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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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I cannot see one shadow or tittle of evidence that the great unknown underlying the phenomenon of the universe stands to us in the relation of a Father—loves us and cares for us as Christianity asserts. So with regard to the other great Christian dogmas, immortality of soul and future state of rewards and punishments, what possible objection can I—who am compelled perforce to believe in the immortality of what we call Matter and Force, and in a very unmistakable present state of rewards and punishments for our deeds—have to these doctrines? Give me a scintilla of evidence, and I am ready to jump at them.
Thomas Henry Huxley, in a letter to Charles Kingsley dated May 5th, 1863 Quoted in The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Gutenberg Encyclopedia (originally dated 1911)
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Category: Humor
Posted on: January 10, 2008 1:39 PM, by PZ Myers
Next time you have to bring treats to a school board meeting, or need something sacramental for your church, if you're just looking for something fun to do with the kids, here's what you can do:
It's a completely edible FSM, and it sounds like it would be sweet, too.
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Comments
Posted by: Brownian, OM | January 10, 2008 1:44 PM
What kind of freak would eat a symbolic representation of their god?!
Posted by: Jason, Cincinnati | January 10, 2008 1:46 PM
That's funny... were I to try to make an edible FSM, I might just make, you know, spaghetti.
Posted by: MAJeff | January 10, 2008 1:47 PM
I don't think I could eat it. I have a problem eating the deep fried heads that accompany my ama ebi nigiri because they still have the eyes on them. Take the eyes of and maybe I could go there.
Posted by: idlemind | January 10, 2008 1:52 PM
That should be the Frying Spaghetti Monster.
Posted by: Vitis01 | January 10, 2008 2:08 PM
That looks like alfredo sauce! Blasphemy!
Posted by: AtheistAcolyte | January 10, 2008 2:09 PM
Mmmmm... sacrelicious.
Posted by: Jenbug | January 10, 2008 2:19 PM
It'd work well with curly fries and hushpuppies, too.
Posted by: Neil B. | January 10, 2008 2:26 PM
Maybe this is what the "other universes" are filled with, since you have no way to predict or explain what should be in them?
Posted by: Leukocyte | January 10, 2008 2:27 PM
How could the FSM be anything but edible?
Posted by: spudbeach | January 10, 2008 2:28 PM
Damn that looks tasty! Get your breakfast and communion all in one convenient package! Reminds me of the Catholics for some reason.
Posted by: MAJeff | January 10, 2008 2:32 PM
Reminds me of the Catholics for some reason.
There must be booze!
Posted by: rich (richmanwisco) | January 10, 2008 2:48 PM
That don't look like pasta. It looks like french fries to me. Isn't there a commandment against making false images of your god?
Posted by: Gary | January 10, 2008 2:54 PM
That reminds me that I once saw an image of one of those on a chicken sandwich. I think it was a miracle or something. I ate the sandwich anyway, though. I was hungry.
Posted by: stogoe | January 10, 2008 2:56 PM
Looks like mayonnaise and french fries.
I hate mayonaisse. It is a foul substance.
Do not want.
Posted by: Zeno | January 10, 2008 3:36 PM
Well, it doesn't look very appetizing, but if one has faith I suppose most anything could be choked down.
Posted by: Katrina | January 10, 2008 3:40 PM
Interesting. Rice Crispy Treats-style marshmallow sauce for the "glue" and rAmen for the noodles. Not too sacreligious. Although I'm not too sure about using gelatin capsules for the googly eyes.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | January 10, 2008 3:43 PM
Off-topic — this local policeman does not respect faith:
Posted by: Rick at shrimp and grits | January 10, 2008 3:47 PM
Anyone can make a Flying Spaghetti Monster. You need two ingredients. 1) Spaghetti. 2) A one-year-old human.
To prepare, mix the spaghetti and the one-year-old human.
... then stand back. And have plenty of cleaning supplies on hand.
Posted by: alex | January 10, 2008 3:52 PM
blasphemy! false idols! making of graven images!
Posted by: MAJeff | January 10, 2008 3:53 PM
2) A one-year-old human.
I try to avoid these almost as hard as I try to avoid fundies.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | January 10, 2008 3:53 PM
That kind of mental illness is just sad.
I have a neighbour in my apartment who believes he's married to Lisa Marie Presley, is John Lennon's half-brother, Avril Lavigne's father, and occasionally records tracks over the phone with Paul McCartney.
Would that be an example of the non-sad kind of mental illness?
Posted by: grinch | January 10, 2008 4:05 PM
Transpagstantiation
Posted by: Carlie | January 10, 2008 4:13 PM
The googly eyes might be technically edible, but I can't imagine they'd taste very good.
Posted by: windy | January 10, 2008 4:55 PM
Maybe this is what God is like, since you have no way to predict or explain how he/she/it should be?
Posted by: EricK | January 10, 2008 4:56 PM
Sinners!
Here is a recipe that will redeem your souls:
http://www.allhomemadecookies.com/recipes/drop/easterstorycookies.htm
(I am pretty sure this is recipe is not satire)
EASTER STORY COOKIES
Begin this recipe on Saturday, the day before Easter.
1 cup whole pecans
1 teaspoon vinegar
3 egg whites
pinch salt
1 cup sugar
zipper baggie
wooden spoon or a wooden meat hammer
duct tape or packing tape
Bible
Preheat oven to 300*F.
Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon or hammer to break them into small pieces.
Explain that after Jesus was arrested he was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19:1-3.
Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 teaspoon of vinegar into the mixing bowl.
Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30.
Add egg whites to the vinegar. Eggs represent life.
Explain that Jesus gave his life to give us life. Read John 10:10-11.
Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste. Then put your pinch of salt in the bowl.
Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23:27
So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing! Add 1 cup sugar to the bowl.
Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because he loves us. He wants us to know and belong to him. Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16.
Beat with a mixer on high speed for 10 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks form.
Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3.
Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheets.
Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. Read Matthew 27:57-60.
Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape to seal the oven door.
Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matthew 27:65-66.
Leave the kitchen. If you've been making these cookies just before bedtime, GO TO BED!
Acknowledge that the kids are probably sad that they've worked hard to make these cookies, and now have to leave them in the oven overnight. Explain that Jesus' followers were in sad when Jesus died and the tomb was sealed. Read John 16:20 and 22.
On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Ask the kids to notice the cracked surface. Have them bite into the cookies. The cookies are hollow!
Explain that on the first Easter morning, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. Read Matthew 28:1-9.
HE HAS RISEN!
Posted by: Carlie | January 10, 2008 5:14 PM
Nope, it's not satire. I've seen the recipe handed out at church.
Posted by: Zeno | January 10, 2008 5:28 PM
What? No explanation for the "broken nuts" in the recipe? Surely something must be missing from the passion story.
Posted by: HP | January 10, 2008 5:37 PM
EricK, here's another one:
Ingredients:
Store-bought gingerbread men
A large, clean brick or paving stone
Aluminum foil
Directions:
1. Wrap the brick in aluminum foil.
2. Give each child a gingerbread man.
3. Have the children take turns smashing their gingerbread men head-first into the brick.
Explain to the little children that "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones." Psalms 137:9.
Posted by: alex | January 10, 2008 5:55 PM
EricK:
10/10
Posted by: octopod | January 10, 2008 6:15 PM
Oh, it's pasta alright. The recipe indicated that they used fried noodles (pancit canton).
I suppose it's ecclesiastically correct to serve beer with these, right? Silly theophages.
Posted by: Amit Joshi | January 10, 2008 6:39 PM
Can I just nominate the number 1 comment above by Brownian OM for the Molly award right away? Loved it!
Posted by: Buffy | January 10, 2008 7:03 PM
Brownian asks,
"What kind of freak would eat a symbolic representation of their god?!"
Hmmmm, Catholics maybe?
Posted by: fuzzyblue | January 10, 2008 8:44 PM
I second Amit Joshi's nomination. Best laugh I've had in weeks.
Posted by: MAJeff | January 10, 2008 8:51 PM
"What kind of freak would eat a symbolic representation of their god?!"
Hmmmm, Catholics maybe?
Nope, Protestants. For Catholics, it takes on the substance of the actual god...it's real cannibalism.
Posted by: Neil B. | January 10, 2008 9:41 PM
Windy, the joke is supposed to work the other way around as a reductio - that argument isn't any good anyway. Any argument against the reality or to the absurdity of a "flying spaghetti monster" only works against that particular manifestation, not "God" in general unless you can show the extension. If it doesn't even do that, then it isn't any good is it at all (same for the celestial teapot, etc.)
Just ignore this though, you all should have your fun without it being spoiled by more philosophy. Maybe I am a bore, sorry.
Posted by: Russell | January 10, 2008 9:53 PM
Bad culinary move.
If a flyable phenotype evolves, Ben Stein will never let you live it down.
If it doesn't, there's still Gordon Ramsey and PETAL to deal with.
Posted by: AJS | January 11, 2008 11:11 AM
A filthy, heretical, hell-bound, Glasgow Rangers-supporting protestant, obviously!Roman Catholics eat their actual god, thanks to a process called Transsubstantiation. Nobody has ever built an instrument sensitive enough to detect this happening; which only goes to prove just how miraculous it is.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | January 11, 2008 11:33 AM
Maybe I am a bore, sorry.
All that philosophy and you're satisfied with a maybe? C'mon man, you've plumbed the origins of the universe with your mind, surely you can come up with something a little more definitive.
Or am I spoiling your pedantic smarm?
Posted by: Rey Fox | January 11, 2008 11:47 AM
"Leave the kitchen. If you've been making these cookies just before bedtime, GO TO BED!"
You know, they had me with their fun little activity until that line there. Even when we're just having fun and making cookies, they have to lash out with their authoritarianism. Sort of like Dr. Strangelove's alien hand.
Posted by: MikeM | January 11, 2008 12:33 PM
A few weeks ago, you had the posting about the guy who lost his fingertip and the tendon for that finger in an unfortunate run-in with a snowblower. With my typically slow wit, it didn't occur to me until it was too late that, while some are lucky enough to be Touched by His Noodly Appendage, still others must have done something wrong and had their own "noodly appendages" removed by force.
What is the FSM equivalent of bad karma?
Anyway, this food item is sacriligious enough to where I think this guy's now going to have to take precautions with his own noodly appendages. Picture His Noodliness saying, "Nice pinky ya got there. It'd be a tragedy if, say, something bad was to happen to it."
Ramen.
Posted by: Dee Dee | January 11, 2008 3:37 PM
You ask "What is the FSM equivalent of bad karma?".
Dealing with Bobby.
Posted by: John C. Randolph | January 12, 2008 3:19 AM
Hmm... Thought it looked like funnel cake.
-jcr