…and this is a 
Vital news for this sacred day!
Category: Creationism • Pirates • Weirdness
Posted on: September 19, 2008 8:39 AM, by PZ Myers
I am not yet in Madison, but I am in the Land of the Cheeseheads and am about to hit the road and expect to be there by early afternoon. And then I discover two coincidences, one happy and one mildly problematic.
By my good luck, Ron Numbers is speaking on the campus today, at 3:30 in Science Hall room 180. Hey, I should be able to make that! I just hope he doesn't dispense some jewel of wisdom that compels me to rewrite my talk on the spot.
One concern: this is September 19th! It's Talk Like a Pirate Day! This means, of course, that I have to give my lecture in a hokey dialect, which always makes us People of the Pirate sound silly to those who have no respect for our traditions. This is important to us, and I sure hope others around us, even the non-believers, will honor our deeply held beliefs and join us in the ritual. It will fend off global warming, you know.
I hope someone lets Dr Numbers know. I will feel much better if he engages in a little sabre-rattling before the talk, and perhaps punctuates his major points with a holy "Arrrrr."
Comments
Posted by: JoJo | September 19, 2008 8:43 AM
To err is human, to arr is pirate.
Posted by: CortxVortx | September 19, 2008 8:43 AM
I should know by now to check Pharyngula for important dates like "Talk Like a Pirate" Day.
Posted by: Rev. BigDumbChimp, KoT | September 19, 2008 8:46 AM
What is the greatest pirate college rock band?
Arrr. E. M.
Posted by: Ray | September 19, 2008 8:49 AM
Ahoy matey, Shiver me timbers, Arr.
OK, that's all I got.
Cheers,
Ray
Posted by: jim | September 19, 2008 8:56 AM
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a mug o'grog. As the barman is serving him, he notices that the pirate has a steering wheel down the front of his trousers. The barman is curious about this, as you would be, and as he's passing over the grog, asks the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel down your pants, right?"
The pirate replies: "Arrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Posted by: Jason Failes | September 19, 2008 8:56 AM
http://www.flyingdutchmanmorrobay.com/pirate-encyclopedia.jpg
Enjoy. Hope you Arrrrrr well.
Posted by: Donovan | September 19, 2008 8:58 AM
Ar ya limey landlovers! Belwin aw'y like a swarthy sea dog be mighty strange. I be hangin' ta me right proper ways, if'n it suit yer tastes. Avast yer scuttlebutt, lest the kracken take o'fence. Bos'n'll lash the far o'FSM in yer hides, fore ya see me let me tongue s'loose!
Posted by: Deborah | September 19, 2008 9:00 AM
It's also Suffrage Day in New Zealand. 115 years ago today, New Zealand was the first country in the world to extend suffrage to all women.
Posted by: Kel | September 19, 2008 9:00 AM
Yarr, the day be over already here.
Posted by: The Science Pundit | September 19, 2008 9:01 AM
Arrrr!
Posted by: Zeno | September 19, 2008 9:04 AM
God's blood! Today's vector calculus lecture is not going to go well! How will my students be able to distinguish between r the position vector and arr the interjection? Zounds!
Posted by: Donovan | September 19, 2008 9:05 AM
This just reminded me of a game we played in the Navy, trying to see who could talk like a pirate the longest with getting out of character. Just when it would start to get old, it would be time for the hourly reports to the senior officers. Trying to stay in character enough not to lose while looking a Navy captain in the eyes and trying to sound like you just have a speech impediment makes it funny all over again (more so for the ones watching).
Posted by: heather | September 19, 2008 9:11 AM
I love talk like a pirate day! My students have been warned...any who do not comply will be walking the plank.
I teach French, so we'll have to talk like French pirates. We're going to discuss St. Malo and the Corsairs and Jean Lafitte, ARGH!!!
Posted by: jim | September 19, 2008 9:12 AM
If you talk like a pirate to a senior officer, do you get keel-hauled?
Posted by: Darth Wader | September 19, 2008 9:15 AM
Since every friday is a religious holiday, and its talk like a pirate day, its double holiday-day!
Posted by: speedwell | September 19, 2008 9:16 AM
Triple holiday for me; it's my birthday. Arrr.
Wonder if I can get away with talking like a pirate in the airport this afternoon. :)
Posted by: Nerd of Redhead | September 19, 2008 9:20 AM
Thank FSM it's Arrrday.
Posted by: Nick Gotts | September 19, 2008 9:21 AM
Deborah@8,
Not so: Republic of Tavolara, 1886. Possibly, Corsican Republic, 1755 (the constitution isn't clear, but women had traditionally voted in village elections). New Zealand could still claim the longest continuous period of women's suffrage, but there's another complication. In 1893 New Zealand was not an independent state, but a self-governing Dominion of the British Empire; of non-sovereign entities, Wyoming Territory and South Australia both had full female suffrage earlier than New Zealand. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women's_suffrage.
Posted by: Hairhead | September 19, 2008 9:22 AM
One day after attacking fat merchantman, a band of pirates took mercy on the youngest of the crew, and rather than making him walk the plank, adopted the boy to be the pirate captain's cabin boy.
"What am I to do, sir," said the boy, trembling.
"Just do as oi be sayin' boy, an' all 'l be fine." Just that moment as they rounded a headland, two well-armed schooners of the Royal Navy appeared and signalled their intention to fight.
"Boy!", roared the captain, "Go into my cabin and get my red shirt!" The boy scampered off and did this, and in a violent action, the pirates fought and defeated the two schooners. Afterward the boy asked, "Captain, why did you ask me for your shirt?"
"Why, so if I were injured in the fighting, the crew would not see my blood and so become disheartened," the pirate chief answered.
Several weeks later, the pirate ship was navigating through a fog bank, and suddenly emerged into the blinding sun -- and middle of a squadron of six well-armed Royal Navy frigates. "Prepare for battle!", yelled the pirate captain to his crew, "And boy," he whispered, "Go get my brown pants."
Posted by: Jason Failes | September 19, 2008 9:41 AM
What's a pirate's favorite gas?
Arrrrrrgon.
Posted by: Moggie | September 19, 2008 9:42 AM
It's more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.
Posted by: Chris Davis | September 19, 2008 9:42 AM
Whatever you do, don't belay that talk.
CD
Posted by: Doubting Foo | September 19, 2008 9:43 AM
Why didn't the pirate boy get to see the movie?
Because it was rated Arrrr!
Posted by: SEF | September 19, 2008 9:50 AM
What be pirates a-studyin' at pirate school?
The aarrts!
But some dangerous interlecherals be a-dabblin' in the 3 aarrgghhs as well...
Posted by: Darth Wader | September 19, 2008 9:51 AM
What are pirate scarfs made of?
Yarrrn!
Posted by: Claudia | September 19, 2008 10:02 AM
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C.
Posted by: jim | September 19, 2008 10:26 AM
Why are pirates mean and nasty?
They just ARRRR!
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 10:36 AM
Arrrgentina.
Posted by: Shash | September 19, 2008 10:46 AM
Who was the greatest pirate philosopher of all times?
Arrrchimedes
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 10:54 AM
Avast, ye scabbarous dog! It clearly be Arristotle.
Posted by: VegeBrain | September 19, 2008 10:56 AM
Ron Numbers? Hip, hip, hooray! He's one of the authors that cured me from 40 years of suffering the disease of Seventh Day Adventism.
Posted by: Randy | September 19, 2008 11:03 AM
Like so many people, I'm not really all that religious. Oh, sure, I wear an eyepatch on High Holy Days and the wife and I had the kids Walk the Plank, but it's not like we go pillaging twice a week or carry a cutlass everywhere we go. To us, it's a comforting ritual that makes us feel high and dry.
On the other hand, any politician who doesn't at least say "Aargh," today can kiss my vote goodbye.
Posted by: The Perky Skeptic | September 19, 2008 11:04 AM
AHRRRRRRR!!! I can't believe I forgot Talk Like A Pirate Day!!! I needs me a good keel-haulin'!
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 11:08 AM
Arrrgh! Nail this man's foot to the foredeck!
Posted by: Dave Godfrey | September 19, 2008 11:10 AM
On this day I feel Alestorm should be gettin' a mention. "True Scottish Pirate Metal" be a most appropriate thing to listen to.
Posted by: Randy | September 19, 2008 11:18 AM
tsg @34:
Hey, it's not like I'm saying the Christians and Muslims and Jews and Scientologists are right! I'm just saying wouldn't the world be a warm, cuddly place if we were completely wishy-washy?
And nailing feet to the deck is just the kind of old-fashioned belief that makes us seem like crazy zealots in the eyes of the rest of the world. In fact, I'd go so far as to say anyone who threatens to nail a foot to the deck isn't a REAL pastafarian. A TRUE Pastafarian thinks exactly like I do.
Posted by: maryanne | September 19, 2008 11:26 AM
Let us not forget lady pirates! Especially Grace O'Malley, Irish Pirate Queen. Argghhhh, agus Slainte!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_O'Malley
Posted by: Patricia | September 19, 2008 11:45 AM
Huzzah! Dress like a strumpet day ladies!
Extra grog & swill for all. ;o)
Posted by: Kalyn | September 19, 2008 11:49 AM
Avast! Arr! Aye, Cap'n!
I love this day.
Posted by: The 502 | September 19, 2008 12:00 PM
On your drive back home, make sure to stop in Osseo to eat at the Norske Nook. Best pie ever - you won't regret it!
It's been a couple years since I was in Wisconsin... I miss that pie! Arrrr!
Posted by: Qwerty | September 19, 2008 12:06 PM
Arrrrhhhh, even pirates need poetry! So, from youtube I present the finale of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance."
Hail Poetry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZqgwJacJMY
Posted by: Cliff Hendroval | September 19, 2008 12:09 PM
Oddly enough, it wasn't until 1950's version of Treasure Island with Robert Newton playing Long John Silver that pirates spoke in a cod-Cornish dialect. Before that they all talked like Errol Flynn.
Posted by: Tony Sidaway | September 19, 2008 12:21 PM
What is it about cheese that Americans find so irresistible as a derogatory term?
Posted by: Tony Sidaway | September 19, 2008 12:23 PM
So if it weren't for Robert Newton, we'd be celebrating International Talk Like A Tasmanian Day?
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 12:25 PM
Have you ever had American cheese? Or, more properly, American process cheese food?
Posted by: Dahan | September 19, 2008 12:43 PM
VegeBrain @ 31,
Fellow former SDA! Yay! Nellie Black (Ellen White to you not in the know) sure was one seriously whacked out loon.
Fifteen men on a dead theist's chest! Arrr!!
Posted by: kmarissa | September 19, 2008 12:43 PM
Tony,
Cheeseheads: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheesehead
Perhaps it's frightening that, in this context, it isn't necessarily a derogatory term.
Posted by: HidariMak | September 19, 2008 12:54 PM
So it's talk like a pirate day? Well, I found a great site for MP3s lately, and some more games will soon be downloaded for my unlocked Xbox 360. What do you mean by "wrong pirate"?
Posted by: Sili | September 19, 2008 12:54 PM
tsg beat me to it. Bugger.
Of course, PeeZed, now poor dr Numbers is gonna be awefully upset with you, since his inbox is bound to've been pharyngulated with direct orders, that he speak like a pirate.
Posted by: Michele Walsh | September 19, 2008 12:56 PM
Long time lurker here. Great Robert Newton story - he had been out drinking all night (as usual) and showed up at the studio where he was working on a film. He strode towards the set from his dressing room wearing only a shirt (and nothing else). His nervous dresser ran after him shouting that he had forgotten something. Newton looked down, muttered "right, you are" then shouted "MAKE UP!"
Posted by: Johnny Vector | September 19, 2008 1:20 PM
What about Manhattan pirates on the 40th floor?
"Jones! Ye've blown th' McKraken account! Fetch th' plank an' open th' window. The bag ladies'll have yer booones."
Or Bronx:
"So I sez to him I sez, wooak the plaink already. Theyas foaty people waitin' on loin."
Posted by: Nick Gotts | September 19, 2008 1:38 PM
Arrrr, OT, 'cept as how this here wunch of bankers makes a pirate crew look like a parcel of do-gooders!
The BBC has the thoughts of various luminaries on "Where now for capitalism?", including Noam Chomsky as the only non-Brit.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/7621771.stm.
Posted by: Zachary | September 19, 2008 1:41 PM
That Numbers lecture sounds like fun, but I have some other plans that involve a long nap. Damn.
Posted by: Onkel Bob | September 19, 2008 1:51 PM
Arr.. matey Qwerty, 41; thanks for warning us of the scurrilous Gilber' and Sully...
The frau keelhauled me to a performance at City "Arr"pera many years back. Arr, Aye sooner walk the plank then be drenched wit th't chum bucket agin.Posted by: Phantom Hugger | September 19, 2008 1:54 PM
I declare a fatwa on all pirate/ninja related 'comedy'.
Posted by: Patricia | September 19, 2008 2:05 PM
tsg - You wouldn't be hinting at insulting Cheese Whiz, Arrr ya?
Posted by: Jim Barrett | September 19, 2008 2:06 PM
So October 2 would be Talk Like an Orthodox Pirate Day?
Posted by: Captain Polyester Mather D.D. | September 19, 2008 2:08 PM
Avast, Piringuloids , a quiddity of squiddity awaits thee, so get ye smart as paint to thif Addreffs
www.adamant.typepad.com
To read of Ye Arts w& Pyrates Daily,
Posted by: Randy | September 19, 2008 2:11 PM
An "older gentleman" in my office passed by my desk a few minutes ago and said, "Shiver me timbers and fuck my parrot."
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 2:12 PM
Heavens, no. But I wouldn't be so crass as to call it "cheese" either.
It is most definitely Cheez.
Posted by: freelunch | September 19, 2008 2:29 PM
Patricia,
As a proud Cheesehead, I can say that no matter what you say about Cheez Whiz, you won't be insulting it (as long as you aren't at Passyunk and Ninth in Philly where they've found a reasonable use for it.
Posted by: MikeM | September 19, 2008 2:32 PM
Karrrrl Rove and Deepak Charrrrpra arrrrre speaking in Sacarrrrmento today, maties:
http://www.metrochamber.org/cwt/external/wcpages/wcevents/eventssplash.aspx
Arrrr, I hate Karrrrl Rove.
Posted by: Rey Fox | September 19, 2008 3:07 PM
"On your drive back home, make sure to stop in Osseo to eat at the Norske Nook."
Nah, go to the Hot Fish Shop and say hi to the manager, Joel Robinson.
Posted by: CortxVortx | September 19, 2008 3:12 PM
Tonight, I'll have to watch "Yellowbeard" and "The Crimson Permanent Assurance."
But not "Captain Blood" -- 'e don't tawk lak no pie-rat!
Oh, and "Arrr!"
Posted by: James F | September 19, 2008 3:33 PM
Avast ye!
Don't be forgettin' a pirate's favorite amino acid!
Arrrrginine!
Posted by: Patricia | September 19, 2008 3:49 PM
For those that don't have a pirate name or person, sail on over to:
http://stupidstuff.org/main/piratemaker.htm
My pirate name is Jenna the Groin Guzzler... my persona..well it's pirate porn, so we'll leave it out. ;o)
tsg and Freelunch - I'll cut yerrr bar tab by 40 ducats if you insult the Whiz. Arrr ya willing to risk it?
Posted by: idlemind | September 19, 2008 4:00 PM
Looks like TLAP is being observed at various sites around the web.
Posted by: idlemind | September 19, 2008 4:03 PM
Looks like TLAP is being observed at various sites around the web.
Posted by: PZ Myers | September 19, 2008 4:03 PM
Noooo! I went to that stupidstuff site, and here's my pirate name:
Fancy Pants Pete
(formerly known as PZ)
You're known as "The Pirate Who Might Just Be A Little Too In-Touch With His Feminine Side". The cabin-boys are all scared of you and your crew thinks you wear way too much pink and too many ruffles. There's almost no doubt you should have been a priest.
I'm going to throw a snit and cut the crew's Shirley Temple rations now.
Posted by: Danio | September 19, 2008 4:12 PM
Ha! I went to the stupid stuff site, as well. Allow me to re-introduce myself as
Murderous Allison!
Hung like a wild stallion, eh? My stance will be duly modified for the remainder of the day :)
Posted by: Randy Owens | September 19, 2008 4:20 PM
So, how's progress coming along on Pirate Mode for Seed ScienceBlogs?
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 4:25 PM
It's tarrdy.
Posted by: Randy | September 19, 2008 4:27 PM
"Almost no doubt you should have been a priest"?
Ouch, huh?
If it makes you feel better, PZ, I'm not sure that site is perfectly calibrated. My pirate name is "Cap'n Blood and Guts"... but I'm an actor when I'm not on the high seas, and everybody knows what poofs we actors are.
Posted by: Patricia | September 19, 2008 4:30 PM
Holy shite Danio! That could get dangerous.
Careful PZ, if you throw too big of a snit won't we have another tsunami?
Posted by: tsg | September 19, 2008 4:42 PM
A bit wider, at least.
Posted by: Murderous Allison | September 19, 2008 4:45 PM
Indeed, I will almost certainly have to adjust my seat at the microscope to accommodate my massive equine proportions. Amusingly, one of the character traits to select on the pirate menu was 'gouges out eyes'--something I do with chilling frequency to my poor Danios.
Posted by: Sauceress | September 19, 2008 6:14 PM
"You Are: The Mad Mangler"
(formerly known as Sauceress)
"You look good in Spandex and can tell 'light purple' from 'mauve'. You can't make up your mind, but at least you don't sweat when you use your super strength. If you would just stop clouding your co-worker's minds for sleazy sexual favors we'd all be relieved. You use your flying ability even if you've been drinking. If only you had super speed it wouldn't take you all day to clean the house. You could have sex with the Fantastic Four and still want more. No wonder you're so popular with the Justice League!"
Why...why those scurvy bilge rat fleas!
Now if ye be minding me parrot, I be havin' me a roundevue in the copy room!
Posted by: SASnSA | September 19, 2008 6:18 PM
I'll play this game.
Except for the pre-schools, sounds about right.Posted by: kcrady | September 19, 2008 6:18 PM
Batten the hatches an' hoist the mizzen! I still be a waitin' fer me Friday Kraken!!! Or is't only Robinson Crusoe what can git sommat done by Friday? An' Oi got termites in me leg...
Posted by: freelunch | September 19, 2008 6:31 PM
Arrgh. We didn't even get a little "shiver me timbers" out of Prof. Numbers, but his review of the globalization of ID/Creationism was fascinating nonetheless.
Posted by: Sauceress | September 19, 2008 6:38 PM
"An' Oi got termites in me leg..."
Arrrgh...ol' kerosine an' flint'll fix ya leg matey....kerosine an' flint
Posted by: Danio (aka Murderous Allison) | September 19, 2008 6:51 PM
I'm confused by the numerous references to superheroes in these descriptions. Was the 'create a pirate personna' program perhaps hastily adapted from a similar program for generating superhero identities? References to super speed and flying ability just seem rather incongruous with pirate lore...
Posted by: Nick Gotts | September 19, 2008 6:52 PM
Avast there! Avast behind! 'tes Screaming Sam here, another "Pirate Who Might Just Be A Little Too In-Touch With His Feminine Side"! The bloody site must be able to detect liberals and lefties by the limp-wristed way they press the keys!
Posted by: Sauceress | September 19, 2008 7:11 PM
"I'm confused by the numerous references to superheroes in these descriptions."
And spandex?
Another one..
"What's my pirate name"
http://www.piratequiz.com/
Iron Prudentilla Bonney
"A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!"
"Can't make up my mind" "Can be a bit unpredictable"
Hmmmm....maybe...maybe not!
Posted by: Sauceress | September 19, 2008 7:24 PM
I usually hand out colour (more likely recipients will read/keep them) FSM brochures at uni on TLAP day...missed yesterday for the first time in 3 yrs! :(
There's a crowd there that dresses up, sets up in the eatery and hands out balloon cutlasses, pirate stickers ect. They've been doing so for years, (5yrs I think), and last year most of them still hadn't heard of His Noodlyness!!
Brochures:
http://www.venganza.org/materials/brochures/
Posted by: CortxVortx | September 19, 2008 7:26 PM
And, as Mr. Krab says, "A pirate is judged by the size of his booty!"
Posted by: Danio | September 19, 2008 7:38 PM
thanks, sauceress--In addition to 'Murderous Allison', I may now be addressed as:
Pirate Jenny Rackham!
at last, a spandex-free personna. I do, however, have an inexplicable urge to duck out of work early and go in search of a friendly game of billiards.
Posted by: Benji | September 19, 2008 7:40 PM
Arrr... A just got far teeth ripped off... won't be hard to talk like a pirate, yarghhh
Posted by: CortxVortx | September 19, 2008 7:46 PM
Re: #69 (aHEM!)
"That's all right, Cap'n! We always knew you was a whoopsie!"
(Ah, screw HTML linking!)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486655/quotes
Posted by: Bob | September 19, 2008 8:16 PM
How does a pirate firefighter address his male child?
Arrgh, son.
Posted by: Sauceress | September 19, 2008 8:17 PM
*flashes back to The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert*
http://londonist.com/2008/09/preview_priscilla_queen_of_the_dese.php
Trivia: Expelled grossed $7,598,071 at the box office compared to Priscilla which grossed $11,059,700 without the millions spent on Expelled propaganda and advertising.
ROFL
Posted by: The MadPanda | September 19, 2008 9:22 PM
We prefer to call it 'transhipped goods', following the auspicious tradition of our glorious forebear Madame Cheng.
What, did you think pirates only came from the Caribbean?
(sigh)
Oh, very well. Shiver me timbers, ye landlubbin' bilgerats. Pass the grog! Pass the wenches! Drive the garlic-eating imperialist dogs before our fire; burn their forts and let us hear the lamentations of their wounded!
The MadPanda, FCD
Posted by: M. Lee | September 19, 2008 9:57 PM
arrr, and ye know what talk like a landlubbin' ninja day sounds like?
----------------------
Very good^_^
Posted by: Jenna the Groin Guzzler | September 19, 2008 10:37 PM
Avast ye scurvy daaawgs and buxom wenches! More grog & swill for all!
It's time for the ol' egg pusher to load the truck and lock up the cluck heads.
Y'll have fun w'yer corset snapping and pantaloon pinching.
Good night ye scurvy bilge rats!
Posted by: Janine ID | September 19, 2008 10:41 PM
The Lone Drinker
(formerly known as Janine)
Your hot little super-hienie looks good in Spandex, but you squander your super hearing ability listening to rap music all day. You can't parallel park or set the VCR to tape a show. On the other hand, you never sweat even when you use your super strength. If you would just stop clouding men's minds for cheap sex then your infection might clear up. You use your flying ability even if you've been drinking, and because you don't have super speed it takes you all day to do the laundry. You secretly have the hots for The Flash and would trip him and beat him to the floor (if you could catch him, that is).
My! It seems that becoming a pirate made me straight!
Posted by: Aquaria | September 20, 2008 1:54 AM
Just checked the pirate name site and eww! My name is Captain Jane Maggot. Ew!
However, the explanation of my pirate self is as follows:
Now look here... I do know how to scramble an egg. I also make a mean souffle. And flying? Ha! There's a reason cars have those chicken straps, you know, and I make sure everyone riding with me knows it.
Who said I can't--and don't? :::Evil grin:::
Hmph. I do it with and without the X-Ray vision. And not just in grocery stores, either.
Dang! Why didn't someone tell me about this skill sooner? I work right by the horse track! Time to spend my lunch break with the ponies.
You have no idea...
Posted by: Monado in Toronto | September 20, 2008 2:25 PM
Thank you all for your pirate voices.
I was at work all day and night yesterday. My only piratical action was to send the Pirate Kitten link to a couple of people. And to wear a blood-red tank-top under my wench-appropriate "cross-your-heart" blouse. And to mutter, "Aaar, me hearties" a couple of times as I finished up on the wiki project.