Play a game!

This game, Christian Versus Atheist, is one of those choose-your-own-adventure type text exercises. The good thing about it is that the atheist is particular fierce and monstrous and … hey, wait a minute…the picture they use resembles someone familiar…

Hmmm. Maybe it’s just the blood drooling out of one corner of his mouth. All the atheists I know look like that.


  1. #1 Man of Science
    May 29, 2008

    I’m at work, but when I clicked on the link to go to this site, I wasn’t allowed: Our filter blocked me due to ‘pornography’. Go figure…

  2. #2 Greymalkin
    May 29, 2008

    I played it and the atheist won. So it’s definitely an awesome game (when an atheist plays it).

  3. #3 Schmeer
    May 29, 2008

    I’ve been getting a lot of “Blocked: Pornography” from our filter as well whenever the url contains the word atheist. That must be because we are so amoral.

  4. #4 Vic
    May 29, 2008

    Hah! Funny, and somewhat educational. For the delusional christians, that is…

  5. #5 HumanisticJones
    May 29, 2008

    A much better use of some online minutes than Crevoscope. I have to get back to work but I like what I see so far… “So is it part of God’s plan that I now stab you with this sharpened crucifix?”

  6. #6 Kseniya
    May 29, 2008

    I’m not sure how I feel about being skewered this early in the day.

  7. #7 Ouchimoo
    May 29, 2008

    Fun game, but hard to beat. I’ll just have to play til I win, or just ya know’ never get it, claim that I won and write glorious articles on conservepedia about how awesome I am at that game and that the atheist is so evil. Good TRIUMPH OVER EVIL ALWAYS!

  8. #8 aiabx
    May 29, 2008

    I tried half a dozen different routes, and kept getting defeated by the logic of the Atheist. I’m thinking it’s a pretty good game.

  9. #9 Chief
    May 29, 2008

    Well, this was obviously not written by a believer. I wonder if xtian players would realize that?

    “Battering Baton of Blind Belief”

    “The Atheist attacks God and His followers by using his brain and utilising the three unholy forces of ‘Knowledge,’ ‘Reason,’ and ‘Thought.’ You must be ready to counter the Atheist’s aggression with your God-given gifts of ‘Faith,’ ‘Repetition,’ and ‘Proclaiming Religious Intolerance'”

  10. #10 Benjamin Franklin
    May 29, 2008

    “Just visible within his great and deceitful beard you can see books and scientific equipment.”

    Just last week when I was trimming my great and deceitful beard I found my mass spectrometer that I lost back in ’97.

    I guess it’s a good thing that my wife isn’t an atheist. Who knows what kind of literature would be visible in her great (yes!) and deceitful (no!) bush.

    Somehow the combination of cunnilingus and Kant comes to mind.

  11. #11 Brandon P.
    May 29, 2008

    Well, I for one would never skewer anyone.

  12. #12 Jack
    May 29, 2008

    All right! A “debate” where the atheist gets to frame both questions and answers! He sure showed that foolish Christian. I especially like all the violently gruesome ways the atheist gets to kill the Christian. “Humanity” doesn’t apply to such deceitful little pricks. No matter how sincere they are in their deceits.

  13. #13 Prof MTH
    May 29, 2008

    Not speaking about this game but other Xtian created games like Left Behind: Eternal Forces, they cannot grasp the concept that a non-theistic “secular humanist” who believes that all sentient life (at minimum) is intrinsically valuable would not actively try to kill the Xtains. In Left Behind, such a non-theist would die at the Xtian’s hands. So who is the real all-loving person?

  14. #14 MartinM
    May 29, 2008

    Parody works better when it’s believable, Jack.

  15. #15 drew
    May 29, 2008

    Heh I followed it along and eventually admitted defeat and I got this.

    “This simulation is a test of character rather than of winning. Sometimes there is no winning move. Sometimes the only winning move is not to play.

    In real life Atheists are mostly busy learning and bettering themselves, those around them, and the planet at large and cannot dedicate as much time as the simulated Atheist in this game to breaking apart your arguments. You will find that persevering with total denial and repeating unsubstantiated claims of faith in lieu of any supporting evidence coupled with appropriating and twisting Atheistic arguments as your own will work wonders.

    By admitting defeat to the Atheist, however, you have demonstrated a weakness in your character that might be exploited by careless thinking. You have completely failed in your quest.”

    Is this game really meant to expose the weakness of Christian arguments? I mean it’s pretty poor Christian propaganda if there’s anyway to go through and they admit that total denial and unsubstantiated claims of faith are the only way to win.

  16. #16 Mystyk
    May 29, 2008

    You have made a wise decision in ignoring the question; ignoring questions is one of the cornerstones of Christianity.

    Really? I don’t remember that. It must be what they refer to as “fair and balanced”…

  17. #17 Jens
    May 29, 2008

    “Access to this web page is restricted at this time.

    The Websense category “Sex” is filtered.



  18. #18 Moses
    May 29, 2008

    My result after trying to kick the Evil Atheist in the fork:

    The Power Of The Holy Spirit guides your foot towards the Atheist but it is deflected by a sweeping arm accompanied by the shout of “Wax On” from your adversary.

    You adopt the crane position but discover that God does not help violent people to balance correctly and end up in a heap on the floor. The Atheist leaps like a giant, bearded salmon and lands upon your prone and helpless body. A last prayer for intervention by God …

    Every bone in your body is shattered and one of your lungs explodes from the compressive shock. Your gelatinous, hard-breathing form is scooped up and placed into a bucket by scientists who postulate methods to return your body to normal form once more. However, you refuse their treatment claiming it is God’s will that you are to live out your life as a painful goo, which you do for the remaining six weeks of your righteous life.

    Although the Atheist was convicted of manslaughter he was not actually destroyed. You have failed.

    BTW, that was seriously funny. Well done no matter what you believe.

  19. #19 Brownian, OM
    May 29, 2008

    I’m not sure how I feel about being skewered this early in the day.

    Mmm. Early morning skewering, gughuhughuhguh….

    As for the game; pixellated PZ possesses preeminent polemic power.

  20. #20 Serena
    May 29, 2008

    “He pulls a copy of a Richard Dawkins book from within his tangled beard and hangs it over your head threatening an imminent head-smashing unless you answer. This is a mistake as the Atheist considers the head and brain to be vital in defining a person and expects you to fear damage to it whereas the Christian knows that the all-important soul is contained in a sac under the armpits and it is impervious to all unholy strikes. Nevertheless, perhaps you should answer.

    Does prayer work?”

    All important soul… in a sac under the armpits?!

    This is hilarious. I found a new way to spend a few hours.
    I am not a very good christian, I keep getting defeated by the Atheist

  21. #21 not completely useless
    May 29, 2008

    I too thought that “the all-important soul is contained in a sac under the armpits” was the high point of the experience.

    “A” sac under both armpits? It must stretch across the chest or back then. How could we have missed it for so long?

  22. #22 Steve in MI
    May 29, 2008

    Love this! The first thing that happens if you answer “yes” on the first page:

    “Oh, really?” laughs the Atheist. He strokes his beard for a second and then points at you with a finger full of venom.

    Where do I go to sign up to be fitted with FingerFangs(tm)?

  23. #23 amk
    May 29, 2008

    I don’t think it’s possible to win.

    Note the fourth comment under the game, from Mark: the author is not a christian.

  24. #24 JimboB
    May 29, 2008

    //I’m at work, but when I clicked on the link to go to this site, I wasn’t allowed: Our filter blocked me due to ‘pornography’. Go figure…
    Posted by: Man of Science//

    Ditto. I’ll have to check it out when I get home.

  25. #25 lytefoot
    May 29, 2008

    Ha ha, this is great! I was worried at first…

    What’s really cool is what happens if you eventually admit that no, prayer doesn’t work…

  26. #26 Lord Zero
    May 29, 2008

    “A” sac under both armpits? It must stretch across the chest or back then. How could we have missed it for so long?

    Unholy people cant see or feel it… its pink and horned too.
    Anyway, great game, i feel like improving my christian
    mashing skills…

  27. #27 Helen of Troy
    May 29, 2008

    the commenting system there seems to be messed up, I can’t leave a comment because it says that it’s too short, no matter how long it is

  28. #28 alison
    May 29, 2008

    @ Moses (#18) – that should have come with a warning. I’ve just about given myself a hernia trying not to laugh (supervising a test while reading this thread)! 🙂

  29. #29 Daniel R
    May 29, 2008

    Congratulations, PZ, for this promotion! I am sure that in some decades, people won’t say “I am an atheist” any more, but “I am a myers”.

  30. #30 Crudely Wrott
    May 29, 2008

    There are bound to be a lot of filters out there that can block access to “atheist.” Just consider for a moment how many people exist who consider “atheist” to be in the same category of ultimate evilness as “evolution,” “humanism,” and “graphic child porn with animals.” And at least some of these people are involved in defining acceptable search requests on any particular network. And at least some of the people on some of these networks have legitimate, legal and, perhaps, urgent reasons to access the requested page.

    Other than in silly party attire, Stupid is always a potential impediment if not a lurking danger.

  31. #31 Jack
    May 30, 2008

    Parody works better when it’s believable, Jack.

    Right, Martin. My response wasn’t parody, it was sarcasm. I’m actually no good at parody. I gave up trying long ago under the intense tutelage of people far better at it than I.

    At least I assume you’re referring to my response. You can’t seriously be trying to defend this game as believable parody. Can you?

  32. #32 J
    May 30, 2008

    When I first stumbled upon, I was overjoyed to find a hotbed of knowledge and intelligent discussion. Each day that I read the blog posts and comments that are made, I become less impressed. Perhaps instead of mocking religion, the scientific community should focus on scientific research. The best way to combat ignorance is with knowledge, not with ridicule and jeers. It is a sign of fear and insecurity to mock others; if you are confident in what you believe as scientists, you have no reason to feel threatened by those who are religious. Even science requires a leap of faith at times, as theories are put forth and tested.

  33. #33 J the Bright
    May 30, 2008

    I never wrote that last post, and I don’t agree with it.

  34. #34 Kagehi
    May 30, 2008

    Yeah. You hang up is entirely different J the Bright. Whom ever the poser is they are either a) a troll, or b) confusing your very strange and absurd argument (you only seem to have one), with the usual vapid incomprehension of the faith based attack poodles.

  35. #35 J the not J the Brite
    June 1, 2008

    “When I first stumbled upon, I was overjoyed to find a hotbed of knowledge and intelligent discussion” and I decided to lie and troll, and lie and troll and troll again.

    J, we know what you are doing. Yawn.

New comments have been temporarily disabled. Please check back soon.