The mad scientist's dilemma : Pharyngula

Search

Profile

PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
…and this is a pharyngula stage embryo.
• a longer profile of yours truly
• my calendar
• Nature Network
• RichardDawkins Network
• facebook
• MySpace
• Twitter
• Atheist Nexus
• the Pharyngula chat room
(#pharyngula on irc.synirc.net)

• Quick link to the latest endless thread

Register for the Atheist Convention Melbourne 12-14 March 2010

I reserve the right to publicly post, with full identifying information about the source, any email sent to me that contains threats of violence.

I support Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

Random Quote

It may be said that natural selection is daily and hourly scrutinizing, through out the world, every variation, even the slightest; rejecting that which is bad, preserving and adding up all that is good; silently and invisibly working…We see nothing of theses slow changes in progress until the hand of time has marked the long lapse of ages.

Stephen Jay Gould

A Taste of Pharyngula

Other Information

2005 Koufax Award
Best Expert

2006 Weblogs Award

« Old scientists never clean out their refrigerators | Main | Friday Cephalopod: nom nom nom nom »

The mad scientist's dilemma

Category: Weirdness
Posted on: October 17, 2008 1:56 AM, by PZ Myers

Decisions, decisions.

(via Chris's Invincible Super Blog)

Share this: Facebook Twitter Stumbleupon Reddit Email + More

TrackBacks

TrackBack URL for this entry: http://scienceblogs.com/mt/pings/83666

Comments

Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM | October 17, 2008 2:12 AM

Oh please,

If it was a FEMALE mad scientists she'd be able to do both... whilst looking after the evil minions (ie children) and always making sure Mr Mad Scientists had freshly pressed lab coats.

Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM | October 17, 2008 2:16 AM

I have no idea where the extra "s" is coming from at the end of Scientist. In my next life I'm not going to have a keyboard so I won't have typos, I'm just going to have the computer wired directly into my brain.

You all be in for some mad arsed stream of consciousness ramblings then.

Posted by: Capital Dan | October 17, 2008 2:17 AM

Killer robot. Hands down. Nothing beats a killer robot, people.

Posted by: Jared | October 17, 2008 2:43 AM

Killer nanobots sure would beat killer robots...

Posted by: Janine ID AKA The Lone Drinker | October 17, 2008 2:53 AM

I thought that was the plot of Robocop.

Posted by: terrylong | October 17, 2008 3:27 AM

"I'm just going to have the computer wired directly into my brain."

And of course you'll have no brain farts. :)

Posted by: Masks of Eris | October 17, 2008 4:24 AM

Yup, one project at a time. Otherwise you may go ga-ga. That's the way we mathematicians do it. Witness the plan of Andre Bloch:

1. Eliminate outside sources of stress.
2. Get to a peaceful research environment.
3. Do research.

Opinions on just how well he executed this may vary.

Posted by: Didac | October 17, 2008 4:41 AM

Well, of course, at a time, research must be focused. However, it is a good point to combine "finality aspectes" (like killing people or, event, saving them) with "technical aspects" (like reanimating dead tissue or simply keeping alive fresh tissue along all your physiological experiment). Then it's easier to publish. Of course, truly mad scientists is not concerned on publications or reviewers. Happy them!!!

Posted by: Nibien | October 17, 2008 4:45 AM

Oh please,
If it was a FEMALE mad scientists she'd be able to do both... whilst looking after the evil minions (ie children) and always making sure Mr Mad Scientists had freshly pressed lab coats.

Sexist pig.

#10

Posted by: Wowbagger | October 17, 2008 5:15 AM

Fools! I'll destroy them all!

#11

Posted by: Mike Huben | October 17, 2008 5:18 AM

Look, it's a cycle.

Killer robot.

Reanimate the dead.

Killer robot again.

Repeat.

Any systems engineer could tell you that if you don't make a closed cycle, you're going to have to file environmental impact statements on the sources of the inputs or the handling of the waste products.

#12

Posted by: Romeo Vitelli | October 17, 2008 5:27 AM

What? You never heard of multitasking? Nobody is going to conquer the world by taking things slowly.

#13

Posted by: Masks of Eris | October 17, 2008 5:34 AM

Uh, wait. "Stick to either reanimating dead tissue or creating a killer robot"?

Imagine a Christianity where the second alternative was taken and not the first.

#14

Posted by: alex | October 17, 2008 5:38 AM

if you're a truly mad scientist, surely it should always be "and/or" - otherwise you're merely an eccentric scientist.

#15

Posted by: Romeo Vitelli | October 17, 2008 5:46 AM

"Uh, wait. "Stick to either reanimating dead tissue or creating a killer robot"?

Imagine a Christianity where the second alternative was taken and not the first."

Reanimating dead tissue is for Christians only. Creating killer robots (i.e., golems) is a Jewish thing.

#16

Posted by: Chris Davis | October 17, 2008 5:55 AM

Amateurs...

1) Reanimate dead tissue
2) Create slave organism
3) Breed slave race
4) Get them to build killer robot
5) Profit!

#17

Posted by: gunofsod | October 17, 2008 6:09 AM

Couldn't find the quote I was after, so here's this one:

"Well, once again my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences. . . but the other head of science is bad! Oh beware the other head of science, Arthur, it bites!" - The Tick

and another cuz I like it:

"When evil's afoot, and you don't have any arms, you've got to do a little leg work. And when evil's ahead, and you're a little behind, you've got to stay hip. You've got to keep on your toes! You've got to kick a little butt" - The Tick

#18

Posted by: SEF | October 17, 2008 6:42 AM

That particular cyborg appears also to be in combination with a money-box or prepayment meter. Or perhaps the slot in the top of the head is the card-reader for taking new instructions. Or should that be more of a suggestion-box, because everyone's opinions are equally valid - including those of killer zombie-robots.

#19

Posted by: Masks of Eris | October 17, 2008 7:15 AM

At #18 --- A vending machine cyborg?

FOR RAMPAGE INSERT $3
FOR MAYHEM INSERT $5
IN CASE OF ZOMBIES INSERT BRAINS AND STRAIGHTEN ARMS, THEN CALL MAINTENANCE
DO NOT ABUSE OR DESTROY

#20

Posted by: Disciple of "Bob" | October 17, 2008 7:40 AM

Duh. Killer cyborgs are orders of magnitude cooler than mere killer robots. Just ask Sarah Connor.

#21

Posted by: Emmet Caulfield | October 17, 2008 7:43 AM

At #18 --- A vending machine cyborg?

No, it's just a swear-box.

#22

Posted by: stogoe | October 17, 2008 8:07 AM

Silence, fleshy ones. The robots are having a conversation.

#23

Posted by: Ziggy | October 17, 2008 8:49 AM

Well, duh, the killer robot is for collecting dead tissue to animate.

#24

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 8:52 AM

Clearly he need more help. At least a couple of grant application writers. And henchmen. Lots of henchmen[1].

[1] Okay, okay, "henchpeople".

#25

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 8:54 AM

You all be in for some mad arsed stream of consciousness ramblings then.

You say that like something would be different.

#26

Posted by: Epikt | October 17, 2008 8:56 AM

Build the killer robot first. Then you can use it to terrorize the NSF into funding the reanimation work.

#27

Posted by: Anon | October 17, 2008 9:07 AM

@#24--
"Persons of Hench"

#28

Posted by: mocular | October 17, 2008 9:30 AM

Killer Robot Pirate Ninjas - the perfect henchandriods.

#29

Posted by: AJS | October 17, 2008 9:43 AM

Romeo @ 12: Multi-tasking is soooo last century! Inter-tasking is the new way to work.

#30

Posted by: Nerd of Redhead | October 17, 2008 9:49 AM

Killer Robot Pirate Ninjas - the perfect henchandriods.

Sounds like a Mythbusters episode. Grant would have a field day.

#31

Posted by: Tim H | October 17, 2008 10:00 AM

The obvious answer is...build a Time Machine. That would lance the boil at the root of the whole problem. You would never have to prioritize anything ever again. You could do it all. Make sure you clean up the root pus first, though.

#32

Posted by: AJS | October 17, 2008 10:03 AM

Time machine? Pah! If I had one of those, I'd just use that in the kitchen!

By cooking my steak until it was charcoal and then rewinding time by five minutes, I could get my steak exactly "five to burnt" !

#33

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 10:11 AM

By cooking my steak until it was charcoal and then rewinding time by five minutes, I could get my steak exactly "five to burnt" !

Oh, no. "Best way to eat steak" flame war in 3...2...1....

#34

Posted by: Ranson | October 17, 2008 10:58 AM

I'll need you guys to have your kids fill out this application for minionhood. Gotta get 'em when they're young, I say.

#35

Posted by: abb3w | October 17, 2008 11:57 AM

Ahem. Application for minionhood. See also here for the work of the senior Von Fogg family members under their nom de plume (instead of the nom de guerre).

#36

Posted by: (((Billy))) | October 17, 2008 12:21 PM

@ # 24: Henchpeople sounds kludgy. That's why I prefer minions. As in, "The Rovian Minions supporting McCain's campaign have. . . ." Much better than henchpeople.

#37

Posted by: daveau | October 17, 2008 12:33 PM

@ #20

OK, killer cyborgs made from reanimated tissue. No multi-inter-tasking required.

#38

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 12:55 PM

Henchpeople sounds kludgy. That's why I prefer minions.

Nah. "Minions" has too much of a connotation of blind servility and doesn't convey the menace of a henchman.

#39

Posted by: stogoe | October 17, 2008 1:47 PM

Oh, come on. Henchpeople aren't menacing at all - they're the janitors of evildom. If you want to inspire dread, you have to be a miniboss at least.

Here's the list:

Minions: unruly mob of fanatics.
Henchmen: Janitors, Stockboys.
Guards: Idiots and/or Morons.
Miniboss: Like a Sidekick, except more beatings.

#40

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 2:00 PM

Oh, come on. Henchpeople aren't menacing at all - they're the janitors of evildom.

Right, they do the dirty work. Often because they like getting dirty.

If you want to inspire dread, you have to be a miniboss at least.

Ay, oh, as long as we're throwing money around, why not just go for a couple of Grand Viziers? I just need someone to carry out my evil plans, not plot a hostile takeover as well.

#41

Posted by: Donnie B. | October 17, 2008 2:43 PM

SEF #18 said:

Or perhaps the slot in the top of the head is the card-reader for taking new instructions.

USB slot. It's a very small killer robot. But quick.

#42

Posted by: stogoe | October 17, 2008 2:53 PM

A Henchman will just call the guards when your nemeses attack the base. Why not just hire all guards, then?

Oh, yeah: they never hit their target, never call for backup, and fall for every stupid diversion in the book.

Who can you trust these days?

#43

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 3:00 PM

A Henchman will just call the guards when your nemeses attack the base. Why not just hire all guards, then?
Oh, yeah: they never hit their target, never call for backup, and fall for every stupid diversion in the book.

That's true, of course, but nothing beats henchmen for capturing and tormenting the heroine. Those leers require a lot of practice. And they shout really well.

Who can you trust these days?

A necessary trait of willingness to do evil is being untrustworthy. I mean, you're not a proper mad scientist / evil overlord unless you're surrounded by incompetents in high positions.

#44

Posted by: (((Billy))) The Atheist | October 17, 2008 3:42 PM

Keep in mind that henchmen also fall down dead when you wave at them. You don't even need to actually hit them. Minions, though, will keep coming back again and again and again. Proof? Think of Karl Rove and all of his minions (I know, unfair to take an example from reality, but I am a realist, so . . .).

I mean, you're not a proper mad scientist / evil overlord unless you're surrounded by incompetents in high positions.

So would that make George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain, and the rest of the conservative leadership of the Republican party "evil overlords" or "mad scientist?"

I'm going with evil overlords because of the anti-science bent of modern Republicanism. After all, we've been following neoconservatism for almost thirty years, and we still have no killer robots or reanimated dead tissue. Well, there is McCain, but . . . .

#45

Posted by: tsg | October 17, 2008 4:22 PM

Keep in mind that henchmen also fall down dead when you wave at them. You don't even need to actually hit them. Minions, though, will keep coming back again and again and again.

I never said minions weren't useful, just that henchmen fill a role minions can't. Minions have to believe the Evil Plan is a Good Thing^TM. Henchmen don't and will do the Things That Must Be Done^TM.

So would that make George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain, and the rest of the conservative leadership of the Republican party "evil overlords" or "mad scientist?"

Oh, definitely Evil Overlords (although I would put Bush firmly at "puppet figurehead").

#46

Posted by: (((Billy))) The Atheist | October 17, 2008 4:42 PM

You have a point, tsg. Minions have to be In On The Plan! while henchmen can be kept in the dark. I don't know if minions have to believe in the plan, but they would, since they are In On The Plan! have to believe that the plan (if successful) would actually help the minion.

I do think, however (to reinforce my previous post), that the current version of Republicanism seems to have cornered the market on your 'incompentents in high positions.' Heckuva Job, Brownie!

#47

Posted by: Malcolm | October 17, 2008 5:39 PM

So long as someone is building killer robots.
The ones I order from Acme are just crap.

#48

Posted by: SASnSA | October 17, 2008 5:50 PM