Pharyngula: Are you on this list?

#1

I like the proximity of Evolutionists to Child Molesters.

Posted by: Matlatzinca | June 2, 2008 10:00 AM

#2

Sweet, I make the list for 6 'crimes'.

Posted by: ElJay | June 2, 2008 10:02 AM

#3

Too bad there is no such thing as a witch or a psychic...
And it is pretty darn inclusive, I fall into seven by my own count. Now, what exactly is wrong with sitting down to watch a steelers game or the olympics from the fundie perspective?

Posted by: Justin | June 2, 2008 10:02 AM

#4

One thing's for sure: the housing market in Hell will never go bust.

Posted by: M.Z. | June 2, 2008 10:03 AM

#5

Damn... i fall in most of those categories...
How many times i burn in hell ?
Geez... the ones who make the sign deserve hell
for their own definition... liars, hypocrites who
were pot smoking several days in a row to come to
the idea in the first place...
PD: I have a question PZ... did you ever sleep ? Im in
a totally different time zone and there is always a new thread... great fun anyway...

Posted by: Lord Zero | June 2, 2008 10:03 AM

#6

Those party-poopers! What's a guy to do through life? Just sit and wait?

By the way, the image link is bad.

Posted by: andyo | June 2, 2008 10:04 AM

#7

Aw, man, I only hit nine of these. And I'm not even a sports fan. Also, if you really put two and two together, most of America's going to the pretend hot place--what other country is so "money-loving?"

Posted by: Phledge | June 2, 2008 10:06 AM

#8

Damn, only six from that list, and after my poor showing on the science test, 8 of 12. Maybe I do not really belong here.

Ciao

Posted by: JeffreyD | June 2, 2008 10:08 AM

#9

Since E-Sport its a common place concept
actually (lucky Koreans) does videogameplaying
califies as Sport Fan ? and what about Martial Arts,
they are not sports perse but...
You know im thinking if this its inclusive enough...
Hell must be crowded and those kinds of parties are
better.

Posted by: Lord Zero | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#10

Hmmm. Looks like I am also on there a few times.

Why is pot smoking and not tobacco smoking up there? (no offence to smokers) Tobacco "defiles" the body, which I think is the scriptural objection to it. Is it only because of the illegality of pot?

In the Netherlands it's legal and that happens to be where I live...... So looks like I'm free from eternal punishment on that one. :)

Posted by: Serena | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#11

Ha! I've never had a drink in my life.

Oh, wait. There's more....

Posted by: mikespeir | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#12

@#2, only 6?

Posted by: DrBadger | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#13

Um, fornicators? Is reproduction outlawed now too?

Posted by: Jim Lemire | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#14

Damn. I hate things which make me feel so moral: I seldom drink more than one beer, I don't gamble, I find the vast majority of pornography to be either disgusting or boring. . . at least I've still got my acceptance of scientific fact to fall back upon.

Posted by: Blake Stacey | June 2, 2008 10:09 AM

#15

Talk about poll-crashing -- PZ, you ought to make this a poll: how many of the list do you qualify for? I'd love to know the number of people who can honestly say "zero."

Posted by: Dave Munger | June 2, 2008 10:10 AM

#16

Hehe... Lesbians AND homosexuals. That's a two for one!

Posted by: Katie | June 2, 2008 10:10 AM

#17

I made 12 of those... He he he. and none but one was a violation of law. Keep 'em guessing.

Posted by: Barklikeadog | June 2, 2008 10:11 AM

#18

Whew!, I'm safe. I only mainline heroin and speed and the 49ers suck so bad its impossible to like sports.

Posted by: Wicked | June 2, 2008 10:11 AM

#19

Woohoo! 7 out of 22 for me. Does this mean I'll only have to spend 1/3 of eternity in hell?

Posted by: Tex | June 2, 2008 10:11 AM

#20

Hypocrites?
So, that all the banner-waving fundamentalists, too.
But don't you think Norway's going to get a little overcrowded as a result...?

Posted by: Kimpatsu | June 2, 2008 10:12 AM

#21

No-one who hates sports fans can be all bad.

What boggles me, however, is drunkards and pot smokers. Apparently tobacco smokers, methheads, heroinists, etc are welcome in Heaven?

Posted by: A | June 2, 2008 10:13 AM

#22

So rock 'n' roll, cigarettes and cocaine are okay? Happy days!

Shame about the masturbating - all those poor damned teenagers...

Posted by: Jamie Vaide | June 2, 2008 10:14 AM

#23

With the exception of the child molesters and hypocrites, that sign looks like a prescription for one kick-ass party! (And if we leave out the child molesters and hypocrites, we've barred the fundamentalists from the party.)

I love how 'murderers' doesn't make the list of "Hell's most wanted," BTW.

Posted by: gg | June 2, 2008 10:14 AM

#24

I got a 12 if you count the stuff I've done, but aren't currently up to. (Like smoking pot.) Okay I get an 11 if you don't count the ones I'm not currently up to.

Posted by: Bunk | June 2, 2008 10:16 AM

#25

What if your just a Porn-enthusiast (just saying) and not a Porn-Lover.

I've heard of war mongering or fear mongering (hint hint) but Whoremongering? What the hell is that?

Posted by: Serena | June 2, 2008 10:16 AM

#26

dismiss my last post - I should have looked up the definition of "fornication" before I posted. Excuse my ignorance. :(

Posted by: Jim Lemire | June 2, 2008 10:16 AM

#27

But don't you think Norway's going to get a little overcrowded as a result...?

There's room for the overflow in Michigan.

Posted by: freelunch | June 2, 2008 10:17 AM

#28

#21 was me, BTW. No idea what happened to my name there.

Posted by: Andreas Johansson | June 2, 2008 10:17 AM

#29

Presumably the person holding the sign would disavow masturbating. That would then qualify them to be a liar.

As in Real Genius:

Mitch: [As the voice of Jesus] Hi Kent. Have you been touching yourself?
Kent: Yes. I mean, NO!

Posted by: hje | June 2, 2008 10:19 AM

#30

I wanted to write some parody bible verse in the style of Leviticus on the subject of sports fans, but how does one parody the notion that sports fans are among "Hell's Most Wanted"? I at least am neither brilliant enough nor caffeinated enough this morning to pull it off.

Posted by: Theron | June 2, 2008 10:20 AM

#31

To my knowledge, methheads are tolerated. Doesn't the bible even tell the story of that really old guy, what was he called... Methusareh?

Posted by: AJ | June 2, 2008 10:20 AM

#32

Wow, I've either done, claimed to do, or convinced people I've done almost everything on the list - except maybe for the really bad ones like child molester and repenting and turning to Jesus.

Posted by: No One of Consequence | June 2, 2008 10:21 AM

#33

I have, at one time or another, been or done 12 of the things on that list. 13 if you count playing basketball in high school as being a sports fan. But then, I didn't really like sports and did it out of peer pressure, so that would be hypocrisy. I'm up to 14!

15 if you count the occasional lottery ticket as gambling.

Posted by: Keith | June 2, 2008 10:22 AM

#34

Please also dismiss my ignorance. I just looked up "monger".

Though my dictionary says it is chiefly british.
"Take me to your Monger...?"
I don't know.

Posted by: Serena | June 2, 2008 10:22 AM

#35

It's nice to see the Whore-Mongers finally getting some press. Really, people. It's hard out there for a pimp.

Posted by: Dan | June 2, 2008 10:24 AM

#36

They list both homosexuals and lesbians. Lesbians are homosexuals. They could have eliminated the redundancy and made space for a category that wasn't quite important enough to make their list. Perhaps bisexuals, adulterers, or murderers. Well, maybe not murderers. Hell apparently isn't big on violent crime.

Posted by: Chiadro | June 2, 2008 10:25 AM

#37

11 out of 22 - not bad. I guess I'm already halfway to hell. That's how I like to describe it to my family most of whom are devout Catholics.

Posted by: Ben | June 2, 2008 10:26 AM

#38

I hit 11 of them. Glad to have my spot in Hell confirmed. I had always only suspected it. I'm gonna be the managing editor of the Hades Picayune. No shortage of news and scandal down there. After all, I hear Lucifer is a HUGE Yankees fan.

Posted by: shiftysquid | June 2, 2008 10:26 AM

#39

I'm on there 14 times too!

Posted by: Andrew | June 2, 2008 10:26 AM

#40

I do love how this clown manages to spend so much time on sexually oriented 'sins', yet misses the one forbidden in the Decalogue, adultery.

Serena, I had always thought that the whoremonger was the pimp, the seller of the whore, but, apparently, some people use the word to mean the john.

Posted by: freelunch | June 2, 2008 10:27 AM

#41

It's a good thing for these folks that NASCAR isn't a sport.

Posted by: Dayna | June 2, 2008 10:27 AM

#42

Fifteen - top score!

Posted by: Token | June 2, 2008 10:27 AM

#43

Kick ass. 12 for me.

I am SOOO going to be a big hit with that goat guy.

Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp | June 2, 2008 10:29 AM

#44

Freelunch.

Really?
I assume you mean the "john" as in the "trick" or "client" and not the "potty".

:)
I learn so many things here!

Posted by: Serena | June 2, 2008 10:29 AM

#45

I have 8 of those characteristics. I am not as much hypocrite as those American Talebans!

Posted by: baley | June 2, 2008 10:30 AM

#46

I admit it, I'm a porn-loving psychic.

Posted by: Christopher Olson | June 2, 2008 10:32 AM

#47

Ten! Woo!

Posted by: Matt | June 2, 2008 10:33 AM

#48

I got eight, but I could never deny my atheism, or my evolutionistismiatity, without becoming a hypocrite.

Damned if you do...

Posted by: Jason Failes | June 2, 2008 10:33 AM

#49

Wow. Only 9 out of 22. I should try harder this weekend.

And just let me echo - SPORTS FANS?! Seriously, WTF is up with that?

Posted by: Missyann Thrope | June 2, 2008 10:34 AM

#50

blasphemer, money-lover, atheist, evolutionist, masturbator and porn-lover. Hmm, looks like I'm doing well. Maybe I should go out and add fornication, gambling and drunkard to the list?

Posted by: Necronomikron | June 2, 2008 10:35 AM

#51

Interesting... Potsmokers are going to hell, but nothing about crack, heroin, amphetamines, HGH etc.

Even MORE interesting is that the person responsible for making the sign IS on the list... filed right under "Hypocrites".

Another clue that the sign-make is not the sharpest Crayola in the box - they totally wasted a line by listing both homosexuals and then making a separate line for lesbians. (Hey knucklehead - one sort of covers the other... D'uh!)

I sugest replacing lesbian with "Christians". HTH :)

Posted by: J-Dog | June 2, 2008 10:36 AM

#52

13 for me.

Posted by: Suspect Device | June 2, 2008 10:37 AM

#53

Cocaine addicts get a free pass?

Posted by: TomJoe | June 2, 2008 10:39 AM

#54

12 of 22 for me. It could be a baker's dozen, but I don't really love the money. I would like to be friends with it however.

Posted by: Budbear | June 2, 2008 10:39 AM

#55

Eleven!!!1!!

Posted by: Steve in MI | June 2, 2008 10:39 AM

#56

Damn. I score an Eleven.

Drunkard- college
Liar- Iraq... whoops
Thief- Gore... sorry Al
Sports Fan- duh
Money Lover- Oil me up!
Prostitute- I'm saudia arabia's bitch :(
Gambler- Iraq again.... double whoops
Pot Smoker- college again
masturbator- do u know a bigger wanker than me? thought so!
hypocrite- too easy?

Oops sorry! i counted eleven i was guilty of but it is only 10. I suck at reading and thought whoremongering said war-mongering. but i aint going to hell for that! yay!!

Posted by: George Bush | June 2, 2008 10:40 AM

#57

13; but I'm going to reconsider. I may just become a psychic witch (wizard? or are they ok?) and con people out of their hard-earned money. Then I'll nail 17 easily. Maybe 18 if I can make enough money to monger me up some whores.

Posted by: Stan | June 2, 2008 10:41 AM

#58

Leviticus LXXOL:VIII(ff)

Say to Israel: "Those who strike, chase or lust after spheroids (being either perfect or oblique), either as a solitary perversion or in the company of others, be as the wearers of mixed thread and those who lie with a man as with a woman. You must strike this evil from your midst".

Say to Israel: "Those who gaze in adoration or admiration upon all lusters after spheroids (of any description), doing so either proximately or at a distance, are as those who consort in conjugation with other species, be they clean or unclean. You must strike this evil from your midst."

Say to Israel: "All suppliers of gain and support to the lusters after spheroids (of any description)and their adorers or admirers, by means of proclamation or invitation or transfer of assets, moveable or immoveable, or who profit from such lusting and gazing, be as the drunken and disobedient child to those who sit at the gates. You must strike this evil from your midst."

Say to Israel: "A double agony be visited upon those who gaze in admiration upon the lusters after spheriods (of any description)while simultaneously imbibing, species either alcoholic or calorific, or both, and masticating produce of grain or other vegetable or animal product. You must strike this evil from your midst."

Say to Israel: "Any doer of activity that results in adoration, adulation or the egregious sharing of seal or signature must be cast from the congregation and made to wear their shame as does a leper."

Posted by: BadeMart | June 2, 2008 10:42 AM

#59

Hell sounds a like the place to be in the Afterlife. All fun and smart people seem to be going there, so count me in!

Posted by: Tom Kox | June 2, 2008 10:42 AM

#60

Wait a minute, evolutionists are atheists. That's what Ben Stein's movie was about.

Don't they ever coordinate their propaganda?

And psychics? Wow, they're really out for a select demographic, because if they give up their moronic psychic believers and sports fans, along with all of the educated segment of the population, they don't have many people left. If they had just included NASCAR fans, I bet they wouldn't have anybody for their audience.

Glen Davidson
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

Posted by: Glen DAvidson | June 2, 2008 10:43 AM

#61

It looks like I'm octuply doomed according to that poster, but I swear that I am not now, and never have been, a sports fan.

Posted by: Zeno | June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

#62

11 for me! Although yeah, WTF is up with sports fans?

Posted by: Seamyst | June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

#63

Oh yeah, those dudes come by Sproul in Berkeley all the time. I saw a dude get in a serious argument with them about the masturbation thing once. It got pretty heated.

Posted by: ihateaphids | June 2, 2008 10:44 AM

#64

Damn you got to be quick to post here! By the time I got my ideas typed up to make sense, other posters beat me to the points I was trying to make :( Sorry about that@@!

Maybe the Kooky Kristian could make a new line for people that double post? It would make more sense than some, I mean ALL of the other things on the list.

Posted by: J-Dog | June 2, 2008 10:46 AM

#65

@gg #23:

With the exception of the child molesters and hypocrites, that sign looks like a prescription for one kick-ass party! (And if we leave out the child molesters and hypocrites, we've barred the fundamentalists from the party.)

Um, YEAH... thus firmly ensuring the kick-assedness of the party!

Posted by: Steve in MI | June 2, 2008 10:46 AM

#66

I'm very well aquainted with the seven deadly sins
I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in
I'm proud to be a glutton, and I don't have time for sloth
I'm greedy, and I'm angry, and I don't care who I cross

I'm Mr. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt
I'm Mr. Bad Example, take a look at me
I'll live to be a hundred, and go down in infamy

-- Warren Zevon "Mr Bad Example"

Posted by: Blondin | June 2, 2008 10:46 AM

#67

Is there a prize if we qualify for all of them?

Posted by: BowserTheCat | June 2, 2008 10:46 AM

#68

freelunch: I do love how this clown manages to spend so much time on sexually oriented 'sins', yet misses the one forbidden in the Decalogue, adultery.

I don't see adultery in the decalogue. Here's the wikipedia paraphrase:

1. Worship no other god than Yahweh: Make no covenant with the inhabitants of other lands to which you go, do not intermarry with them, destroy their places of worship.
2. Do not cast idols.
3. Observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread for seven days in the month of Abib in remembrance of the Exodus.
4. Sacrifice firstborn male animals to Yahweh. The firstborn of a donkey may be redeemed; redeem firstborn sons.
5. Do no work on the seventh day.
6. Observe the Feast of First Fruits and the Feast of Ingathering: All males are therefore to appear before Yahweh three times each year.
7. Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice with leavened bread.
8. Do not let the Passover sacrifice remain until the following morning.
9. Bring the first fruits of the harvest to the Temple of Yahweh.
10. Do not cook a kid in its mother's milk.

Right? Or did you mean the rewrite? 'Cause the original seems to be mostly about the form of idols, festivals to be held, the limitation on child sacrifice, a ban on intermarriage as part of a program of genocide, and some culinary rules. And keeping the sabbath - the only one of real value.

Posted by: frog | June 2, 2008 10:47 AM

#69

@gg #23:

With the exception of the child molesters and hypocrites, that sign looks like a prescription for one kick-ass party! (And if we leave out the child molesters and hypocrites, we've barred the fundamentalists from the party.)

Um, YEAH... thus firmly ensuring the kick-assedness of the party!

Posted by: Steve in MI | June 2, 2008 10:48 AM

#70

9 current, 12 all-time.

Posted by: Ranson | June 2, 2008 10:49 AM

#71

I hit Eight. Nine if the Houston Rockets/Texans/Astros or the Texas A&M football teams are having good seasons any given year.

Posted by: JJR | June 2, 2008 10:50 AM

#72

Only 5 for me, 8 if you use loose definitions.

Sports fans are on the list because they believe that you're supposed to "praise God in everything you do". The Christian god is surprisingly insecure for an omnipotent being.

What if you're not smoking your pot, does it still count?

Posted by: Scott D. | June 2, 2008 10:50 AM

#73

Oh, we get to count the past too? Kewl, up to 15 then, and yes, I treasure each and every one of my sins.

Ciao

Posted by: JeffreyD | June 2, 2008 10:52 AM

#74

I scored 12! Woo-hoo! I feel a little robbed, though, that "Lesbian" is ruled out for me due to gender. I like having sex with women -- can I be an honorary lesbian?

Posted by: CaroCogitatus | June 2, 2008 10:54 AM

#75

Ok is it just me that viewed most of that list (by no means all) as some sort of check list?

I'm currently running an 11, which is the maximum I'd go for. 3 of the remainder don't interest me intellectually, 4 don't interest me ethically, 2 don't interest me sexually (one of them is also ethically very dubious), 1 doesn't interest me financially, and 1 of them is a physical impossibility (although sexually appealing!)

Go figure!

Louis

P.S. If hell exists the it's the place to be. All the best people will be there. Better than that, it means that I don;t have to spend eternity with sanctimonious fuck ups like the person who made that banner. Sharp pokers being jabbed into my wedding vegetables for eternity is a small price to pay for no fucking fundies! ;-)

Posted by: Louis | June 2, 2008 10:55 AM

#76

I think I'm on there 8 times.

Posted by: Ric | June 2, 2008 10:55 AM

#77

Wait... this is definitely not Poe's?

Posted by: dvizard | June 2, 2008 10:55 AM

#78

So I only have seven that could be considered current. Historically I could add drunkard, liar, thief and probably money-lover, but those days are long behind me. If I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body, does that count?

Posted by: Pablo | June 2, 2008 10:56 AM

#79

w00t! I was a hit on 10 things on the list.

Sports Fans make the list since you are worshipping something other than the christian god if you are a sports fan.

off of that list, I am:
1) A drunkard
2) Maybe a liar, maybe not depending on the degree
3) A sports fan
4) A Blasphemer
5) A Money Lover
6) An atheist
7) A gambler
8) A porn-lover(I tend to prefer the soft stuff that emphasized the beauty of nudity. does that count?)
9) Evolutionist
10) Masturbator

I smoked pot once, so does that make me a pot smoker? And I used to be a hypocrite(when I was a christian). Do old sins count? And I've lusted after women other than my wife over my 25 years of marriage, but never slept with one of them. If I cheated on her, technically that would make me an adulterer rather than a fornicator. Does that count? I don't know what level of technical accuracy they are looking for.

Posted by: Alethias | June 2, 2008 10:56 AM

#80

That sign sounds like what a couple of prominent ministers were caught doing in the past few years. They said that they were sorry and that they were forgiven, they couldn't be wrong about that, can they? ;^)

Posted by: Mena | June 2, 2008 10:56 AM

#81

"Oh yeah, those dudes come by Sproul in Berkeley all the time. I saw a dude get in a serious argument with them about the masturbation thing once. It got pretty heated."

You mean there was a lot of friction?

Posted by: Blondin | June 2, 2008 10:57 AM

#82

sports fans?

That's one I can sorta understand. :-) A sad waste of one's brief lifespan. If anything should be a sin ...

Posted by: Greg Esres | June 2, 2008 10:57 AM

#83

Tied for first (if i read correctly) at 15!

What do we win??

:D

Posted by: yttrai | June 2, 2008 10:59 AM

#84

...witches? They're not past that shit yet?

Witches don't exist, folks... Just like your God. It's time to let go of the fairies.

Posted by: Michelle | June 2, 2008 11:00 AM

#85

When they include "porn-lovers" and "lesbians" on the same list, we are all doomed.

Posted by: jfatz | June 2, 2008 11:00 AM

#86

I'm only an 8, although now that I've seen the list maybe I should aim higher. What does god have against enjoyable things (excluding child molesting)?

I'm curious how famous historical figures, especially biblical figures, would score. For example, Lot, out of Sodom and Gomorrah, got drunk and slept with his daughters... that's atleast 3 no-nos right there.

Posted by: David | June 2, 2008 11:01 AM

#87

I made the list several times.

Posted by: tsig | June 2, 2008 11:01 AM

#88

Oh no... not only am I going to hell but Ben Stein will be there too (for lying, theft and hypocrisy - and that's just what he's demonstrated through expelled!)

I had always hoped that, if I was wrong and did end up in hell, I'd have the consolation of being in good company.

But spending eternity with Ben Stein and fellow Christian hypocrites... now that's eternal torment for you!

Posted by: Lirone | June 2, 2008 11:03 AM

#89

yttrai, go back, reread, try to make it to 16 and come in first, be creative.

Oh, and the prize, you will not spend eternity with fundies, a pearl beyond price.

Ciao

Posted by: JeffreyD | June 2, 2008 11:04 AM

#90

As a psychic sports fan who loves money, of course I gambled. But it never seemed to make me any richer. That's when I knew it was time to ask Jesus to come sit on my heart.

He'll turn your life around!

Posted by: ennui | June 2, 2008 11:05 AM

#91

They clearly don't like somethings. We've got blasphemer, pagan, and witch all there though they missed out on heathen. Based on their views I think any pagan would automatically also be viewed as a blasphemer, and being a witch isn't too far away from being pagan. That adds 3 points basically just by having a non-christian religion. Psychic is on there too, which depending on the type of craft practiced by a witch could mean 4 easy points.

Homosexuals and lesbians too, seems they might have a bit against women or at least women who don't need men. I don't qualify as either, but I've got enough friends in those fields that this sort of thing rubs me the wrong way.

In the end though, I only manage 9 points at best. I gotta get my evil on and raise this score.

Posted by: Felstatsu | June 2, 2008 11:06 AM

#92

9 out of 22 ain't bad, I guess. As long as I'm allowed to claim lesbian and homosexual. And that's only Hell's MOST wanted, forget all the little Hellish traffic violations.

Now, I'm saying at least 10 out of 22 for the righteous dude holding the sign. His minister? At least two more.

Posted by: katietoo | June 2, 2008 11:06 AM

#93

Hmmm... I consider myself an "evangelical", yet I've managed to score a few ticks in 10 of those categories...

What's far more telling is what's left off the list:
- Gluttony (Is there a shot of these folks where we can gaze upon their rotundness??)
- Sloth (Was this shot taken during the workday perhaps?)
- Envy (Secretly jealous that they didn't get to hit the bong at Bob Jones)
- Sabbath-breaking (Hey guys, let's go to the Waffle House after church - yeah, there's a man serving me, but surely that's not the same thing as the male servant mentioned in the 10 commandments)
- Wheres Rock and/or Roll?!?! Everyone knows that demons play the intro to "House of the Rising Sun" at the gates of hell...

It's real easy to get on peoples cases for things that you successfully cover up around your churchy friends, but if these people actually examined themselves against the Bible they say they're following, there would be one item on that list - Everyone. I wonder if they would be willing to picket their own church for that same list of offenses?

Posted by: buck09 | June 2, 2008 11:08 AM

#94

At least 13 times over!

Posted by: ronbailey | June 2, 2008 11:09 AM

#95

I'm on for: drunkards, liars, thieves, blasphemers, money-lovers, atheists, porn-lovers, evolutionists, post smokers, fornicators, masturbators. They have homosexuals and lesbians (as if the latter is distinct from and not included within the former), but not bisexuals, so I guess I'm OK there.

Dammit, that puts me at 11. Can we count bisexuality as inclusive of the other sex crimes? That'd put me at lucky 13!

Posted by: D | June 2, 2008 11:10 AM

#96

Lord Zero @#9:

As a taekwando black belt who's working in an Anglican school, I can assure you that the vast majority of Anglicans are actively opposed to martial arts, to the point that they refuse to accept it as a sports activity in the schools here, and this attitude is apparently representative of Christians in Singapore.

Even the ones who are considered not to be "Christian" by the Anglicans, but *mock shudder* "Catholic".

(Look, I just work here, ok? I go where the ministry posts me.)

Posted by: Notkieran | June 2, 2008 11:11 AM

#97

14 out of 22, past and present included.

Why are pot-smokers on the list? I was under the impression that: " . . . the earth brought forth grass and herb yielding seed after its kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind; and God saw that it was good." (Genesis 1:12)

And: "Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man." (Matt. 15:11)

So, following the Biblical logic, "God" created Cannabis and thought it was just fine, "Jesus" himself said that your words and actions towards others are more important than what you put in your body, yet pot-smokers are going to Hell?

Posted by: E | June 2, 2008 11:11 AM

#98

I'm on the list 13 times and open to most of the others (except the child molesting, of course).

Posted by: Deepsix | June 2, 2008 11:13 AM

#99

Oh, son of a bitch. I wrote "post smokers" instead of "pot smokers." I don't smoke any posts. Plenty of pots, though. And I just realized that "child molesters" could be included with the sex crimes category, but I'm not one of those; so while I'm at it, that should read "sexy crimes." Good 'nuff.

Posted by: D | June 2, 2008 11:14 AM

#100

I played with a Ouija board when I was 10. Am I doomed?

Oh, wait, masturbation is on there. Shit!

Posted by: Larry | June 2, 2008 11:14 AM

#101

is that the "happy happy happy" guy's poster? (the guy who says "happy happy happy" while standing on a bucket at the edge of the berkeley campus)

Posted by: wesman83 | June 2, 2008 11:15 AM

#102

Count me in for 9. 10 if you count the fact that lesbians are one of my favourite things. Hell yeah.

All the cool people will go to hell. Can you honestly see Hunter S. Thompson in heaven? He'd try to shoot himself again. Same for Bill Bailey, Arthur C. Clarke, Winston Churchill, Ozzy Osbourne, Anton LaVey and Jonathan Swift (any man with his wicked sense of humour could never get into this fundie heaven, even if he was a priest).

The soundtrack will be by Slayer, the Clash, Pantera, Motorhead, the Beatles, the Who, Iron Maiden and other bands who have sold their souls to Satan for their success and inspiration. Whingy shite like My Chemical Romance and FallOut Boy would also technically be there, but I imagine Samuel L. Jackson wouldn't stand for that shit and would bitchslap them all back into silence in the First Circle.

In a word, it'll be awesome.

Posted by: Facehammer | June 2, 2008 11:15 AM

#103

For example, Lot, out of Sodom and Gomorrah, got drunk and slept with his daughters... that's atleast 3 no-nos right there.

It's clearly drunkennesss and fornication, but it doesn't say how old the daughters were, so we can't know if it was child molestation, and incest as such isn't on the list.

Posted by: Andreas Johansson | June 2, 2008 11:16 AM

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