes and heart to God. Because He loves you and told me to do these things…

  107. #107 Owlmirror
    January 22, 2008

    What happened was that after months of ouija board and seances, that we started talking and seeing demons on a regular basis.

    How did you know that they were demons and not hallucinations?

    Did they show or tell you anything you didn’t already know? You know, demonstrate their nature?

  108. #108 LeeLeeOne
    January 22, 2008

    “Only the power of Jesus helped me and closed my mind to the spirit realm that is all around us. Do you good people understand me? No, I thought you would not. Please open your eyes and heart to God. Because He loves you and told me to do these things…”

    Okeedokee… this character (cougar interactive) is obviously not taking prescribed medications nor attending therapy sessions as prescribed. Or perhaps any medications taken may be producing a rebound mania?

    To Cougar: Does bipolar or schizoaffective disorder sound familiar? Perhaps even a touch of true schizophrenia? I think you really, really need to attend to your psychiatrist, and soon!

    shudder

  109. #109 YetAnotherKevin
    January 22, 2008

    Aw, come on. No need to be hateful. I enjoy mocking a poorly-made product as much as the next person, but if e.g. Roger Corman showed up in a discussion of Manos, and was generally good-natured about it, I’d at least admire his chutzpa.

    Of course, if he said ‘it was for kids’….

  110. #110 eewolf
    January 22, 2008

    CI: “Because He loves you and told me to do these things…”

    That god dude’s fuckin’ with your head. If he told you to wrap yourself with C4 and… oh wait.

  111. #111 David Marjanovi?, OM
    January 22, 2008

    You know, demonstrate their nature?

    That’s it. You are nominated for Molly.

  112. #112 David Marjanovi?, OM
    January 22, 2008

    You know, demonstrate their nature?

    That’s it. You are nominated for Molly.

  113. #113 Cougar Interactive
    January 22, 2008

    “How did you know that they were demons and not hallucinations?”

    Hi, actually that’s a very good question.

    Yes, well at first, I did not believe my eyes, but you see I’m a very logical person. So, what I did was to ask others around me and every time they told me what I had just saw. Now, since 2 people cannot hallucinate the exact same thing, then I knew it was real. They would explain to me what I saw.

    In one case, I verified the instance, but observing my girlfriends pet cat, so there was always somebody around to verify it for me.

    Listen, I lived halloween for over 6 months! I found some demons to be quite intelligent and friendly to a degree, but some others were horrible and were so evil. I was not religious at that time, but I knew evil when I talked to them. I saw them in many forms, but at the end I saw them in their real form and was very scared.

    I figured if an evil force existed, then a good force must exist also, because if these powers had their way, then we’d ALL BE DEAD already!!!

    I shouted for Gods help. I could share lots of true horror stories with you, but you probably think I’m nuts or something? Sorry to bother you.

  114. #114 Cougar Interactive
    January 22, 2008

    “I think you really, really need to attend to your psychiatrist, and soon!”

    No, I don’t have a psychiatrist. I’ve not seen the spirit realm since 1982, but I know that they still exist. They are with us right now, in your homes and in your lives. You cannot see them, but they are right next to you.

    That is why I made the games. I wanted to show God in a fun and positive light. I wanted people to know fun and to know God. That was my mission. To laugh and think about God.

    I wanted those good spirits around you (in your homes) to help you to know God. – the good angels…

  115. #115 Sastra, OM
    January 22, 2008

    I would not bother to bandy arguments with Mr. “Alaimo.” Say it with me…

  116. #116 Rey Fox
    January 23, 2008

    “You cannot see them, but they are right next to you.”

    But you’ve seen them. So how should I go about seeing them? Will they only speak to me through the medium of a mass-produced game from Milton Bradley?

  117. #117 holbach
    January 23, 2008

    Cougar Interactive Why not convince us of your insane
    religious crap and commit suicide, so that you can meet your god and tell it to permit you to appear before us
    and prove it is not all insane bullshit. There is no
    doubt that you are able to commit suicide, but you will
    definitely find the returning part impossible. Prove it!
    Let’s see if your god will grant this request. I know
    that if I was a supreme being and one of my creations
    questioned my existence,I would be down in a flash!

  118. #118 MartinM
    January 23, 2008

    Advocating suicide is really fucking low, especially when concerns have been raised regarding the target’s mental state.

  119. #119 Monty
    January 23, 2008

    The characters look nearly WOWish, almost like a machinima or a mod of some kind.

  120. #120 Owlmirror
    January 23, 2008

    I could share lots of true horror stories with you, but you probably think I’m nuts or something?

    I’m not qualified to diagnose your current mental state, especially since the events you’re describing occurred 26 years ago (how old were you then, by the way?).

    But I am interested in understanding exactly what it is you saw and heard that convinced you that you were seeing and hearing demons and/or angels and/or spirits, rather than any natural event.

    That you got confirmation that others saw (or appeared to see) the same things you were seeing is interesting, but not conclusive: You both may have been witnessing something that was highly unusual, yet still natural.

    Where did the events take place? What was the weather like? Might there have been a heating or cooling duct nearby, perhaps with a fan? Maybe there was some sort of engine or motor active?

  121. #121 Tom
    January 25, 2008

    Sorry, but this is a game? Made by professionals working in industry? I was about to say that if this was done by a lone creationist game developer (a slight contradiction maybe) it isn’t half bad. But by professionals? Oh how our society degrades…

  122. #122 Keith Douglas
    January 26, 2008

    wrpd: Actually, there are two versions of the story – one with the clean animal rule, one with not. I did ask an Orthodox classmate once how the clean achronism worked, too. Supposedly it was because Moses codified some of what was already known to the righteous or something. (The Lubavitchers do talk about the Noahide laws, too, which are the supposed ones binding on everyone, not just Jews.)

  123. #123 wrpd
    January 26, 2008

    Keith: You and I and other thinking humans realize that there are two version of the Noah story, just like the two versions of the creation story. The Great Flood supposedly occurred centuries before the clean vs unclean rules were given, so either Noah was prescient or he had to bring each pair of animals to god to find out if they were clean or unclean. I imagine any sentient being, human or god, would get bored with this very quickly.
    Some Jews follow the dietary laws very strictly. I worked with an Israeli girl who, when she was really pissed at someone, would try to insult him by saying “He eats pig.”

  124. #124 Mikister
    April 20, 2008

    “Oh… god. They, are… fighting again.”

    Creationists are powerful enemies.

The site is currently under maintenance and will be back shortly. New comments have been disabled during this time, please check back soon.