…and this is a 
This is my least favorite time of the year in Minnesota. I hate early spring.
Everything is melting during the day: there's a constant drip-drip-drip, puddles everywhere, the snow is shrinking away from all those untrammeled areas surrounding us, and during the day, the walkways are all like shallow streams. And then at night it freezes again.
Which brings me to by big complaint: I get up early in the morning, and I step outside, and the sidewalks are all these beautifully smooth sheets of ice; it's like a Zamboni has gone down the streets of Morris, polishing everything. There's this path through some trees that I take to work, and it has a very gentle downward slope that makes it like a luge track, and I just know that some March day I'm going to step on it and find myself rocketing at a 100 miles an hour down to the row of lampposts at the bottom.
I was spared that this morning, though. Instead, as I was walking down my sidewalk, I hit one of those glossy smooth ice spots at my usual barely conscious amble of about 3 miles per hour, and whooosh, I was momentarily airborne, and made a perfect landing flat on my back, knocking the breath out of me and jarring every joint in my body. Nothing was seriously damaged, but even now I can feel every muscle slowly knotting in protest at the rude treatment they received — it's going to be a painful day, I can tell.
And worst of all, my morning coffee flew out of my hands before I'd even had a sip. Do you hear me? I spilled my coffee. There is no god.
Comments
Posted by: AllanW | March 14, 2008 9:17 AM
Well, obviously there IS a God and he's pissed-off at you for the things you say.
Does saying these stupid things qualify me to join a fundamentalist church? Or even become a Catholic now?
Posted by: kcanadensis | March 14, 2008 9:17 AM
It's the same up here in the Michigan U.P at NMU. And we don't use salt because it's bad for the lake so... falling is a common daily activity. And now we have the same daily melt-nightly freeze going on too. Sigh.
Posted by: DC | March 14, 2008 9:19 AM
Or there is a god. And he is sending you a message.
Posted by: Divalent | March 14, 2008 9:20 AM
"There is no god."
Yes there is. Pain is just God's way of hurting you. It's a sign of his presence.
Posted by: LisaJ | March 14, 2008 9:21 AM
I feel for you. Good luck with those sore muscles. I had almost the same exact even happen to me last early spring. Spilled my coffee all over myself - my IPod was forever scarred with a nice set of scratches across the screen.
Posted by: Alan | March 14, 2008 9:21 AM
There are lots of gods, the one that got you this morning is named Loki.
Posted by: Matt | March 14, 2008 9:22 AM
If I slip on ice, I do my best to land on my arse... less painful that way than hitting the hard pavement on your back, which is choking, paralysing pain.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | March 14, 2008 9:24 AM
Get the to a Caribou!
I love coffee, but for some reason I need cold drink in the morning. Diet Coke bottles come with a little cap that helps avoid such spillage--and you still get the caffeine, plus a little tooth rot!
Posted by: rmp | March 14, 2008 9:25 AM
Same basic story
1) I've went airborne, hit my head hard upon landing and got a concussion.
2) My brother fell on my steps after a refreeze and ended up getting back surgery as a result.
3) My wife is mostly paralyzed below the waist do to falling on ice.
I HATE ice.
Posted by: spurge | March 14, 2008 9:27 AM
You need something like these PZ
http://cozywinters.com/ice-cleats/ice-cleats.html?source=go&gclid=CL6k1NfZjJICFT00FQodkWOADw
Posted by: Bart Mitchell | March 14, 2008 9:31 AM
I'll second the product Spurge is hawking. Here in Bend, OR, we can get nasty melts like you get in Morris. The shoe cleats roll up into a nice small ball.
As an added bonus, when your local church gets brand new wood floors, you can stop by for a visit and 'forget' to take them off. :)
Posted by: genesgalore | March 14, 2008 9:34 AM
no to fret PZ. the killdeers have made back to the 45th parallel this morning. in two weeks all will be better.
Posted by: andrea | March 14, 2008 9:34 AM
Oh, you're LUCKY if you only get Landscape Zombonification in the spring. We have repeated freeze-thaws all winter long, and almost as many sleets as snows. It's even more fun when you have hypermobility and land with your shoulder subluxated. Again.
Then again, I can't imagine setting out into the cold, cruel world without having at least started on my coffee. The first sip of coffee or tea is a sacred moment!
andrea
Posted by: Linda | March 14, 2008 9:35 AM
If it makes you feel any better, here in Ottawa we're nowhere near spring.. they're predicting snow for the weekend, and we're just a few more centimetres away from a new snowfall record. So I get to walk not on glare ice, but on bumpy, uneven, snow-powdered glare ice!
Posted by: genesgalore | March 14, 2008 9:38 AM
no to fret PZ. the killdeers have made back to the 45th parallel this morning. in two weeks all will be better.
Posted by: genesgalore | March 14, 2008 9:40 AM
good maple syrup weather.
Posted by: erik | March 14, 2008 9:46 AM
That's nothing. I had to entirely give up coffee recently. Do you hear me? I had to give up coffee!
Posted by: Andy James | March 14, 2008 9:47 AM
If there be a god, that god hath no mercy.
Spilled coffee is proof #459204 of the nonexistence of the Christian god.
Posted by: Monado, FCD | March 14, 2008 9:49 AM
Something similar happened to me last year, without the coffe, one November evening. The passers-by who rushed to pick me up turned out to be two of my cousins, one of whom was visiting from Mexico. There _are_ ancestors.
I recommend always wearing a hat just to provide a little padding when you fall.
Or get YakTrax. In fact I think I'll put some on before I go shovel some of our heaps of snow away from the house before it melts and ends up in the cellar. In Toronto, Canada's banana belt, we still have snow but it's starting to thaw. I don't know if we'll get the 12 cm more we need to beat the winter of 1939.
Posted by: maxi | March 14, 2008 9:51 AM
Please explain something to a poor UK citizen...
Why don't you salt your pavements?
The UK isn't good with ice, or snow, or any type of weather in fact, so we tend to salt at the first signs of subzero temperatures. And as soon as it snows (though I'm being gracious by calling it snow, minute amounts of pussified dandruff is probably more accurate) the gritters are out and about covering my car with a delightful brown sludge.
Maybe that is because I live in Edinburgh, and like I said, we're paranoid of weather. But I spent a portion of my youth in New Hampshire, and still remember never slipping on ice because the gritters has already gotten there godammit.
Posted by: ajay | March 14, 2008 9:55 AM
#20: I think the idea is that if you're walking in the US, then you are not really a person, and deserve everything you get. Buy a car, loser!
Posted by: DeamonCohln | March 14, 2008 9:56 AM
Maxi:
A lot of the Great Lake's states (Such as my Michigan and PZ's Minnesota) don't like salt cause it can enter the soil and somehow make it's way to the lakes. Another reason is a lot of states are running out of salt from all this sporadic snow.
Or it's lazieness.
I'm going with that one.
Posted by: pough | March 14, 2008 9:57 AM
Maybe god is on the west coast, where ice is in rinks and in stories from places east.
Posted by: ElJay | March 14, 2008 9:58 AM
Finally, a good reason for me to be living in Memphis.
Have you ever thought of getting a small toboggan to go to work on. Drag it back up the hill of an evening?
Posted by: rmp | March 14, 2008 9:58 AM
#20, Trust me, we go through a lot of salt. But the thaw/refreeze is a bitch. The time I fell and gave myself a concussion was when I was out salting the ice.
Posted by: Wm Annis | March 14, 2008 10:03 AM
The same thing's going on in Madison, WI -- and we have a lot of snow to get through. Honestly, I'm never sure if I should let myself fall more often. At least then it's just impact injuries. The gyrations I go through not to fall more often than not mess up my back for a few weeks.
Posted by: Gray Lensman | March 14, 2008 10:06 AM
YakTrax work here in Denver. 'Way cheaper than a busted shoulder like the present Sec'y of Deefense.
Posted by: Andrew | March 14, 2008 10:07 AM
wear a helmet and some protective padding.
Posted by: Beowulff | March 14, 2008 10:07 AM
Maybe you should make the best of the situation and actually get yourself a luge? Great fun and it gets you to work in record time too.
Posted by: Holbach | March 14, 2008 10:08 AM
Ah, coffee and the weather; what a combination. Coffee is
a daily must with me, at least 3 cups to get me going, but
enjoying it at the same time. Weather is another factor
that influences my life, and years ago Spring was always
my favorite season as I would always take hikes in some
part of Maine and Vermont during thr first two weeks in May. I tolerated the black flies for a while, but then they
got to be more numerous during some particularly weather-
influenced Springs, and it made hiking and searching for
wildflowers an uneasy and annoying ritual. Spring is also
the birth of myriad flying and ground insects which also
renders Spring not the ideal season. I cannot tolerate
Summer with it's enervating heat and intolerable humidity,
and winter is relegated last on my list. That new freshness
and rebirth and that etheral green is most appealing despite the aforementioned annoyances of the Spring, and so
it is my second favorite of the seasons. Which leaves
Autumn, the season of seasons, and my undisputed favorite.
What a time to be alive, with beautiful color, no heat, no
humidity, ideal temperatures that require no heating or air
conditioning, the Summer vacations are over and most people
are back to work, and the schools are open once again to
render getting about a lot more easier with the daily grind
of shuttling all those kids around with the obvious effects
of constant movement. Autumn is the only season which makes
me so attuned to living, as it is the only season which
does not have any annoying appurtenances to mar it's appeal. Of course there are many people who belabor the fact that Winter follows and the trees are losing their
leaves and it is melancholy. I don't dwell on these always
inevitable facts, but just enjoy and am thankful to nature
for this most enchanting and emotional of seasons. Autumn!
Posted by: Cardinal Shrew | March 14, 2008 10:13 AM
At least it is Friday. Once you make it through today, you will have the weekend to nurse your sore body.
Posted by: ShavenYak | March 14, 2008 10:20 AM
You could always move to Alabama. Your chances of slipping on a piece of ice here are pretty much zero unless you work at an ice skating rink. And, you'd have more creationists to toy with.
Posted by: Benjamin Franz | March 14, 2008 10:21 AM
People often do. Reasons for not doing so:
(1) When you have several inches to feet of snow every few days, you don't 'salt' the pavement, you snow plow it. Sometimes even the plows can't keep up.
(2) When it is cold enough, salt doesn't work any better than sand. It can even work worse when it only warms up enough to partially melt the ice and snow and refreezes.
(3) Sometimes salt isn't used because it is causes corrosion on cars.
(4) Sometimes it isn't used because it accumulates in the nearby soil , poisoning it (every hear of 'salting the earth'?)
(5) Sometimes it just costs too much.
Posted by: Russell | March 14, 2008 10:23 AM
I love this time of year. Those many minutes of winter cold are gone. It's cool at night, and warm during the day. And everything is blooming.
Of course, I live south.
Posted by: wheatdogg | March 14, 2008 10:30 AM
You need to cultivate the falling skills of W.C. Fields. According to his mistress/biographer, Fields fell down a flight of stairs without spilling a drop of his martini.
Posted by: The Barefoot Bum | March 14, 2008 10:32 AM
Could have been worse: you might have spilled your beer.
Posted by: Rey Fox | March 14, 2008 10:37 AM
Where I went to college, the University of Idaho, they had heat tunnels installed under most of the sidewalks on campus.
Posted by: rmp | March 14, 2008 10:38 AM
On a lighter note, when some people look out on a warm day and see nothing but slop and mess, I see DEAD SNOW.
It pleases me.
Posted by: Interrobang | March 14, 2008 10:40 AM
Here in the microclimate of Southwestern Ontario (hint: In Toronto you are not in "the banana belt"; it stops on the Windsor side of Kitchener), we get a lot of the same thing.
May I say for posterity that I loathe ice?
As someone with balance problems and a physical disability, I recommend trying to fall into snowbanks. If you're going down anyway, you might as well go down into something relatively soft. Winter is the most degrading time of the year. I have, however, been resisting pandering to the disability by buying a cane.
Matt, the last time I fell on my rear end, I broke my coccyx. It hurt like hell at the time, which was over two years ago, and I still get twinges in it from time to time. So I don't recommend it as the low-pain alternative.
I also don't recommend those YakTrax things, either. I got a pair right before Christmas, wore them out on a slippery day, and arrived at my destination to find only one of them was still attached to my shoe. I never found the other one. At $30 a pair, they're a bit steep to be a one-time-use item. (According to the box, I purchased the right size, too.) Not only that, but they're hellaciously hard to put on your shoes and can't be worn indoors on most flooring surfaces, which means wrestling with them at least four times daily...
Posted by: Deepsix | March 14, 2008 10:42 AM
Move to the south. The weather is better here. And I'm sure you can find a good pentecostal church to join.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | March 14, 2008 10:42 AM
I know what you mean, PZ. We had a spell of glare ice here in Ohio about two weeks ago. I stepped out of the house onto the pavement and instantly found myself horizontal and descending rapidly. Landed hard on the only bit of padding I have, my butt.
I bounced back up, walked mincingly to the van, which exhibited better traction than my New Balance sneaks, and drove to a gas station. Before I got out I looked at the ground and saw that it had been well salted and was covered in slush, not ice. Thus emboldened I got out, walked around the pump towards the store and whoosh! a repeat performance that landed me on exactly the same spot of padding. Elapsed time: six minutes. Bruise duration: a week.
I told my daughter about it during a phone conversation and we laughed at how hilarious it must have looked to see a person suddenly levitate, rotate to horizontal then plummet helplessly. A few days later she called back with a worried voice saying, "Dad, you know that falls are more dangerous as you get older. If you ever need to, you have a place to stay with us here (in North Carolina)."
My atheism was subtly shaken at that. I have probably fallen down more than the average person do to risk taking, work environment, and a healthy boyish attitude. But twice on ice in mere minutes while trying not to? Then having it suggested that I should move to a kinder climate and be watched and coddled by my own offspring while still spry and flexible? It's all so insidious that I began to suspect that such indignity couldn't happen from natural causes. Only a meddlesome ISS* could possess the resources and the twisted sense of humor to cause such a state of affairs. But I have since doubled my resolve by doubling my time spent at atheist blogs and have eliminated an outbreak of incipient faith.
Yesterday I worked outside in shirtsleeves under sunny skies swept clean by a warming breeze, noting the swelling tree buds and the fist green shoots rising from the thawing soil. Ahh, all back to normal and I don't believe in no spooks again.
Take heart, Professor. Too soon we will all be sweltering and finding reason enough to dislike yet another season! Take what respite you can in the temperate days to come, for the evil of the season is sufficient.
*Invisible Supernatural Spook
Posted by: maxi | March 14, 2008 10:48 AM
I now have a better knowledge of the gritting practises of North America, thanks everyone!
Ah, what I wouldn't do for feet of snow... Although I do remember my parents having to dig their cars out every morning while my brother and I frolicked in our home made snow tunnels. So maybe I'm remembering New England winters through rose-tinted specs.
Posted by: James | March 14, 2008 10:49 AM
I hit one of those in Tornoto a couple of weeks back, running to get to my wife's car. Landed square on my iPod, leaving lovely bruises all across my hip and down my leg, and crushing the iPod into a nice gentle crescent shape.
Posted by: Bob | March 14, 2008 10:55 AM
I've been laughing at this for about ten minutes straight...
Man, I really need a break from grading exams...
Posted by: Lilly de Lure | March 14, 2008 10:57 AM
Maxi said:
ARGGHH! Be careful what you wish for - the UK grinds to a panicky halt at the merest dusting of snow as it is! I don't even want to think about the media response to feet of the stuff!
*shudder*
Posted by: Niobe | March 14, 2008 10:58 AM
I'm on the other side of the ocean and global warming makes sure I need to drug up on antihistamines before valentines. Obviously since mother nature is a moody bihach, these days are interspersed with storms.
It could be worse though, the dikes are still holding up. (Fingers crossed)
Posted by: Winter Toad | March 14, 2008 11:05 AM
Well, Grrlscientist had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago, and has a broken bone and ongoing great pain to show for it. Three years ago I slipped on some ice and wound up in surgery to repair the damage, a simultaneous dislocation of the shoulder and fracture of the arm bone at the head. My shoulder X-rays reveal enough threaded metal rods to hang four pictures and secure one bookshelf.
This is a nasty time of the year. One more annoyance, this is when an entire season's worth of dog droppings all become soft, wet, and fragrant at the same time.
Posted by: SteveM | March 14, 2008 11:07 AM
We here in New England have had quite a bit of snow and ice this season, and after 40 years of living in icy climates I have finally discovered the secret to not slipping on ice (without cleats and other paraphenalia). Walk on tip toe, or at least never put weight on your heel. I finally noticed after all these years that every time I lose my balance on ice it is from the heel. Walking on the front of the foot is nearly slip free, or if you do slip or slide you will not fall. This only applies to relatively flat surfaces of course, and it is hard to walk like that all the time, but it does work. For times that the ice is overwhelming, though, I use a pair of strap-on cleats from LLBean, I don't remember the brand name, but should be easy to find.
Posted by: Cat Faber | March 14, 2008 11:11 AM
Sorry about your coffee. I don't drink it myself, but I understand about the bummer nature of this occurrence.
Posted by: Janne | March 14, 2008 11:13 AM
You have an actual icy slope to work? You need one of these: http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bild:Kicksledin2007.jpg
Posted by: benjig | March 14, 2008 11:15 AM
I'm so sorry for you but...
Spring is the most pleasant season of all year! I always feel a revival at this time. Finally getting rid of winter...
Thus, in the end, I'm not as sorry as I meant to be :P
Posted by: AR | March 14, 2008 11:16 AM
Use cross country ski poles, and hammer the steel tips into the ice with each step.
Posted by: DiscGrace | March 14, 2008 11:17 AM
I deeply hate daylight savings time. For a brief while there, the sun was up and my car was SLIGHTLY warmed by it before I had to go out and drive for school. Now I have to tiptoe out there in the dark and hope I don't wipe out on the still-frozen mound of crusty snow that still lines the edges of our parking lot. I just have to remember how miserable I am now when it's 105 degrees here this summer and I'm miserable again. (Wait, why do I live in Wisconsin again if it's miserable here all the time?)
Posted by: dogmeatib | March 14, 2008 11:20 AM
And people ask why we moved to southern Arizona. It snows once a year. If I want to see snow I can drive up to the mountains, half an hour, 45 minutes, tops. If I don't, I don't have to.
It's 61 and sunny right now. It's supposed to get up to 76 today, but tonight, bundle up, it'll hit a low of 40. Tomorrow? 74, the next day? UGH, 52, 55, and 68, cold front moving through. But it'll be back up in the 70s by Wednesday.
Posted by: raven | March 14, 2008 11:21 AM
OT He is back. Bolded emphasis added.
Posted by: Deepsix | March 14, 2008 11:21 AM
You should wear crampons to work. Ok, stop laughing you 12 year olds. I said CRAMpons.
Posted by: Scott Hatfield, OM | March 14, 2008 11:24 AM
Now wait a dadgum minnit.
As I recall, one of the chief failings of theists is that they are quick to give God all the credit for the good things, and blame people's screwups for all the bad things.
Now, here you are, spilling your coffee. I am sure that if you had managed not to spill it you wouldn't be crediting the Almighty, but would be patting yourself on the back for your dexterity. Seems inconsistent.
Besides, how do we know that the coffee you were planning on ingesting didn't have trace amounts of some powerful mutagen that would've been a particular good match for the cells lining your stomach? Mayhap Cthultu preserved you for his dark pleasure at some later date....
Posted by: RichardC | March 14, 2008 11:28 AM
I slipped on ice a few months ago here in Ann Arbor and broke my humerus when I put my arm out behind me to break the fall. Still haven't got back the full range of motion of my arm despite much physical therapy, and I'm to see a surgeon in a few weeks. I'd rather have this, though, than a fractured pelvis or spinal injury.
Using a cane or walking stick may help; at any rate I carry one now when walking in icy areas.
Posted by: moon_grrl | March 14, 2008 11:29 AM
Someone contact the Vatican. They need to add "Spilled coffee" to their list of deadly sins.
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | March 14, 2008 11:34 AM
Ice is nothing. Ever slipped on grit? Grit that accumulates in thick layers in spring (or any of the stupid thawing phases in winter!) after several cycles of snowing and gritting, or when people (as usual) have been stupid enough to use both salt substitute* and grit?
That sucks, even if you fall forwards rather than backwards.
Recommendation: Enjoy ice. Don't try to walk on it, skate on it -- in order to get forwards, move your legs forwards rather than backwards. If you act too adult, you slip.
* Yellowish powder that contains so much nitrogen nothing grows close to inclined sidewalks and only a few specialized plant species in the next belt.
Posted by: Seamyst | March 14, 2008 11:39 AM
My city - which is a UNIVERSITY TOWN - doesn't have any snow trucks. While we don't get feet of snow, we did get between 10-12" this winter (yeah, I know, shut up). With no snow plows or salt trucks, the streets were full of slush and compacted snow, with a nice layer of ice on top after the first day.
Idiots.
Posted by: Janine, ID | March 14, 2008 12:06 PM
Let's see. "In God We Trust" was added in the 1950's. That is one song, not songs, and it was written by an atheist for a musical. The original pledge did not have "Under God". That was also added in the 1950's.
So Micheal Korn is still running about.
Also sound like he is making threats though not quite at the same level of physical threats as before. Good to know the authorities are getting those using the internet to make threats.
Posted by: Elf Eye | March 14, 2008 12:07 PM
We once had an ice storm that shut down both the city schools and the university for a week. We live on a hill, and our street turned into a luge, on either side heaped snow frozen rock hard. We left the sleds outside on the porch one night, and the next morning I took one and went rocketing down the hill. Couldn't stop. Steered into the side of the luge--rock hard, remember, plus the sled was plastic and no doubt brittle from the cold. Sled shattered into pieces, and I went flying literally head over heals. Still don't know how I avoided breaking any bones. Cool bruises, though. Daughter was impressed.
Posted by: Kerry Maxwell | March 14, 2008 12:09 PM
What is this, New From Lake friggin' Wobegon!? Anyhow, I'm disappointed that you walk to work. I just imagined you ascend to the pinnacle of the squid-shaped tower of your lair, and fly using one of those squirrel suits. Only your's has, like tentacles and stuff. Can't the Evil Atheist Consortium For World Domination just send a limo?
Posted by: maxi | March 14, 2008 12:12 PM
Lilly: LOL! I know, we are petrified of weather in our tranquil little isle. Leaves on the line, anyone?
David: 'Tis true, don't try to be an adult on the ice. Just slip slip along, as though you were on ice skates. You are less likely to fall if you keep your feet on the ice all the time. And as you have a hill it must be even better, as you can take a run up and sliiiiiide all the way to the bottom! Neat!
Posted by: DSK Samways | March 14, 2008 12:22 PM
"There is no God"
What are you talking about, man? That's the one time invisible deities come in handy.
"Look what God just did to me!"
Posted by: PZ Myers | March 14, 2008 12:23 PM
Hey, I have a house practically right next door to my office. If I drove to work, I'd have to park in a campus parking lot, and would have to walk farther.
Why should I fly to work when I basically keep a whole university campus in my back yard?
Posted by: Sonja | March 14, 2008 12:23 PM
On my walk yesterday, the blacktop path had a thin coat of water from melting snow, which was water in the sun, but ice in the shade. On blacktop, the ice and water are indistinguishable. At one point, my left foot stepped into the shade where it hit ice and just kept sliding, while the right foot remained in the sun and firmly planted. I've never been able to do the splits, and didn't think it would be a requirement for walking. Ouch!
Posted by: Vitis01 | March 14, 2008 12:30 PM
Yesterday it was sunny and high 60s here. Last night it rained just enough to wash the dust off my car. The bible-belters really need to get a clue and realize that if there is a god he lives in the Bay Area of California and he fucking hates them.
Posted by: mothra | March 14, 2008 12:31 PM
The pull-overs with carbide studs work great in most cases (I have been using them since dislocating a knee from an ice slip in 1997). However, If you live in a place that really gets cold, such as North Dakota, once the outside temperature is lower than -20 F the cleats no longer provide a good grip; at warmer temperatures, a thin layer of snow over ice defeats the carbide studs completely.
Posted by: Scooty Puff, Jr. | March 14, 2008 12:43 PM
It's been a few years, but when I was an undergrad here in Iowa, I was walking into a building on my way to class one day, scalding hot coffee in hand. That particular entrance was as cold inside as out for reasons that are still unclear to me. Anyway, the built-in-floor-mat-drippy-thing was full to the brim from people tracking in similarly watery icy nastiness on their shoes. Because of the temperature in the entryway, much of it was still ice. I, of course fell backward, literally head over feet, and landed on my upper back. Oh, and the coffee? It performed similar acrobatics, separating from its lid like a booster rocket mid-somersault to dump hot coffee all over one arm. Fortunately, my coat took the brunt of it, but my right hand was not entirely spared.
So yeah, I feel your pain, PZ.
Posted by: Michael Woelfel | March 14, 2008 12:43 PM
Certainly a lot of science has been developed since Darwin proposed his conjecture. Dark rabbits are easy prey in snow leaving only white rabbit DNA in polar areas; this type of natural selection within a species is rather irrefutable. Scientific American magazine stated that if the rough draft of the human genome were stored on compact discs stacked on edge in their cases, shelf space would need to be nearly one half mile long! Yet mutations- never having added ANY scientifically detectable NEW DNA, leave macro evolution wholly inadequate to explain such extreme complexity even given a great time span. Think about it, what is a partially formed heart good for? Really do you believe both human eyes evolved with 3d focusing... at the same time- TWO SIMULTANEOUS randomly formed eyes? The evolution theory is even more weird as each male AND female 'randomly' developed the same two type eyes, That's four SIMULTANEOUS randomly formed eyes, dual random simulataneousness/duplicated!
Perhaps the following analogy can lend clarity:
Eons ago deep in the ocean iron ore began to develope and form into sheets, the sheets came together over time and formed holes- a process known to theorists as 'mutealotofstuff'; soon a fully formed ship floated into harbor...PLEASE- Where there's a watch there is a watch maker, where there is a world there is a world maker!
Posted by: maxi | March 14, 2008 12:55 PM
On this thread too? It's called SPAM Michael.
Posted by: Michael Woelfel | March 14, 2008 12:57 PM
Ice-smice, let's talk science. Certainly a lot of science has been developed since Darwin proposed his conjecture. Dark rabbits are easy prey in snow leaving only white rabbit DNA in polar areas; this type of natural selection within a species is rather irrefutable. Scientific American magazine stated that if the rough draft of the human genome were stored on compact discs stacked on edge in their cases, shelf space would need to be nearly one half mile long! Yet mutations- never having added ANY scientifically detectable NEW DNA, leave macro evolution wholly inadequate to explain such extreme complexity even given a great time span. Think about it, what is a partially formed heart good for? Really do you believe both human eyes evolved with 3d focusing... at the same time- TWO SIMULTANEOUS randomly formed eyes? The evolution theory is even more weird as each male AND female 'randomly' developed the same two type eyes, That's four SIMULTANEOUS randomly formed eyes, dual random simulataneousness/duplicated!
Perhaps the following analogy can lend clarity:
Eons ago deep in the ocean iron ore began to develope and form into sheets, the sheets came together over time and formed holes- a process known to theorists as 'mutealotofstuff'; soon a fully formed ship floated into harbor...PLEASE- Where there's a watch there is a watch maker, where there is a world there is a world maker!
Posted by: maxi | March 14, 2008 1:00 PM
Broken record much? Your post is being thoroughly addressed on the other thread.
Now, back to ice.
Posted by: Rey Fox | March 14, 2008 1:01 PM
Wow. He added a whole new sentence of his own in comment #74. What a remarkable improvisation.
Posted by: Sonja | March 14, 2008 1:01 PM
Michael,
Following your logic, where there is a world maker, there is a world maker maker. Where there is a world maker maker, there is a world maker maker maker. Where there is a world maker maker maker, there is a world maker maker maker maker...
Posted by: Infophile | March 14, 2008 1:08 PM
Loot at it this way: By the standards of some religions, pulling off that trek makes you divine. You are walking on water, aren't you?
Posted by: Abby Normal | March 14, 2008 1:11 PM
And where there's lighning there's a lightning maker. All hail Zeus, King of the Gods!
Posted by: Brownian, OM | March 14, 2008 1:11 PM
Where there is leukemia, there is a leukemia maker. Where there is Down's Syndrome, there is a Down's Syndrome maker. Where there is a necrotizing fasciitis, there is a necrotizing fasciitis maker....
Posted by: VWXYNot? | March 14, 2008 1:17 PM
My Siberian friend swears by gluing coarse sandpaper to the soles of her shoes for the duration of the winter.
I turn into a shuffling little old lady on ice, especially going downhill, and I'm only 31. I am definitely going to have to move to Arizona when I get old.
Posted by: MikeM | March 14, 2008 1:17 PM
It's been over 60 for weeks in Sacramento now. I've been riding my bike every day. In shorts. And dry pavement. Snow is an issue about once every 15 years here. And UC Davis is an excellent school.
On the other hand, I bet you don't get many July days over 108 in Morris.
Posted by: Abbie | March 14, 2008 1:32 PM
I hope somebody has already posted this:
http://www.break.com/index/reporter-owned-by-sled2.html
Professional.
Posted by: Robert Thille | March 14, 2008 1:36 PM
Well, first off, that's what you get for living in such an icy hell hole. Secondly, why don't you get some 'yaktrax' ( yaktrax.com ) for your shoes?
Posted by: Janine, ID | March 14, 2008 1:36 PM
Michael, being the kind and humane person that I am, I feel the need to warn you. Your posting of repetitive spam on multiple threads puts you in danger of being placed in the dungeon. Don't believe me? Go to the top on the page and hit the dungeon link. I say this because I want you free to leave your messages. I like comedy.
Posted by: slim | March 14, 2008 1:44 PM
Move to Portland! It may rain every day, but it rarely freezes.
Look at the bright side: you have an excuse not to do any manual labor this weekend.
Posted by: rp | March 14, 2008 1:57 PM
It's usually too cold here and the thaws gradual enough to have a lot of trouble with ice. Some years though, we get freezing rain, and then a ton of snow, and then the temperature drops to -20C, resulting in three or four inches of ice on the roads. That's too cold to salt, and even if it wasn't, I doubt the city could afford enough.
So what happens is that they try to grade it; the blade digs into the ice, and then jumps about 3 inches as the grader keeps moving, giving the effect of a corduroy road only in ice. Driving on it is a real test of the fillings in your teeth, and it's really hard to keep the car going in the direction you want. Luckily, this only happens about once a decade.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | March 14, 2008 2:02 PM
Yeah, but that's not the case now, rp. The streets are mostly dry, the river ice is starting to blue and break, and I can even see some grass on Connors Hill. It's about as beautiful as early spring can get in Edmonton.
Posted by: SEF | March 14, 2008 2:03 PM
A padded suit might help a bit but, to protect the valuable contents of your noggin and your mug, you probably need a custom-made one of these (ie adapted to hold a coffee thermos thingy rather than beer etc cans).Alternatively, you need a horde of minions to crawl from your home to your work etc carrying you on their backs in a gyroscopically stabilised throne capsule.
Posted by: Brownian, OM | March 14, 2008 2:19 PM
I came up with an idea for this after watching The Toy. (Well, not entirely; I was only eight, but after watching Richard Pryor do somersaults in his WonderWheel, I thought a fully enclosed bubble would be better for riding down waterfalls, boating in the ocean, etc.) Basically, a transparent bottom-weighted spherical capsule containing a chair/throne in placed inside a slightly larger transparent spherical capsule so the one rolls within the other but maintains its orientation. It's essentially applying Weeble technology on a grand scale.
The tough part was figuring out how to maintain a fresh air supply, control the contraption, minimise friction between the two spheres, etc.
Then I learned the Kiwis beat me to it, more or less.
Posted by: Michelle | March 14, 2008 2:21 PM
Oh come on, you know God is a jackass. You falling is the exact proof he's there being the sadistic asshole he always was.
Posted by: Dark Matter | March 14, 2008 2:29 PM
Are there no skiers here? No snowboarders?
Won't someone think of the skiers? :-)
(Well at least there's early spring biking :-) )
Posted by: Tim Fuller | March 14, 2008 2:40 PM
Graduate Fort Dodge Senior High, IA. Know the pain. Relief is only a few states away.
It's a high of 81 today, and temps in the mid 70's all thru next week.
Jackson, MS. Nothing can ruin a good thing quicker than a little good press.
Enjoy.
Posted by: Scott Hatfield, OM | March 14, 2008 2:54 PM
Where there is leukemia, there is a leukemia maker. Where there is Down's Syndrome, there is a Down's Syndrome maker. Where there is a necrotizing fasciitis, there is a necrotizing fasciitis maker....
And where there's a D'yer Mak'er, there's a Jimmy Page.
Posted by: Bee | March 14, 2008 3:42 PM
Obviously, you need a plastic jesus, PZ, 'cause then, y'know, "You won't care if it rains or feezes". ;-D
Seriously, it was so icy here a few mornings ago that the dog fell down when I let her out.
Posted by: Kseniya | March 14, 2008 3:54 PM
Without the wisdom of ice, men would be marrying their dogs.
Posted by: iceboy | March 14, 2008 4:00 PM
here's another vote from upstate new york for yaktrax.
weird story about your's peeling off, interrobang. maybe you didn't have the rubber stretched up and over your uppers enough?
hasn't happened to me, anyhow. and i *really* love how secure they are on ice.
get some now-ish.
Posted by: iceboy | March 14, 2008 4:01 PM
also, i apologize for the errant apostrophe in "your's" up above. that wasn't supposed to be there. ice on the keyboard.
Posted by: Kseniya | March 14, 2008 4:08 PM
Ah-hah! I knew there had to be a reasonable explanation for the virgin birth!
Posted by: Scholar | March 14, 2008 4:21 PM
increase the coefficient of friction
shoes for crews baby
http://www.shoesforcrews.com/
slip-resistant footwear
Posted by: Chris | March 14, 2008 4:25 PM
I think I see the problem, here. PZ, the problem is not the ice. It's your footwear. No you shouldn't wear skates, you need a curling slider, and a broom.
I'm serious; ever see curlers in action? They're zipping down the ice surface, pushing with one foot, sliding on the other, while sweeping like maniacs in front of a sliding hunk of polished granite! It's a magnificent sight. Of, course, it helps to have someone yelling "Hurry! HARD!" at you as you slide! (It really sounds hot when women curlers shout. But, I digress...)
So there you are: go to your local curling club, buy curling footwear, and sweep your way down the path to work! It'll help cement your reputation on campus! Must go now - The Brier's on tonight!
Posted by: Rick Schauer | March 14, 2008 4:51 PM
PZ, I agree it's tough getting around right now...but evolution offers us some hope...perhaps in millions of years we'll evolve skates or skis or perhaps "suction cups and tenticles" where our feet and arms currently are to assist us in the ardous task of walking during a Minnesota spring.
Posted by: Knight of L-sama | March 14, 2008 5:21 PM
You know, I've always wanted to see snow but reading all these stories has suddenly made me glad that I live in the sub-tropics where a single snowfall measured in millimetres would be making the news for a week straight.
Posted by: ERV | March 14, 2008 5:26 PM
I used to do a lot of martial arts, and what I hated the *most* was falling exercises. By the end of the night everything hurt. Every joint was bruised and scraped.
Then I wiped out hard one icy day, and I automatically went into 'fall mode'. Didnt feel a thing. No broken anything, no scrapes or bruises.
I stopped bitching about falling exercises after that.
Posted by: K | March 14, 2008 5:35 PM
PZ-move to Florida. PLEASE!
rmp-how many more lessons do you need before you move to Florida?
Gee, you'd think I have a theme, huh...maybe a secret plan to raise the intelligence down here? Look, if you can spell your name without help, please move South, it's that bad.
Chris-thank you for the ah-ha moment. For years we've pondered the attraction of curling and couldn't figure it out.
Posted by: rmp | March 14, 2008 6:21 PM
K, It's the bugs, the heat, the humidity.
I sweat like a fat man. Can't imagine why?
Posted by: BadMA | March 14, 2008 6:25 PM
I'm one of those evil martial arts instructors that actually teaches this stuff. They're one of my favorite things to do. I've also fallen a few times, but the techniques do work if you can do them automatically. If you're doing it right and relax, you won't feel bad after class. Relaxation is one of the hardest things to teach students!
Posted by: David | March 14, 2008 7:21 PM
Anyone who leaves the house with a cup of coffee without having had three in the house deserves the falling fate.
Posted by: Sven DiMIlo | March 14, 2008 7:37 PM
I still say we owe Mr. Woelfel a debt of gratitude for coining this most excellent, in part because borderline illiterate, phrase. I truly believe it embodies a concept as useful and insightful as the "irreducible complexity" and "complex specified information" that preceded it.
Posted by: Matt LaCrosse | March 14, 2008 8:44 PM
You could always buy a pair of ice climbing boots, the kind with the metal spikes on them. You just have to remember to change them before walking inside someplace. I think they do make those removable spikes that you can just attach and detach.
Posted by: BG | March 14, 2008 9:11 PM
I am with the folks that say get YakTrax. They work well for me in Michigan. Get the YakTrax Pro, they have a velcro strap that goes across the top of your shoe so you don't lose them. I have lost similar traction aids while walking so I made sure I got the pro version of the YakTrax.
Posted by: Richard Simons | March 14, 2008 9:27 PM
If there has been a fall of snow in the night with no wind but the sun comes up to a clear blue sky even the most mundane place can seem magical, with every twig of every tree gleaming white and all the traffic noises muffled. The downside is when it starts melting and the roads get covered with a dirty, slippery slushy mix that quickly transforms every car and bus into a grey cardboard replica.Posted by: Ryan Egesdahl | March 14, 2008 9:48 PM
Indeed, and God that would do such a thing is too cruel to be believable.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 14, 2008 10:03 PM
As an undergrad at Michigan State lo these many years ago, we'd have an annual contest to tally the fewest ice-falls. Official rules: no fall counted unless your butt, knee, or elbow touched. Heroic gyrating self-saves were the best part.
Posted by: Crudely Wrott | March 14, 2008 10:04 PM
Michael Woelfel, you asked, "Think about it, what is a partially formed heart good for?"
You once had one, though you can surely not be faulted for not remembering. But I'll bet you do remember those touching videos shown in churches and on anti vivisection sites and programs and slide shows. You remember, the ones that show the fetal heart starting to beat. Inasmuch as the human body it beats in is "partially formed" as well as all of its systems and organs, this would be in fact a "partially formed heart." I had one too, before it fully formed and it is currently ticking over like a clock. Yours?
Your question brings to mind a famous rejoinder to just such a question. Look up the citation somewhere if you take a notion to: "Of what use is a newborn baby?"
By the way, how 'bout this lovely spring weather?
Posted by: Kevin | March 14, 2008 11:50 PM
OH! so there is a FLY in your idilic existance!
Well that should make all of us feel better....ja.
myself I had a good commute today. slept in till 6:59. Took some pills and lay on the couch till 7:06. toast bagel, shower shave out the door at 7:31.pickup newspaper from sidewalk and drive wife to the ferry at 7:37. (she drives home) buy coffee get on the boat. read paper, drink coffee eat bagel, 8:10 get off boat, hop to subway get on train, switch train at 8:35. get out of train and take ESCALATOR upstairs to office at 8:53.
50 degrees F no snow no rain...
Posted by: Ichthyic | March 15, 2008 12:15 AM
I for one, am tired of the woes of woelfel.
I vote shenanigans.
Isn't it time to get the brooms out and sweep this refuse out of here?
He's a perfect fit for the dungeon.
Posted by: Monado, FCD | March 15, 2008 12:36 AM
It's scary when I get out of the car and fall down: it means I didn't know how slippery it was and should have been driving more carefully.
In Montreal, now, they're having houses collapse because the rooves can't bear the weight of the snow. They closed the schools today until they can shovel off a bit.
Posted by: Chris Dael | March 15, 2008 12:39 AM
Our PZ speaks truth to the masses
Bout why man is kin to the wrasses
But since his smart seed
Will likely succeed
Looks like future's full of bruised -- egos.
Posted by: Monado, FCD | March 15, 2008 12:40 AM
Rooves? Roofs?
I got up while it was still dark and went to a pool for an hour's swimming. That's pleasantly surreal. The trick to enjoying it is to find some soap that removes the stink of chlorinated pool water.
Posted by: Desert Donkey | March 15, 2008 2:04 AM
#37 Rey Fox, Those heat tunnels have the primary purpose of carrying heat from the woodchip fired generator up the hill to heat buildings. The collateral benefit is that they create melted trails in the snow and ice.
Working inside those tunnels is nasty stuff. Very warm.
Posted by: Glen | March 15, 2008 4:19 AM
Though I despise the game, I recommend golf shoes. Those spikey things on the bottom can get you across the smoothest ice.
Posted by: DiscoveredJoys | March 15, 2008 5:51 AM
I suggest you move 7 degrees North (and 95 degrees East) where here, in the middle of England, we have had no snow this winter, every day exceeded 0 Centigrade (32 F), and only a once-in-every-25-years earthquake of 5.2 to bother us. Living on a island 'bathed in the Gulf Stream' may have something to do with our climate (to date).
Hell of a commute though.
Posted by: Brent Rasmussen | March 15, 2008 9:54 AM
Obviously the only sane thing to do is to move to Arizona and live in John Lynch's spare bedroom.
Posted by: Sven DiMilo | March 15, 2008 2:42 PM
Dr. Bronner's Peppermint. Also does a hell of a job on old VW grease.Posted by: Beth | March 15, 2008 2:46 PM
Been there, done that in northern Illinois (minus the coffee ;)). In addition to the freeze/thaws that happened all winter, we got 6 inches of snow, which then melted one day when it got almost to 50 then re-froze that night when it was 16. The campus was a skating rink for weeks.
Posted by: Marcus Ranum | March 15, 2008 3:59 PM
Great. Now we can blame global warming on PZ: it's God's attempt to protect him ice.
Posted by: PhoneFeminist | March 16, 2008 1:43 AM
This is why you need to be more like your student and get up at 10, when it's all nicely melted :-)