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PZ Myers is a biologist and associate professor at the University of Minnesota, Morris.
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Category: Weirdness
Posted on: October 12, 2008 11:59 PM, by PZ Myers
But then, isn't everything? We had a veritable orgy of communion wafer consumption in Springfield, enhanced by a chocolate coating. Why can't the transubstantiation trick involve chocolate and milk instead of bread and wine?
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Comments
Posted by: Zetetic | October 13, 2008 12:05 AM
Ah, but were they consecrated wafers? Because it's probably not as blasphemous if they weren't.
Posted by: H.H. | October 13, 2008 12:06 AM
Jesus really is the tastiest of all the gods. Cthulhu, on the other hand, is the god that finds us the tastiest.
Posted by: Owlmirror | October 13, 2008 12:06 AM
O HAI CEILING CAT!
I MADE U A CHOKLIT BODY...
... BUT I EATED IT.
OM NOM NOM NOM
Posted by: religion (not responding) | October 13, 2008 12:07 AM
Did a chocolate coating help to make those things even remotely edible? I would rather just eat chocolate or better yet chocolate covered apples.
Posted by: Patricia | October 13, 2008 12:08 AM
But.... did the sluts like it?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Posted by: 386sx | October 13, 2008 12:17 AM
There could be a market for this. The wafers should be baked first, of course. Maybe two wafers! With marshmallow in the middle! Oh man...
Posted by: Mike | October 13, 2008 12:24 AM
Reminds of me of Seder dinner with friends! Jews have been onto this for a long time. One of the indulgences I've often had at Passover is maztzo dipped in chocolate!
Google "matzo bark" for some ideas. With almonds, toffee, caramel, pistachios ...
Posted by: Galbinus_Caeli | October 13, 2008 12:34 AM
Fondue!
And isn't chocolate the drink of the Gods already?
Posted by: fierce-rabbit | October 13, 2008 12:37 AM
There could be a market for this. The wafers should be baked first, of course. Maybe two wafers! With marshmallow in the middle! Oh man...
Toast 'em around the campfire - sacramental s'mores!
Posted by: MikeM | October 13, 2008 12:37 AM
Because chololate is the work of Satan. Jesus H Christ, do I have to explain everything around here?
Posted by: Ryan Cunningham | October 13, 2008 12:38 AM
You'd rather have milk than wine? What kind of heathen are you?!
Posted by: Galbinus_Caeli | October 13, 2008 12:39 AM
I wonder how they would be covered in melted cheese and jalepeños?
Posted by: scooter | October 13, 2008 12:39 AM
Patricia @ 5
Real Men don't have to cover our Eucahrists in Chocolate for a good time, we have SLUTS!!!
Posted by: Ryan Cunningham | October 13, 2008 12:40 AM
You'd rather have milk than wine? What kind of heathen are you?!
Posted by: fierce-rabbit | October 13, 2008 12:45 AM
I wonder how they would be covered in melted cheese and jalepeños?
That's nacho Jesus, that's MY Jesus!
Hey, I wonder if you could dampen them a bit and reshape them like "scoops"?
(Sorry - galbinus_caeli and I are sitting in our home office at desks about 8 feet apart and giggling like schoolchildren....)
Posted by: God | October 13, 2008 12:46 AM
No. Wrong.Theobroma cacao, remember?
And for you monkeys to eat any of it is utter, impious blasphemy.
Posted by: william | October 13, 2008 12:52 AM
As Rick Reynolds used to say, "Body of Christ, with or without nuts."
Posted by: Polyester Mather DD | October 13, 2008 12:54 AM
If the Lord had intended them to be covered in cheese , He would have made squid mammals.
Posted by: Andy James | October 13, 2008 1:22 AM
Must be because the Host is a non-polar solute, and without alcohol would pass straight through as stool.
Makes sense to me.
Posted by: Barry Greenstein | October 13, 2008 1:28 AM
Aztecs ate chocolate;
Aztecs were pagans;
Pagans are Satanic;
Therefor chocolate is Satanic.
Case closed.
Posted by: David | October 13, 2008 1:30 AM
Great fun and thanks for sharing the link to the blog. Always nice to find other great stories to read :)
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | October 13, 2008 1:33 AM
Chocolate and wine.
Why?
Because the DNA for continued lactase production throughout life is not yet fixed in the human population.
Posted by: feedayeen | October 13, 2008 1:45 AM
Hey, PZ. There is an update on the Creaionist who would give 7.5 Trillion to the first one to prove evolution.
Apparently he is being locked away for 3 years because of a scam.
http://www.reuters.com/article/artsNews/idUSL0992091620080509?sp=true
Posted by: Wowbagger | October 13, 2008 2:22 AM
Tom Waits, Chocolate Jesus
Posted by: Jeremy | October 13, 2008 2:34 AM
So if the wafer turns into Jesus' body and the wine turns into Jesus' blood, what part of Jesus do the milk and chocolate turn into?
Sounds disgusting...
Posted by: Matt7895 | October 13, 2008 2:51 AM
Donahue is only going to foam at the mouth if these were magic wafers, PZ.
Posted by: JHS | October 13, 2008 2:53 AM
I think a 12-course, body of christ-themed tasting menu is in order.
Posted by: Bride of Shrek OM | October 13, 2008 3:00 AM
Patricia
Personally this slut has a dislike for the sweet tooth. I'll have mine with a fine wedge of aged blue cheese thanks. Maybe some quince paste slivered on top. With a drop of fine cab sav to wash it down.
For you sugar eaters out there though I think you should wedge two together with a dollop of chocolate mousse in between. Like an Oreo but in negative.
Posted by: Sophist FCD | October 13, 2008 3:12 AM
When the weather gets rough and it's whiskey in the shade
Best to wrap your savior up in cellophane
He flows like the Big Muddy, but that's OK
Pour him over ice cream for a nice parfait...
Posted by: scooter | October 13, 2008 3:49 AM
Bride of Shrek
Patricia
I'll have mine with a fine wedge of aged blue cheese thanks.
Yeah moldy leather seat musk.
Please write to wife, showers are not sexy.
-s
Posted by: Alan C | October 13, 2008 3:54 AM
If you want to piss-off the Pastafarians as well, here's how:-
http://www.evilmadscientist.com/article.php/edibleeyes
Posted by: pcarini | October 13, 2008 3:58 AM
Dammit, beat to the punch by both Wowbagger #24 and Sophist at # 29.
Posted by: Josh Wilson | October 13, 2008 4:25 AM
They're Sacrilegitastic! Thanks for visiting us, Dr. Meyers - we needed a dose of reality out here in Jesusland.
Posted by: Pikemann Urge | October 13, 2008 4:47 AM
Jeez. Still with the wafers? The attempted witticisms you've encouraged are more bland than the (plain) wafers themselves.
Posted by: Muffin | October 13, 2008 4:51 AM
As Homer would say, sacrilicious!
Posted by: Burning Umbrella | October 13, 2008 7:01 AM
"A spokeswoman for his Science Research Foundation (BAV) confirmed to Reuters that Oktar had been sentenced but said the judge was influenced by political and religious pressure groups."
Adnan Oktar has been had by "religious pressure groups". Delicious like chocolate-cowered Jesus.
Posted by: The Perky Skeptic | October 13, 2008 7:20 AM
Mike, #7, referred to chocolate-covered matzo-- I think the Japanese stole that idea and called it Pocky!
Posted by: F'tang F'tang | October 13, 2008 7:23 AM
What ever happened to multiculturalism? Let's hear it for sashimi and sake. Or haggis and scotch. Or carrot sticks and wheatgrass juice.
Posted by: dean | October 13, 2008 7:29 AM
I'm not a wine fan. When you find out how they taste with a good whisky or bourbon, (followed by a cigar), let me know.
Posted by: Sauceress | October 13, 2008 7:49 AM
#31 Alan C
You can't piss off Pastafarians with that because we all know that the Noodly One loves nothing more than to be eaten!
Posted by: Epinephrine | October 13, 2008 8:31 AM
Funny you should mention chocolate and milk; I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and the deacon explained that marriage is like chocolate milk, combinbing two good things to make something even better. He said that if you watch a glass of chocolate milk, it'll eventually separate, but if you give it a stir from time to time it stays together.
Guess who stirs it? You know....
Jesus. Yup, Jesus is the Nestlé Quik bunny.
I was sitting in a row full of atheists, and there was much laughing at the long, tortured analogy.
Posted by: Blondin | October 13, 2008 8:45 AM
#41, did he happen to mention whether the milk should be 2% or skim? What about homo? What kind of marriage would you get if you were homo milk? Would the church even support a homo milk marriage?
Posted by: Blondin | October 13, 2008 8:52 AM
I know this is OT but somebody mentioned lactase and it reminded me...
If "lactating" is producing milk via mammary glands then what is "vegetating"?
(Images of bras full of radishes, peas and corn-on-the-cob...)
Posted by: Hieronymous Braintree | October 13, 2008 9:10 AM
If all communion wafers suddenly became chocolate, would that prove Jesus was black?
Posted by: Karley | October 13, 2008 9:28 AM
I partook in some chocolate Jesus. It wasn't bad; kind of crumbly though.
Jesus: Melts in Your Mouth, Not in You Hands.
Posted by: colluvial | October 13, 2008 9:40 AM
Using communion wafers for dessert has a centuries-long tradition in Germany for making the soft, moist, cake-like cookie called Lebkuchen.
From Wikipedia:
Posted by: Mrs Tilton | October 13, 2008 9:43 AM
Karley @45,
Jesus: Melts in Your Mouth, Not in You Hands
Jesus never eats M&Ms, actually, and for a very good reason.
Posted by: scooter | October 13, 2008 9:56 AM
Blondin @42: What kind of marriage would you get if you were homo milk?
Try to find a spouse who can survive pasteurization, it weeds out the wimps.
Posted by: Sabazinus | October 13, 2008 10:15 AM
#2 said--Cthulhu, on the other hand, is the god that finds us the tastiest.
Yes, and he wants you all to start basting. Now. Low sodium broth or BBQ sauce is his preference.
Posted by: Sarcastro | October 13, 2008 10:35 AM
I watched an episode of Jack of All Trades last night wherein a hungover Napoleon - played brilliantly by Verne Troyer - was getting married and kept eating communion wafers (and washing them down with holy water) while waiting for the ceremony to commence.
Posted by: Xeric | October 13, 2008 10:55 AM
Tom Waits' song about this "immaculate confection":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_CHZ8z-t6M&fmt=18
Posted by: Xeric | October 13, 2008 11:04 AM
Tom Waits' song about this "immaculate confection":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_CHZ8z-t6M&fmt=18
Posted by: SASnSA | October 13, 2008 12:05 PM
That's utterly sacrilegious! How evil can you be?! You're definitely going to hell for this one! How dare you taint the divine chocolate with those nasty jesus chips!
Posted by: tsg | October 13, 2008 12:18 PM
Donahue will foam at the mouth for any reason that gets him in the public eye. The mere appearance of sacrilege is all he needs. After all, he did go after the YouTube videos and I highly doubt they were all consecrated. Not that he could tell either way.
Posted by: Dr. Mac | October 13, 2008 2:21 PM
When my sister and I were kids one of us mis-heard a TV commercial for cheese crackers and it became one of our running jokes about communion (which we never took, being non religeous). It went something like this:
We like munching,
We like crunching,
We like eating Jesus.
Posted by: Mad Hussein LOLscientist, FCD | October 13, 2008 3:13 PM
Blondin asks:
A great way to make all those veggie-hating men out there start scarfing down multiple servings?
Posted by: NoFear (RD.net) | October 14, 2008 2:13 AM
Did nobody make a comment yet about the appropriateness of the chocalate dipped host? If Jesus existed at all, he was most likely dark skinned, yes? So shouldn't the body of christ be dark skinned as well? :-)
Posted by: Alan Kellogg | October 14, 2008 4:42 AM
No Fear, #57
Here's the thing, in terms of latitude Galilee is as far north As the state of Utah. He wasn't Scandinavian white, but he wasn't all that dark either. Olive I believe is the descriptive term, though it's not the color of any olive I've ever seen.