Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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« Hooray for Oklahoma! | Main | Here comes the bride »
Category: Humor • Weirdness
Posted on: October 7, 2008 9:30 AM, by PZ Myers
I may have to change my voting plans — a real wild card candidate has entered the race.
There is, of course, a poll.
These guys are going to have a lock on the cryptozoological/weird conspiracy/tinfoil hat constituency, and we all know that that is a huge fraction of the population in this country. Don't count them out.
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Comments
Posted by: The Petey | October 7, 2008 9:47 AM
is Nessie supposed to be stealing the fence-sitting Hillary supporters?
Though, I think Palin is scarier than any prehistoric water predator.
Posted by: Deepsix | October 7, 2008 9:48 AM
Bigfoot had to withdraw from the race when he was shot and killed in Georgia. Luckily, Yeti has stepped in to take his place.
Posted by: AJ Milne | October 7, 2008 9:58 AM
Moderator: Mr. Sasquatch, how, as president, would you work to shrink this gap of polarization which has sprung up in Washington?
Sasquatch: Raaaaaaowwwr.... Grunt... Raooowrrrr... Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!
Moderator: Mkay... Moving on... Last year, Congress passed a bill that would make it more difficult for debt-strapped mortgage-holders to declare bankruptcy, to get out from under that debt. This is something that John McCain supported. Would you have?
Sasquatch: Urrrggghhhh! Garrrrhhh! Meeeeearrrrggghhh! Rowr.
Moderator: Umm... yeah... Okay then, let's talk about climate change. What is true and what is false about what we have heard, read, discussed, debated about the causes of climate change?
Sasquatch: Urrrrggggghhh! Growl! Urf. Urf. Raaaawwwwrgh!
Moderator: Erm... Right... Mr. Sasquatch, are you going to answer *any* of these questions in a language the rest of this room speaks? Or shall I just throw out this list? What are you even saying? Because honestly, I have no idea?
Sasquatch (winks at camera...)
Posted by: Deepsix | October 7, 2008 10:00 AM
Also, these are the best commercials on TV: http://www.messinwithsasquatch.com/
Love the one where bigfoot is trying to start a fire.
Posted by: Richard Harris | October 7, 2008 10:03 AM
Betcha PETA's behind this new candidacy!
Posted by: Richard Harris | October 7, 2008 10:05 AM
Betcha PETA's behind this new candidacy!
Posted by: Deepsix | October 7, 2008 10:06 AM
Here's one that never aired:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2fa_1186248347
Posted by: Matt Heath | October 7, 2008 10:10 AM
I'm pretty sure Nessie is a British citizen.
Also does Obama really only have one house? I'd have thought he'd need one in Chicago and one in Washington, if his job is to represent that former in the latter. Does he just rent digs in DC?
Posted by: Rog | October 7, 2008 10:18 AM
Thanks for this, PZ - I needed a good laugh today ! And, looking at it from across the pond, I'm not convinced that this isn't the best choice for America...Certainly in a Nessie vs Palin contest, I know which I'd pick (actually...Nessie vs Palin - wouldn't you love to see that on pay per view ?!)
Rog
Posted by: clinteas | October 7, 2008 10:19 AM
LOL
Posted by: Curt Cameron | October 7, 2008 10:25 AM
From Palin:
The "four thousand years" is a nice touch.Posted by: OctoberMermaid | October 7, 2008 10:31 AM
Nice.
Oh, totally OT but fun. Check it out. Bill Donahue uses youtube! Hooray! Let's treat him kindly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLP2fHGHX7c
Posted by: randy | October 7, 2008 10:46 AM
I'm a tad bit disappointed. I was hoping Bigfoot would really reach across party lines and choose Chupacabra as his running mate. Well, maybe 2012. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to vote Nader.
Posted by: SC | October 7, 2008 10:54 AM
OctoberMermaid,
Thanks! That's great. Isn't he just the personification of self-righteous bigotry?
I love how the "Related Videos" are mostly cracker desecrations and Kathy Griffin (hilarious).
Posted by: SC | October 7, 2008 11:01 AM
Is Bill Donohue trying to do a video caricature of Archie Bunker?
Posted by: AJ Milne | October 7, 2008 11:09 AM
Chupacabra. He's a blood-sucking terror that comes in the night, a whispered rumour of horror on the lips of children. And he's never been seen by daylight...
So, in other words, if he's elected VP, it's pretty much more of the same.
Posted by: Ted Dahlberg | October 7, 2008 11:22 AM
I for one would never vote for a campaign that is so blatantly dishonest! Nessie isn't a dinosaur, she's a sauropterygian (I hope, and damn Wikipedia if I'm wrong). If they're lying about that, what else are they hiding? Eh? Eh?
Posted by: thelogos | October 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Bah!
Upstarts, all of them!
Everybody knows the true mavericks this year are Azathoth/Nyarlathotep!
Posted by: Chiaroscuro | October 7, 2008 11:49 AM
Nah! Ill keep my vote on Cthulhu/Shub-Niggurath, with a thousand young Shub really stands on family values.
Posted by: Chiaroscuro | October 7, 2008 11:50 AM
Nah! Ill keep my vote on Cthulhu/Shub-Niggurath, with a thousand young Shub really stands on "family values".
Posted by: Sydney S. | October 7, 2008 11:55 AM
Oh, I see! One of my fellow grad students had a Bigfoot '08 shirt on yesterday, and I was wondering what it was all about...
Posted by: Sydney S. | October 7, 2008 11:59 AM
Oh, I see! One of my fellow grad students had a Bigfoot '08 shirt on yesterday, and I was wondering what it was all about...
Posted by: Moggie | October 7, 2008 12:00 PM
Ridiculous: Bigfoot doesn't exist. That's obviously a Wookiee.
Posted by: SC | October 7, 2008 12:02 PM
The Catholic Archie Bunker (minus the pathos)? You be the judge!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6eIktSXYJU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpknHtIKBrk&feature=related
Posted by: SC | October 7, 2008 12:06 PM
Ack. Reverse the order of those two videos.
Posted by: Sydney S. | October 7, 2008 12:09 PM
Oh, I see! One of my fellow grad students had a Bigfoot '08 shirt on yesterday, and I was wondering what it was all about...
Posted by: Masks of Eris | October 7, 2008 12:11 PM
What, Azathoth/Nyarlathotep? If I was from round there (America, not R'lyeh), I'd certainly vote for them, since what other candidate has formulated his (err, her? its? THAT THING's?) platform as a poem, with solution to crises in finance, housing and everything?
Destroying everything there is is certainly a maverick choice; out-Republicaning the Republicans or something like that.
Posted by: Rekel | October 7, 2008 12:19 PM
You certainly don't want to vote Jesus though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ1L4eeu5KI
Posted by: David Marjanović, OM | October 7, 2008 12:43 PM
ROTFLMAO!
This time you get a Molly nomination. :-D :-D :-D
Awesome. Utterly awesome. And I didn't even recognize whatever the 9iu11ani quote was.
Posted by: JSW | October 7, 2008 12:54 PM
Do Vice-Presidents have to be natural born citizens of the United States? I know Presidents do, and I assume the same rules apply to VPs since they're expected to take over if something happens to the President. That would most likely disqualify this ticket as Nessie's been in Scotland since long before the United States was founded.
Posted by: SC | October 7, 2008 12:57 PM
"He worked as a community organizer - liberal activist!"
Posted by: Alex Besogonov | October 7, 2008 12:59 PM
A plug for one of my favorite webcomics:
http://irregularwebcomic.net/2067.html
http://irregularwebcomic.net/2074.html
Posted by: Sili | October 7, 2008 1:17 PM
Damn, beaten to the IWW.Well, don't they say that the tallest candidate is more likely to win?
Posted by: Doog | October 7, 2008 2:29 PM
"I'm a tad bit disappointed. I was hoping Bigfoot would really reach across party lines and choose Chupacabra as his running mate.."
Nessie seems to be the best choice. Sure Chupacabra could help bridge the party lines, but he sucks goats dry of blood. That would certainly alienate farmers and ranchers. And although Mothman has some good ideas on the economy and church/state separation, his opposition to gay marriage wouldn't help Bigfoot's message of change.
Posted by: Hockey Bob | October 7, 2008 2:50 PM
Not too big on Sasquatch, but I'd certainly vote for *this* guy!
http://www.tsgnet.com/pres.php?id=370617&altf=Q8&altl=Nzfst
(Not a rickroll!)
Posted by: phantomreader42 | October 7, 2008 3:13 PM
JSW @ #30:
Well, techincally, if Nessie could establish that she had US citizenship at the time the Constitution was adopted, she'd be eligible even if she wasn't born here. The first several Presidents COULDN'T have been born in the United States, since the US didn't exist at the time they were born, so there's a grandfather clause.
Posted by: HidariMak | October 7, 2008 3:31 PM
It's nice to see so many realistic alternatives to McCain and Palin. Well, other than the Jesus ticket, anyways.
Posted by: Pierce R. Butler | October 7, 2008 3:36 PM
Check twice before voting for this guy - he looks somewhat familiar...
Posted by: Qwerty | October 7, 2008 4:36 PM
Change! Who is going to change his litter box? Who will change the water in Nessie's tank?
It will cost us BILLIONS if we elect these two!
Also, who will play Nessie on SNL? Tina Fey can't do it all!
Posted by: Qwerty | October 7, 2008 4:41 PM
Change! Who is going to change his litter box? Who will change the water in Nessie's tank?
It will cost us BILLIONS if we elect these two!
Also, who will play Nessie on SNL? Tina Fey can't do it all!
Posted by: Eyeoffaith | October 7, 2008 5:41 PM
Yay. Another Irregular reader. I love that comic.
I am personally hoping the Allosaurus gets another term in office.
Posted by: 8teist | October 7, 2008 5:56 PM
Ha 37% of respondents took this poll seriously,so far, lolololol idiots.
Posted by: gaypaganunitarianagnostic | October 7, 2008 6:46 PM
No, Nessie would not be eligable. Champ now...
Couldn't be worse than Palin.
Posted by: Brandon P. | October 7, 2008 7:06 PM
Isn't Nessie supposed to be a plesiosaur rather than a dinosaur?