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Like computer viruses, successful mind viruses will tend to be hard for their victims to detect. If you are the victim of one, the chances are that you won't know it, and may even vigorously deny it. Accepting that a virus might be difficult to detect in your own mind, what tell-tale signs might you look out for? I shall answer by imaging how a medical textbook might describe the typical symptoms of a sufferer (arbitrarily assumed to be male)."
1. The patient typically finds himself impelled by some deep, inner conviction that something is true, or right, or virtuous: a conviction that doesn't seem to owe anything to evidence or reason, but which, nevertheless, he feels as totally compelling and convincing. We doctors refer to such a belief as 'faith.'
Richard Dawkins
« Salvage Florida thread | Main | Evolution in 5 minutes »
Category: Weirdness
Posted on: January 25, 2008 9:57 AM, by PZ Myers
A reader sent me an example of religious kitsch, but just to be on the safe side, I'm going to have to put it below the fold. There's nothing obscene about the work in question, but I dare you to look at it and not have wildly inappropriate thoughts skitter through your brain.
I think we need a caption contest for this one.
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Comments
Posted by: George | January 25, 2008 10:01 AM
Okay, just eeewwwww....
Posted by: Brad | January 25, 2008 10:03 AM
Jesus is the way, the wang, and the light.
Posted by: holbach | January 25, 2008 10:03 AM
How about "Flip my switch and be enlightened" Sorry.
Posted by: Kerlyssa | January 25, 2008 10:04 AM
For he is the Gloryhole, and the Light.
Posted by: David Spector | January 25, 2008 10:05 AM
How does that old Hymn go...
"Jesus loves the little children...."
Yikes.
Posted by: Marcus Ranum | January 25, 2008 10:06 AM
"trust me."
Posted by: MartinM | January 25, 2008 10:08 AM
Suffer the little children to come unto me? Seems rather backwards at present.
Posted by: Steve Murphy | January 25, 2008 10:10 AM
(said in the faux-Burns computer voice used by Wayland Smithers - a hat tip to fellow Simpsons nerds):
He-lo Chil-dren. You... are... quite.. good.. at.. turning... me... on..
Posted by: Cuttlefish, OM | January 25, 2008 10:10 AM
What an interesting tidbit of kitsch
Iconography sure is a bitch
But I'm sure that the thrust
Of the thought is: You must
Turn on Jesus's love, like a switch
He said "I am the way and the light"
And his love is a beautiful sight
If you join with his flock, you
Will see--he won't shock you;
Turn him on, though, and maybe he might
Posted by: maxi | January 25, 2008 10:11 AM
"Kneel down before me...."
Posted by: Anon | January 25, 2008 10:12 AM
Why are that little boy's hands in his pockets?
Posted by: Bruce | January 25, 2008 10:13 AM
Spare the staff and spoil the child?
Great, the cyber cops are already at the door.
Posted by: Dan | January 25, 2008 10:14 AM
Jesus is lust!
Posted by: dWhisper | January 25, 2008 10:15 AM
Well... given that the priests take wine as blood literally, we knew that sexual trauma and repression had to be "justified" somewhere too...
Posted by: maxi | January 25, 2008 10:15 AM
I'm worried where the girl's right hand is headed.
Posted by: Der Bodenschatz | January 25, 2008 10:16 AM
This...is...so...wrong.
Posted by: kim | January 25, 2008 10:17 AM
"Get it out of the darkness!"
Posted by: Moses | January 25, 2008 10:20 AM
I'll see your pedophile Jesus and raise you a Jesus dildo.
Posted by: Peter Ashby | January 25, 2008 10:26 AM
'Aw now the kids can see what I'm like in the dark.'
Posted by: Mike Huben | January 25, 2008 10:27 AM
The "What Would Jesus Do" switchplate for Catholic seminaries.
Posted by: Greg Laden | January 25, 2008 10:30 AM
When I was about nine years old, my family and I attended a church in some remote village in northern New York while on vacation. The priest walked out before mass and said "Is anyone here an expert on electronics." As an amateur radio operator, I raised my hand thinking I could get God-Brownie points.
The priest said "Thank you, young man, would you mind flipping off the light switch over there by the door..."
Priests ... always trying to be funny.
So here are my entries:
"Let there be light. But always use a condom"
"Turn On Jesus"
"How many priests does it take to turn on a light bulb? ... "
By the way, I love the fact that the children on this wall switch (which I assume is a glow in the dark wall switch), are staring at the naughty bits.
Posted by: sduford | January 25, 2008 10:30 AM
Priceless...
Posted by: Stephen Wells | January 25, 2008 10:32 AM
Are you the Light of the World or are you just pleased to see me?
Posted by: H. Humbert | January 25, 2008 10:33 AM
Jesus light switch sez: "Children turn me on."
Posted by: MexiPakiJew | January 25, 2008 10:34 AM
I had a friend in middle school with one of those! His whole family was evangelical nutcases, of course. He loved it, but didn't understand why I cracked up laughing the first time I saw the dang thing.
Posted by: RAM | January 25, 2008 10:37 AM
"I'm worried where the girl's right hand is headed."
To tickle the balls of thy lord!
Posted by: stu | January 25, 2008 10:38 AM
New doctrine of The Resurrection.
Posted by: Peter McGrath | January 25, 2008 10:39 AM
JC for AC.
Posted by: Hank Fox | January 25, 2008 10:40 AM
Dang. H. Humbert got there first.
It's obvious it should be "Children turn me on."
Whew! "Kitsch" is the right word. In this photo, at least, it's even a tasteless dog-puke green.
Posted by: gg | January 25, 2008 10:41 AM
"Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me."
-Psalms 23
Posted by: DiscGrace | January 25, 2008 10:41 AM
Hey Jesus, I know how the verse goes, but I think this would actually be a good time to hide it under a bushel basket.
Posted by: David H | January 25, 2008 10:42 AM
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;" flip and the light shall come upon you...
No? Okay.
"Split a piece of wood and I am there." -Jesus
http://equotes.wetpaint.com/page/Jesus+Christ+Quotes?t=anon
Posted by: Hank Fox | January 25, 2008 10:44 AM
Second choice:
"Gloryholes to God in the highest ..."
...
(Heh. Just puzzled out the lettering above the switch. I think it says "Honor Thy Father and Mother.")
Posted by: G | January 25, 2008 10:44 AM
Kinda gives new meaning to 'coming to Jesus'...
Posted by: JLem | January 25, 2008 10:45 AM
how did the manufacturer/designer/consumer not see how horrible this is?
Posted by: Bygones | January 25, 2008 10:46 AM
Kids, say hello to St. Peter.
Posted by: karen | January 25, 2008 10:46 AM
Notice how JC is gently "herding" the kids toward the, erm, member?
Posted by: Michael | January 25, 2008 10:46 AM
The second coming?
Posted by: LisaJ | January 25, 2008 10:47 AM
Wow! That is awesome. All 3 of them are just staring at it! Why?!
I vote for the caption put out by #4. Perfect.
Posted by: Richard Harris | January 25, 2008 10:48 AM
The penultimate verse of the bible seems appropriate.
Revelation 22:20 He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
Posted by: umkomasia | January 25, 2008 10:50 AM
Spare the rod and spoil the child.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | January 25, 2008 10:50 AM
On the bright side, it's of the size one might expect for a god. A bit low, though.
If it weren't for the children.... Get a grip, Lord Jesus, Aphrodite would say "come in today," if you gave her half a chance.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: toomanytribbles | January 25, 2008 10:53 AM
'c'mon babies, light my fire'
Posted by: HumanisticJones | January 25, 2008 10:54 AM
Suddenly the phrase "Get behind me Satan" is sounding worse in my head. Also Matthew 7:3 while we're making wood jokes "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Posted by: maxi | January 25, 2008 10:58 AM
Is that a loaf in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Posted by: Jefe | January 25, 2008 11:00 AM
Caption:
Kids, its time to "Flip Jesus' Switch" Hallelujah!
Posted by: Rev. Ayatollah Mulla Fakir | January 25, 2008 11:00 AM
I must have one. MUST.
Posted by: Wom | January 25, 2008 11:00 AM
Have you NOT seen loltheist?
http://loltheist.com/2008/01/25/i-see-the-light
Posted by: Doug | January 25, 2008 11:01 AM
@35
Perhaps it's just niche marketing for Catholic Priests. Notice it says Honor thy Father and Something.
Posted by: negentropyeater | January 25, 2008 11:03 AM
Adaptation from John 8:12
"Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he who turns me on shall not walk in darkness"
(replaced "followeth me" with "turn me on", which has a tickly feeling to it)
Posted by: Ali | January 25, 2008 11:05 AM
Awesome... Is this real or Photoshoped? what were they thinking?!
Posted by: Moggie | January 25, 2008 11:05 AM
Jesus was hung so that we may see the light.
Posted by: Richard Harris | January 25, 2008 11:08 AM
Joseph to Mary, "Jesus will come between us".
Posted by: Castaa | January 25, 2008 11:09 AM
"Jesus really turns me on."
Posted by: J | January 25, 2008 11:09 AM
On the third day he rose again.
Had to go to a bible quotes site for the rest:
"What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.'"
-Matthew 15:11
"'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.'"
-Matthew 4:19
[Jesus said] "But if anyone causes one of these little ones to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."
-Matthew 18:6
Posted by: Abby Normal | January 25, 2008 11:12 AM
"I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus.
I want to feel his salvation all over my face."
-Eric Cartman, South Park
Posted by: hilllady | January 25, 2008 11:15 AM
OMG--I once rented a room in a house with a light fixture exactly like that! The former owner was an elderly Catholic lady who had raised six children in the faith. When my friend bought the house from her, we couldn't bear to mess with the kitsch, so I flipped that switch every evening.
Posted by: Jeb, FCD | January 25, 2008 11:19 AM
"Suck on it, Trebek. Suck it long, suck it hard."
Posted by: Peter McGrath | January 25, 2008 11:19 AM
'...the guy who did the circumcision never worked again.'
Posted by: Ahcuah | January 25, 2008 11:20 AM
Whatever happened to "Clap on; clap off"?
Posted by: Kevin | January 25, 2008 11:21 AM
With props to Robert Palmer:
"When I took you out
I knew what you were all about
But when I did
I didn't mean to turn you on
No, I didn't mean to turn you on
I didn't mean to turn you on...."
Posted by: Theodore | January 25, 2008 11:23 AM
"And this is how my Dad created light"
Posted by: Jsn | January 25, 2008 11:23 AM
"Come a little bit closer children. My rod -my staff will comfort you..."
or for the lol crowd -
"Erekshun. I has it."
It also makes me rethink the "suffer the children to come unto me" line.
And thus was how Jesus earned the nickname "Woody". Amen
Posted by: Jason Seba | January 25, 2008 11:24 AM
res-erection!
Posted by: DaveX | January 25, 2008 11:30 AM
"Two of every sort shall come unto thee."
Posted by: Larry | January 25, 2008 11:31 AM
Feel the Power!
Posted by: DaveX | January 25, 2008 11:33 AM
"Swallow it all, kids. Otherwise the priest has to finish me off."
Posted by: emmanuel | January 25, 2008 11:35 AM
I walk on water, glow in the dark! weeee!
Posted by: Luis | January 25, 2008 11:39 AM
Here is my entry for the caption contest, in the style of Biblic intergalactical fanfiction (I mean, the Bible is a work of fiction, so you might as well embellish it a bit).
"In 33 AD, the ancestors of lieutenant Ripley watch in horror how a chestbuster chews its way out of Jesus of Nazareth through a slightly unusual route."
'Cause the switch represents an Alien, right?
Posted by: Alan | January 25, 2008 11:42 AM
"For he is the Gloryhole, and the Light."
Winner.
Posted by: qedpro | January 25, 2008 11:42 AM
ok kids turn it on.
ok now turn it off.
ok now on ... now off ... on ... off .on.off...
Posted by: Disgusted in St. Louis | January 25, 2008 11:43 AM
I'm surprised Gen. JC Christian, patriot, hasn't posted this. I'm sure he would appreciate this salute to Jesus' little soldier and enjoy being able to turn it on at the flip of a switch.
Cuttlefish's poem has my vote for best caption.
Posted by: Kseniya | January 25, 2008 11:43 AM
Hank, my guess is that the whole thing glows in the dark.
I'm not clever enough to top anything already posted, so instead I'll just pretend I have the right to vote on 'em:
First choice: #23
Second choice: #36
Posted by: Monado in Coral Springs | January 25, 2008 11:44 AM
Hank, by the color I suspect it also glows in the dark.
Posted by: Sean Craven | January 25, 2008 11:46 AM
Have you ever seen those Jack Chick comics where God is pretty much a light bulb? This explains everything.
And with apologies to Peter McGrath -- I'd go with JC/DC.
Posted by: Steve | January 25, 2008 11:47 AM
"The beginning of a glorious tradition."
Posted by: ZacharySmith | January 25, 2008 11:47 AM
Proof that Jesus is Catholic!
Posted by: Chemist | January 25, 2008 11:48 AM
Shines more light on "The Second Coming of Jesus".
Posted by: Tulse | January 25, 2008 11:48 AM
"Hallelujah, He is risen!"
Posted by: Chemist | January 25, 2008 11:52 AM
Well, the masthead of this site *is*...
"Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal."
Go figure... ;-)
Can never get too much of this genre...
Posted by: dannyness | January 25, 2008 11:55 AM
"This little light of mine? Who are you calling little?"
Posted by: denise | January 25, 2008 11:55 AM
how about just playing Neil Diamond's " turn on your love light"
Posted by: Tom Morris | January 25, 2008 11:57 AM
"You can't touch this - it's the Sabbath!"
A professor once explained to me that he, as a child in a Catholic family, would make often make money on Saturdays when Orthodox Jews in his neighbourhood would ask him to turn light switches and other electrical devices on and off and pay him a few pennies for doing so. These religious types are barmy and, as capitalists, we should be finding new and unique ways to exploit their weird phobias for profit.
Posted by: slim | January 25, 2008 11:58 AM
Where's the little girl's other hand?
Posted by: Christophe Thill | January 25, 2008 11:58 AM
I know Jesus loves me, but I just want to be friends.
(sorry, didn't invent it, just stole it frome some sig, maybe even here)
Or :
Come to my church, I'll introduce you to all the members.
Posted by: simian | January 25, 2008 12:03 PM
Oh my gawd, I just spewed milk through my nose (figuratively). That's effin' hilarious!
Posted by: Steve_C | January 25, 2008 12:03 PM
So wait...... getting Jesus turned on provides the energy to power the light?
Neat. Take that solar panels!
Posted by: Kseniya | January 25, 2008 12:03 PM
Nit-pick; The Neil Diamond song is "(Turn On Your) Heartlight". The other one is an old rock and roll standard, originally done by... I have no idea! I know of it as a Grateful Dead tune.
Posted by: Matt M | January 25, 2008 12:03 PM
But, see, does the square peg go in the round hole?
Posted by: Stwriley | January 25, 2008 12:09 PM
"Kids! Remember to put Baby Jesus to bed for the night!"
Posted by: Quintana | January 25, 2008 12:13 PM
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Posted by: hyperdeath | January 25, 2008 12:18 PM
"Now children... witness the coming of the lord!"
Posted by: peter garayt | January 25, 2008 12:19 PM
There is all kinds of this stuff that people with imaginations will have fun with but the makers intent is just to fill the room with as many reminders as possible.
They didn't even notice.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | January 25, 2008 12:20 PM
As a former Catholic altarboy all I've got to say is, Nothing new here.
Posted by: John Pieret | January 25, 2008 12:24 PM
"Hey, boys and girls! Wanna raise Jesus from the dead?"
Uh, oh ... I think I'm going to hell now!
Posted by: Acidhouser | January 25, 2008 12:31 PM
De-lurking... "and this, children, is how to recognize a genuine priest"...Re-engage lurking device.
Posted by: dinoami | January 25, 2008 12:37 PM
"Switch on to the light of Jesus, and know love."
Posted by: Sam | January 25, 2008 12:39 PM
Little Girl: "What is it?"
Jesus: "Touch it and see. It's ok, I'm Jesus."
Little Boy: "Pshaw. Mohammed's is bigger"
Posted by: dubiquiabs | January 25, 2008 12:39 PM
Let us prey!
Posted by: coathangrrr | January 25, 2008 12:40 PM
Little Bill and Jane found Jesus that day, and that night, and the whole next day.
Posted by: Mark in So Cal | January 25, 2008 12:41 PM
So Jesus is Black?
Posted by: CalGeorge | January 25, 2008 12:41 PM
Boy: Jesus!
Girl: Why is your willy sticking up, Mister?
Posted by: Curt Cameron | January 25, 2008 12:42 PM
The way the children are looking right at the holy member - this had to have been done as a joke by the artist, right? I'm sure it was sold earnestly by a company, but the person who actually made the kids looking there had to have known what he was doing.
Posted by: Larry | January 25, 2008 12:54 PM
c'mon kids. Pull my, umm, finger.
Posted by: Tlazolteotl | January 25, 2008 12:54 PM
Oh, this makes me think of the bit from the wonderfully funny, satirical movie The Ruling Class where Peter O'Toole straps himself up in a cross and cries out "I am the electric Messiah! The AC/DC god!" (Sampled in the song Cooler Than Jesus by My Life With the Thrill Kill Cult.)
Posted by: Scott Hatfield, OM | January 25, 2008 12:56 PM
How about:
Paul, Paul, it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Posted by: Quidam | January 25, 2008 12:56 PM
Jesus of the Week has a delightfully tacky selection of Jesuses (or is it Jesii?) That includes the "Turn Jesus On" switch and this delicious item
There's also this wonderful reminder that you're only young once - unless you get a tattoo of a cutsie Hello Jesus Kittie. Won't that look so cool when you're 40.
Posted by: Sam | January 25, 2008 12:58 PM
I would say that this is blasphemous and the guy who made this should be switched on and then permanently off.
Posted by: Autumn | January 25, 2008 1:10 PM
The gift priests give to children to show them what they just did wasn't bad...and to bribe them to keep it hush hush.
Posted by: Peter McGrath | January 25, 2008 1:13 PM
The sacred part of Jesus.
(To non-lapsed Catholics, the eerily lurking JC on top of the switch is Himself in Sacred Heart mode. Usually a 3ft high statue with a mournful JC opening His robes so the heart shows, wreathed by the crown of thorns with a crucifix sticking out where the plumbing normally emerges. There may be flames on the deluxe version. Classy Catholic houses in Manchester - those of us with a priest in the family - had the statue. Low-rent families just a print. Tacky families had one of those bonkers 3-d prints where Jesus' eyes would follow you round the room. The hands would touch the heart and do a blessing, too. I'm not making this up.)
Posted by: Bing McGhandi | January 25, 2008 1:14 PM
Jesus, stop fondling the white children.
HJ
Posted by: Donnie B. | January 25, 2008 1:24 PM
Turn me on, dead man.
(Yes, Jesus is dead. And he was the walrus.)
Posted by: Todd | January 25, 2008 1:24 PM
Announcer
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Announcer
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Mom
"JizzUs Jumper?!"
Announcer
"Just install over any light switch. If little Johnny leaves his light on all day or obsessive compulsively flicks the switch then you'll know he's gay!"
Mom
"Wow! Who knew that finding out if your son was gay could be so simple?"
Announcer
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Mom
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Announcer
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Price does not include shipping and handling. Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery. Product not sold in Alaska, Hawaii or to Catholic priests."
Posted by: Shawn | January 25, 2008 1:27 PM
The metal band Ministry said it best, in their song "Psalm 69:"
"And now, it's time to give a lil' love back to God!"
Posted by: kw | January 25, 2008 1:29 PM
I saw this at Scalzi's place:
http://scalzi.com/whatever/
and prefer his title, "Possibly the world's most unfortunate light switch".
Posted by: Jit | January 25, 2008 1:34 PM
"This is what you should grope for in the dark, kids."
Lol version: "I laf at ur puny atheist pricks"
winner is qedpro (#71)
Posted by: anon1234 | January 25, 2008 1:34 PM
An obvious reference to "Come thou long expected Jesus."
Posted by: Glen Davidson | January 25, 2008 1:35 PM
Hey kids, wanna see a miracle?
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: thalarctos | January 25, 2008 1:35 PM
Nice one, Scott--OT, are you familiar with Johnny Cash's "The Man Comes Around"?
If not, I strongly recommend listening to it.
Posted by: Rodney Anonymous | January 25, 2008 1:40 PM
"Are the lights on, or are you just glad to see me?"
Posted by: tim quick | January 25, 2008 1:42 PM
John 6:53
"Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you."
Posted by: Billy | January 25, 2008 1:45 PM
#7, I think the twist you're looking for is:
"Suffer me to come unto the little children."
Posted by: ildi | January 25, 2008 1:48 PM
It has been explained to me that the reason I make my born-again brother so agitated when I tell him I am very happy being a deist (I lie to him because the a-word would probably give him a stroke or something) is that we all have this hole in our lives, see, and only Jesus can fill it. We may try to fill this hole with money, or drugs, or alcohol, but ultimately we all have to come to the realization:
"Only Jesus can fill your hole!"
Posted by: banana slug | January 25, 2008 1:49 PM
"Jesus loves loves the little children..."
Posted by: Cephus | January 25, 2008 1:50 PM
Any bets they got it in a Catholic store? Those priests had to get their ideas from somewhere.
Posted by: Shelama | January 25, 2008 1:52 PM
I always wondered about Jesus' sexuality, but had concluded before now that he was just "turn the other cheeks" gay. There's obviously more to the story.
Posted by: dorid | January 25, 2008 1:53 PM
oh, you can get stuff like this every week over at http://www.jesusoftheweek.com
And I can't help but notice that Jesus is turned on.
Posted by: tsig | January 25, 2008 1:55 PM
flic my bic.
Posted by: Kristine | January 25, 2008 1:56 PM
"Suffer the little children..."
Posted by: Helioprogenus | January 25, 2008 2:10 PM
"Arouse me and I shall illuminate thy path"
So this is how he reanimated lazarus from the dead. Should have guessed.
Posted by: Epikt | January 25, 2008 2:14 PM
"If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician."
Posted by: Glen Davidson | January 25, 2008 2:14 PM
The path to hell is easy and soft, but my way is hard sayeth the Lord. Great (look at the size of it) will be your reward, if you but kneel and serve me.
Even so, come Lord Jesus (Rev. 22:20).
(You know what any UDites coming over here are thinking--straight to hell, and the sooner the better).
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: thalarctos | January 25, 2008 2:15 PM
Epikt wins the thread!
Posted by: Seamus | January 25, 2008 2:26 PM
I almost didn't click to see.
I was expecting the Baby Jesus Butt Plug.
I shall not link as I am at work; use your 'fu.
Posted by: Dahan | January 25, 2008 2:27 PM
Old and stolen, but the line "Jesus loves me... but I make him wear a condom." comes to mind.
Posted by: Greta Christina | January 25, 2008 2:32 PM
"A sunbeam, a sunbeam
Jesus wants me for a sunbeam..."
Posted by: vivisected | January 25, 2008 2:38 PM
"Shhh... Jesus won't tell... Just touch it."
Posted by: Scrofulum | January 25, 2008 2:47 PM
"Who would Jesus do?"
Posted by: bernarda | January 25, 2008 2:48 PM
- How many kids does it take to turn on a Jesus bulb?
- Here is a site that has a Jesus game.
http://jesusdressup.com/number2.html
Posted by: J Daley | January 25, 2008 2:48 PM
I actually have one of those at my parents' house! It's still in my brother's room!
Even when I was a kid, I got the weird phallicness of the switch and thought it was funny.
Posted by: gyokusai | January 25, 2008 2:52 PM
My take:
"Raise the Lord!"
^_^J.
Posted by: MAJeff | January 25, 2008 2:55 PM
I want.
I love tacky religious iconography. That one makes me giggle...hard.
Posted by: Juan | January 25, 2008 2:56 PM
Come on! 138 comments and no Michael Jackson jokes yet? This proves MJ is just a strict Christ follower.
Posted by: Dahan | January 25, 2008 2:57 PM
No one knows the hour of his coming.
Posted by: Kurt | January 25, 2008 2:58 PM
From #55:
So the Bible says it's okay as long as he/she swallows?Posted by: CalGeorge | January 25, 2008 3:01 PM
"Christ is risen."
Posted by: LeeLeeOne | January 25, 2008 3:01 PM
A cousin of mine had a picture of jesus with mary at his feet and she decoupaged this picture into a light switch. Tell me if that was not yucky as a little kid! Blech, ptooey, gag, choke, cough....
Posted by: Sandy | January 25, 2008 3:08 PM
Behold, I come quickly!
Posted by: who me? | January 25, 2008 3:17 PM
Where can I buy one of these switchplates?
It should be nice with an illuminated switch.
http://www.kyledesigns.com/product/660ISLG
Posted by: Amanda | January 25, 2008 3:19 PM
Here's a tackier version for sale on ebay...
Posted by: MAJeff | January 25, 2008 3:21 PM
"Christ bade the children to sit on his lap. And there was light."
Posted by: CalGeorge | January 25, 2008 3:25 PM
"I am the light(switch) of the world: He that turns me on shall not walk in darkness, but shall witness my erection."
Posted by: mrh | January 25, 2008 3:26 PM
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Coming of the Lord.
Jesus loves me, this I know, 'cause his "light switch" tells me so.
Suffer the little children to go down on Me.
Posted by: Amanda | January 25, 2008 3:28 PM
I like #67. Took me a second to really get it, but then...
Posted by: Fritz J. | January 25, 2008 3:35 PM
Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.
Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me;
Yes Jesus loves me, the bible tells me so.
Posted by: Michael X | January 25, 2008 3:36 PM
"Dick and Jane and Jesus were all having a grand ol time. And then Billy stopped by!"
I also think Epikt has a winner though.
Posted by: ponzo | January 25, 2008 4:03 PM
My first thought upon seeing these (the OP and #148) was, "Are they blind? Don't they realize what this looks like?"
My second thought was that, yes, that is probably the case. There is often a great deal of sexual repression going on in the minds of the extremely religious. This explains, in part, abstinence campaigns and the obsession with homosexuals. They actually just see a light switch honoring "the Lord", and don't notice his enormous wang inviting you to (or the children) to flick on the lights by masturbating him.
Posted by: Brendan G. | January 25, 2008 4:06 PM
Jesus is hung like a light switch.
Posted by: Josh | January 25, 2008 4:09 PM
"where do you think the preist got their ideas"
Posted by: Aaron Starr | January 25, 2008 4:21 PM
Get me behind thee, Satan!
Posted by: mayhempix | January 25, 2008 4:39 PM
A little twist on an old authoritarian addage:
"Share the switch, soil the child."
Posted by: Spartacus | January 25, 2008 4:54 PM
Hey Kids! Pull my finger!
Posted by: Sebastian | January 25, 2008 4:56 PM
"Ith it weally okay to do that, mithter Jethuth?"
"Sure, kids - except on the sabbath day, of course"
Posted by: Barks | January 25, 2008 5:00 PM
"Upon whom does his light not rise?" Job 25:3
Posted by: jmaline | January 25, 2008 5:02 PM
I had one of these in my childhood bedroom. Never thought it was dirty. Then again I was a little kid... By the way, not crazy religious, pretty normal catholic upbringing.
(remembering where I am)
OK, crazy catholic. Not crazy crazy catholic. Feeling better now.
Posted by: mrh | January 25, 2008 5:08 PM
Turning off the lights to save energy makes Jesus sad.
Posted by: TisStupid | January 25, 2008 5:23 PM
The switch is quite a bit too low and misshapen to be considered a phallus. The Jesus figure is slightly hunched moving his waist back from the foreground.
It is obvious that neither the artist, or the purchasers of this switch cover thought it would be deemed inappropriate. I have often wondered the psychological makeup of those who feel the need to associate a sexual connotation with that of innocence.
Posted by: mrh | January 25, 2008 5:42 PM
It's a phallus symbol if it's longer than it's wide.
Nitpick all you like, but that there's a Holy Dong.
"I have often wondered the psychological makeup of those who feel the need to associate a sexual connotation with that of innocence."
Whereas seeing the face of Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich is entirely rational.
Posted by: Kseniya | January 25, 2008 5:42 PM
Ask your local priest.
I think you're right, though. There's nothing sexual about the plate. Jesus appears to be perched on a unicycle.
Posted by: Brodie | January 25, 2008 5:44 PM
Kneel Before Zod
Posted by: CalGeorge | January 25, 2008 5:52 PM
"Look, kids, I had my balls tattooed with the word ON! It stands for "onanism rocks"! Can you say that? Onanism? Sure you can."
Posted by: Brian Macker | January 25, 2008 6:07 PM
'Jesus light switch sez: "Children turn me on."'
LOL! Damn, beat me to it.
Posted by: Mena | January 25, 2008 6:16 PM
If you guys think that this is bad, my mother has something similar but it's Mary. No luck in finding a picture of it using the Google but it's also that cheap plastic.
Posted by: jeff | January 25, 2008 6:31 PM
From a christian hymn:
"...Now I raise my Ebenezer..."
From Wikipedia:
Eben-Ezer (Hebrew: אבן העזר, Even Ha'Ezer, lit. stone of help)
Posted by: danley | January 25, 2008 6:36 PM
"Erect an example for the children."
Posted by: StockC | January 25, 2008 6:46 PM
"If anyone says one word about this, you are going straight to HELL!"
Seriously, I am surprised that no evangelicals have materialied here and told you that all posters here will suffer eternal damnation.
Posted by: kmarissa | January 25, 2008 7:06 PM
I'm with TisStupid. I'm astounded at the perversion shown here. All I see is a fully grown man gently drawing two small children toward an upwardly angled, nearly cylindrical bulge protruding from his body from somewhere between his waist and his knees. Nothing humorous there.
The fact that the lower, non-protruding half of the switch vaguely resembles a hanging ballsack is also purely coincidental. And not at all funny.
Posted by: Tina Rhea | January 25, 2008 7:09 PM
I've seen one of these with Michaelangelo's David, but I assumed that was deliberate... and no little kids on that one.
Posted by: Norm | January 25, 2008 7:10 PM
God said "Let there be light" and it was wood ... er, good. Yes, it was very, very good!
Posted by: gbusch | January 25, 2008 7:16 PM
Perhaps the image can be the poster child for Intelligent Design?
Posted by: Trent Eady | January 25, 2008 7:24 PM
#83 is best. Except I would change it to: "I can't touch this - it's the Sabbath!"
Posted by: Buffy | January 25, 2008 7:59 PM
Go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen!
Posted by: Skemono | January 25, 2008 8:03 PM
Matthew 26:26:
Posted by: $ | January 25, 2008 8:04 PM
You're all going to hell.
Posted by: Anon | January 25, 2008 8:16 PM
It needs one of these:
http://www.forbiddenfruit.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=FF&Product_Code=ELD74(3)
Posted by: Anon | January 25, 2008 8:19 PM
Actually, with regard to the link in #185--look at the disclaimer at the bottom. They no longer sell outside the US, because of... Texas Law.
I thought the puritans were in New England....
Posted by: Dahan | January 25, 2008 9:05 PM
"You're all going to hell."
Hard to go to a place which doesn't exist. Of course if you know where it is perhaps you could shed some light on the subject...
Posted by: Nana | January 25, 2008 9:17 PM
Jesus said: "Come, little children, do not be afraid. It won't hurt you."
Bad Jesus said: "Flick my dick!"
Posted by: Brian | January 25, 2008 9:35 PM
It's okay children "this" is the way of your god. Now remember to pray so you can feel like you are doing something without really doing anything.
Posted by: Lori Anne | January 25, 2008 9:39 PM
I like danley's "erect an example for the children"
Rock on ... no pun intended regarding jesus getting his rocks off!
Posted by: RamblinDude | January 25, 2008 10:16 PM
I'm wondering what it's made out of.
Possibly boner china, although it does look rather woody. It also looks like the knob needs polishing. Someone should wax it good. I'd advise being careful though, it might be quite hard and you could end up jerking it right off.
And I'm outa here!
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | January 25, 2008 10:20 PM
Boy: Did Mary Magdelene ever bitch about it?
Posted by: Wiggy | January 25, 2008 10:40 PM
"Let me show you what 'turn the other cheek' really means"
Posted by: Phlyfish | January 25, 2008 10:54 PM
Jesus loves me
This I know
For his light switch
Tells me so
???
Posted by: Kristin | January 25, 2008 11:00 PM
Haha, I saw that just the other day, here: http://freethoughtpedia.com/wiki/Jesus_jokes
It's a good wiki.
Posted by: irw | January 25, 2008 11:01 PM
The photographer's dilemma here fascinates me: When taking a picture of this, which position should the switch be in?
Posted by: Dusty Knobbs | January 25, 2008 11:04 PM
I would have expected the son of god to be a bit, you know....bigger.
Posted by: PZ Myers | January 25, 2008 11:05 PM
Easy. Up with Jesus.
Posted by: TisStupid | January 25, 2008 11:09 PM
Kmarissa, unless penises grow out of kneecaps, I'd say this is more wishful thinking than the pedophilia fantasy some seem to be having here.
Posted by: Ryan | January 25, 2008 11:11 PM
"Now someone turn off the light in the room behind me."
Posted by: Barney | January 25, 2008 11:37 PM
Cows from Minneapolis had a single mined similar territory with the cover art (scroll down to the second image from the top) for "In the mouth," the b-side to their non-hit single, "Plowed."
(not that anyone cares this late in the thread)
Posted by: bill carli | January 25, 2008 11:38 PM
i can see the religious right's reason for this. realizing that a 33-year-old unmarried male who hung around all day with his 12 male friends is obviously gay, they decided to cut their losses by using this to prove that indeed, all child molestors are gay. They may lose a savior but they establish another falsehood in their fight for bigotry.
Posted by: Janine | January 25, 2008 11:47 PM
Whom ever can lift my staff shall see the light.
Posted by: Chris Booth | January 26, 2008 12:22 AM
"I am dying for your sins."
Posted by: Sandy | January 26, 2008 12:23 AM
TisStupid, anything is possible with god. ;)
Posted by: ted | January 26, 2008 1:10 AM
"now you three kiss and make up"
Posted by: Allen | January 26, 2008 1:32 AM
HEY This IS for real, all you who asked. From 1959 until 1979 this light switch was over my head in my bedroom! My parents, who are 84 years old, STILL have this switch plate in a bedroom in their house. I used to lay in bed at night and once in a while look up and wonder "why are they staring at Jesus' Pee pee!!!" HONEST. After I got married in the 1980s, my wife and I stayed at my parents house over Christmas holidays and my wife would crack up at the light switch over our heads. The funniest thing is.........my parents had absolutely NO problems or thoughts about this being sexual at all. My parents are both VERY VERY devote Catholics and very strict about sex or anything to do with it. I never saw an M rated movie (before the PG and PG-13 ratings) until I was 17 years old and went out with my best friend without my parents knowing it!
Posted by: Oz Atheist | January 26, 2008 1:50 AM
Obviously the designers and marketers of religious iconography don't have filthy minds like us lot. LOL
Posted by: Stevie-Q | January 26, 2008 2:02 AM
A few posters almost had it... it's:
"Suffer me to come unto the little children."
Posted by: Stevie-Q | January 26, 2008 2:04 AM
Dang... sorry. #122 already got it. I'm too late.
Posted by: Michael X | January 26, 2008 2:09 AM
Holy hell! I get to crack a joke about christian iconography, AND offend someone in one thread?! Quick! somebody gimmie a baby to eat and I'll have the whole evil atheist trifecta! I might even kick a puppy for an encore...
Posted by: Ali | January 26, 2008 2:09 AM
My first thought was, "Oh my fucking god".
Then I realized - that's the perfect caption, too!
Posted by: aseem | January 26, 2008 2:53 AM
"Oh 'come' all ye faithful..."
Posted by: PirateHooker | January 26, 2008 2:59 AM
obviously this is a scene from one of the lost bible verses.
"Thou shalt partake of my bread, and yea, from this day forward thou shalt refer to thine bread as 'the body of christ'"
Posted by: Tara | January 26, 2008 3:42 AM
Honor Thy Father and Mother (but this will be our little secret).
Posted by: BadAunt | January 26, 2008 4:44 AM
"Always look on the bright side of life."
Posted by: DLC | January 26, 2008 7:17 AM
Re: Catholics . . . am I alone in thinking Semenary is a double-entendre ?
oh well.
Posted by: Adrienne | January 26, 2008 7:49 AM
Re: #131: ""If this light remains on for more than four hours, consult your physician."
Shouldn't Jesus be the one calling his physician? Who is Jesus's physician anyway? St. Luke?
Posted by: Adrienne | January 26, 2008 7:51 AM
Re: #207: Or "Suffer the little children to come on to me."
Posted by: Carlie | January 26, 2008 9:23 AM
I'm sure one of you did it ('fess up!) but LOLtheist now has this photo with the caption "Light switch Jesus loves children very VERY much".
Posted by: BaldApe | January 26, 2008 9:47 AM
"Do this as oft as you flick it in rememberence of me."
Posted by: Ness | January 26, 2008 10:31 AM
"Remember kids, Jesus loves you."
Posted by: blf | January 26, 2008 11:03 AM
"The turtle moves!"
Posted by: LadyCrow | January 26, 2008 11:48 AM
#88: The song covered by the Grateful Dead was "Turn On Your Lovelight" by Bobby "Blue" Bland.
"And leave it on!" -- Pigpen
Posted by: Epikt | January 26, 2008 12:14 PM
Adrienne:
Unlikely. If Jesus was really male, after four hours he'd be calling all his buddies and bragging about it.
Posted by: antitheist | January 26, 2008 12:58 PM
"Jesus is coming?
...Don't swallow that."
Posted by: Arnosium Upinarum | January 26, 2008 2:17 PM
holy moly
Posted by: ennui | January 26, 2008 3:03 PM
And God said "Let there be light."
And God saw the light, that it was wood.
Posted by: dsmccoy | January 26, 2008 3:17 PM
Jesus loves you with the lights on.
Posted by: Glen Davidson | January 26, 2008 3:28 PM
"Taste and see that the Lord is good." (Ps. 34:8)
(I'm grossing myself out here).
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Shannon Jacobs | January 26, 2008 4:34 PM
"If you turn Jesus off, you'll go blind" or "If you turn Jesus off, you'll be in the dark." Maybe you could work "eternal darkness" into it?
Seems like a perfectly reasonable religious message to me. Easy for me to imagine the appropriate sermon. However, I'm not up on the most appropriate Biblical quotes.
Posted by: aaron | January 26, 2008 8:17 PM
"The Passion of the Christ"
Posted by: hbsweet | January 27, 2008 1:32 AM
(sings) "He's got the whole world in His pants"
Posted by: lamcyplaza | January 27, 2008 4:24 AM
"Wel-cum children!"
Posted by: AJS | January 27, 2008 7:42 AM
I think it would probably look just a tiny bit less obscene in the "on" position (and when it's in the "off" position, the room would be dark anyway).
Of course, in a hall-and-landing setup, all bets are off because there is always a way for the light to be on when one of the switches is "up".
Posted by: H.Trimegestis | January 27, 2008 8:05 AM
"Now turn the other cheek."
or
"For I am the light and the res-ERECTION. Get it? See, because, light-switch, right-- and check out my boner."
or
"Lazarus, ARISE!... I call him Lazarus."
or
"Consider the lillies of the valley.And by that I mean my penis."
or
"This is my body you eat."
or
"Yes, Jesus loves me. The bible (and his proud erection) tells me so."
or
"I am risen!"
or
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone... at my boner."
Posted by: cham | January 27, 2008 11:33 AM
"Like what you see?"
Posted by: Jim | January 27, 2008 11:36 AM
The Church always has been "shocked" by oral sex.
Posted by: noncarborundum | January 27, 2008 1:19 PM
Color me surprised. On what part of the planet is "up" not the "on" position?
Posted by: Suricou Raven | January 27, 2008 2:00 PM
"On what part of the planet is "up" not the "on" position?"
Two situations:
1. On multi-switch controls, as seen on landings. Flicking any switch changes the state of the light, so there is no certinty about up-or-down-on.
2. When someone has been doing DIY, and either thought it wouldn't matter which hole they stuck the wire in or didn't think about which way up they should install the switch.
Posted by: James Lucas | January 27, 2008 6:34 PM
He Is Risen!
Posted by: James Lucas | January 27, 2008 6:37 PM
Now children, prepare to receive the Host.
Posted by: MAJeff | January 27, 2008 6:52 PM
"On what part of the planet is "up" not the "on" position?"
My apartment.
Posted by: TruthBeTold | January 27, 2008 7:17 PM
Obviously, Catholic.
Posted by: Chambermate | January 27, 2008 8:17 PM
Turn me on dead man
Posted by: chinye | January 28, 2008 7:31 AM
we're all going to hell
Posted by: bladeScythe | January 28, 2008 8:17 AM
Children know how to turn me on?
Posted by: KASHMIR | January 28, 2008 2:52 PM
AND THEY MADE EVE FROM ADAMS RIB? DOUBT IT!!!
Posted by: PADPARADSCHA | January 28, 2008 3:01 PM
BET A MORMON DESIGNED IT!
Posted by: jTuba | January 28, 2008 3:41 PM
Stand back and await the Secong Cumming!
Posted by: Jason | January 28, 2008 7:38 PM
Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red or yellow black or white they are precious in his sight...
Posted by: karen | January 29, 2008 1:18 AM
"Jesus goes down in the dark."
Posted by: Robert S. | January 29, 2008 2:32 PM
"Turn me on, dead man."
Posted by: Ed | January 29, 2008 4:48 PM
This must turn on the lights in a priests bedroom. Ever wonder why they call it a rectory?
Posted by: bleh | January 29, 2008 5:02 PM
Christ has died! Christ is risen! Christ will cum again!
Posted by: Sankt Hemma von Gurk | January 30, 2008 5:18 PM
"but who may abide the day of his coming"? (haendel, messiah)
Posted by: Craig | January 31, 2008 4:37 PM
As the hymn says, "Stand up, stand up, for Jesus, ye soldiers".
Posted by: Dee | February 1, 2008 4:12 PM
So....Jesus was a switch hitter??
Posted by: Tom | February 3, 2008 6:26 PM
Strange, I thought the christian way was that it was up when the lights where down. Did I miss something the pope said?
Posted by: LT | February 7, 2008 2:34 AM
I'm wondering if this will turn into a Huckabee Campaign speech
120 volts would flick your unit upright too.
Jesus isn't circumsized. Who knew?
Posted by: Meg | February 8, 2008 7:03 PM
"spare the rod and spoil the child."
Posted by: meg | February 8, 2008 7:06 PM
"the way to a man's sacred heart is through his...ermmm.."
Posted by: CamiKaos | April 24, 2008 7:38 PM
"Just a little closer"
Posted by: yes | June 12, 2008 3:32 AM
Who are you to judge?
Posted by: tc | August 9, 2008 1:50 AM
how immature
Posted by: John Morales | August 9, 2008 1:57 AM
tc, how immature to think it so immature.
Posted by: Karyn | October 3, 2008 5:03 PM
"Come little children ONTO me." Or the other way around.
Posted by: Snag | May 27, 2009 2:42 AM
Jesus: Paving the way for wayward Catholic Priests since 0025 A.D.
Posted by: Snag | May 27, 2009 2:54 AM
Jesus: Paving the way for wayward Catholic Priests since 0025 A.D.
Posted by: AmpLee | July 1, 2009 2:18 PM
Children, I will forgive you for whatever sins you may commit.