Pharyngula

Inappropriate iconography

A reader sent me an example of religious kitsch, but just to be on the safe side, I’m going to have to put it below the fold. There’s nothing obscene about the work in question, but I dare you to look at it and not have wildly inappropriate thoughts skitter through your brain.

I think we need a caption contest for this one.

i-5885562d94e42093216ea8adcc3b1e5a-turn_jesus_on.jpg

Comments

  1. #1 George
    January 25, 2008

    Okay, just eeewwwww….

  2. #2 Brad
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus is the way, the wang, and the light.

  3. #3 holbach
    January 25, 2008

    How about “Flip my switch and be enlightened” Sorry.

  4. #4 Kerlyssa
    January 25, 2008

    For he is the Gloryhole, and the Light.

  5. #5 David Spector
    January 25, 2008

    How does that old Hymn go…

    “Jesus loves the little children….”

    Yikes.

  6. #6 Marcus Ranum
    January 25, 2008

    “trust me.”

  7. #7 MartinM
    January 25, 2008

    Suffer the little children to come unto me? Seems rather backwards at present.

  8. #8 Steve Murphy
    January 25, 2008

    (said in the faux-Burns computer voice used by Wayland Smithers – a hat tip to fellow Simpsons nerds):

    He-lo Chil-dren. You… are… quite.. good.. at.. turning… me… on..

  9. #9 Cuttlefish, OM
    January 25, 2008

    What an interesting tidbit of kitsch
    Iconography sure is a bitch
    But I’m sure that the thrust
    Of the thought is: You must
    Turn on Jesus’s love, like a switch

    He said “I am the way and the light”
    And his love is a beautiful sight
    If you join with his flock, you
    Will see–he won’t shock you;
    Turn him on, though, and maybe he might

  10. #10 maxi
    January 25, 2008

    “Kneel down before me….”

  11. #11 Anon
    January 25, 2008

    Why are that little boy’s hands in his pockets?

  12. #12 Bruce
    January 25, 2008

    Spare the staff and spoil the child?

    Great, the cyber cops are already at the door.

  13. #13 Dan
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus is lust!

  14. #14 dWhisper
    January 25, 2008

    Well… given that the priests take wine as blood literally, we knew that sexual trauma and repression had to be “justified” somewhere too…

  15. #15 maxi
    January 25, 2008

    I’m worried where the girl’s right hand is headed.

  16. #16 Der Bodenschatz
    January 25, 2008

    This…is…so…wrong.

  17. #17 kim
    January 25, 2008

    “Get it out of the darkness!”

  18. #18 Moses
    January 25, 2008

    I’ll see your pedophile Jesus and raise you a Jesus dildo.

  19. #19 Peter Ashby
    January 25, 2008

    ‘Aw now the kids can see what I’m like in the dark.’

  20. #20 Mike Huben
    January 25, 2008

    The “What Would Jesus Do” switchplate for Catholic seminaries.

  21. #21 Greg Laden
    January 25, 2008

    When I was about nine years old, my family and I attended a church in some remote village in northern New York while on vacation. The priest walked out before mass and said “Is anyone here an expert on electronics.” As an amateur radio operator, I raised my hand thinking I could get God-Brownie points.

    The priest said “Thank you, young man, would you mind flipping off the light switch over there by the door…”

    Priests … always trying to be funny.

    So here are my entries:

    “Let there be light. But always use a condom”
    “Turn On Jesus”
    “How many priests does it take to turn on a light bulb? … ”

    By the way, I love the fact that the children on this wall switch (which I assume is a glow in the dark wall switch), are staring at the naughty bits.

  22. #22 sduford
    January 25, 2008

    Priceless…

  23. #23 Stephen Wells
    January 25, 2008

    Are you the Light of the World or are you just pleased to see me?

  24. #24 H. Humbert
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus light switch sez: “Children turn me on.”

  25. #25 MexiPakiJew
    January 25, 2008

    I had a friend in middle school with one of those! His whole family was evangelical nutcases, of course. He loved it, but didn’t understand why I cracked up laughing the first time I saw the dang thing.

  26. #26 RAM
    January 25, 2008

    “I’m worried where the girl’s right hand is headed.”
    To tickle the balls of thy lord!

  27. #27 stu
    January 25, 2008

    New doctrine of The Resurrection.

  28. #28 Peter McGrath
    January 25, 2008

    JC for AC.

  29. #29 Hank Fox
    January 25, 2008

    Dang. H. Humbert got there first.

    It’s obvious it should be “Children turn me on.”

    Whew! “Kitsch” is the right word. In this photo, at least, it’s even a tasteless dog-puke green.

  30. #30 gg
    January 25, 2008

    “Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.”

    -Psalms 23

  31. #31 DiscGrace
    January 25, 2008

    Hey Jesus, I know how the verse goes, but I think this would actually be a good time to hide it under a bushel basket.

  32. #32 David H
    January 25, 2008

    “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;” flip and the light shall come upon you…

    No? Okay.

    “Split a piece of wood and I am there.” -Jesus

    http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Jesus+Christ+Quotes?t=anon

  33. #33 Hank Fox
    January 25, 2008

    Second choice:

    “Gloryholes to God in the highest …”

    (Heh. Just puzzled out the lettering above the switch. I think it says “Honor Thy Father and Mother.”)

  34. #34 G
    January 25, 2008

    Kinda gives new meaning to ‘coming to Jesus’…

  35. #35 JLem
    January 25, 2008

    how did the manufacturer/designer/consumer not see how horrible this is?

  36. #36 Bygones
    January 25, 2008

    Kids, say hello to St. Peter.

  37. #37 karen
    January 25, 2008

    Notice how JC is gently “herding” the kids toward the, erm, member?

  38. #38 Michael
    January 25, 2008

    The second coming?

  39. #39 LisaJ
    January 25, 2008

    Wow! That is awesome. All 3 of them are just staring at it! Why?!

    I vote for the caption put out by #4. Perfect.

  40. #40 Richard Harris
    January 25, 2008

    The penultimate verse of the bible seems appropriate.

    Revelation 22:20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

  41. #41 umkomasia
    January 25, 2008

    Spare the rod and spoil the child.

  42. #42 Glen Davidson
    January 25, 2008

    On the bright side, it’s of the size one might expect for a god. A bit low, though.

    If it weren’t for the children…. Get a grip, Lord Jesus, Aphrodite would say “come in today,” if you gave her half a chance.

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  43. #43 toomanytribbles
    January 25, 2008

    ‘c’mon babies, light my fire’

  44. #44 HumanisticJones
    January 25, 2008

    Suddenly the phrase “Get behind me Satan” is sounding worse in my head. Also Matthew 7:3 while we’re making wood jokes “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

  45. #45 maxi
    January 25, 2008

    Is that a loaf in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

  46. #46 Jefe
    January 25, 2008

    Caption:

    Kids, its time to “Flip Jesus’ Switch” Hallelujah!

  47. #47 Rev. Ayatollah Mulla Fakir
    January 25, 2008

    I must have one. MUST.

  48. #48 Wom
    January 25, 2008
  49. #49 Doug
    January 25, 2008

    @35

    how did the manufacturer/designer/consumer not see how horrible this is?

    Perhaps it’s just niche marketing for Catholic Priests. Notice it says Honor thy Father and Something.

  50. #50 negentropyeater
    January 25, 2008

    Adaptation from John 8:12

    “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he who turns me on shall not walk in darkness”

    (replaced “followeth me” with “turn me on”, which has a tickly feeling to it)

  51. #51 Ali
    January 25, 2008

    Awesome… Is this real or Photoshoped? what were they thinking?!

  52. #52 Moggie
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus was hung so that we may see the light.

  53. #53 Richard Harris
    January 25, 2008

    Joseph to Mary, “Jesus will come between us”.

  54. #54 Castaa
    January 25, 2008

    “Jesus really turns me on.”

  55. #55 J
    January 25, 2008

    On the third day he rose again.

    Had to go to a bible quotes site for the rest:

    “What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’”
    -Matthew 15:11

    “‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.’”
    -Matthew 4:19

    [Jesus said] “But if anyone causes one of these little ones to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”
    -Matthew 18:6

  56. #56 Abby Normal
    January 25, 2008

    “I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus.
    I want to feel his salvation all over my face.”

    -Eric Cartman, South Park

  57. #57 hilllady
    January 25, 2008

    OMG–I once rented a room in a house with a light fixture exactly like that! The former owner was an elderly Catholic lady who had raised six children in the faith. When my friend bought the house from her, we couldn’t bear to mess with the kitsch, so I flipped that switch every evening.

  58. #58 Jeb, FCD
    January 25, 2008

    “Suck on it, Trebek. Suck it long, suck it hard.”

  59. #59 Peter McGrath
    January 25, 2008

    ‘…the guy who did the circumcision never worked again.’

  60. #60 Ahcuah
    January 25, 2008

    Whatever happened to “Clap on; clap off”?

  61. #61 Kevin
    January 25, 2008

    With props to Robert Palmer:

    “When I took you out
    I knew what you were all about
    But when I did
    I didn’t mean to turn you on
    No, I didn’t mean to turn you on
    I didn’t mean to turn you on….”

  62. #62 Theodore
    January 25, 2008

    “And this is how my Dad created light”

  63. #63 Jsn
    January 25, 2008

    “Come a little bit closer children. My rod -my staff will comfort you…”

    or for the lol crowd -

    “Erekshun. I has it.”

    It also makes me rethink the “suffer the children to come unto me” line.

    And thus was how Jesus earned the nickname “Woody”. Amen

  64. #64 Jason Seba
    January 25, 2008

    res-erection!

  65. #65 DaveX
    January 25, 2008

    “Two of every sort shall come unto thee.”

  66. #66 Larry
    January 25, 2008

    Feel the Power!

  67. #67 DaveX
    January 25, 2008

    “Swallow it all, kids. Otherwise the priest has to finish me off.”

  68. #68 emmanuel
    January 25, 2008

    I walk on water, glow in the dark! weeee!

  69. #69 Luis
    January 25, 2008

    Here is my entry for the caption contest, in the style of Biblic intergalactical fanfiction (I mean, the Bible is a work of fiction, so you might as well embellish it a bit).

    “In 33 AD, the ancestors of lieutenant Ripley watch in horror how a chestbuster chews its way out of Jesus of Nazareth through a slightly unusual route.”

    ‘Cause the switch represents an Alien, right?

  70. #70 Alan
    January 25, 2008

    “For he is the Gloryhole, and the Light.”

    Winner.

  71. #71 qedpro
    January 25, 2008

    ok kids turn it on.
    ok now turn it off.
    ok now on … now off … on … off .on.off…

  72. #72 Disgusted in St. Louis
    January 25, 2008

    I’m surprised Gen. JC Christian, patriot, hasn’t posted this. I’m sure he would appreciate this salute to Jesus’ little soldier and enjoy being able to turn it on at the flip of a switch.

    Cuttlefish’s poem has my vote for best caption.

  73. #73 Kseniya
    January 25, 2008

    In this photo, at least, it’s even a tasteless dog-puke green.

    Hank, my guess is that the whole thing glows in the dark.

    I’m not clever enough to top anything already posted, so instead I’ll just pretend I have the right to vote on ‘em:

    First choice: #23
    Second choice: #36

  74. #74 Monado in Coral Springs
    January 25, 2008

    Hank, by the color I suspect it also glows in the dark.

  75. #75 Sean Craven
    January 25, 2008

    Have you ever seen those Jack Chick comics where God is pretty much a light bulb? This explains everything.

    And with apologies to Peter McGrath — I’d go with JC/DC.

  76. #76 Steve
    January 25, 2008

    “The beginning of a glorious tradition.”

  77. #77 ZacharySmith
    January 25, 2008

    Proof that Jesus is Catholic!

  78. #78 Chemist
    January 25, 2008

    Shines more light on “The Second Coming of Jesus”.

  79. #79 Tulse
    January 25, 2008

    “Hallelujah, He is risen!”

  80. #80 Chemist
    January 25, 2008

    Well, the masthead of this site *is*…

    “Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal.”

    Go figure… ;-)

    Can never get too much of this genre…

  81. #81 dannyness
    January 25, 2008

    “This little light of mine? Who are you calling little?”

  82. #82 denise
    January 25, 2008

    how about just playing Neil Diamond’s ” turn on your love light”

  83. #83 Tom Morris
    January 25, 2008

    “You can’t touch this – it’s the Sabbath!”

    A professor once explained to me that he, as a child in a Catholic family, would make often make money on Saturdays when Orthodox Jews in his neighbourhood would ask him to turn light switches and other electrical devices on and off and pay him a few pennies for doing so. These religious types are barmy and, as capitalists, we should be finding new and unique ways to exploit their weird phobias for profit.

  84. #84 slim
    January 25, 2008

    Where’s the little girl’s other hand?

  85. #85 Christophe Thill
    January 25, 2008

    I know Jesus loves me, but I just want to be friends.

    (sorry, didn’t invent it, just stole it frome some sig, maybe even here)

    Or :

    Come to my church, I’ll introduce you to all the members.

  86. #86 simian
    January 25, 2008

    Oh my gawd, I just spewed milk through my nose (figuratively). That’s effin’ hilarious!

  87. #87 Steve_C
    January 25, 2008

    So wait…… getting Jesus turned on provides the energy to power the light?

    Neat. Take that solar panels!

  88. #88 Kseniya
    January 25, 2008

    Nit-pick; The Neil Diamond song is “(Turn On Your) Heartlight”. The other one is an old rock and roll standard, originally done by… I have no idea! I know of it as a Grateful Dead tune.

  89. #89 Matt M
    January 25, 2008

    But, see, does the square peg go in the round hole?

  90. #90 Stwriley
    January 25, 2008

    “Kids! Remember to put Baby Jesus to bed for the night!”

  91. #91 Quintana
    January 25, 2008

    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

  92. #92 hyperdeath
    January 25, 2008

    “Now children… witness the coming of the lord!”

  93. #93 peter garayt
    January 25, 2008

    There is all kinds of this stuff that people with imaginations will have fun with but the makers intent is just to fill the room with as many reminders as possible.
    They didn’t even notice.

  94. #94 Brownian, OM
    January 25, 2008

    As a former Catholic altarboy all I’ve got to say is, Nothing new here.

  95. #95 John Pieret
    January 25, 2008

    “Hey, boys and girls! Wanna raise Jesus from the dead?”

    Uh, oh … I think I’m going to hell now!

  96. #96 Acidhouser
    January 25, 2008

    De-lurking… “and this, children, is how to recognize a genuine priest”…Re-engage lurking device.

  97. #97 dinoami
    January 25, 2008

    “Switch on to the light of Jesus, and know love.”

  98. #98 Sam
    January 25, 2008

    Little Girl: “What is it?”
    Jesus: “Touch it and see. It’s ok, I’m Jesus.”
    Little Boy: “Pshaw. Mohammed’s is bigger”

  99. #99 dubiquiabs
    January 25, 2008

    Let us prey!

  100. #100 coathangrrr
    January 25, 2008

    Little Bill and Jane found Jesus that day, and that night, and the whole next day.

  101. #101 Mark in So Cal
    January 25, 2008

    So Jesus is Black?

  102. #102 CalGeorge
    January 25, 2008

    Boy: Jesus!

    Girl: Why is your willy sticking up, Mister?

  103. #103 Curt Cameron
    January 25, 2008

    The way the children are looking right at the holy member – this had to have been done as a joke by the artist, right? I’m sure it was sold earnestly by a company, but the person who actually made the kids looking there had to have known what he was doing.

  104. #104 Larry
    January 25, 2008

    c’mon kids. Pull my, umm, finger.

  105. #105 Tlazolteotl
    January 25, 2008

    Oh, this makes me think of the bit from the wonderfully funny, satirical movie The Ruling Class where Peter O’Toole straps himself up in a cross and cries out “I am the electric Messiah! The AC/DC god!” (Sampled in the song Cooler Than Jesus by My Life With the Thrill Kill Cult.)

  106. #106 Scott Hatfield, OM
    January 25, 2008

    How about:

    Paul, Paul, it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

  107. #107 Quidam
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus of the Week has a delightfully tacky selection of Jesuses (or is it Jesii?) That includes the “Turn Jesus On” switch and this delicious item
    There’s also this wonderful reminder that you’re only young once – unless you get a tattoo of a cutsie Hello Jesus Kittie. Won’t that look so cool when you’re 40.

  108. #108 Sam
    January 25, 2008

    I would say that this is blasphemous and the guy who made this should be switched on and then permanently off.

  109. #109 Autumn
    January 25, 2008

    The gift priests give to children to show them what they just did wasn’t bad…and to bribe them to keep it hush hush.

  110. #110 Peter McGrath
    January 25, 2008

    The sacred part of Jesus.

    (To non-lapsed Catholics, the eerily lurking JC on top of the switch is Himself in Sacred Heart mode. Usually a 3ft high statue with a mournful JC opening His robes so the heart shows, wreathed by the crown of thorns with a crucifix sticking out where the plumbing normally emerges. There may be flames on the deluxe version. Classy Catholic houses in Manchester – those of us with a priest in the family – had the statue. Low-rent families just a print. Tacky families had one of those bonkers 3-d prints where Jesus’ eyes would follow you round the room. The hands would touch the heart and do a blessing, too. I’m not making this up.)

  111. #111 Bing McGhandi
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus, stop fondling the white children.

    HJ

  112. #112 Donnie B.
    January 25, 2008

    Turn me on, dead man.

    (Yes, Jesus is dead. And he was the walrus.)

  113. #113 Todd
    January 25, 2008

    Announcer
    “Moms and dads! Worried about your son turning gay?”

    Mom
    “Why yes I am! But what’s a good Christian mother to do?”

    Announcer
    “Well, worry no more! Introducing JizzUs Jumper!”

    Mom
    “JizzUs Jumper?!”

    Announcer
    “Just install over any light switch. If little Johnny leaves his light on all day or obsessive compulsively flicks the switch then you’ll know he’s gay!”

    Mom
    “Wow! Who knew that finding out if your son was gay could be so simple?”

    Announcer
    “That’s right! With JizzUs Jumper you find out fast and easy so you can jump right in and send little Johnny to bible camp where he can be retrained to be completely heterosexual! All for only $4.99!”

    Mom
    “Thanks JizzUs Jumper!”

    Announcer
    “Order your JizzUs Jumper TODAY!

    Price does not include shipping and handling. Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery. Product not sold in Alaska, Hawaii or to Catholic priests.”

  114. #114 Shawn
    January 25, 2008

    The metal band Ministry said it best, in their song “Psalm 69:”

    “And now, it’s time to give a lil’ love back to God!”

  115. #115 kw
    January 25, 2008

    I saw this at Scalzi’s place:
    http://scalzi.com/whatever/
    and prefer his title, “Possibly the world’s most unfortunate light switch”.

  116. #116 Jit
    January 25, 2008

    “This is what you should grope for in the dark, kids.”

    Lol version: “I laf at ur puny atheist pricks”

    winner is qedpro (#71)

  117. #117 anon1234
    January 25, 2008

    An obvious reference to “Come thou long expected Jesus.”

  118. #118 Glen Davidson
    January 25, 2008

    Hey kids, wanna see a miracle?

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  119. #119 thalarctos
    January 25, 2008

    Paul, Paul, it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

    Nice one, Scott–OT, are you familiar with Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around”?

    If not, I strongly recommend listening to it.

  120. #120 Rodney Anonymous
    January 25, 2008

    “Are the lights on, or are you just glad to see me?”

  121. #121 tim quick
    January 25, 2008

    John 6:53

    “Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.”

  122. #122 Billy
    January 25, 2008

    #7, I think the twist you’re looking for is:

    “Suffer me to come unto the little children.”

  123. #123 ildi
    January 25, 2008

    It has been explained to me that the reason I make my born-again brother so agitated when I tell him I am very happy being a deist (I lie to him because the a-word would probably give him a stroke or something) is that we all have this hole in our lives, see, and only Jesus can fill it. We may try to fill this hole with money, or drugs, or alcohol, but ultimately we all have to come to the realization:

    “Only Jesus can fill your hole!”

  124. #124 banana slug
    January 25, 2008

    “Jesus loves loves the little children…”

  125. #125 Cephus
    January 25, 2008

    Any bets they got it in a Catholic store? Those priests had to get their ideas from somewhere.

  126. #126 Shelama
    January 25, 2008

    I always wondered about Jesus’ sexuality, but had concluded before now that he was just “turn the other cheeks” gay. There’s obviously more to the story.

  127. #127 dorid
    January 25, 2008

    oh, you can get stuff like this every week over at http://www.jesusoftheweek.com

    And I can’t help but notice that Jesus is turned on.

  128. #128 tsig
    January 25, 2008

    flic my bic.

  129. #129 Kristine
    January 25, 2008

    “Suffer the little children…”

  130. #130 Helioprogenus
    January 25, 2008

    “Arouse me and I shall illuminate thy path”
    So this is how he reanimated lazarus from the dead. Should have guessed.

  131. #131 Epikt
    January 25, 2008

    “If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician.”

  132. #132 Glen Davidson
    January 25, 2008

    The path to hell is easy and soft, but my way is hard sayeth the Lord. Great (look at the size of it) will be your reward, if you but kneel and serve me.

    Even so, come Lord Jesus (Rev. 22:20).

    (You know what any UDites coming over here are thinking–straight to hell, and the sooner the better).

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  133. #133 thalarctos
    January 25, 2008

    Epikt wins the thread!

  134. #134 Seamus
    January 25, 2008

    I almost didn’t click to see.
    I was expecting the Baby Jesus Butt Plug.
    I shall not link as I am at work; use your ‘fu.

  135. #135 Dahan
    January 25, 2008

    Old and stolen, but the line “Jesus loves me… but I make him wear a condom.” comes to mind.

  136. #136 Greta Christina
    January 25, 2008

    “A sunbeam, a sunbeam
    Jesus wants me for a sunbeam…”

  137. #137 vivisected
    January 25, 2008

    “Shhh… Jesus won’t tell… Just touch it.”

  138. #138 Scrofulum
    January 25, 2008

    “Who would Jesus do?”

  139. #139 bernarda
    January 25, 2008

    - How many kids does it take to turn on a Jesus bulb?

    - Here is a site that has a Jesus game.

    http://jesusdressup.com/number2.html

  140. #140 J Daley
    January 25, 2008

    I actually have one of those at my parents’ house! It’s still in my brother’s room!

    Even when I was a kid, I got the weird phallicness of the switch and thought it was funny.

  141. #141 gyokusai
    January 25, 2008

    My take:

    “Raise the Lord!”

    ^_^J.

  142. #142 MAJeff
    January 25, 2008

    I want.

    I love tacky religious iconography. That one makes me giggle…hard.

  143. #143 Juan
    January 25, 2008

    Come on! 138 comments and no Michael Jackson jokes yet? This proves MJ is just a strict Christ follower.

  144. #144 Dahan
    January 25, 2008

    No one knows the hour of his coming.

  145. #145 Kurt
    January 25, 2008

    From #55:

    “What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’”
    -Matthew 15:11

    So the Bible says it’s okay as long as he/she swallows?

  146. #146 CalGeorge
    January 25, 2008

    “Christ is risen.”

  147. #147 LeeLeeOne
    January 25, 2008

    A cousin of mine had a picture of jesus with mary at his feet and she decoupaged this picture into a light switch. Tell me if that was not yucky as a little kid! Blech, ptooey, gag, choke, cough….

  148. #148 Sandy
    January 25, 2008

    Behold, I come quickly!

  149. #149 who me?
    January 25, 2008

    Where can I buy one of these switchplates?

    It should be nice with an illuminated switch.
    http://www.kyledesigns.com/product/660ISLG

  150. #150 Amanda
    January 25, 2008

    Here’s a tackier version for sale on ebay…

  151. #151 MAJeff
    January 25, 2008

    “Christ bade the children to sit on his lap. And there was light.”

  152. #152 CalGeorge
    January 25, 2008

    “I am the light(switch) of the world: He that turns me on shall not walk in darkness, but shall witness my erection.”

  153. #153 mrh
    January 25, 2008

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Coming of the Lord.

    Jesus loves me, this I know, ’cause his “light switch” tells me so.

    Suffer the little children to go down on Me.

  154. #154 Amanda
    January 25, 2008

    I like #67. Took me a second to really get it, but then…

  155. #155 Fritz J.
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus loves me! This I know,
    For the Bible tells me so.
    Little ones to Him belong;
    They are weak, but He is strong.

    Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me;
    Yes Jesus loves me, the bible tells me so.

  156. #156 Michael X
    January 25, 2008

    “Dick and Jane and Jesus were all having a grand ol time. And then Billy stopped by!”

    I also think Epikt has a winner though.

  157. #157 ponzo
    January 25, 2008

    My first thought upon seeing these (the OP and #148) was, “Are they blind? Don’t they realize what this looks like?”

    My second thought was that, yes, that is probably the case. There is often a great deal of sexual repression going on in the minds of the extremely religious. This explains, in part, abstinence campaigns and the obsession with homosexuals. They actually just see a light switch honoring “the Lord”, and don’t notice his enormous wang inviting you to (or the children) to flick on the lights by masturbating him.

  158. #158 Brendan G.
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus is hung like a light switch.

  159. #159 Josh
    January 25, 2008

    “where do you think the preist got their ideas”

  160. #160 Aaron Starr
    January 25, 2008

    Get me behind thee, Satan!

  161. #161 mayhempix
    January 25, 2008

    A little twist on an old authoritarian addage:

    “Share the switch, soil the child.”

  162. #162 Spartacus
    January 25, 2008

    Hey Kids! Pull my finger!

  163. #163 Sebastian
    January 25, 2008

    “Ith it weally okay to do that, mithter Jethuth?”

    “Sure, kids – except on the sabbath day, of course”

  164. #164 Barks
    January 25, 2008

    “Upon whom does his light not rise?” Job 25:3

  165. #165 jmaline
    January 25, 2008

    I had one of these in my childhood bedroom. Never thought it was dirty. Then again I was a little kid… By the way, not crazy religious, pretty normal catholic upbringing.

    (remembering where I am)
    OK, crazy catholic. Not crazy crazy catholic. Feeling better now.

  166. #166 mrh
    January 25, 2008

    Turning off the lights to save energy makes Jesus sad.

  167. #167 TisStupid
    January 25, 2008

    The switch is quite a bit too low and misshapen to be considered a phallus. The Jesus figure is slightly hunched moving his waist back from the foreground.

    It is obvious that neither the artist, or the purchasers of this switch cover thought it would be deemed inappropriate. I have often wondered the psychological makeup of those who feel the need to associate a sexual connotation with that of innocence.

  168. #168 mrh
    January 25, 2008

    It’s a phallus symbol if it’s longer than it’s wide.

    Nitpick all you like, but that there’s a Holy Dong.

    “I have often wondered the psychological makeup of those who feel the need to associate a sexual connotation with that of innocence.”

    Whereas seeing the face of Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich is entirely rational.

  169. #169 Kseniya
    January 25, 2008

    I have often wondered the psychological makeup of those who feel the need to associate a sexual connotation with that of innocence.

    Ask your local priest.

    I think you’re right, though. There’s nothing sexual about the plate. Jesus appears to be perched on a unicycle.

  170. #170 Brodie
    January 25, 2008

    Kneel Before Zod

  171. #171 CalGeorge
    January 25, 2008

    “Look, kids, I had my balls tattooed with the word ON! It stands for “onanism rocks”! Can you say that? Onanism? Sure you can.”

  172. #172 Brian Macker
    January 25, 2008

    ‘Jesus light switch sez: “Children turn me on.”‘
    LOL! Damn, beat me to it.

  173. #173 Mena
    January 25, 2008

    If you guys think that this is bad, my mother has something similar but it’s Mary. No luck in finding a picture of it using the Google but it’s also that cheap plastic.

  174. #174 jeff
    January 25, 2008

    From a christian hymn:

    “…Now I raise my Ebenezer…”

    From Wikipedia:

    Eben-Ezer (Hebrew: ??? ?????, Even Ha’Ezer, lit. stone of help)

  175. #175 danley
    January 25, 2008

    “Erect an example for the children.”

  176. #176 StockC
    January 25, 2008

    “If anyone says one word about this, you are going straight to HELL!”

    Seriously, I am surprised that no evangelicals have materialied here and told you that all posters here will suffer eternal damnation.

  177. #177 kmarissa
    January 25, 2008

    I’m with TisStupid. I’m astounded at the perversion shown here. All I see is a fully grown man gently drawing two small children toward an upwardly angled, nearly cylindrical bulge protruding from his body from somewhere between his waist and his knees. Nothing humorous there.

    The fact that the lower, non-protruding half of the switch vaguely resembles a hanging ballsack is also purely coincidental. And not at all funny.

  178. #178 Tina Rhea
    January 25, 2008

    I’ve seen one of these with Michaelangelo’s David, but I assumed that was deliberate… and no little kids on that one.

  179. #179 Norm
    January 25, 2008

    God said “Let there be light” and it was wood … er, good. Yes, it was very, very good!

  180. #180 gbusch
    January 25, 2008

    Perhaps the image can be the poster child for Intelligent Design?

  181. #181 Trent Eady
    January 25, 2008

    #83 is best. Except I would change it to: “I can’t touch this – it’s the Sabbath!”

  182. #182 Buffy
    January 25, 2008

    Go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen!

  183. #183 Skemono
    January 25, 2008

    Matthew 26:26:

    Jesus … said, Take, eat; this is my body.

  184. #184 $
    January 25, 2008

    You’re all going to hell.

  185. #186 Anon
    January 25, 2008

    Actually, with regard to the link in #185–look at the disclaimer at the bottom. They no longer sell outside the US, because of… Texas Law.

    I thought the puritans were in New England….

  186. #187 Dahan
    January 25, 2008

    “You’re all going to hell.”

    Hard to go to a place which doesn’t exist. Of course if you know where it is perhaps you could shed some light on the subject…

  187. #188 Nana
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus said: “Come, little children, do not be afraid. It won’t hurt you.”

    Bad Jesus said: “Flick my dick!”

  188. #189 Brian
    January 25, 2008

    It’s okay children “this” is the way of your god. Now remember to pray so you can feel like you are doing something without really doing anything.

  189. #190 Lori Anne
    January 25, 2008

    I like danley’s “erect an example for the children”

    Rock on … no pun intended regarding jesus getting his rocks off!

  190. #191 RamblinDude
    January 25, 2008

    I’m wondering what it’s made out of.

    Possibly boner china, although it does look rather woody. It also looks like the knob needs polishing. Someone should wax it good. I’d advise being careful though, it might be quite hard and you could end up jerking it right off.

    And I’m outa here!

  191. #192 Alan Kellogg
    January 25, 2008

    Boy: Did Mary Magdelene ever bitch about it?

  192. #193 Wiggy
    January 25, 2008

    “Let me show you what ‘turn the other cheek’ really means”

  193. #194 Phlyfish
    January 25, 2008

    Jesus loves me
    This I know
    For his light switch
    Tells me so
    ???

  194. #195 Kristin
    January 25, 2008

    Haha, I saw that just the other day, here: http://freethoughtpedia.com/wiki/Jesus_jokes
    It’s a good wiki.

  195. #196 irw
    January 25, 2008

    The photographer’s dilemma here fascinates me: When taking a picture of this, which position should the switch be in?

  196. #197 Dusty Knobbs
    January 25, 2008

    I would have expected the son of god to be a bit, you know….bigger.

  197. #198 PZ Myers
    January 25, 2008

    When taking a picture of this, which position should the switch be in?

    Easy. Up with Jesus.

  198. #199 TisStupid
    January 25, 2008

    Kmarissa, unless penises grow out of kneecaps, I’d say this is more wishful thinking than the pedophilia fantasy some seem to be having here.

  199. #200 Ryan
    January 25, 2008

    “Now someone turn off the light in the room behind me.”

  200. #201 Barney
    January 25, 2008

    Cows from Minneapolis had a single mined similar territory with the cover art (scroll down to the second image from the top) for “In the mouth,” the b-side to their non-hit single, “Plowed.”

    (not that anyone cares this late in the thread)

  201. #202 bill carli
    January 25, 2008

    i can see the religious right’s reason for this. realizing that a 33-year-old unmarried male who hung around all day with his 12 male friends is obviously gay, they decided to cut their losses by using this to prove that indeed, all child molestors are gay. They may lose a savior but they establish another falsehood in their fight for bigotry.

  202. #203 Janine
    January 25, 2008

    Whom ever can lift my staff shall see the light.

  203. #204 Chris Booth
    January 26, 2008

    “I am dying for your sins.”

  204. #205 Sandy
    January 26, 2008

    TisStupid, anything is possible with god. ;)

  205. #206 ted
    January 26, 2008

    “now you three kiss and make up”

  206. #207 Allen
    January 26, 2008

    HEY This IS for real, all you who asked. From 1959 until 1979 this light switch was over my head in my bedroom! My parents, who are 84 years old, STILL have this switch plate in a bedroom in their house. I used to lay in bed at night and once in a while look up and wonder “why are they staring at Jesus’ Pee pee!!!” HONEST. After I got married in the 1980s, my wife and I stayed at my parents house over Christmas holidays and my wife would crack up at the light switch over our heads. The funniest thing is………my parents had absolutely NO problems or thoughts about this being sexual at all. My parents are both VERY VERY devote Catholics and very strict about sex or anything to do with it. I never saw an M rated movie (before the PG and PG-13 ratings) until I was 17 years old and went out with my best friend without my parents knowing it!

  207. #208 Oz Atheist
    January 26, 2008

    Obviously the designers and marketers of religious iconography don’t have filthy minds like us lot. LOL

  208. #209 Stevie-Q
    January 26, 2008

    A few posters almost had it… it’s:

    “Suffer me to come unto the little children.”

  209. #210 Stevie-Q
    January 26, 2008

    Dang… sorry. #122 already got it. I’m too late.

  210. #211 Michael X
    January 26, 2008

    Holy hell! I get to crack a joke about christian iconography, AND offend someone in one thread?! Quick! somebody gimmie a baby to eat and I’ll have the whole evil atheist trifecta! I might even kick a puppy for an encore…

  211. #212 Ali
    January 26, 2008

    My first thought was, “Oh my fucking god”.

    Then I realized – that’s the perfect caption, too!

  212. #213 aseem
    January 26, 2008

    “Oh ‘come’ all ye faithful…”

  213. #214 PirateHooker
    January 26, 2008

    obviously this is a scene from one of the lost bible verses.

    “Thou shalt partake of my bread, and yea, from this day forward thou shalt refer to thine bread as ‘the body of christ’”

  214. #215 Tara
    January 26, 2008

    Honor Thy Father and Mother (but this will be our little secret).

  215. #216 BadAunt
    January 26, 2008

    “Always look on the bright side of life.”

  216. #217 DLC
    January 26, 2008

    Re: Catholics . . . am I alone in thinking Semenary is a double-entendre ?

    oh well.

  217. #218 Adrienne
    January 26, 2008

    Re: #131: “”If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician.”

    Shouldn’t Jesus be the one calling his physician? Who is Jesus’s physician anyway? St. Luke?

  218. #219 Adrienne
    January 26, 2008

    Re: #207: Or “Suffer the little children to come on to me.”

  219. #220 Carlie
    January 26, 2008

    I’m sure one of you did it (‘fess up!) but LOLtheist now has this photo with the caption “Light switch Jesus loves children very VERY much”.

  220. #221 BaldApe
    January 26, 2008

    “Do this as oft as you flick it in rememberence of me.”

  221. #222 Ness
    January 26, 2008

    “Remember kids, Jesus loves you.”

  222. #223 blf
    January 26, 2008

    “The turtle moves!”

  223. #224 LadyCrow
    January 26, 2008

    #88: The song covered by the Grateful Dead was “Turn On Your Lovelight” by Bobby “Blue” Bland.

    “And leave it on!” — Pigpen

  224. #225 Epikt
    January 26, 2008

    Adrienne:

    Re: #131: “”If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician.”

    Shouldn’t Jesus be the one calling his physician? Who is Jesus’s physician anyway? St. Luke?

    Unlikely. If Jesus was really male, after four hours he’d be calling all his buddies and bragging about it.

  225. #226 antitheist
    January 26, 2008

    “Jesus is coming?
    …Don’t swallow that.”

  226. #227 Arnosium Upinarum
    January 26, 2008

    holy moly

  227. #228 ennui
    January 26, 2008

    And God said “Let there be light.”

    And God saw the light, that it was wood.

  228. #229 dsmccoy
    January 26, 2008

    Jesus loves you with the lights on.

  229. #230 Glen Davidson
    January 26, 2008

    “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Ps. 34:8)

    (I’m grossing myself out here).

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  230. #231 Shannon Jacobs
    January 26, 2008

    “If you turn Jesus off, you’ll go blind” or “If you turn Jesus off, you’ll be in the dark.” Maybe you could work “eternal darkness” into it?

    Seems like a perfectly reasonable religious message to me. Easy for me to imagine the appropriate sermon. However, I’m not up on the most appropriate Biblical quotes.

  231. #232 aaron
    January 26, 2008

    “The Passion of the Christ”

  232. #233 hbsweet
    January 27, 2008

    (sings) “He’s got the whole world in His pants”

  233. #234 lamcyplaza
    January 27, 2008

    “Wel-cum children!”

  234. #235 AJS
    January 27, 2008

    I think it would probably look just a tiny bit less obscene in the “on” position (and when it’s in the “off” position, the room would be dark anyway).

    Of course, in a hall-and-landing setup, all bets are off because there is always a way for the light to be on when one of the switches is “up”.

  235. #236 H.Trimegestis
    January 27, 2008

    “Now turn the other cheek.”

    or

    “For I am the light and the res-ERECTION. Get it? See, because, light-switch, right– and check out my boner.”

    or

    “Lazarus, ARISE!… I call him Lazarus.”

    or

    “Consider the lillies of the valley.And by that I mean my penis.”

    or

    “This is my body you eat.”

    or

    “Yes, Jesus loves me. The bible (and his proud erection) tells me so.”

    or

    “I am risen!”

    or

    “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone… at my boner.”

  236. #237 cham
    January 27, 2008

    “Like what you see?”

  237. #238 Jim
    January 27, 2008

    The Church always has been “shocked” by oral sex.

  238. #239 noncarborundum
    January 27, 2008

    I think it would probably look just a tiny bit less obscene in the “on” position (and when it’s in the “off” position, the room would be dark anyway).

    Of course, in a hall-and-landing setup, all bets are off because there is always a way for the light to be on when one of the switches is “up”.

    Color me surprised. On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?

  239. #240 Suricou Raven
    January 27, 2008

    “On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?”

    Two situations:

    1. On multi-switch controls, as seen on landings. Flicking any switch changes the state of the light, so there is no certinty about up-or-down-on.

    2. When someone has been doing DIY, and either thought it wouldn’t matter which hole they stuck the wire in or didn’t think about which way up they should install the switch.

  240. #241 James Lucas
    January 27, 2008

    He Is Risen!

  241. #242 James Lucas
    January 27, 2008

    Now children, prepare to receive the Host.

  242. #243 MAJeff
    January 27, 2008

    “On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?”

    My apartment.

  243. #244 TruthBeTold
    January 27, 2008

    Obviously, Catholic.

  244. #245 Chambermate
    January 27, 2008

    Turn me on dead man

  245. #246 chinye
    January 28, 2008

    we’re all going to hell

  246. #247 bladeScythe
    January 28, 2008

    Children know how to turn me on?

  247. #248 KASHMIR
    January 28, 2008

    AND THEY MADE EVE FROM ADAMS RIB? DOUBT IT!!!

  248. #249 PADPARADSCHA
    January 28, 2008

    BET A MORMON DESIGNED IT!

  249. #250 jTuba
    January 28, 2008

    Stand back and await the Secong Cumming!

  250. #251 Jason
    January 28, 2008

    Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red or yellow black or white they are precious in his sight…

  251. #252 karen
    January 29, 2008

    “Jesus goes down in the dark.”

  252. #253 Robert S.
    January 29, 2008

    “Turn me on, dead man.”

  253. #254 Ed
    January 29, 2008

    This must turn on the lights in a priests bedroom. Ever wonder why they call it a rectory?

  254. #255 bleh
    January 29, 2008

    Christ has died! Christ is risen! Christ will cum again!

  255. #256 Sankt Hemma von Gurk
    January 30, 2008

    “but who may abide the day of his coming”? (haendel, messiah)

  256. #257 Craig
    January 31, 2008

    As the hymn says, “Stand up, stand up, for Jesus, ye soldiers”.

  257. #258 Dee
    February 1, 2008

    So….Jesus was a switch hitter??

  258. #259 Tom
    February 3, 2008

    Strange, I thought the christian way was that it was up when the lights where down. Did I miss something the pope said?

  259. #260 LT
    February 7, 2008

    I’m wondering if this will turn into a Huckabee Campaign speech

    120 volts would flick your unit upright too.

    Jesus isn’t circumsized. Who knew?

  260. #261 Meg
    February 8, 2008

    “spare the rod and spoil the child.”

  261. #262 meg
    February 8, 2008

    “the way to a man’s sacred heart is through his…ermmm..”

  262. #263 CamiKaos
    April 24, 2008

    “Just a little closer”

  263. #264 yes
    June 12, 2008

    Who are you to judge?

  264. #265 tc
    August 9, 2008

    how immature

  265. #266 John Morales
    August 9, 2008

    tc, how immature to think it so immature.

  266. #267 Karyn
    October 3, 2008

    “Come little children ONTO me.” Or the other way around.

The site is currently under maintenance and will be back shortly. New comments have been disabled during this time, please check back soon.