Pharyngula

Inappropriate iconography

A reader sent me an example of religious kitsch, but just to be on the safe side, I’m going to have to put it below the fold. There’s nothing obscene about the work in question, but I dare you to look at it and not have wildly inappropriate thoughts skitter through your brain.

I think we need a caption contest for this one.

i-5885562d94e42093216ea8adcc3b1e5a-turn_jesus_on.jpg

Comments

  1. #1 Moses
    January 25, 2008

    I’ll see your pedophile Jesus and raise you a Jesus dildo.

  2. #2 denise
    January 25, 2008

    how about just playing Neil Diamond’s ” turn on your love light”

  3. #3 CalGeorge
    January 25, 2008

    “Christ is risen.”

  4. #4 PZ Myers
    January 25, 2008

    When taking a picture of this, which position should the switch be in?

    Easy. Up with Jesus.

  5. #5 TisStupid
    January 25, 2008

    Kmarissa, unless penises grow out of kneecaps, I’d say this is more wishful thinking than the pedophilia fantasy some seem to be having here.

  6. #6 Ryan
    January 25, 2008

    “Now someone turn off the light in the room behind me.”

  7. #7 Barney
    January 25, 2008

    Cows from Minneapolis had a single mined similar territory with the cover art (scroll down to the second image from the top) for “In the mouth,” the b-side to their non-hit single, “Plowed.”

    (not that anyone cares this late in the thread)

  8. #8 bill carli
    January 25, 2008

    i can see the religious right’s reason for this. realizing that a 33-year-old unmarried male who hung around all day with his 12 male friends is obviously gay, they decided to cut their losses by using this to prove that indeed, all child molestors are gay. They may lose a savior but they establish another falsehood in their fight for bigotry.

  9. #9 Janine
    January 25, 2008

    Whom ever can lift my staff shall see the light.

  10. #10 Chris Booth
    January 26, 2008

    “I am dying for your sins.”

  11. #11 Sandy
    January 26, 2008

    TisStupid, anything is possible with god. ;)

  12. #12 ted
    January 26, 2008

    “now you three kiss and make up”

  13. #13 Allen
    January 26, 2008

    HEY This IS for real, all you who asked. From 1959 until 1979 this light switch was over my head in my bedroom! My parents, who are 84 years old, STILL have this switch plate in a bedroom in their house. I used to lay in bed at night and once in a while look up and wonder “why are they staring at Jesus’ Pee pee!!!” HONEST. After I got married in the 1980s, my wife and I stayed at my parents house over Christmas holidays and my wife would crack up at the light switch over our heads. The funniest thing is………my parents had absolutely NO problems or thoughts about this being sexual at all. My parents are both VERY VERY devote Catholics and very strict about sex or anything to do with it. I never saw an M rated movie (before the PG and PG-13 ratings) until I was 17 years old and went out with my best friend without my parents knowing it!

  14. #14 Oz Atheist
    January 26, 2008

    Obviously the designers and marketers of religious iconography don’t have filthy minds like us lot. LOL

  15. #15 Stevie-Q
    January 26, 2008

    A few posters almost had it… it’s:

    “Suffer me to come unto the little children.”

  16. #16 Stevie-Q
    January 26, 2008

    Dang… sorry. #122 already got it. I’m too late.

  17. #17 Michael X
    January 26, 2008

    Holy hell! I get to crack a joke about christian iconography, AND offend someone in one thread?! Quick! somebody gimmie a baby to eat and I’ll have the whole evil atheist trifecta! I might even kick a puppy for an encore…

  18. #18 Ali
    January 26, 2008

    My first thought was, “Oh my fucking god”.

    Then I realized – that’s the perfect caption, too!

  19. #19 aseem
    January 26, 2008

    “Oh ‘come’ all ye faithful…”

  20. #20 PirateHooker
    January 26, 2008

    obviously this is a scene from one of the lost bible verses.

    “Thou shalt partake of my bread, and yea, from this day forward thou shalt refer to thine bread as ‘the body of christ’”

  21. #21 Tara
    January 26, 2008

    Honor Thy Father and Mother (but this will be our little secret).

  22. #22 BadAunt
    January 26, 2008

    “Always look on the bright side of life.”

  23. #23 DLC
    January 26, 2008

    Re: Catholics . . . am I alone in thinking Semenary is a double-entendre ?

    oh well.

  24. #24 Adrienne
    January 26, 2008

    Re: #131: “”If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician.”

    Shouldn’t Jesus be the one calling his physician? Who is Jesus’s physician anyway? St. Luke?

  25. #25 Adrienne
    January 26, 2008

    Re: #207: Or “Suffer the little children to come on to me.”

  26. #26 Carlie
    January 26, 2008

    I’m sure one of you did it (‘fess up!) but LOLtheist now has this photo with the caption “Light switch Jesus loves children very VERY much”.

  27. #27 BaldApe
    January 26, 2008

    “Do this as oft as you flick it in rememberence of me.”

  28. #28 Ness
    January 26, 2008

    “Remember kids, Jesus loves you.”

  29. #29 blf
    January 26, 2008

    “The turtle moves!”

  30. #30 LadyCrow
    January 26, 2008

    #88: The song covered by the Grateful Dead was “Turn On Your Lovelight” by Bobby “Blue” Bland.

    “And leave it on!” — Pigpen

  31. #31 Epikt
    January 26, 2008

    Adrienne:

    Re: #131: “”If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician.”

    Shouldn’t Jesus be the one calling his physician? Who is Jesus’s physician anyway? St. Luke?

    Unlikely. If Jesus was really male, after four hours he’d be calling all his buddies and bragging about it.

  32. #32 antitheist
    January 26, 2008

    “Jesus is coming?
    …Don’t swallow that.”

  33. #33 Arnosium Upinarum
    January 26, 2008

    holy moly

  34. #34 ennui
    January 26, 2008

    And God said “Let there be light.”

    And God saw the light, that it was wood.

  35. #35 dsmccoy
    January 26, 2008

    Jesus loves you with the lights on.

  36. #36 Glen Davidson
    January 26, 2008

    “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Ps. 34:8)

    (I’m grossing myself out here).

    Glen D
    http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

  37. #37 Shannon Jacobs
    January 26, 2008

    “If you turn Jesus off, you’ll go blind” or “If you turn Jesus off, you’ll be in the dark.” Maybe you could work “eternal darkness” into it?

    Seems like a perfectly reasonable religious message to me. Easy for me to imagine the appropriate sermon. However, I’m not up on the most appropriate Biblical quotes.

  38. #38 aaron
    January 26, 2008

    “The Passion of the Christ”

  39. #39 hbsweet
    January 27, 2008

    (sings) “He’s got the whole world in His pants”

  40. #40 lamcyplaza
    January 27, 2008

    “Wel-cum children!”

  41. #41 AJS
    January 27, 2008

    I think it would probably look just a tiny bit less obscene in the “on” position (and when it’s in the “off” position, the room would be dark anyway).

    Of course, in a hall-and-landing setup, all bets are off because there is always a way for the light to be on when one of the switches is “up”.

  42. #42 H.Trimegestis
    January 27, 2008

    “Now turn the other cheek.”

    or

    “For I am the light and the res-ERECTION. Get it? See, because, light-switch, right– and check out my boner.”

    or

    “Lazarus, ARISE!… I call him Lazarus.”

    or

    “Consider the lillies of the valley.And by that I mean my penis.”

    or

    “This is my body you eat.”

    or

    “Yes, Jesus loves me. The bible (and his proud erection) tells me so.”

    or

    “I am risen!”

    or

    “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone… at my boner.”

  43. #43 cham
    January 27, 2008

    “Like what you see?”

  44. #44 Jim
    January 27, 2008

    The Church always has been “shocked” by oral sex.

  45. #45 noncarborundum
    January 27, 2008

    I think it would probably look just a tiny bit less obscene in the “on” position (and when it’s in the “off” position, the room would be dark anyway).

    Of course, in a hall-and-landing setup, all bets are off because there is always a way for the light to be on when one of the switches is “up”.

    Color me surprised. On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?

  46. #46 Suricou Raven
    January 27, 2008

    “On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?”

    Two situations:

    1. On multi-switch controls, as seen on landings. Flicking any switch changes the state of the light, so there is no certinty about up-or-down-on.

    2. When someone has been doing DIY, and either thought it wouldn’t matter which hole they stuck the wire in or didn’t think about which way up they should install the switch.

  47. #47 James Lucas
    January 27, 2008

    He Is Risen!

  48. #48 James Lucas
    January 27, 2008

    Now children, prepare to receive the Host.

  49. #49 MAJeff
    January 27, 2008

    “On what part of the planet is “up” not the “on” position?”

    My apartment.

  50. #50 TruthBeTold
    January 27, 2008

    Obviously, Catholic.

  51. #51 Chambermate
    January 27, 2008

    Turn me on dead man

  52. #52 chinye
    January 28, 2008

    we’re all going to hell

  53. #53 bladeScythe
    January 28, 2008

    Children know how to turn me on?

  54. #54 KASHMIR
    January 28, 2008

    AND THEY MADE EVE FROM ADAMS RIB? DOUBT IT!!!

  55. #55 PADPARADSCHA
    January 28, 2008

    BET A MORMON DESIGNED IT!

  56. #56 jTuba
    January 28, 2008

    Stand back and await the Secong Cumming!

  57. #57 Jason
    January 28, 2008

    Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red or yellow black or white they are precious in his sight…

  58. #58 karen
    January 29, 2008

    “Jesus goes down in the dark.”

  59. #59 Robert S.
    January 29, 2008

    “Turn me on, dead man.”

  60. #60 Ed
    January 29, 2008

    This must turn on the lights in a priests bedroom. Ever wonder why they call it a rectory?

  61. #61 bleh
    January 29, 2008

    Christ has died! Christ is risen! Christ will cum again!

  62. #62 Sankt Hemma von Gurk
    January 30, 2008

    “but who may abide the day of his coming”? (haendel, messiah)

  63. #63 Craig
    January 31, 2008

    As the hymn says, “Stand up, stand up, for Jesus, ye soldiers”.

  64. #64 Dee
    February 1, 2008

    So….Jesus was a switch hitter??

  65. #65 Tom
    February 3, 2008

    Strange, I thought the christian way was that it was up when the lights where down. Did I miss something the pope said?

  66. #66 LT
    February 7, 2008

    I’m wondering if this will turn into a Huckabee Campaign speech

    120 volts would flick your unit upright too.

    Jesus isn’t circumsized. Who knew?

  67. #67 Meg
    February 8, 2008

    “spare the rod and spoil the child.”

  68. #68 meg
    February 8, 2008

    “the way to a man’s sacred heart is through his…ermmm..”

  69. #69 CamiKaos
    April 24, 2008

    “Just a little closer”

  70. #70 yes
    June 12, 2008

    Who are you to judge?

  71. #71 tc
    August 9, 2008

    how immature

  72. #72 John Morales
    August 9, 2008

    tc, how immature to think it so immature.

  73. #73 Karyn
    October 3, 2008

    “Come little children ONTO me.” Or the other way around.