…and this is a 
Now I've got Bill Donohue's attention
Category: Religion • Stupidity
Posted on: July 10, 2008 10:40 AM, by PZ Myers
The Catholic League is preparing a stake for me. They're going to go straight for the jugular and threaten my job — notice how they repeat that you can access my post from my faculty page, nicely avoiding the fact that the post they find so offensive is not hosted on any university server, and that they are urging everyone to harass the president of my university and the regents and the Minnesota legislature. Extortionists and witch hunters, that's all these scumbags are.
Paul Zachary Myers, a professor at the University of Minnesota Morris, has pledged to desecrate the Eucharist. He is responding to what happened recently at the University of Central Florida when a student walked out of Mass with the Host, holding it hostage for several days. Myers was angry at the Catholic League for criticizing the student. His post can be accessed from his faculty page on the university's website.
Here is an excerpt of his July 8 post, "It's a Frackin' Cracker!":
"Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers?" Myers continued by saying, "if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I'll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won't be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web."
Catholic League president Bill Donohue responded as follows:
"The Myers blog can be accessed from the university's website. The university has a policy statement on this issue which says that the 'Contents of all electronic pages must be consistent with University of Minnesota policies, local, state and federal laws.' One of the school's policies, 'Code of Conduct,' says that 'When dealing with others,' faculty et al. must be 'respectful, fair and civil.' Accordingly, we are contacting the President and the Board of Regents to see what they are going to do about this matter. Because the university is a state institution, we are also contacting the Minnesota legislature.
"It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ. We look to those who have oversight responsibility to act quickly and decisively."
When dealing with others, I must be respectful, fair and civil. Hmmm. Doesn't seem to say anything about when dealing with crackers.
That last paragraph is marvelously blind. Hey, Bill! I can think of something more vile! How about intentionally desecrating the bodies of young altar boys who respect the position of trust held by Catholic priests? I think that is a lot more vile than mistreating a cracker. In fact, I can think of innumerable vile acts going on all around the world right now, and not all of them even involve Catholicism. It takes the moral vacuum of a purblind ideological bigot like Bill Donohue to think that goring his sacred cow is the worst thing in the world.
Politics
Comments
Posted by: Brain Hertz | July 10, 2008 10:45 AM
Well, that's mightily disingenuous. Isn't there something about bearing false witness somewhere in church doctrine....?
Posted by: chrisD | July 10, 2008 10:46 AM
Oooh that's low. Very low. Granted they didn't have very far to fall since nearly all their knickers were touching the floor, but now they're giving us meat AND veg. The depravity!
Posted by: Jim D. | July 10, 2008 10:47 AM
"It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ. "
Bill, when you produce the body of Jesus Christ, and show PZ desecrating it, than I'll agree with you. Until then, go mutter over your cracker magic.
Jim D.
Posted by: Donalbain | July 10, 2008 10:48 AM
Has your boss talked to you about it yet PZ?
Posted by: alcoolworld | July 10, 2008 10:48 AM
Oh, Goddamn...
The soggy-snackfood-saga continues!!!
Death to cracker infidels!
man they are so lame.
PS worst. scandal. ever.
Posted by: Moses | July 10, 2008 10:48 AM
But it's a cracker. Not the body of Christ that, if it actually existed, has substantially, if not completely, been reduced to its component molecular and atomic structures.
I do love his lawyering though. This is a SEED blog. Not a UMM blog. Donahue doesn't seem to grasp that you're not a slave to the UMM owing 27/7 fealty and what you do on your time is, well, not the Universities business.
It's like he's an 8-year old crying to your daddy because you hit his bullying ass back. Last time that happened with me, my dad laughed at the kid and told him he deserved to get his ass kicked.
Posted by: Doug | July 10, 2008 10:49 AM
Is the Catholic League made up of only one guy, Bill Donohue?
Posted by: chgo_liz | July 10, 2008 10:51 AM
Hey, Moses, I want to live in your alternate world. As a mom to two, I could use an extra 3 hours a day!
Posted by: Bodach | July 10, 2008 10:52 AM
PZ, you need to watch out for Bill. I have it on good authority that he has ninjas in his employ! (I'm pretty sure Southpark is a documentary.)
Posted by: Dutch Delight | July 10, 2008 10:52 AM
holding it hostage for several days
Bwhahahaaaa
Posted by: John | July 10, 2008 10:53 AM
My, cannibals sure are touchy! If you anger him even more, he might do a magic dance that will poison your cattle and wither your crops!
Posted by: Danley | July 10, 2008 10:53 AM
It's time to let loose the Hitch.
Posted by: CortxVortx | July 10, 2008 10:53 AM
Perhaps we should contact the server for catholicleague.org and complain about the hate speech and threats on that site.
Posted by: Aegis | July 10, 2008 10:54 AM
"In fact, I can think of innumerable vile acts going on all around the world right now, and not all of them even involve Catholicism."
My thoughts immediately. I wonder if they would be upset if I took a wafer, then pulled out a bit of Cheeze Whiz and added it for flavor?
Posted by: Ygern | July 10, 2008 10:56 AM
Hmm. Freedom of speech obviously means nothing to some guys.
Its particularly insidious seeing as this forum is not hosted by a college website.
It seems that Witch-Hunter as a profession is making a comeback among zealots!
Posted by: Glen Davidson | July 10, 2008 10:56 AM
From stupid, to more stupid.
The adage is "cut your losses," Bill, not "make yourself look even more dumb and inept."
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Michelle | July 10, 2008 10:56 AM
..."Paul Zachary?" That's what it stands for? Well, I guess that it's better than Mervin Rottingham. :P
"It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ."
Hm let's see... There's rape, the holocaust, necro, pedophilia, priests raping children, fundamentalists...
Is it really THAT hard? I think mister Donohue needs imagination.
Posted by: co | July 10, 2008 10:57 AM
My thoughts immediately. I wonder if they would be upset if I took a wafer, then pulled out a bit of Cheeze Whiz and added it for flavor?
But... but... Everyone goes better with cheese!
Posted by: CortxVortx | July 10, 2008 10:58 AM
I may have missed it in the previous post's comments, but I was under the impression that the wafer is just a cracker until it actually goes in your mouth, and then becomes the body of Christ.
So, until eaten, it's just a goddamn cracker.
Posted by: B.Dewhirst | July 10, 2008 10:58 AM
If you need a legal defense fund, just throw up the link to paypal or the like. I'm still a grad student, but my wallet and my mouth are in lockstep.
Posted by: Sally Lou Liz | July 10, 2008 10:58 AM
Some Catholics are getting extremely excited over possible cracker abuse. How come I've never seen this kind of anger/frothing at the mouth/accusing behaviour over the abuse of children by priests? This is ONE cracker, yet how many thousands of children have been abused? By priests who are *protected* by the Catholic Church? The hypocrisy of it all astounds me. It is one. damn. cracker.
Posted by: Chris | July 10, 2008 10:58 AM
As a recovering catholic, I can tell you that those crackers don't even taste good. They're dry and tasteless, which makes it hard to see why anybody would care, if not for magical spell the priest casts on it.
Posted by: Woobegone | July 10, 2008 10:59 AM
This is embarrasing. I thought the Catholic Church was meant to have a little dignity if nothing else.
Posted by: BaldySlaphead | July 10, 2008 11:00 AM
Back in the 90s, the English double act Lee and Herring wrote a sketch for a character called 'Simon Quinlank, the Hobby King' which I cannot help but think of:
The Christian Church Crawl Hobby
http://www.leeandherring.com/simon.html
Posted by: Matilda | July 10, 2008 11:01 AM
What a sad, hateful man you are.
Posted by: alex | July 10, 2008 11:01 AM
my, what a quick, easy scandal to construct. imagine if everyone who reads pharyngula offered to crumble up said crackers with a rolling pin! instead of eating them! can you imagine anything more vile?!
surely there must come a point where Donohue and all are unable to keep up the facade of spluttering outrage and realise what a silly idea this transubstantiation is.
Posted by: Matt Penfold | July 10, 2008 11:01 AM
If Donhue finds it hard to think of more vile things than descerating a wafer then he must live a very sheltered life. Does Dafur mean nothing to him ? Is he unaware of what is happening in Zimbabwe ? How stupid can someone to either be unaware of these, or to think desecrating a host is worse ?
Posted by: Danley | July 10, 2008 11:02 AM
Hey Bill, you're a festering troglobyte. I sincerely mean that with love and concern.
Posted by: G Barnett | July 10, 2008 11:03 AM
I love how he's confusing "linked from" with "hosted by." Grade-A dumbassery for sure.
Posted by: Tosser | July 10, 2008 11:03 AM
If you want to see learn just how cracked this cracker-eating cracker Donohue is, watch his debate with Christopher Hitchens:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz8GTs1MISY
Posted by: Glen Davidson | July 10, 2008 11:03 AM
Simple matter, Donohue--sensibly, scientifically, and legally, it is not the Body of Christ. It is a processed wheat product.
I would treat your superstition with some respect where individual persons are involved, simply as the decent thing to do. What you have absolutely no right to do is to require that everyone buy into your superstition, outside of simply respecting individuals (not the group).
Glen Davidson
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Posted by: Oliver | July 10, 2008 11:04 AM
I think they should video tape the boy holding the cracker while jumping on a pogo stick, all while shouting "JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK."
That is all. It would be the best hostage video ever.
Posted by: joseph collins | July 10, 2008 11:04 AM
Hey professor Let's talk about about some of the degenerate sexual deviates at the University of Minnesota like the three filth bag football players that were expelled in the spring of 2007. Does that ring a bell? Don't open your mouth about anyone else. Perhaps you can forward to me your published outrage about that incident. Don't try to hide behind the fact that you work at some satelklite campus of that loser University. If you were silent about that than I guess you and all your self righteous pseudo-intellectual liberal crapheads accept it.
Posted by: drew | July 10, 2008 11:04 AM
This whole thing reminds of this
Posted by: Andre Vienne | July 10, 2008 11:05 AM
Hmm. I say this leads to a terrible idea. We snatch a priest-blessed cracker, and actually hold it 'hostage' (maybe also torture it some) until they come clean and admit to covering up the child molesting, in as big an area as they can.
If they don't go out of their way to do anything they can to save their Jesus Pieces(tm) then they're obviously not doing the whole faith thing right, no?
Posted by: Lago | July 10, 2008 11:05 AM
I am so waiting for this fight.
Come on religious fanatics, here we are,..come and try and get us.
We are behind PZ 100% and if you try and persecute him for expressing his opinion about you stupid mythology, you will be dealing with people that will expose your child molesting religion for what it is...
In short, if you want a fight..you got one...
Posted by: Matt | July 10, 2008 11:06 AM
"Paul Zachary Myers..." that reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom used my full name when I was in really big trouble. Look out PZ, I think you are in BIG trouble with Mr. Donohue. What an idiot this guy is.
Posted by: Paul Burnett | July 10, 2008 11:06 AM
"It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ."
But they EAT the Body of Christ - after the priest drinks his blood! How is that ritual cannibalism less desecratory than sneaking a cracker out of the building?
Posted by: IB Bill | July 10, 2008 11:07 AM
PZ: I don't suppose I could talk you into not doing it. But what if I say please?
A Catholic
Posted by: leftie | July 10, 2008 11:07 AM
Hey, if you can't get a hold of a communion wafer, I'll gladly send you a copy of the Koran to desecrate. I'd love to see a video of that!!
Posted by: Mikey M | July 10, 2008 11:07 AM
Cheez Whiz?! This snack calls for Cheeses of Nazareth®!
Posted by: D- | July 10, 2008 11:07 AM
"I was under the impression that the wafer is just a cracker until it actually goes in your mouth, and then becomes the body of Christ."
Then its clear that PZ has to stick the cracker in his mouth and then desecrate it.
Posted by: True Bob | July 10, 2008 11:08 AM
Giong to their source book (no not the catechism, but the babble), I do not recall any unpardonable sins except one - blaspheming the holy ghost. Nothing about cheese' corpse, nothing about stale tasteless crackers.
Posted by: Umlud | July 10, 2008 11:09 AM
I agree with G. Barnett (#29). Anyone can go to the UM-Morris faculty page for PZ's department, mouse over to the link to his webpage, and notice that: HEY it's not hosted by UMM! Hmmm... What does THAT mean? I wonder.....
As to Matilda (#25), are you talking about Bill Donohue or PZ Myers? Please, if you're going to point fingers and accuse people of something make sure that you are clear about whom you are accusing. (Specificity of what you are accusing them of would also be helpful; "sad, hateful" is not specific. Proof of what would otherwise be baseless conjecture on your part merely shows itself to be on par with vacuous statements of pure opinion - which I'm not discouraging, but makes your accusations against people ring quite ... erm... vacuous.)
Posted by: stevogvsu | July 10, 2008 11:10 AM
I remember back in High School having a teacher tell us about scares far back in antiquity with Catholics locking up the Eucharist for fear of Satan worshipers kidnapping and torturing the host. But...we have electricity and science now....*head desk*
Posted by: Lilly de Lure | July 10, 2008 11:10 AM
CortxVortx said:
Not quite AFAIK - just before it's given out it's consecrated (the priest makes the sign of the cross and mutters at it) which is what causes the miracle to occur and the host to become the body of christ rather than the actual eating of it.
That's what I remember of my RE lessons at school anyway.
Posted by: Eamon Knight | July 10, 2008 11:11 AM
It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ.>/i>
I don't get this whole blasphemy/desecration thing. I mean, assuming there's a God, what real harm does he suffer if a few puny mortals say insulting things about him, or do nasty things to his earthly symbols? Seems to me that any Lord of the Cosmos worth his salt would just shrug those things off as beneath his dignity to notice. What's one of the lessons we try to teach our children? To ignore verbal taunting ("Sticks and stones...."). So how come Donohue's God is allowed to be more touchy than an insecure six-year-old?
Posted by: Kampar | July 10, 2008 11:11 AM
That whole Catholic League site seems to exist for only three key reasons:
1. To promote Bill Donohue's rants
2. To put out two or three press releases a month slamming Barack Obama (July 7 Press Release: "Reports have surfaced today by Deal Hudson and Jill Stanek that Sen. Barack Obama is dodging the issue of his support for selective infanticide.")
3. To solicit as much cash as possible in the form of donations, memberships, subscriptions, books etc.
Plus the usual apologetics ...oh, and to defend Mel Gibson's infamous commentary on judaism ...
Posted by: Disciple of | July 10, 2008 11:12 AM
2girls1cracker.com
Maybe??
Posted by: SC | July 10, 2008 11:12 AM
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I hope it doesn't cause you any real problems.
Posted by: techskeptic | July 10, 2008 11:13 AM
"It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate
the Body of Christcracker. "really? I can think of plenty of things more vile than that!
Posted by: Kseniya | July 10, 2008 11:13 AM
Donohue continues to demonstrate his spittle-flecked vapidity. Nothing new to see here. Move along.
Posted by: B.Dewhirst | July 10, 2008 11:13 AM
Bill D's useful idiots have started to roll in... anybody know where the cross-link is, or did it go out over the boy-bother-er's mailing list?
Posted by: Holy Cheezits | July 10, 2008 11:14 AM
Wow. If I were an ex-Catholic, I'd be dying of embarassment right now. If I weren't an atheist already, this nonsense would have convinced me to become one. If Jesus were here, he'd have to smack a few people in the head and say "I didn't mean it LITERALLY, ya moron!"
Posted by: tsg | July 10, 2008 11:15 AM
"And therefore so should everyone else."
I have news for you Donahue, not holding your mythological deity in the same high regard you do isn't being disrespectful. It's having the freedom to believe what I like. My (and everyone else's) freedom of religion necessitates freedom from your religion. But I wouldn't expect a hypocritical bigot like you to understand that, or even try.
I really hope someone tries to sue you or get you fired because you were out after sundown on the Sabbath. Asshole.
Posted by: BaldySlaphead | July 10, 2008 11:15 AM
It doesn't have to be eaten.
The 'theory' goes that as soon as it is consecrated by the priest, it undergoes transubstantiation. Transubstantiation means that all though it looks, smells, tastes and *actually is atom for atom the same*, it has still somehow 'become' the body of Christ.
I'm not sure, but I believe it may use a similar mechanism to homoepathic medicine so that there is no detectable atoms of anything other than wafer, but it's nevertheless the body of Jeebus.
And if you eat enough, you can devour a whole Jesus.
Posted by: KnaveRupe | July 10, 2008 11:15 AM
PZ: Here's what ya gotta do.
Get a bunch of atheists to start palming wafers each week at church and smuggling 'em out. Gather them all together, and when you've got 20,000 or so, grab some superglue and start forming them into a life-size statue of Jesus.
EXCEPT... it won't be a STATUE of Jesus, it will ACTUALLY BE JESUS!!!!
See, it will be constructed entirely out of the mystically transsubstantiated flesh of Jesus! How can Bill Donahue be upset about the return of his Savior?
If that doesn't get the Vatican to dispatch the Opus Dei Albino hitmen after you, nothing will.
Posted by: Chris | July 10, 2008 11:16 AM
I thought cannibalism was illegal in the Excited States. I know it's frowned upon in Canada! ;)
And, yes, I was raised catholic, but I've gotten better!
Posted by: iwdw | July 10, 2008 11:19 AM
I really want to hear what Mr. Condell would say about this.
Posted by: ted | July 10, 2008 11:20 AM
If God doesn't get you, ,I will
Posted by: Zan | July 10, 2008 11:21 AM
At #33:
That actually has nothing to do with the issue being discussed. You're derailing the conversation. Just because PZ hasn't posted on it (or has and you've been to lazy to read the rest of the blog) does not diminish the nastiness of the Catholic Church's habit of covering up sexual abuse scandals. Nor does it make victims of the Church any less hurt by what happened to them.
Hells, at least the footballers got expelled which is more than I can say for most of the priests in these situations.
Sorry for feeding the troll everyone.
Posted by: C Murdock | July 10, 2008 11:21 AM
An idea: horribly desecrate and mutilate an ordinary cracker (as if there's any other kind, but you get what I mean) that just *looks* like a Eucharist, but is not. Then wait for the cries of outrage. Then reveal that it was just a regular cracker you bought at the local gas station. A little practical Socratic method.
Posted by: Bickle | July 10, 2008 11:22 AM
I called up that Catholic League and told them I didn't think Bill Maher would fight them, but as one who has publically said much worse things about Catholics than Bill has ever said, and more than willing to say whatever it took to take his place
Bill Donohue has yet to return my call for our Madison Square Garden bout.
Posted by: Cetaceans Shall Rule the Earth | July 10, 2008 11:22 AM
Ho-hum, zzz! Satanism has encouraged the desecration of the eucharist for decades. It's all been done before - though it's nice to see you takig your own interest.
Might I suggest just taking the communion wafers and handing them to some homeless guy for a lunchtime snack? That'd probably be just as naughty to the Catholic Church... especially if the homeless guy is gay or Jewish or something.
Posted by: Nick Gotts | July 10, 2008 11:22 AM
Hey, if you can't get a hold of a communion wafer, I'll gladly send you a copy of the Koran to desecrate. I'd love to see a video of that!! - leftie
How about smashing the cracker to smithereens with a copy of the Koran? Two birds with one stone!
Posted by: TheBlackCat | July 10, 2008 11:23 AM
And here come the threats. Isn't it great how people who are supposed to "love your neighbor", "turn the other cheek", and "do unto others" are so quick to threaten violence?
Posted by: B.Dewhirst | July 10, 2008 11:24 AM
Oh, look... death threats at #60.
I guess we weren't off track with thinking these weren't nice people, huh?
Posted by: Lago | July 10, 2008 11:26 AM
Ted said:
"If God doesn't get you, ,I will"
Hm, are you serious here Ted? If you are truly trying to threaten, then remember this,..we hit back...
Posted by: Jose | July 10, 2008 11:27 AM
PZ,
You're convieniently omitting the fact that while your blog may be on separate servers, both your blogs servers and the university's servers do reside in the same series of tubes. Busted! One for the Catholic League.
Posted by: tsg | July 10, 2008 11:27 AM
More "love thy neighbor" I guess...
Bigot.
Posted by: BFire | July 10, 2008 11:27 AM
Perhaps Bill will organize a protest.
He can make signs that say, "Behead those who desecrate the cracker of christ".
I have no doubt Donohue would have been one of the most prolific 'inquisitors" of the dark ages. I cannot find the foul language necessary to describe him adequately.
Posted by: Lilly de Lure | July 10, 2008 11:28 AM
Eamon Knight said:
More to the point what kind of omnipotent, omniscient deity is offended by the mockery of mortals and then practically begs for it by choosing an epic Maroon like Bill Donahue as one of his spokesman (not to mention an Emperor Palpatine lookalike as his Head of PR)?
Posted by: wÒÓ† | July 10, 2008 11:28 AM
(.)(.)
Posted by: katie | July 10, 2008 11:28 AM
I sense a contest coming on...who can desecrate a cracker in the most uncivil way!?!? Pictures required of course!
Posted by: Moggie | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
"Catholic League"? It's pretty odd when a "league" purportedly representing a group as numerous (and, I suppose, diverse) as American Catholics appears to exist solely to provide a platform for one perpetually angry individual. Perhaps what is needed is a rival "League of Extraordinary Catholics", which could become the media's go-to group on Catholic issues and supplant Donohue. You just need to find Catholics with the right special powers.
Posted by: Zan | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
At #68:
Indeed, no obligation to turn the other cheek as it were.
Posted by: darwinfish | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
totally off-topic but...I need to read less pharyngula: I just had a dream that me, angelia jolie, and my ex-boyfriend were PZ's grad students. And it was kind of like House :s
Posted by: andyo | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!!
Bill Donohue knows your name!
Posted by: BFire | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
Perhaps Bill will organize a protest.
He can make signs that say, "Behead those who desecrate the cracker of christ".
I have no doubt Donohue would have been one of the most prolific 'inquisitors" of the dark ages. I cannot find the foul language necessary to describe him adequately.
Posted by: AemJeff | July 10, 2008 11:29 AM
You've got K-Lo's attention at The Corner:
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=ODZlYmE3ZjcyMTY4OGMxOTg4ZDczMjNiMWFmMmYxMTQ=
Posted by: BaldySlaphead | July 10, 2008 11:31 AM
"If God doesn't get you, I will"
If God doesn't 'get' PZ, does that not tend to suggest a very particular scenario for a believer*?
Namely, if the omnipotent and omnipresent God who definitely exists and isn't made up or anything** hasn't bothered doing something that He must both know about and be capable of doing something about, He probably doesn't give a damn.
And if God doesn't give a damn, who the hell are you to go against Him, you supersized fuckwit?
* I'm ignoring those of us who have successfully worked out God is imaginary.
** He is.
Posted by: Richard Wolford | July 10, 2008 11:32 AM
So, when can we expect everyone to steal a wafer and desecrate it, putting the video on YouTube? I'm contemplating an infiltration of my local True Catholic Church (TM) for just such an evil, vile hostage/torture scheme. I wonder what one could get in terms of ransom for said Body of Christ (R).
I'd laugh about this, except that it's not even a Poe.
Posted by: william | July 10, 2008 11:32 AM
Something disturbing about someone who names a cracker and refers to it in the first person. And why are even atheists capitalizing "Eucharist"? Is it a brand name? Its still a cracker, or a wafer, or maybe just a piece of bread (depending on where the church falls on the divine baked goods scale).
Posted by: sterge | July 10, 2008 11:34 AM
So, using this 'respect logic' that our 'challenged' friend Bill uses, shouldn't we stop eating burgers and steaks. If a cow is sacred to Hindus, man should America be ashamed. Honestly, I'm having trouble stomaching this whole story. Anybody who sides with the 'crackers' on this one is in need of a god damn lobotomy.
Posted by: barry | July 10, 2008 11:34 AM
PZ -
Whatever you do to the host you are sure to receive, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hold it hostage for several days first. I would LOVE to see a photo of a blindfolded cracker, perhaps with a cigarette graciously provided by its captor.
Posted by: Heathen Matt | July 10, 2008 11:34 AM
Does the transubstantiated Jesus-cracker somehow decay back into a mere gooey gob of digested grain sometime before it hits your colon, or does it come out your poop-chute still full of that Jesus-y goodness?
If the latter, isn't crapping out the Lord of the Universe somewhat worse than merely palming a cracker for a later snack?
I'm really trying to understand how this works here, Bill. Help me out, wouldja?
Posted by: Patrick | July 10, 2008 11:34 AM
Dr. Myers,
Well done! Any chance to get these religious wackos in a tizzy is a good one to take. I hope you do get ahold of some of these crackers. If I were still a practicing Catholic I might have been in a position to help you, but alas.
Posted by: Jeff | July 10, 2008 11:35 AM
I grew up Catholic- even spending 13 years in private Catholic schools. I somehow managed to avoid molestation before renouncing my faith and the cannibalism/necromancy it entails.
Nowadays, I'm also a huge Pharyngula fan. The Expelled, ID, Creationism, fraud preachers are fine targets to beat on, but now that PZ has turned his gaze on my roots- the church- I can only wait with bated breath.
This is kid-in-a-candy-store exciting.
Posted by: tsg | July 10, 2008 11:35 AM
You know, I can't help but wonder why, if these crackers are so important to them, they don't keep a closer watch on them.
I mean, really, they just let a piece of their deity walk out the door? Hell, Walmart has tighter security for much less valuable stuff.
Posted by: SFG | July 10, 2008 11:35 AM
Myers,
You're a fucking giant sized scumbag. I hope you die slowly and painfully. Cunt.
Posted by: steve8282 | July 10, 2008 11:35 AM
If we waterboard it is it still not torture?
Mackerel snappers of the world repent!!!
Posted by: J-Dog | July 10, 2008 11:36 AM
Hey Ted - I like to use Holy Jesus Body Wafers(TM) to wipe my butt - It's now nice an clean so you can kiss it - when you're done kissing Bill's and Pope Benny's.
Posted by: gg | July 10, 2008 11:36 AM
Should PZ be removed from his job?
Clearly, this is a question that can only be resolved with...
AN INTERNET POLL!!!
Who wants to start one? :)
Posted by: Tuck | July 10, 2008 11:37 AM
So if you take a cracker out of church and photograph it, it is sacrilege.
If you chew it to bits, expose it to acid, mix it around with your feces, and expel it through your anus, it is not sacrilege.
Got it.
Posted by: Zan | July 10, 2008 11:37 AM
Wow, SFG, you really are a shining example of Christian love, where can I sign up?
Posted by: NonyNony | July 10, 2008 11:38 AM
CortxVortx -
I may have missed it in the previous post's comments, but I was under the impression that the wafer is just a cracker until it actually goes in your mouth, and then becomes the body of Christ.
So, until eaten, it's just a goddamn cracker.
No, if that were the case then there wouldn't have been a big stink about the kid "kidnapping" Jesus and the previous article wouldn't have been written.
First its a cracker. A whole plate of these crackers and bottle of wine are taken to the alter. The priest says some magic words and waves his hands in particular ways. At that point, the cracker becomes the "body of Christ" and the wine becomes "the blood of Christ".
Uneaten and undrunk portions have to be carefully disposed of, lest you desecrate the Lord. For example, the former-wine has to be drunk completely by the priest and the laity responsible for distribution. Uneaten former-crackers are gathered up into a little golden box and placed in another special box (usually at the front of the church in a place of honor - though newer churches might have it at the back). Those "leftovers" can be used in ceremonies later in the week, where the priest doesn't have to do any magic because it's already God. (And hey there's precedent - the Hebrews apparently kept God locked up in a golden box for a number of years before the box got stolen from them! So that part's traditional!)
And the cups holding the wine and plates holding the crackers have to be washed in a special sink with a drain that leads directly into the ground - bits of Jesus should not end up in the sewer. And as far as the whole "eating==desecration" goes, well, the Jesus parts don't get digested and defecated because it's a miracle. So there.
Seriously, the whole thing is really, really silly. As I mentioned in the other thread, learning about how it was supposed to work was really the first time I started to question whether the whole religion thing wasn't some big joke at our expense. And a lot of younger Catholics I know already feel kind of awkward about the whole thing and don't like to discuss it in public because they know it's silly. But it's also a foundation of the faith, so you can't really talk much about how silly it is (unless you're willing to leave the whole package behind, of course).
Posted by: tsg |