Pelicans always seemed more probable to me, anyway
Category: Humor
Posted on: April 17, 2008 7:49 PM, by PZ Myers
(via that wild and crazy guy)
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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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Comments
Heh, I like this video. :)
Posted by: Alex | April 17, 2008 7:54 PM
Stork theory, while highly unlikely, is still better than Penguin Lust.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | April 17, 2008 7:54 PM
Now, this is one movie I'd pay to see.
And Richard Dawkins finally admits he's a sex maniac! I wonder if that will be his character in Doctor Who...
Posted by: Kimpatsu | April 17, 2008 7:58 PM
Awesome. They needed more of a nasal drone to dub over Ben Stein, though.
Posted by: J | April 17, 2008 7:59 PM
Ben Stein is ruining my credibility as an atheist, and I wish he would stop.
Still, a great addition to the nice collection of expelled parodies available on youtube.
Posted by: JStein | April 17, 2008 8:01 PM
Of all the words I never expected to be linked forevermore in my consciousness, "Richard Dawkins" and "sex maniac" were definitely high on the list.
Posted by: Blake Stacey | April 17, 2008 8:04 PM
oh bother ...
What a time for my soundcard to conk out. Looks promising.
Heh - but the pelican (too) is christian symbol. It's included in the Danish crown regalia for much that reason.
Posted by: Sili | April 17, 2008 8:18 PM
It's important to point out that storkism has a long and honorable history. Loving parents have taught storkism to their little children for hundreds of generations. Are we to believe they are all liars!
Posted by: Zeno | April 17, 2008 8:20 PM
teach the controversy!
Posted by: skyotter | April 17, 2008 8:27 PM
*grin*
Posted by: Inoculated Mind | April 17, 2008 8:28 PM
Hey! Human reproduction through intercourse and gestation is only a "Theory".
The process is irreducibly complex. If you take out any one part then the whole process fails. Babies could only be delivered via a flying creature. Now I'm not going to specifically say that it is a Stork. But only that it must be some sort of feathered, flying animal with a long beak and sufficient strength to carry a human baby in flight. Some people might claim that that creature is a Stork, but that is their belief. I want to be perfectly clear that the Theory of Feathered Delivery is not Storkism!
Posted by: Bill | April 17, 2008 8:42 PM
Of course we know that microsex (leads to orgasm) is true, but no one has ever seen proof of macrosex (leads to babies).
Posted by: The Science Pundit | April 17, 2008 8:51 PM
See also the convincing correlation at:
"A new parameter for sex education"
"There is concern in West Germany over the falling birth rate. The accompanying graph1,2 might suggest a solution that every child knows makes sense."
Sies, H. Nature (1988) 332:495.
http://timebubble.org/writings/biology/correlation.gif
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v332/n6164/pdf/332495a0.pdf
Posted by: imsd007 | April 17, 2008 8:55 PM
Absolutely brilliant!
Posted by: Stuart Ritchie | April 17, 2008 9:03 PM
OK, for all of you who don't believe in the stork theory, here it is:
http://pbil.univ-lyon1.fr/members/lobry/corcau/
Date: Fri, 26 Nov 1999 12:15:14 +0000
Reply-To: "R. Allan Reese"
Sender: "National Birding Hotline Cooperative (Chat Line)"
From: "R. Allan Reese"
Subject: Storks and data - reference found
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
**** The storks and babies correlation is based on annual counts made 1930-36 in Oldenburg, Germany.****
The data are discussed in
Glass, GV (1984) Statistical Methods in Education and Psychology
Prentice-Hall pp104-105
who quotes the data from
Box, GEP; Hunter WG & Hunter JS (1978) Statistics for Experimenters
John Wiley pp8-9
who in turn credit the data to
Ornithologische Monatsberichte, 44 No 2, Jahrgang, 1936, Berlin
" , 48 No 1, Jahrgang, 1940, Berlin
Statistiches Jahrbuch Deutscher Gemeinden, 27-33, Jahrgang, 1932-1938,
Gustav Fischer, Jena.
The spurious correlation is ascribed to the increase in storks and
humans over the years.
R. Allan Reese Email: [log in to unmask]
Associate Manager Direct voice: +44 1482 466845
Graduate Research Institute Voice messages: +44 1482 466844
Hull University, Hull HU6 7RX, UK. Fax: +44 1482 466846
Even this spurious correlation beats the crap out of support for creationism, no?
Posted by: dubiquiabs | April 17, 2008 9:07 PM
Stork theory, while highly unlikely, is still better than Penguin Lust.
well, Penguin Lust was shot in black and white...
Posted by: Ichthyic | April 17, 2008 9:09 PM
...and hilarity ensues.
Interesting voice work to say the least.
Posted by: angrynight | April 17, 2008 9:15 PM
What a poor parady... I mean... is it even an expelled parady without holocaust pictures? I'm sure Hitler only killed the jews because they were all into storks and no sex.
But I guess you can't complain when you get Dawkins in shades.
Posted by: luisalexandre | April 17, 2008 9:43 PM
Look, all we're saying is that there are gaps in our current understanding of sex theory, and we just want to be able to promote
StorkismIntelligent Delivery without being exposed for the ninnies we are.Is that so wrong?
Posted by: Daniel | April 17, 2008 9:44 PM
As far as I know, the person who came up with the idea of the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction the same way that creation science is Judith Hayes, of The Happy Heretic fame:
From ThinkExist.com:
We've got to give credit when credit is due, specially now that she's back with her website.
Posted by: Ribozyme | April 17, 2008 9:45 PM
#18- yeah, it was missing the Lord Privy Seals. But the stolen animation was a nice touch.
Dawkins should do more comedy.
Posted by: Abbie | April 17, 2008 9:48 PM
I meant to say "the same way that creation science is an alternative to evolution theory" (sigh!)
Posted by: Ribozyme | April 17, 2008 9:49 PM
Wow. If I made that video, I'd be deeply embarassed.
It's such a grossly simplified version of the Stork delivering the baby -- almsot nobody believes that anymore. People today believe that the stork is very small and might even be invisible and travels through several differing planes of reality -- a theory that is backed up by quantum and parallel-universe theory, mind you -- to ultimately deliver the baby.
Also a lot of recent scholarship has focussed around delivering the baby "down the chimney" to actually be a rather complex metaphor for passage through the birth canal -- and I think we can all agree that babies are actually delivered through the birth canal.
Stork Theory: One.
Close-minded simpletons of 'science': Zero.
Posted by: inkadu | April 17, 2008 9:52 PM
That Stork video was stolen from Dumbo! Those dumbass Intelligent Delivery folks are clearly following the Intelligent Design example.
p.s. Hitler.
Posted by: Schmeer | April 17, 2008 10:13 PM
Waitaminit...I thought storks brought Vlasic pickles which made women pregnant. I mean, has anyone seen the Harvard video: Ciconia Boyciana, Harbinger of Life?
Posted by: Jim Chatham | April 17, 2008 10:24 PM
I see those stfeathered delivery theoristists are at it again.
Posted by: Eric | April 17, 2008 10:50 PM
Were those storks flying over Florida in the animation? It sure looked that way. Perfect timing as we Floridians endure the "anti-evolution" a.k.a. "Academic Freedom" legislation that is being pressed right now.
I'm still optimistic there are enough Republicans without their heads up their A$$es that vote against this crap. If not, I can hardly wait to hear all the jokes on the late night shows if this nonsense is passed.
Posted by: Paulr | April 17, 2008 11:20 PM
In regards to my previous post, only Florida Republicans have voted to move this quagmire forward through the legislature. For those who don't know, Florida is a RED state. As far as I know, no democrats have voted for the anti-evolution bills. I don't wish to sound partisan - just the pointing out the facts
Posted by: Paulr | April 17, 2008 11:35 PM
I know I should believe in Stork Theory, because if I don't I'm a godless, librul, immoral and oppressive heretic. Everyone knows that only people who believe in Stork Theory are good, decent folks. But no matter how hard I try to believe, this nagging question keeps stopping me.
How do they tie the knots in the swaddling clothes? Do the invisible storks have invisible thumbs?
Posted by: Dana Hunter | April 17, 2008 11:47 PM
I'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything when I watched that.
The Expelled commercials are offensive enough (they seem to be running heavily on Science Channel and National Geographic, Discovery family of channels, the things that I watch. Damnit..
Posted by: Paula Helm Murray | April 18, 2008 12:19 AM
I believe in the Easter Bunny.
It saves me from plane crashes and stuff.
And I need the eggs...
Posted by: June | April 18, 2008 12:20 AM
Well, I for one wasn't born from no ape.
Posted by: Brandon P. | April 18, 2008 12:30 AM
^ In case you're reading this comments panel, Mom, that was sarcasm. I meant no offense.
Posted by: Brandon P. | April 18, 2008 12:32 AM
Richard Dawkins is a sex maniac? Be still my beating heart....
Posted by: AlisonS | April 18, 2008 12:34 AM
Is that Nina Paley's animation? How have I missed that bit?
Never mind. The thought of Dawkins calling himself a sex maniac has me all hot 'n' bothered. Ohmylackofgoodness.
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | April 18, 2008 12:38 AM
From the Discovery Institute's Center for Reproduction and Culture page:
Editor's Note: Critics of Intelligent Delivery often claim that delivery advocates don't publish their work in the appropriate scientific literature. We provide below an annotated bibliography of publications in peer-reviewed scientific journals that support, develop or apply the theory of Intelligent Delivery, including Helmut Sies' seminal work in Nature.
Goh, S.H., Tiah, L., and Lai, S.M. "When the stork arrives unannounced - seven years of emergency deliveries in a non-obstetric general hospital." Ann Acad Med Singapore. 34:432-436, 2005.
Höfer, T, Przyrembel, H., Verleger, S. "New evidence for the theory of the stork." Paediatr Perinat Epidemiol.18:88-92, 2004.
Di Bitetti, M.S., Janson, C.H. "When will the stork arrive? Patterns of birth seasonality in neotropical primates." Am J Primatol. 50:109-130, 2000.
Rock, M.T. "The stork, the plow, rural social structure and tropical deforestation in poor countries?" Ecol Econ. 18:113-131, 1996.
Murray, D. "Look what the stork brought for OBGs." Med Econ. 70:93-96, 99, 102-106, 1993.
Armstrong, A.M. "When the stork doesn't call." Midwives Chron. 104:222, 1991.
Bonn, D. "Keeping the stork at bay until the time is right." Lancet. 351:576, 1988.
Sies, H. "A new parameter for sex education." Nature 332:495, 1988.
Posted by: James F | April 18, 2008 1:05 AM
#35: Nina Paley? That's what I was wondering too, but a quick visit to her site reminds me that her early pelican pieces show only a general similarity. No borrowing apparent here.
And for any of you still unfamiliar with Paley's animation work: it's worth some time.
Posted by: thwaite | April 18, 2008 1:09 AM
Darn...
Now we need a new way to make women pay for giving that apple to Adam...
Posted by: Aquaria | April 18, 2008 1:16 AM
I think I just came a little ...
And to think that Dawkypoo claimed to be an old fuddy-duddy after the Beware the Believers video.
Posted by: Sili | April 18, 2008 1:50 AM
You mean I've been deluded all these years? I thought I was found under a mulberry bush!
I've always known my parents never had sex!
Posted by: Kitty | April 18, 2008 2:26 AM
I accept the Sex Theory of Reproduction, however I also believe that the process is guided by storks.
Posted by: Some Guy | April 18, 2008 2:26 AM
Classic! Best laugh I've had all week.
Posted by: pcarini | April 18, 2008 2:31 AM
Not only is it common sense that Stork Delivery theory is true, but the process is also obviously intelligently designed. How else would the Stork know to delivery all those baby protestants to protestant families, baby catholics to catholic families, baby muslims to muslim families and so on?
Posted by: NMcC | April 18, 2008 4:27 AM
That was amusing...
Bill #11, that was great!
Posted by: John Morales | April 18, 2008 6:20 AM
NMcC: "How else would the Stork know to delivery all those baby protestants to protestant families, baby catholics to catholic families, baby muslims to muslim families and so on?"
Simplistic in the extreme. Babies only go to Muslim parents when storks cry, causing them to miss their proper targets. For this reason, all Muslims are Tearists.
Catholics are sorta-kind of Christian, so there is hope that they may be saved and become Southern Baptists. That's why Catholics are I-do-laters.
Traditional Jewish chimney design presents particular problems. Female babies often arrive with an unsightly covering of soot, which is immediately washed off, giving rise to the term 'Rinsesses'. Male babies, being particularly prized, must be lowered gently down by a special attachment which can later be removed.
One theory suggests that upon conversion, souls are recycled into new TrueChristian babies and are born again.
All other religions have Satanic clones, not babies.
Posted by: Amadán | April 18, 2008 7:26 AM
Glorious.
Posted by: Physis | April 18, 2008 7:38 AM
#46 - Oh yes! A majestic 9% for EXPELLED!. That's truly hilarious!
Stand by for PZ posting the link in 5...4...3...
Posted by: Stuart Ritchie | April 18, 2008 8:14 AM
You mean this link. It's 8% now :D
http://au.rottentomatoes.com/m/expelled_no_intelligence_allowed/
Posted by: Martin | April 18, 2008 8:52 AM
Except for penguins and some kiwis, birds have thumbs -- the alula.
ROTFL! :-D :-D :-D
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | April 18, 2008 9:04 AM
There is a straight line from Charles Darwin to Hitler to Jenna Jameson.
Posted by: Renee | April 18, 2008 10:48 AM
Best Porno ever?
Posted by: Physis | April 18, 2008 10:57 AM
Actually, I think Evolution was a necessary (if insufficient) condition for the creation of Jenna Jameson. I mean, silicone evolved from foam rubber, right?
Ah, I love Nina Paley.
As for stork "theory" - feh. That's soooo a myth. All the evidence points to pelicans. Think about it: how were babies delivered before the advent of swaddling clothes? I ask you! Storks? Storks would have had to grab the hapless newborns in their beaks! Would a kind and loving Gork have allowed such a thing?!
Pelicans.
Posted by: Kseniya | April 18, 2008 11:04 AM
Lord, I'm old. I'd forgotten the Dumbo bit (and I'm still taking somebody's word on it, but it fits with the holes in my memory), to which Nina must've been alluding.
I love her work too. Still have a great affection for Fetch.
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | April 18, 2008 11:22 AM
Storks would have had to grab the hapless newborns in their beaks!
Apparently, their grip isn't very good, either. Pelicans it may have been.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | April 18, 2008 11:24 AM
If babies are descended from adults, then why do we still have adults?!
Posted by: Mikey M | April 18, 2008 11:56 AM
Here's a new lolstork that seems appropriate for the discussion.
Posted by: Carlie | April 18, 2008 1:24 PM
Congratulations to all the amazing humorists in the comments. So many very different takes on the subject, and all good.
What a great start to the day.
Thanks, all.
Posted by: JohnnieCanuck, FCD | April 18, 2008 1:26 PM
The pelican theory has greater explanatory power than the stork theory. For example: why are babies such a mess when they arrive? Because they've been in that pouch along with who-knows-what fish residue.
Posted by: janet | April 18, 2008 2:10 PM
Pelican theory/ Stork theory, there's got to be a compromise. SHOEBILL STORK THEORY! Looks like a stork but with a broad flat bill for the ultimate infant transport system, no messy swaddling clothes. And, based on DNA evidence, the outgroup for Pelicans!
Posted by: mothra | April 18, 2008 2:28 PM
Okay...I finally got around to watching this clip.
Now that is funnier than fart noises, right there. It is the third funniest thing I have ever seen on PZed's blag.
Posted by: Ferrous Patella | April 18, 2008 2:52 PM
:) that about sums it up
Posted by: travc | April 18, 2008 5:14 PM
#59 Shoebill storks are awesome.
Posted by: janet | April 18, 2008 6:16 PM
Mothra @59
Splitter!
Posted by: James F | April 18, 2008 6:29 PM
Sex gave the world Hitler and Stalin. If people stopped having sex and relied on the stork, in time there would be no more dictators.
Posted by: Sonja | April 18, 2008 6:39 PM
@62 There is a wonderful sequence from 'The Life of Birds' showing a Shoebill stork eating a lungfish- my favorite clip from the whole series (second and third places go to the Lyre bird doing camera sound imitations and the Magellanic woodpecker tapping, respectively).
@63 'taint me, the DNA hybridization work was by Sibley and Alquist. I'm just the stork, er...messenger.
Posted by: mothra | April 18, 2008 7:00 PM
Bushites might want to teach storkism in 'Ignorance only' sex ed classes
Posted by: Lyle G | April 18, 2008 8:12 PM
Oh jeez, I used the same graphic as MAJeff did a couple of hours earlier. Sorry I didn't click on his link first!
Posted by: Carlie | April 18, 2008 9:43 PM
@65 Yes! I love that series. I've seen it a zillion times because my daughter is obsessed with birds and demands to watch it almost every evening.
I think my favorite sequence is the frigatebirds trying to steal the nest materials from the gannets. That's some impressive flying.
Posted by: janet | April 18, 2008 9:47 PM
The job was contracted out to the UN's black helicopers some years ago after teh orbiting deathray accidently wiped out the main pelican baby-making factory (well, what do you think the twin towers were for?) and the storks got a better offer from teh lizard overlords to promote teh gay's atheist agenda.
Posted by: blf | April 19, 2008 9:06 AM
Oh jeez, I used the same graphic as MAJeff did a couple of hours earlier. Sorry I didn't click on his link first!
great minds and all that.
Posted by: MAJeff, OM | April 19, 2008 9:12 AM
I rather like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaULFAZMK1o
:-)
Posted by: Andrew | April 21, 2008 5:55 AM