Pharyngula: This could be trouble

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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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« AFA has been alerted! | Main | Friday Cephalopod: Sleek »

This could be trouble

Category: Personal
Posted on: September 25, 2008 8:31 PM, by PZ Myers

Uh-oh. I'm at the Atheist Alliance International conference, and I've just discovered the Klingons for Jesus site…and it's convinced me. I've converted. Should I cancel my talk, or should I go ahead and preach in Klingon to an audience of atheists?

P.S. If you're at the conference, too, and you'd like to get together for dinner, drop me a line, I'm free.

Comments

Posted by: S.Scott | September 25, 2008 8:37 PM

Is it that boring? Why are you web surfing?

Posted by: Glen Davidson | September 25, 2008 8:39 PM

Yes, "convert the atheists" with your "I was an atheist sinner, until my mind opened up to the truth" speech.

It won't mean anything to the atheists, but it'll please the Klingons for Jesus enough to launch your new "give me money for my conversion story" get-rich-quick scheme.

Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7

Posted by: PZ Myers | September 25, 2008 8:43 PM

The meeting hasn't actually started yet. I've checked in and am going through all the interesting stuff that accumulated in my mailbox.

Posted by: Paguroidea | September 25, 2008 8:43 PM

Enjoy the conference! It would be fun to get together for dinner with a bunch of Pharynguloids, but unfortunately I'm on the other side of the country. :(

Posted by: llewelly | September 25, 2008 8:54 PM

when pz is raptured, I get first dibs on his batlef.

Posted by: pcarini | September 25, 2008 8:55 PM

Sweet Klingon Jesus yes!

Posted by: Monado | September 25, 2008 8:56 PM

Surely that's a Poe. "we believe that it is our mission to force the entire universe to worship as we do and it is our duty to force, bribe or trick them into doing so!"

It sounds just a bit overdone to me, which should be a clue.

Posted by: SC | September 25, 2008 8:57 PM

Klingons: Sexist enough to be Christians?

Posted by: Jennifer | September 25, 2008 9:04 PM

Heh. I remember hearing a decade ago that the Bible had been translated into Klingon, and I can definitely see this. I always thought, though, that Klingons reading the Bible would stop at the Old Testament and convert to Judaism instead, since that book is where all the violence can be found.

#10

Posted by: AJ Milne | September 25, 2008 9:09 PM

Surely that's a Poe.

... erm, to borrow the line from pcarini, Sweet Klingon Jesus, yes. See also, from their theology page:

Killing: As followers of Jesus Christ, we support war, mass murder and killing in general. The soul of anyone killed either goes to heaven with Jesus which is a good thing or to hell with Satan which is also a good thing since they clearly belong there. As such killing can only produce a positive outcome by sending the righteous to heaven or the wicked to hell... From the Emperor Constatine to Adolf Hitler, Christians have killed more people than anyone else and we look forwards to improving on our averages in the 24th century all for the glory of Christ.

... so yeah, Poe. Or another AOG splinter group. Which, I guess, amounts to the same thing, really...

#11

Posted by: Voltaire Kinison | September 25, 2008 9:12 PM

Here's your KLV... Klingon Language Version of the World English Bible.
http://klv.mrklingon.org/

#12

Posted by: Reginald Selkirk | September 25, 2008 9:14 PM

Uh-oh. I'm at the Atheist Alliance International conference, and I've just discovered the Klingons for Jesus site...

This could be trouble indeed. They may clash with the Klingons for Christ followers. I sense a holy war in the offing.

#13

Posted by: Hideki | September 25, 2008 9:24 PM

Hihi

It should be pointed out that the Klingons slew their gods millennia ago (they were more trouble than they were worth)

(as mentioned in both TNG and DS9)

Perhaps Pilate was a Klingon suffering from rampant genetic engineering and hence looking human :>

#14

Posted by: woodstein312 | September 25, 2008 9:25 PM

Off topic, but have y'all seen this one?
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/25/childporn.alamo/

My favorite part is when the kiddie porn-peddling preacher compares himself to Jesus.

#15

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 9:26 PM

Reginald beat me to that link (which is in ernest, unlike PZ's), so here's the "Jesus Loves Me" song in Klingon (complete with translation notes -- did you know Klingon doesn't have a word for "love"? Instead you say "dis-hate".):

mumuSHa' Jesus, Dochvam vISov
muja'mo' joH'a' paq'a'
puqHompu' ghaj Jesus
puj puqpu' 'ej HoS Jesus

HIja' mumuSHa'
HIja' mumuSHa'
mumuSHa' Jesus
muja'ta' joH'a' paq'a'

#16

Posted by: hje | September 25, 2008 9:26 PM

Chancellor Gorkon: You have not experienced [the Bible] until you have read [it] in the original Klingon.

I sense a holy war in the offing.

General Chang: Cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War.

#17

Posted by: Ichthyic | September 25, 2008 9:29 PM

I'm going to preemptively nominate the comments that already have, and likely will, appear in this thread for top ten "geekiest ever on Pharyngula".

#18

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 9:33 PM

Presumably the Ferengi would worship Supply Side Jesus.

#19

Posted by: pcarini | September 25, 2008 9:41 PM

I'm going to preemptively nominate the comments that already have, and likely will, appear in this thread for top ten "geekiest ever on Pharyngula".

I'll second that nomination, Ichthyic. I've always considered myself pretty geeky, but I'm way out of my depth here.

#20

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 9:43 PM

"Jesus of Borg" has some almost Timecubic qualities to it, and of course who can forget "MR. SPOCK'S LOGICAL QUEST FOR RELIGION" (he becomes a Muslim via Pascal's wager).

#21

Posted by: pcarini | September 25, 2008 9:50 PM

I have a good friend whose father would, around christmas, make his whole family dress up as klingons and go caroling, in klingon. My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, except that he absolutely hates Star Trek.

#22

Posted by: Nicole TWN | September 25, 2008 10:02 PM

What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!

http://www.dm.net/~karen/sca/scribes/klingon.html

Ghod, I love the Internet.

#23

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 10:03 PM

Now playing on GodTube -- "Star Trek: The Lost Episode":

Kirk and Spock visit the "strangest" new world of them all....a world completely devoid of a belief in a creator God! [Planet Atheist!]

#24

Posted by: qedpro | September 25, 2008 10:10 PM

Star Trek The Lost Episode

If that movie isn't considered an abomination, then nothing is.

Poor Gene, he's rolling over in his grave... or did he get shot into space, can't remember.

#25

Posted by: DLC | September 25, 2008 10:10 PM

"I especially liked the old testamant, with all the ultra-violence and gutty-works" -- Alex, A Clockwork Orange.

#26

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 10:16 PM

And more! A user named klingon_christian on Star Trek Online. Note his avatar picture. No way to tell if that tattoo is real or a 'shop, but given the existence of the Zune Guy, I'm willing to believe.

#27

Posted by: The Cheerful Nihilist | September 25, 2008 10:21 PM

@ woodstein312

Well, I remember my United Methodist preacher grandparents teaching us "Jesus Loves the Little Children" a-half-a-century ago and feeling creeped-out. Wasn't sure what that love entailed, and I hadn't read Swift's "Modest Proposal" yet or heard of child molestation.

And "Klingons"? Aren't they the troublesome things that hang around Uranus?

#28

Posted by: Patricia | September 25, 2008 10:29 PM

The psalms should be in high Vogon, which would guarantee Klingon berserker madness.

#29

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 10:30 PM

"Christian Star Fleet {CSF} We are a Ministry / Gaming Clan... We Play Counter Strike Source (CSS),"

God, Star Trek, shooting people, the Military-Christianity Complex, garish flashing gifs, confusing misuse of other scifi franchise's images, and a Klingon looking thoughtfully at a crucified Jesus lit by the last rays of a sunset!

Yes, praise Ghod for the Internet!

#30

Posted by: BlueIndependent | September 25, 2008 10:40 PM

Wow. When they talked about speaking in tongues in the Bible, they really meant it.

#31

Posted by: Jared | September 25, 2008 10:47 PM

Klingons for Christ vs. Klingons for Jesus
Where do I get tickets for that? Will it be pay-per-view? Kind of like IPU vs YHWH; winner goes against winner of FSM vs Cthulhu. Another fictional fight that would be so fun. I sense an animation in the making...

#32

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 11:05 PM

The Rapture is exactly like Star Trek's transporter:

Everybody familiar with the "Star Trek" series is certainly familiar with the preceding sentence. Whenever Captain Kirk was in trouble, or needed to get somewhere in a hurry, the Star Trek crew would rev up the Enterprise's Transporter Device. Instantly the Captain and crew (including an "insignificant" extra crew member who usually met with an untimely death!) would dematerialize and suddenly materialize elsewhere. Anybody who has ever been caught in a rush-hour traffic jam would immediately give a month's pay for such a device!
What may not be common knowledge is that the Bible speaks of this exact event. This event is known as the Rapture. The Rapture is described in several passages in the Bible and a major Rapture event is on the horizon. And in one instance, a famous Biblical character is transported from the desert to a major city instantaneously!

#33

Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 11:32 PM

"God is a Star Trek Fan: The Kobayashi Maru = Plan of Salvation" (MormonMatters.org):

Take the Plan of Salvation for instance. We agreed to come down to earth and be tested. The whole point of being here is to pass the test. The problem? It is a Kobayashi Maru simulation. None of us Star Fleet cadets pass the test.
Jesus passed the test, but you could also argue that he hacked. He was at least half-God, and he also built the simulation. I don't want to belabor that point or diminish his divinity. He passed. He's the man! What about the rest of us? Nobody else passes and nobody else can hack the simulation.

(Non-geek translation: He's saying Jesus is like Captain Kirk. Personally, I think Jesus is more like Spock, what with the dying and being resurected thing, and also being only half human.)

#34

Posted by: Newfie | September 26, 2008 12:35 AM

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/3994/ferengulauh5.jpg
normal language?

#35

Posted by: mayhempix | September 26, 2008 1:11 AM

That must be why they call their warships "Birds of Pray".

BTW has a location been decided for a rendezvous after the bookstore?

#36

Posted by: Justin | September 26, 2008 1:24 AM

Just watched the GodTube Star Trek video. I'm going to have to watch some Mythbusters and Nova to wash out the stupid, I think.

#37

Posted by: pcarini | September 26, 2008 1:36 AM

http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/3994/ferengulauh5.jpg normal language?

That is so wrong! (funny, but wrong)

#38

Posted by: tenebrous | September 26, 2008 3:41 AM

But why does god need a starship?

#39

Posted by: Vidar | September 26, 2008 4:28 AM

BLASPHEMY! Klingons worship only Kahless the Unforgettable! Kah'PLa!

#40

Posted by: Graculus | September 26, 2008 4:48 AM

What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!

What happens when you cross an SCA member with a Trekkie? You get the Lord's Prayer in Klingon... in glorious hand-calligraphy on vellum, complete with illumination!

If you are going to copy the Limbourges brothers' style then you have to use a matching script, NOT Caroligian Bookhand. There's a couple of centuries between them.

Frikin' trekkies, probably couldn't manage a decent fraktur....

#41

Posted by: Lauren | September 26, 2008 4:58 AM

Can you believe Klingons for Jesus is blocked in Turkey? Psh.

#42

Posted by: Michael | September 26, 2008 4:59 AM

I thought the Klingons was a legend of naturalistic properties concerning their creation. The legend continues on with Klingons being responsible for life on Earth, as they left some important chemicals by accident on a comet which mixed in with the formation of this solar system creating life...lol

#43

Posted by: theinquisitor | September 26, 2008 5:13 AM

Why do they have to pollute my religion with this nonsense? Seriously, they should treat Star Trek with more respect.

#44

Posted by: Tom K. | September 26, 2008 5:27 AM

Unbelievers! Heathens, the lot of you.

This is the only true religion!

#45

Posted by: Masks of Eris | September 26, 2008 5:48 AM

At #44: Jedi church? The mortal foes of Pope Sidious and his pals, right?

#46

Posted by: Cafeeine | September 26, 2008 5:50 AM

@27 Cheerful Nihilist

I prefer this song, Jesus loves the little Zygotes

#47

Posted by: Nick Gotts | September 26, 2008 6:04 AM

"My friend turned out reasonably normal, oddly enough, ~~except that~~ so he absolutely hates Star Trek." - pcarini

Fixed.

#48

Posted by: Wowbagger | September 26, 2008 6:19 AM

Are you kidding me? Everyone knows the only sci-fi gods worth bothering with are the Lords of Kobol.

So say we all!

#49

Posted by: Zarquon | September 26, 2008 6:23 AM

Oh yeah, I bet the Lords of Phortran could kick their collective arses.

#50

Posted by: Rob the Lurker FCD BMWCCA | September 26, 2008 8:58 AM

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Klingon's for Jesus site is satire.

#51

Posted by: WTFE | September 26, 2008 9:26 AM

Wow, PZ this is the worst thing you have ever associated your name with. I am very upset that such an ignorant and disgraceful site even exists. I mean come on people!!!! It promotes a complete misunderstanding of the Klingon race! Seriously, Klingons are not sadistic, if they resemble anything on earth its a samurai.

#52

Posted by: Kristine | September 26, 2008 1:26 PM

Think that's bad? After I watched Palin getting blessed for protection from "witchcraft" by that $%*&@# witch-hunter, I said to myself, "I am so wishing to be in on the spells being cast by Twin Cities Wiccan groups this weekend!" The people I know, they are going to have a lot of fun with that...

#53

Posted by: Sili | September 26, 2008 2:13 PM

Reginald beat me to that link (which is in ernest, unlike PZ's), so here's the "Jesus Loves Me" song in Klingon (complete with translation notes -- did you know Klingon doesn't have a word for "love"? Instead you say "dis-hate".): _{Posted by: jpf | September 25, 2008 9:26 PM}

How is that different from Esperanto?

Can you believe Klingons for Jesus is blocked in Turkey? Psh. _{Posted by: Lauren | September 26, 2008 4:58 AM}

To be fair, I doubt the Klingons have much good to say about Otkar.

#54

Posted by: skyotter | September 26, 2008 2:21 PM

i wonder if communal Bloodwine transubstantiates

heck, does it even *have* to?

#55

Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | September 26, 2008 3:53 PM

Kahless the Unforgettable! Kah'PLa!

qeylIS and Qapla', respectively.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klingon_language

#56

Posted by: Sili | September 26, 2008 4:35 PM

Kahless the Unforgettable

Who?

#57

Posted by: The Cheerful Nihilist | September 26, 2008 6:41 PM

@ Cafeeine 46

Oh my! Thanks for that. Too funny. Gave me goosebumps (no wait, those are scabies. Aw rats.) (At least it's not smallpox.)

#58

Posted by: Deacon Barry | September 26, 2008 6:47 PM

My boy Bill the Klingon really doesn't like preachers.
http://deaconbarry.stripgenerator.com/page/14/

#59

Posted by: Longtime Lurker | September 26, 2008 7:44 PM

Klingons for Jesus was great, but I still prefer Confurvatives:

http://community.livejournal.com/confurvatives/

Don't they realize that Sarah Palin would shoot them from a helicopter?

#60

Posted by: Troff | September 27, 2008 10:01 AM

JPF@33:
... but didn't Kirk cheat the Kobayashi Maru? Wouldn't that imply that ol' Jesus there also...

#61

Posted by: Falyne | September 27, 2008 10:09 AM

Epic, epic thread....

#62

Posted by: Sili | September 27, 2008 12:15 PM

LL,

Please tell that's satire ...

#63

Posted by: Falyne | September 27, 2008 2:42 PM

Most likely not. Furries aren't a monolith, according to a couple buddies of mine that lean that way. There are also very religious furries. To wit:

http://www.geocities.com/gideon_bear/
http://www.furrsfurchrist.com/forum/
http://ottercomics.virtualhermit.net/monastery/fred.htm

#64

Posted by: Sili | September 27, 2008 3:12 PM

...

Well, I guess it's unfair to pigeonhole people. Silly, bigoted me.

#65

Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | September 28, 2008 10:32 AM

Who?

Wikipedia to the rescue!

#66

Posted by: Sili | September 28, 2008 11:12 AM

So much for my deadpan ...

#67

Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | September 28, 2008 12:52 PM

Oh. Now I get the joke. It was really not obvious, though, because you aren't a Klingon and haven't made any allusions towards being a Trekkie either, IIRC.

#68

Posted by: Sili | September 30, 2008 11:27 AM

I'm neither, really (or else I've had serious work done on my forehead and just forgotten about it).

I do know how to wikipeek, though.

Ah well.