OK, this is a little rude, a bit funny, and a lot sacrilegious. I’m all for sacrilege, though, so I can’t condemn it too much.
Authorities were alerted after a parishoner heard “rustling and groaning” coming from inside the confession box and pulled back the curtains to reveal a goth-rock couple engaged in oral sex, ANSA said.
The agency said the pair — a 31-year-old laborer and a 32-year-old teacher — defended their conduct saying: “We are atheists and for us, having sex in church is like doing it any other place.”
Well, yes, but they are also human beings who live within a society which imposes some restrictions on your behavior — they shouldn’t be having sex in a time and place where the activities of others will be disturbed. You shouldn’t have sex in a confessional unless you can arrange it for a time when others will not be trying to use it, or when others will not be distracted by the growls and screams. And please, be courteous and clean up thoroughly after yourself. Leave the confessional as clean as you found it.
And look, if you aren’t discreet you’ll discombobulate some old celibate prude, and that’s not nice.
However, Bishop Antonio Lanfranchi of Cesena-Sarsina took said the couple’s behavior was “an outrage of notable proportions which bespeaks unutterable squalor.”
He added that a special ceremony would be held to purify the confession box.
What, bleach? You don’t need a useless ceremony, just a competent custodian.
It’s all rather futile. I suspect many confessionals have been used in such a profane and earthy manner, along with church balconies, graveyards, pulpits, pews, and let’s not even speculate about the possibilities with rosary beads.